Boku wa Imouto no Kare desu
0
This is the first chapter of the light novel I'm writing.If it turns out to be good I'll need to find someone to help me translate it and hopefully get it published.
Boku wa Imouto no Kare desu
I am my little sister’s girlfriend
I look over at my imouto. Toyo-chan is nervously clinging to my cloak as we make our way through the misty gloom of Devil’s Forest. Her hazelnut brown pigtails are swishing from side to side as we quietly move through the forest. We don’t want to alert in creatures in Devil’s Forest. Even I, with my formal training in swordsmanship, may not be able to defeat an ogre.
We are on our way to the holy village, an outlying village of the Empire, un-enterable without permission from the village priest due to the many holy wards surrounding it. We’ve been on the run for 3 months now, my sister and I. My father, the lord of our old city, decided it was time to speak out against the corrupt practices of the Empire. He even went so far as to call the emperor a “vile, disgusting old man, who lives for nothing but money, sexual gratification, and power.” That was the last speech our father ever made. That night, as we were lying down to go to sleep an entire regiment from the imperial army, reinforced by their new ogre allies, invaded the city, raping every woman and killing every man. I watched in horror, my sister’s face buried in my chest, as my father was decapitated by an ogre. I remember the ogre turning to look at us. I remember the look of malice that permeated his visage. The next thing I remember is the ogre’s head rolling as his body crumpled to the floor. Siegfried, our father’s bodyguard and also my mentor, was standing behind it, his sword drawn and dripping with purple ogre blood. He told us to run. To run to the holy village and tell the high priest our story. There we would be safe, he said. He was going to hold off the invaders as long as possible. I scooped my sobbing sister up in my arms and ran. I remember running faster than I had ever run. The screams and clashing of sword upon sword were everywhere. I had finally made it to one of the many secret exits hidden in the castle. I had picked up the emergency set of traveling clothes and the sword stowed in the secret passage. With our parents, and pretty much everyone else we knew dead,we left, and never looked back.
Looking at my sister’s face, I can tell she’s terrified of this place.
“Hey, look at it this way.” I say “At least you won’t be the one fighting if something does decide to attack us. Don’t worry, if something has a big enough death wish to attack us, I’ll kill it. I can’t let anyone hurt my imouto.” I finish, flashing my sister a confident grin.
She looks back at me with nervous dark-violet eyes. “When will we get out of this place? It’s s-s-so scary and dark.”
She’s shaking while she talks and I remember: she hates darkness. The only reason she was able to walk through this near pitch-black place was because she could cling to my cloak.
“Soon” I say. “Less than a day actually. We’re making really good time. Tomorrow when we wake up it should just take five or six hours to get out.
I try to sound optimistic but even she knows we’re making horrible time. We hadn’t been attacked since before we entered the forest but we did get separated for nearly two days when she let go of my cloak once. The damned mists in this forest are so thick that you can only see about a meter in front of you. It also distorts sound. It was a miracle that I finally found her. She was lying in the fetal position, silently crying her eyes out. She was hungry but unharmed. There’s no telling what would have happened if one of those filthy ogres had found her before I did. She hasn’t let go of my cloak since, even while she’s sleeping. I wish we could travel at night as well but we have to hide instead. Way worse creatures than the ogres appear at night.
I continue “After we get out of here, we should be able to *SNAP*!
I immediately draw my broadsword. “Show yourself you bastard!” I yell a challenge at my opponent. The creatures of this forest have excellent night vision and can also see right through the mist so there’s no point in hoping it didn’t see us.
Light from a torch suddenly pushes back the darkness. Holding the torch is an ogre. I can see that aside from a mace attached to his loincloth he’s wearing no weapons.
Ogres are huge, usually upwards of two and a half meters tall and weighing as much as 280 kilos. This one is gigantic.
His red eyes glare past me through the torchlight as he directs a malicious smile at my sister who is staring horrified at the growing lump under the ogre’s loincloth. As he sizes her up his member grows larger and larger. When his penis is fully erect, it is stick ing way out of the loincloth and stands a full two feet long. I think Toyo-chan may pass out.
He turns his attention to me. “You know” he bellows in a deep voice, “I really don’t feel like fighting today. Why don’t you leave and give me your little friend. I’ll let you go if you do.”
