I was half awake early christmas eve, my head facing a luminous white computer screen. The gray sky shone through the window, and it promised nothing bright for the borderline hikkikimori, who I pity every day. Save for the lights within and without, the room was depressingly and explicitly dark. Staring at the computer screen, I saw what I remembered to be an email response from a friend. I personally have memorized every word, not because of its significance but rather of my own quality habits. As I lied in bed, due to many reasons, I repeated the message to myself.
Email: It's been awhile. Thank again. I have to pay you back, right? You told your worries for Christmas, and I know just how to help you. I don't have a clear solution, but I think I can guide you to the right answer. I'll help you achieve your vanilla ending, trust me. Wait no, don't trust me. Trust in the Vale that trusts you to trust me.
Next to that computer was a picture frame. It was a group photo of three.
Email: I've laid out my best plan to give the perfect present. To go into detail...
The two distinct features in this room, as I've been told by some unmentionable people, were the bed and the table. It was a plain four-legged wooden table painted smoothly black. On that table was a varied collection of personal mementos, which are all I have: Books, papers, expensive pens, envelopes, nooses, just to name a few...
Email: Before I end it here, I must tell you: I am in despair. Being denied a waifu has left me in despair! Guess I should post more often next year, huh?
Envelopes? It is all nostalgia's sake. Every message I've ever sent online is written down and sealed within an envelope. Then they are all stored until I decide, by chance, to revisit the past. I held the latest email I sent. On that moment, I held it above me, and I sighed as I stared at it, still unsealed.
Email: Best of luck to you! Remember, if you're having trouble, just see me at the Usual Shop.
Laters,
Sena
I didn't want to believe in the Vale that believes in me. I have no idea where to start, or how to respond. I sealed the envelope and stuffed it in my coat pocket. I slept while dressed in an outgoing attire, an attire which contrasted my personality. Extremely doubtful of any hope, I shuffled about in my room, refusing to step outside. I'm inside my room, which is inside my apartment building, which is inside my town, which is inside my country, which is inside my earth, which is inside my universe... a universe within an imaginable dream. I stayed reclusive all day, well until a knock was heard.
“If she does not exist, it would be necessary to invent her”
Which really happened. She knocked.
Through the Tracks, Underneath the Snow ~ Serativale
“Vale! It's an hour before midnight!”
I stayed silent.
“I know you're there! You haven't left since yesterday.”
I guess she monitored me... again.
“Please?”
Email: First: The type of “dere-chan”.
Knowing, from experience, she won't leave, I reluctantly opened the door.
“I missed you so much!” She said as hugged me tightly, though we met yesterday, “Ah! You're dressed. You did remember! I'll just fix your hair then we'll go...”
“Wait, what?” I said passively as her fingers slowly sifted through my hair, reaching down to my neck. She still held me tight.
“We're celebrating Christmas morning. We are going to watch the sunrise together, got it? 'Till then, we'll take a stroll around town. It'll be fun,” She released every part of me save my arm. She pulled, and I stayed, which gave her a frustrated look, “I'm not doing this because I want you to go with me... or anything like that. I'm helping you get rid of that stupid “reclusive-ness” of yours. Got it? You should see a Christmas sunrise anyway, it'd be good for you.”
Self-Report: Tsun, tsun. Yan, yan. Oh, but no dere.
Somehow, we're somewhere else. As I was forced to follow her, my manly spirit slowly dissipated, though I doubted I had any to start with. Obviously, it was dark out, so I brought a flashlight with me.
To my surprise, the stars were brighter than usual, and they illuminated the entire town. As we inched closer to town, the midnight cold was... well, the air felt warmer. No, the atmosphere felt richer. The heat of excitement, whether it's my own or an outer aura, increased in quality. The town was surprisingly lively tonight. It was... lovely. The silence during our trip was golden, but that silence now melted into valuable dialogue. I guess the past melted away... I know I wanted it to.
Email: Specialties?
~“plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose”~
As we walked, we passed by a strip club, an s/m club, a tsundere cafe, a karaoke hangout, and a playground featuring a childhood swingset. I haven't seen them before, yet they felt familiar. Thankfully, we never entered any of them.
Self-Report: Um...
“Camille, I wanted to ask you...” I said before we switched into an exchange of dialogue...
Camille: All those places were so nostalgic.
Vale: All?
Camille: What is it? You wanted to ask me something?
Vale : Why?
Camille: I've been everywhere, if you haven't noticed.
Vale: No, not that. Why did you choose me?
Camille: Because I'm helping you.
Vale: I don't need your help. I just need to recuperate... that's all. I'm sleeping off last year... that's all.
Camille: Really? I won't let you sleep forever.
Vale: Why do you care? You're not even real.
Camille: Didn't I prove you wrong? Last year?
Vale: That was all coincidental. No one knows about you.
Camille: I don't need to prove it to anyone else. Just you.
She kissed me. Her toungue felt real. I guess that decided everything.
Email: That's basically it. Get her anything that matches her personality and feti-... specialties.
Location: The Usual Shop
Vale: Wait here.
As I entered, I heard a familiar ring.
Sena: Welcome! Oh, it's you! Let me get the stuff...
He's a good friend many years ago, still a good friend now. So he inherited the shop... and he changed it. Guess she's still here too.
Sena: Done. Tell me what you think.
I looked at the display, which had... interesting items. Questionable, to say the least.
Vale: How is she?
Sena: She's still sick, but she's awake... watching re-runs of 'Lucky Star'.
Vale: So she's fine.
Sena: Don't worry, she's living with me. Anyways... anything you like?
Vale: Cat ears? Drills? Whips? Rope (Well I already have that, but...)? This dress is too small...
Sena: You're right. They are pretty cliché... and she's not a loli either, huh?
Vale: I don't mean to put you down. You don't have to help me
Sena: Oh, but I should. And I shouldn't disappoint...
He found what I was looking for. I swear he saw the smile on my face.
Sena: I'll be pushing you out now. I need to go back to Kona-- I mean Ariane.
Vale: Should I pay for this? I mean...
Sena: No, no. It's fine. Besides, I don't want you to disappoint the girl I lost to, whoever she is.
Before I can respond, I was out the shop. I glanced a last look as if I looked back to the intimate moments of a fragile life, and I remembered the three us years ago. But... Camille stood there in front me, standing on the snow, in the present.
Snow... I can't believe it... I never saw real snow in my life. Closing my hands, I held my present.
Our destination was a strange white tree besides an abandoned railroad. It was strange, as the snow fell like floating dreams, the rails evened and straightened out. As time moved on, my mind moved back. I walked these steps before. I remember them wall during the rainy days when I ran home. It also rained the day I imagined... no, the day I met her. Today, she's the same as she ever was:
“The visual depravity caused by the rainstorm obscured the beautiful image, leading to my subjective speculations. In the distance, she was like a transparent illusion. The raven hair that emboldened a vanilla skin was drenched, causing the thin locks to hide away those shining dark eyes. I was the first she saw, and she ran to hold me. I held her then.”
18:59
I'll still hold her.
As I felt her fingers reach into my pocket, I smiled knowing what she found. It was my envelope to Sena. I waited while she read the letter, and I expected her reaction.
We both looked up the sunrise. I opened my hand to her.
The ring sparkled in the sunlight.
