[Contest Entry 2011] Christmas behind bars
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So my first real post is a contest entry? Oh well...
I am really bad at maths, so I can't say for sure if it's really under 1500 words but it was when I counted >_<'.
Christmas....it basically is a festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. At a day as holy as this it isn't to strange for a miracle or two to happen. As example for this, at least that's what I was told, confessing at Christmas is a fool-proof way of getting a girlfriend. Maybe because of that it is known in many countries as a day for lovers.
And in this tradition I'm standing at the station waiting for my girlfriend. We have been together since spring last year. Well, we know each other since we were children. You can call us childhood friends. She had to move far away due to her father's job, but she promised to return on day and become my girlfriend.
Yes, this Shoujo Manga-like development happened to me last year. And today I'm going to meet up with her. In just a few years she grew up to be a real beauty. If you asked me... yes....that pale, flawless skin is just Like Erio from Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko. I spent together many nights with my copy of AGOITEI's 39 Degree Celsius! which is hidden under my Angel Sanctuary Mangas. Her black hair remind me of Touka from Isshoukenmei na Kimi ga Suki I found on the web recently. And her voice sounds similar to Yui Horie. I swear it! Are you jealous? I bet you are!
Yes, this is what Christmas is all about! This is how Christmas should be! This is how Christmas is supposed to be!
With an eerie creaking sound, my delusions are shattered in pieces. Back in reality I'm facing cold iron bars. Who ever called this place 'behind bars' couldn't describe it better. I turn around and watch the snow falling outside. A white Christmas...a beautiful holiday... A girlfriend... That's all I wanted...
My name is Shinobu Asano and I like to think of myself as a normal 17 year old boy in the prime of his youth! Though it is up to you to believe, that an Otaku sitting in jail on Christmas eve, wearing nothing less than a Santa Claus Costume, with a cellmate wearing a horse mask and a strange shirt with 'FAKKU!' written on it, is normal. You might have figured it out by now but no, I don't have a girlfriend. The story of us being childhood friends is true though.
So how exactly did all this happen?
Two hours earlier....
Some days ago, I heard from my mom that Risa – the childhood friend I was talking about – came back to this town. Of course overjoyed, I decided to remind her of the promise from back then and confess at the same time. And since it was Christmas I would surprise her with a present as well.
My plan was simple yet splendid. Disguised as Santa Claus I would ring the bell, tell her who I am and confess. Finally, I give her myself as the present. With such a magnificent setting my success rate should have been over 9000!
But there are always hidden parameters that ruin your conquest in real life. When I rang the bell...nobody answered. I tried it again. Still nothing.
'Strange there is light inside...'
With my flaming passion raging up I moved on to the half opened window. And there I saw her...sleeping on a pelt, I think it was a tiger's. The way she cuddled up to the heater reminded me of a cat which only added to her beauty.
And then I had the idea that brought me in here; I thought of climbing in through the window and surprise her. Coincidentally, two cops were passing by that moment. Only natural, they saw me as some kind of burglar. While furiously explaining the two of them what I had planned, the half opened window opened up.
'Risa! Explain them that we are childhood friends!'
I shouted desperately. But my hopes were betrayed by a simple:
'Do I know you?'
You can imagine the rest. With my love shattered and with the person I loved for 10years forgetting about me, I am being accused of burglary.
I sigh and turn towards the pervert sitting next to me.
“Was it pretentious of me to want a girlfriend for Christmas?”
Pft, I simply have to laugh. Only an idiot like me could cling to a stupid promise made between 7 year olds. And now I am talking to a person with a horse mask inside of a prison. I guess this is what you call divine punishment.
*Snicker*
“Hey horseman are you laughing at me!” , I lash out at him without thinking.
“Of course I am. You said you 'want' a girlfriend for Christmas? Christmas is a day where you SHARE your happiness with your loved ones. If you want to get something you have to give something in return.”
I look at the man stunned. On the outside, he may look like a perverted horse, but in his words you can find wisdom.