My anger is a supernova now. I can barely contain myself. No one is EVER going to have their way with my imouto. I’m going to make sure this son of a bitch dies a slow and painful death.
“Fuck off! Like I’d ever let you have my sister!” I have my sword in a guard position now.
Toyo is behind me now. She’s been through so much in her short life. Our mother was raped before her very eyes and she heard my father’s head hit the floor as she sobbed into my chest. She’s seen more people killed than most imperial soldiers. Now this ogre is trying to rape her. I wish I could take these things away; throw them all in a box and burn it. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is make sure those things never happen to her.
“AHHHHHH!!!” I charge the ogre at a full run, my sword pointing forward by my right side.
*SHLICK!* The ogre’s penis makes a revolting sound as I detach it with my sword.
“GAAAAAHHHHH!!!” The ogre lets out a cry of excruciating pain and falls to his hands and knees, droping his still-burning torch to the ground, his severed penis twitching on the ground beside him. He won’t be standing up for a while. I approach the ogre and ready my sword for the kill.
“Wh-what’ll you do… now? P-Please. Have mercy on me.” the ogre gasps as he bleeds out through the stump of his penis.
“You threaten a young girl.” I accuse. “What’s more, you threaten her with rape. Furthermore, that young girl happens to be my imouto. She is the only person left in this world that I love and as long as I live, neither you shit-faced ogres nor that damned empire will ever lay a single finger on her! I’ll protect her until I’m dead!” With those final words my sword comes down on the ogre’s neck decapitating him.
Toyo-chan comes half running, half stumbling to me in the torchlight. I receive her embrace and she stops crying. She looks up into my eyes with a huge smile on her face. I could almost see my reflection in her deep red irises.
“Onii-chan, you saved me.” She whispers.
“You don’t have to be quiet anymore.” I reply. “The ogres are the strongest daylight creatures in this forest. I wasn’t sure if I could kill one but now that I know I can we should be okay if something else attacks us. I think that one had been stalking us for some time in order to size us up. That’s why nothing else jumped us.”
“Then can I say something kinda loud?” I wonder what she wants to say?
“Sure, go ahead. Just don’t go overboard.”
Toyo-chan takes a deep breath “ ONII-CHAN! I WAS SO SCARED! HE WAS GOING TO PUT THAT THING INSIDE ME! YOU SAVED ME! I LOVE YOU ONII-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!”
I let this go on for a few minutes mainly because her ecstatic facial expression was so cute.
“AND THEN YOU CUT OFF HIS-“
“Ok ok, we need to get going. I want to make good use of that torch before it burns out.”
Toyo-chan quiets down and I manage to pry myself out of her hug and go pick up the burning torch.
“Are you ready to set out?” I ask in an upbeat tone.
“Let’s go!” She answers equally as happily.
We start back down the forest trail, our way now lit by the torch. I’m not sure what’s cheered her up more, this torch or the newfound knowledge that I can kill almost anything that approaches us.
“Hey, Onii-chan?”
“Yeah?”
“If you could kill those ogres, why couldn’t the town guards?”
That is a really good question. Count on my imouto to always ask a question I can’t answer.
“I’m not sure, really.” I reply. “I guess it’s because there were so many attacking the city.”
“That can’t be the only reason though. You moved really fast. Faster than I’ve seen anyone move. EVER.”
That’s interesting. If it’s like that she can’t be exaggerating.
“I guess we’ll just have to ask about it when we reach the holy village now won’t we?”
“Yep!” She smiles and nods to me.
Just then I see something in the mist a little down the trail. It’s a silhouette of a girl about Toyo’s size. She has long hair and is walking away from us. I squint to try to get a better view.
“What is it Onii-chan?”
“I think I see a girl in the mist.”
“It’s dangerous out here! Who knows what that nasty ogre would have done to me if you hadn’t killed it!?”
Unfortunately I know exactly what he would have done to her and, considering that, I have no choice but to go after the girl. She needs protection. I grab Toyo’s hand.
“Come on. We have to help her. She could be killed, kidnapped or even eaten.”
We run after the girl. I can think I can make out the entrance of a cave in the distance. Oh no. Don’t tell me that’s where she’s going. There’s no telling what horrid creatures might live in there. The caves of Devil’s Forest are where the night creatures retreat to during the daytime. Even though very little sunlight exists here during daylight hours, it’s still enough to cause them harm.
