[Contest Entry 2011] Winter Symphonia -Overture-

One of the reasons it's included in my favorite songs list =)

Double posting is against the rules! Reported.

Just kidding!

Hahaha, inorite~

Well in case you got something to say for this piece, feel free to do so

This is a sublime piece, the imagery gave me... mindgasms? I imagined some mysteriously beautiful scenes while reading it. The problem here is that you were so lost on writing out your thoughts and feelings of the tale (probably, but just my assumption), that you ended up not putting efforts to properly craft it in a way that the readers will understand, it seemed to end up creating confusions. The story didn't seem to flow too well from my view due to it, but my tears flew out anyway. Such are the powers of this magnificent piece, and that gives huge amount of points from me, I don't show tears that easily after all, you managed to do one thing very properly; influence the emotions of the readers. With that said, I must state that there's minus points for plot being quite vague, no proper foundation for the story, I'd say. First question I can think up; Why the heck is she on a stage? Your piece have left me confused (not a good thing), or perhaps I'm not being perceptive enough. That said, at first, I thought that the one in narration was a boy.

It's one of my intention of creating a vague atmosphere lol so it could be interpreted in various ways and ultimately leads to an unexpected conclusion. I haven't tried this one before by breaking stereotypes through vague descriptions that makes the reader think about an usual thing and surprised them in an unusual way. But every experimental attempts sure has a minus point in it eh? Thanks for pointing it out anyway, it will greatly help me in planning more well-crafted stories in the future!

I'm also glad that it could affect my readers in such a way, that there's some thing I've done properly amidst this jumbled-up piece~

And I really appreciate your kind thoughts for taking your time to critique my piece, best of luck to you too =D

That completely is not something that can make us assume anything. At least, I sure can't. It's a mess, High. When you read this; you'll be reading your thoughts and feelings you had when you wrote this. When we read this; we found it to be getting worse and worse each time. The ending seemed to be completely off. Wasn't Keiko (or whatever the name is) supposed to be dead? Yet she comes back at the end. The imagery was rendered useless. Most of the feelings developed while reading the nicely italicized parts gets mostly tarnished, for me at least.

Oh I'm sorry to hear that =)

I personally think this piece cannot be interpreted by common sense but everyone has their own way to interpret right? This piece was originally based from things I've experienced in real life and the vague description lets me to add those so-called experience of mine and relate myself to this piece, and the closing moments seems to cure the moments of depression I had during this contest after re-reading this over and over again so many times, true story~

But I can't think of a better thing that fits all the limitations, even in the near future, this simply is a piece that cannot be written again~

-____-

Who told you to change your writing style? I might sound rude but, stay bad if you want to.

Don't have high expectations from us humans' interpretations. Your true experiences were not conveyed well. And seriously; don't overuse "melancholy".

Plus, you tried too hard on imagery.

^ Cons, cons, cons, cons.

Trying too hard? Lol it's not even hard at all to write these passages and it flows out just naturally for me xD

I guess I'll be staying BAD for the rest of my career then, at least I found something I could be proud of no matter what people might think of =D

And that's what I mean by "you read your thoughts when you read this" it blinds the writers, trust me. It's not good. But I won't say anything more than that. You're free to make room for improvements however you wish. No one's forcing here.

And it seems that you really didn't get the part about trying too hard on imagery, oh well~

I guess so, well thanks anyway for taking your time on me~

I really don't like this negative flow of chi going on in here. Rise, re-think everything you've told high just now. You didn't feel that way at all and your opinion is twisted from when we discussed it. I told you to find things wrong with it because it would help you think critically. You need to understand that it was a method of analysis, not an invitation to rip it apart in front of the author's eyes, especially when it means so much to high.

This is partly my fault, high. I apologize.

If it's any consolation, Rise's first post is his genuine thoughts before the critique.

You don't seem to realize that ripping it apart was my way of showing the problems. If I don't honestly tel the problems, will he even ever realize them?

I know that it was a way of analysis, I understood that when you suggested it.

I realize that's how you think it's appropriate to explain it, but you cannot say that you are showing problems, you're explaining based on story progression and situational basis on an artistically and apparently intentionally vague story. You can't simply take the position that these things are "problems," it goes much deeper than that.

If you want to tell him what you now think are problems, you need to do it gently, respectfully, and show logical basis for your claims. That's the appropriate roll of a judge.

It's okay Xenon, I don't mind comments like this and I think it's pretty acceptable so far by honestly speaking your mind about the piece you're going to criticize~

I do realize the same problem myself that lies in my intentional experimentation of stuff, and I will address all these critiques as a basis on extending the story in the future and giving it an appropriate end based on my personal interpretation of this story, so the readers will be given more clarity about what's really happening~

He's just trying to point out what I'm lacking on my piece but he didn't tell me to change my writing style to his liking, and said that I'm free to write whatever I want, which I think is fair enough

As long as you get it.