“Here let me give you this shirt. The name written on it is also the name of a website I run. In return visit it once in a while. I was only imprisoned by mistake because they mistook me for a pervert so I 'll be out in short. I get the feeling you are they same as we are. You'll fit into the crowd like a cock in the crotch!”
Holding the strange shirt – I have no idea where he pulled it out from – which is the same he is wearing I stare blank at the person in front of me. I guess even in a cold prison with iron bars all around you, it is possible to find a person, you can trust. Just as I wanted to thank him for the shirt I hear footsteps rapidly coming closer.
“Shin-chan!!”
I turn around and stare at the heavily breathing Rika. Did she run all the way here? Nonono, why is she here in the first place!?
“I'm sorry, I didn't realize, it was you! I heard from your mom that you wanted to visit me and I rushed here to clear the misunderstanding!”
I see. I guess I owe my mom for this one.
“And you know I really was- eh? Hey, that shirt you are holding...that's a FAKKU! Shirt isn't it? Are you also a user? You know I've been a member since a~ll the way back. I guess you could call me a huge Otaku, tehe.”
I exchange a short glance with the horse man next to me who gives me an okay sign.
“Well I haven't visit it yet, but I think I'm not losing to you in being an Otaku! Anyway here, take the shirt. Merry Christmas.”
And as I walk out of the prison together with the person I loved for 10 years, who goes on and on about the doujinshi she likes, I think back at the small Christmas miracle which happened behind the iron bars and the strange horse, who wasn't really a horse, who made all this possible.
I am really bad at maths, so I can't say for sure if it's really under 1500 words but it was when I counted >_<'.
Christmas....it basically is a festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. At a day as holy as this it isn't to strange for a miracle or two to happen. As example for this, at least that's what I was told, confessing at Christmas is a fool-proof way of getting a girlfriend. Maybe because of that it is known in many countries as a day for lovers.
And in this tradition I'm standing at the station waiting for my girlfriend. We have been together since spring last year. Well, we know each other since we were children. You can call us childhood friends. She had to move far away due to her father's job, but she promised to return on day and become my girlfriend.
Yes, this Shoujo Manga-like development happened to me last year. And today I'm going to meet up with her. In just a few years she grew up to be a real beauty. If you asked me... yes....that pale, flawless skin is just Like Erio from Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko. I spent together many nights with my copy of AGOITEI's 39 Degree Celsius! which is hidden under my Angel Sanctuary Mangas. Her black hair remind me of Touka from Isshoukenmei na Kimi ga Suki I found on the web recently. And her voice sounds similar to Yui Horie. I swear it! Are you jealous? I bet you are!
Yes, this is what Christmas is all about! This is how Christmas should be! This is how Christmas is supposed to be!
With an eerie creaking sound, my delusions are shattered in pieces. Back in reality I'm facing cold iron bars. Who ever called this place 'behind bars' couldn't describe it better. I turn around and watch the snow falling outside. A white Christmas...a beautiful holiday... A girlfriend... That's all I wanted...
My name is Shinobu Asano and I like to think of myself as a normal 17 year old boy in the prime of his youth! Though it is up to you to believe, that an Otaku sitting in jail on Christmas eve, wearing nothing less than a Santa Claus Costume, with a cellmate wearing a horse mask and a strange shirt with 'FAKKU!' written on it, is normal. You might have figured it out by now but no, I don't have a girlfriend. The story of us being childhood friends is true though.
So how exactly did all this happen?
Two hours earlier....
Some days ago, I heard from my mom that Risa – the childhood friend I was talking about – came back to this town. Of course overjoyed, I decided to remind her of the promise from back then and confess at the same time. And since it was Christmas I would surprise her with a present as well.
My plan was simple yet splendid. Disguised as Santa Claus I would ring the bell, tell her who I am and confess. Finally, I give her myself as the present. With such a magnificent setting my success rate should have been over 9000!