The girl’s silhouette goes into the cave only about twenty seconds before we reach her. Even with that small time difference we’re too late.
*AHHHHH* A scream echoes out from the cave.
End Chapter One.
Boku wa Imouto no Kare desu
I am my little sister’s girlfriend
I look over at my imouto. Toyo-chan is nervously clinging to my cloak as we make our way through the misty gloom of Devil’s Forest. Her hazelnut brown pigtails are swishing from side to side as we quietly move through the forest. We don’t want to alert in creatures in Devil’s Forest. Even I, with my formal training in swordsmanship, may not be able to defeat an ogre.
We are on our way to the holy village, an outlying village of the Empire, un-enterable without permission from the village priest due to the many holy wards surrounding it. We’ve been on the run for 3 months now, my sister and I. My father, the lord of our old city, decided it was time to speak out against the corrupt practices of the Empire. He even went so far as to call the emperor a “vile, disgusting old man, who lives for nothing but money, sexual gratification, and power.” That was the last speech our father ever made. That night, as we were lying down to go to sleep an entire regiment from the imperial army, reinforced by their new ogre allies, invaded the city, raping every woman and killing every man. I watched in horror, my sister’s face buried in my chest, as my father was decapitated by an ogre. I remember the ogre turning to look at us. I remember the look of malice that permeated his visage. The next thing I remember is the ogre’s head rolling as his body crumpled to the floor. Siegfried, our father’s bodyguard and also my mentor, was standing behind it, his sword drawn and dripping with purple ogre blood. He told us to run. To run to the holy village and tell the high priest our story. There we would be safe, he said. He was going to hold off the invaders as long as possible. I scooped my sobbing sister up in my arms and ran. I remember running faster than I had ever run. The screams and clashing of sword upon sword were everywhere. I had finally made it to one of the many secret exits hidden in the castle. I had picked up the emergency set of traveling clothes and the sword stowed in the secret passage. With our parents, and pretty much everyone else we knew dead,we left, and never looked back.
Looking at my sister’s face, I can tell she’s terrified of this place.
“Hey, look at it this way.” I say “At least you won’t be the one fighting if something does decide to attack us. Don’t worry, if something has a big enough death wish to attack us, I’ll kill it. I can’t let anyone hurt my imouto.” I finish, flashing my sister a confident grin.
She looks back at me with nervous dark-violet eyes. “When will we get out of this place? It’s s-s-so scary and dark.”
She’s shaking while she talks and I remember: she hates darkness. The only reason she was able to walk through this near pitch-black place was because she could cling to my cloak.
“Soon” I say. “Less than a day actually. We’re making really good time. Tomorrow when we wake up it should just take five or six hours to get out.
I try to sound optimistic but even she knows we’re making horrible time. We hadn’t been attacked since before we entered the forest but we did get separated for nearly two days when she let go of my cloak once. The damned mists in this forest are so thick that you can only see about a meter in front of you. It also distorts sound. It was a miracle that I finally found her. She was lying in the fetal position, silently crying her eyes out. She was hungry but unharmed. There’s no telling what would have happened if one of those filthy ogres had found her before I did. She hasn’t let go of my cloak since, even while she’s sleeping. I wish we could travel at night as well but we have to hide instead. Way worse creatures than the ogres appear at night.
I continue “After we get out of here, we should be able to *SNAP*!
I immediately draw my broadsword. “Show yourself you bastard!” I yell a challenge at my opponent. The creatures of this forest have excellent night vision and can also see right through the mist so there’s no point in hoping it didn’t see us.
Light from a torch suddenly pushes back the darkness. Holding the torch is an ogre. I can see that aside from a mace attached to his loincloth he’s wearing no weapons.
Ogres are huge, usually upwards of two and a half meters tall and weighing as much as 280 kilos. This one is gigantic.
His red eyes glare past me through the torchlight as he directs a malicious smile at my sister who is staring horrified at the growing lump under the ogre’s loincloth. As he sizes her up his member grows larger and larger. When his penis is fully erect, it is stick ing way out of the loincloth and stands a full two feet long. I think Toyo-chan may pass out.
He turns his attention to me. “You know” he bellows in a deep voice, “I really don’t feel like fighting today. Why don’t you leave and give me your little friend. I’ll let you go if you do.”
My anger is a supernova now. I can barely contain myself. No one is EVER going to have their way with my imouto. I’m going to make sure this son of a bitch dies a slow and painful death.
“Fuck off! Like I’d ever let you have my sister!” I have my sword in a guard position now.
Toyo is behind me now. She’s been through so much in her short life. Our mother was raped before her very eyes and she heard my father’s head hit the floor as she sobbed into my chest. She’s seen more people killed than most imperial soldiers. Now this ogre is trying to rape her. I wish I could take these things away; throw them all in a box and burn it. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is make sure those things never happen to her.
“AHHHHHH!!!” I charge the ogre at a full run, my sword pointing forward by my right side.
*SHLICK!* The ogre’s penis makes a revolting sound as I detach it with my sword.
“GAAAAAHHHHH!!!” The ogre lets out a cry of excruciating pain and falls to his hands and knees, droping his still-burning torch to the ground, his severed penis twitching on the ground beside him. He won’t be standing up for a while. I approach the ogre and ready my sword for the kill.
“Wh-what’ll you do… now? P-Please. Have mercy on me.” the ogre gasps as he bleeds out through the stump of his penis.
“You threaten a young girl.” I accuse. “What’s more, you threaten her with rape. Furthermore, that young girl happens to be my imouto. She is the only person left in this world that I love and as long as I live, neither you shit-faced ogres nor that damned empire will ever lay a single finger on her! I’ll protect her until I’m dead!” With those final words my sword comes down on the ogre’s neck decapitating him.
Toyo-chan comes half running, half stumbling to me in the torchlight. I receive her embrace and she stops crying. She looks up into my eyes with a huge smile on her face. I could almost see my reflection in her deep red irises.
“Onii-chan, you saved me.” She whispers.
“You don’t have to be quiet anymore.” I reply. “The ogres are the strongest daylight creatures in this forest. I wasn’t sure if I could kill one but now that I know I can we should be okay if something else attacks us. I think that one had been stalking us for some time in order to size us up. That’s why nothing else jumped us.”
“Then can I say something kinda loud?” I wonder what she wants to say?
“Sure, go ahead. Just don’t go overboard.”
Toyo-chan takes a deep breath “ ONII-CHAN! I WAS SO SCARED! HE WAS GOING TO PUT THAT THING INSIDE ME! YOU SAVED ME! I LOVE YOU ONII-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!”
I let this go on for a few minutes mainly because her ecstatic facial expression was so cute.
“AND THEN YOU CUT OFF HIS-“
“Ok ok, we need to get going. I want to make good use of that torch before it burns out.”
Toyo-chan quiets down and I manage to pry myself out of her hug and go pick up the burning torch.
“Are you ready to set out?” I ask in an upbeat tone.
“Let’s go!” She answers equally as happily.
We start back down the forest trail, our way now lit by the torch. I’m not sure what’s cheered her up more, this torch or the newfound knowledge that I can kill almost anything that approaches us.
“Hey, Onii-chan?”
“Yeah?”
“If you could kill those ogres, why couldn’t the town guards?”
That is a really good question. Count on my imouto to always ask a question I can’t answer.
“I’m not sure, really.” I reply. “I guess it’s because there were so many attacking the city.”
“That can’t be the only reason though. You moved really fast. Faster than I’ve seen anyone move. EVER.”
That’s interesting. If it’s like that she can’t be exaggerating.
“I guess we’ll just have to ask about it when we reach the holy village now won’t we?”
“Yep!” She smiles and nods to me.
Just then I see something in the mist a little down the trail. It’s a silhouette of a girl about Toyo’s size. She has long hair and is walking away from us. I squint to try to get a better view.
“What is it Onii-chan?”
“I think I see a girl in the mist.”
“It’s dangerous out here! Who knows what that nasty ogre would have done to me if you hadn’t killed it!?”
Unfortunately I know exactly what he would have done to her and, considering that, I have no choice but to go after the girl. She needs protection. I grab Toyo’s hand.
“Come on. We have to help her. She could be killed, kidnapped or even eaten.”