But there are always hidden parameters that ruin your conquest in real life. When I rang the bell...nobody answered. I tried it again. Still nothing.
'Strange there is light inside...'
With my flaming passion raging up I moved on to the half opened window. And there I saw her...sleeping on a pelt, I think it was a tiger's. The way she cuddled up to the heater reminded me of a cat which only added to her beauty.
And then I had the idea that brought me in here; I thought of climbing in through the window and surprise her. Coincidentally, two cops were passing by that moment. Only natural, they saw me as some kind of burglar. While furiously explaining the two of them what I had planned, the half opened window opened up.
'Risa! Explain them that we are childhood friends!'
I shouted desperately. But my hopes were betrayed by a simple:
'Do I know you?'
You can imagine the rest. With my love shattered and with the person I loved for 10years forgetting about me, I am being accused of burglary.
I sigh and turn towards the pervert sitting next to me.
“Was it pretentious of me to want a girlfriend for Christmas?”
Pft, I simply have to laugh. Only an idiot like me could cling to a stupid promise made between 7 year olds. And now I am talking to a person with a horse mask inside of a prison. I guess this is what you call divine punishment.
*Snicker*
“Hey horseman are you laughing at me!” , I lash out at him without thinking.
“Of course I am. You said you 'want' a girlfriend for Christmas? Christmas is a day where you SHARE your happiness with your loved ones. If you want to get something you have to give something in return.”
I look at the man stunned. On the outside, he may look like a perverted horse, but in his words you can find wisdom.
“Here let me give you this shirt. The name written on it is also the name of a website I run. In return visit it once in a while. I was only imprisoned by mistake because they mistook me for a pervert so I 'll be out in short. I get the feeling you are they same as we are. You'll fit into the crowd like a cock in the crotch!”
Holding the strange shirt – I have no idea where he pulled it out from – which is the same he is wearing I stare blank at the person in front of me. I guess even in a cold prison with iron bars all around you, it is possible to find a person, you can trust. Just as I wanted to thank him for the shirt I hear footsteps rapidly coming closer.
“Shin-chan!!”
I turn around and stare at the heavily breathing Rika. Did she run all the way here? Nonono, why is she here in the first place!?
“I'm sorry, I didn't realize, it was you! I heard from your mom that you wanted to visit me and I rushed here to clear the misunderstanding!”
I see. I guess I owe my mom for this one.
“And you know I really was- eh? Hey, that shirt you are holding...that's a FAKKU! Shirt isn't it? Are you also a user? You know I've been a member since a~ll the way back. I guess you could call me a huge Otaku, tehe.”
I exchange a short glance with the horse man next to me who gives me an okay sign.
“Well I haven't visit it yet, but I think I'm not losing to you in being an Otaku! Anyway here, take the shirt. Merry Christmas.”
And as I walk out of the prison together with the person I loved for 10 years, who goes on and on about the doujinshi she likes, I think back at the small Christmas miracle which happened behind the iron bars and the strange horse, who wasn't really a horse, who made all this possible.
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It was 1190 words.
I liked the story, and I liked the passion and the trickery that was a part of it.
But on to critiquing it... There were a few punctuation and grammatical errors, but nothing too serious.
I liked the story, and I liked the passion and the trickery that was a part of it.
But on to critiquing it... There were a few punctuation and grammatical errors, but nothing too serious.
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xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
Jacob and his Fakku saves the day again! Your discriptions of the girl are pretty damn divine. You use a bulk of your story describing the girl and I think it pays off very well. A good read!
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Zandorf wrote...
It was 1190 words.I liked the story, and I liked the passion and the trickery that was a part of it.
But on to critiquing it... There were a few punctuation and grammatical errors, but nothing too serious.
I'm really glad it was under 1500 words^^' I always write down what I think of and I hate to shorten stories. I never use any grammar or spell check programms either... I guess checking with my eyes isn't good enough to erase all errors after all. ^^'
My friends often tell me I focus too much on the introduction which makes it too hard to read, so I am happy if you guys enjoyed it.