We run after the girl. I can think I can make out the entrance of a cave in the distance. Oh no. Don’t tell me that’s where she’s going. There’s no telling what horrid creatures might live in there. The caves of Devil’s Forest are where the night creatures retreat to during the daytime. Even though very little sunlight exists here during daylight hours, it’s still enough to cause them harm.
The girl’s silhouette goes into the cave only about twenty seconds before we reach her. Even with that small time difference we’re too late.
*AHHHHH* A scream echoes out from the cave.
End Chapter One.
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Sorry about the paragraphs. I didn't have time to re-format it at the time. I know I should have posted the bios before the story. Sorry about that. I'm thinking an ero scene should be in the next chapter. Here are the character bios I have so far:
Character Bios
Hayashi "Toyo-chan" Tomoyo
Age: 13
Height: 152 cm
Weight: 44 kg
Eyes: one is a deep emerald green, another is a deep red
Hair: hazelnut brown, usually worn in pigtails
Personality: Toyo-chan always tries to see the bright side of things. She has a cheery personality and is almost always smiling. She has a secret crush on her onii-chan,
Likes: Salty food, Onii-chan, Sakura, snow
Dislikes: Being alone in darkness, rain, spicy food
Afraid of: soldiers. Ogres, dogs
Hayashi Hideki
Age: 17
Height: 177.8cm
Weight: 78kg
Hair: auburn
Eye color: the orange color of a perfect sunset
Personality: Hideki is the son of a now-deceased noble. He has amazing hidden potential as a warrior and will stop at nothing to protect his imouto.
Likes: Imouto, swordsmanship training, a good night’s rest
Dislikes: People who try to hurt Tomoyo, cloudy days, spiders
Family: Hayashi Tomoyo
Setting: Medieval empire of Kaerthius
Character Bios
Hayashi "Toyo-chan" Tomoyo
Age: 13
Height: 152 cm
Weight: 44 kg
Eyes: one is a deep emerald green, another is a deep red
Hair: hazelnut brown, usually worn in pigtails
Personality: Toyo-chan always tries to see the bright side of things. She has a cheery personality and is almost always smiling. She has a secret crush on her onii-chan,
Likes: Salty food, Onii-chan, Sakura, snow
Dislikes: Being alone in darkness, rain, spicy food
Afraid of: soldiers. Ogres, dogs
Hayashi Hideki
Age: 17
Height: 177.8cm
Weight: 78kg
Hair: auburn
Eye color: the orange color of a perfect sunset
Personality: Hideki is the son of a now-deceased noble. He has amazing hidden potential as a warrior and will stop at nothing to protect his imouto.
Likes: Imouto, swordsmanship training, a good night’s rest
Dislikes: People who try to hurt Tomoyo, cloudy days, spiders
Family: Hayashi Tomoyo
Setting: Medieval empire of Kaerthius
0
This is my opinion and only mine, so U don't need to change anything unless U thinks otherwise.
Sorry my bad English. because I am Portuguese.
I believe that Ur history is inconsistent.
First the "lord of our old city" is killed by an Ogre than a bodyguard killed the Ogre and give the brother a chance to run.
( ...as my father was decapitated by an ogre I remember the ogre turning to look at us.... The next thing I remember is the ogre’s head rolling as his body crumpled to the floor. Siegfried, our father’s bodyguard and also my mentor, was standing behind it, his sword drawn and dripping with purple ogre blood. He told us to run.)
Than in the line number 51 is said
(“ ... Our mother was raped before her very eyes and she heard my father’s head hit the floor as she sobbed into my chest. She’s seen more people killed than most imperial soldiers. Now this ogre is trying to rape her. I wish I could take these things away; throw them all in a box and burn it. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is make sure those things never happen to her.)
I believe That She/They saw his father being Killed and in that condition is very unlikely that she saw her mother being raped.
U can put that when they run before they go through the secret passage they saw womens including they mother being raped by ogres. Or something like that.
In that story I believe that or the ""Brother" have special straits (because he killed a ogre and the soldiers not) or he isn't human and this make me want to know more about this "persona" ability's and past.
"I am my little sister’s girlfriend" or "I am my little sister's boyfriend".
If that is the title is better to change something.
I believe that putting something more inconclusive give the reader curiosity to know more and to read this book. For example. "I am my little sister ..."
I repeat this is my opinion and nothing else. Is U who write this story and is U who determinate what is what.
I am not a writer and don't have any experience.
I write 4 joy and momentum.
I noticed later that U already have another post, but the text is almost unchanged therefore I leave my comment here.
PS: I am noticing more details but i leave that for later and in the other post.
Best Regards:
BurningSnow
Sorry my bad English. because I am Portuguese.
I believe that Ur history is inconsistent.
First the "lord of our old city" is killed by an Ogre than a bodyguard killed the Ogre and give the brother a chance to run.
( ...as my father was decapitated by an ogre I remember the ogre turning to look at us.... The next thing I remember is the ogre’s head rolling as his body crumpled to the floor. Siegfried, our father’s bodyguard and also my mentor, was standing behind it, his sword drawn and dripping with purple ogre blood. He told us to run.)
Than in the line number 51 is said
(“ ... Our mother was raped before her very eyes and she heard my father’s head hit the floor as she sobbed into my chest. She’s seen more people killed than most imperial soldiers. Now this ogre is trying to rape her. I wish I could take these things away; throw them all in a box and burn it. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is make sure those things never happen to her.)
I believe That She/They saw his father being Killed and in that condition is very unlikely that she saw her mother being raped.
U can put that when they run before they go through the secret passage they saw womens including they mother being raped by ogres. Or something like that.
In that story I believe that or the ""Brother" have special straits (because he killed a ogre and the soldiers not) or he isn't human and this make me want to know more about this "persona" ability's and past.
"I am my little sister’s girlfriend" or "I am my little sister's boyfriend".
If that is the title is better to change something.
I believe that putting something more inconclusive give the reader curiosity to know more and to read this book. For example. "I am my little sister ..."
I repeat this is my opinion and nothing else. Is U who write this story and is U who determinate what is what.
I am not a writer and don't have any experience.
I write 4 joy and momentum.
I noticed later that U already have another post, but the text is almost unchanged therefore I leave my comment here.
PS: I am noticing more details but i leave that for later and in the other post.
Best Regards:
BurningSnow
0
BurningSnow wrote...
This is my opinion and only mine, so U don't need to change anything unless U thinks otherwise.Sorry my bad English. because I am Portuguese.
I believe that Ur history is inconsistent.
First the "lord of our old city" is killed by an Ogre than a bodyguard killed the Ogre and give the brother a chance to run.
( ...as my father was decapitated by an ogre I remember the ogre turning to look at us.... The next thing I remember is the ogre’s head rolling as his body crumpled to the floor. Siegfried, our father’s bodyguard and also my mentor, was standing behind it, his sword drawn and dripping with purple ogre blood. He told us to run.)
Than in the line number 51 is said
(“ ... Our mother was raped before her very eyes and she heard my father’s head hit the floor as she sobbed into my chest. She’s seen more people killed than most imperial soldiers. Now this ogre is trying to rape her. I wish I could take these things away; throw them all in a box and burn it. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is make sure those things never happen to her.)
I believe That She/They saw his father being Killed and in that condition is very unlikely that she saw her mother being raped.
U can put that when they run before they go through the secret passage they saw womens including they mother being raped by ogres. Or something like that.
In that story I believe that or the ""Brother" have special straits (because he killed a ogre and the soldiers not) or he isn't human and this make me want to know more about this "persona" ability's and past.
"I am my little sister’s girlfriend" or "I am my little sister's boyfriend".
If that is the title is better to change something.
I believe that putting something more inconclusive give the reader curiosity to know more and to read this book. For example. "I am my little sister ..."
I repeat this is my opinion and nothing else. Is U who write this story and is U who determinate what is what.
I am not a writer and don't have any experience.
I write 4 joy and momentum.
I noticed later that U already have another post, but the text is almost unchanged therefore I leave my comment here.
PS: I am noticing more details but i leave that for later and in the other post.
Best Regards:
BurningSnow
Thanks for the help. I didn't even notice those things when I read through it. Fresh outside advice is always welcome. I haven't had the chance to fix chapter one yet but I've redone a few things and moved to this thread: https://www.fakku.net/viewtopic.php?t=86086 Thanks for the comments.