[Contest Entry] Suicide for Christmas
2
*yawns, shudder* He looked at the posts in Incoherent Babbling whizzing by chunks at a time with tired eyes. Nothing ever changes in my life he thought. He looked around in his room; clothes in clumps, guitar on top of his bed, said bed's sheet wrinkled up exposing the nakedness of the bed, several manga books neatly organize in a shelf, and a calendar with multiple X's on the days going up to the 23rd of December. It was the 24th, the day before Christmas, where everyone in his family would get together and try to be civil. Where his rich family on his mother's side would try so hard to overlook the fact that his poor family on his father's side never amounted to anything.
The rich family would always shower him with presents and gifts, as if he was deprived of anything he might've needed. The family would always shower him with false love, and would constantly admonish him and his father when they thought he could not hear. On his birthdays they would send the boy a broken condom and cute little card next to it saying this is how you came to be. They would always to refer to him as that boy and to his father they would refer to him as that bastard who couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Not that he care much for his father or mother, not when they constant verbally and physically abused him. His father would always get drunk, punch his son in the face the stomach and sometimes if he truly felt vindictive the boys balls, and if the boy could not get up his father would piss on him. His mother wasn't any better; she would constantly bring a different man to the house every night, one time she thought it'd be fun if she brought home a gay pedophile, needless to say the boy never sat the same way again. As for verbal abuse went his father would call him the fag queen just because the boy wore goth eyeliner, also called a pitiful excuse for a son because the boy never liked sports and he would constantly be reminded how his father should've put his mother on the pill, his mother was less direct about things, she would always tell him about how much fun she had the other day and how he could've joined her if he wasn't doing something else, also mentioning a few times how she wished the father's condom never broke, and to top it all off his parents were always blaming him for all of their problems and how they wished they never had a son. In all irony he wished he wasn't alive either.
His only solaces were his computer, his anime and his guitar. He would weep when he thought no one was around. He would cut his wrists in hope he would die from blood loss. What did he have to live for? Nothing he thought. He went to the bathroom and opened the file cabinet, and found multiple pills of varying kinds. He slowly opened them all, trying to think of a reason why he shouldn't end his life right then and there. Sadly he couldn't think of anything so one by one he swallowed all the pills. He went to his bed to go to sleep. He lied down on his soft bed and comfy pillow, closes his eyes and never wakes up.
What the boy did not realize was that his problems were about to end the very next day. His father had just received a promotion to become the head manager of his corporation. His dad's yearly income would have went from 100k a year to 100k a month, he would have quit drinking and would have mended his relationship with his son, his rich family would've no longer looked down upon him and his dad's side of the family, his parents would've have stopped the verbal and physical abuse, and he would've seen the change he so desperately wanted.
So the parents and the family wept on Christmas day, for they knew what they indirectly had done. They knew he was depressed and emotional but ignored all the signs and ignored the boy till it was too late. On Christmas day instead of spreading cheer, drinking eggnog, and opening presents, this particular family held a funeral, and they wept till they could not weep any longer.
The rich family would always shower him with presents and gifts, as if he was deprived of anything he might've needed. The family would always shower him with false love, and would constantly admonish him and his father when they thought he could not hear. On his birthdays they would send the boy a broken condom and cute little card next to it saying this is how you came to be. They would always to refer to him as that boy and to his father they would refer to him as that bastard who couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Not that he care much for his father or mother, not when they constant verbally and physically abused him. His father would always get drunk, punch his son in the face the stomach and sometimes if he truly felt vindictive the boys balls, and if the boy could not get up his father would piss on him. His mother wasn't any better; she would constantly bring a different man to the house every night, one time she thought it'd be fun if she brought home a gay pedophile, needless to say the boy never sat the same way again. As for verbal abuse went his father would call him the fag queen just because the boy wore goth eyeliner, also called a pitiful excuse for a son because the boy never liked sports and he would constantly be reminded how his father should've put his mother on the pill, his mother was less direct about things, she would always tell him about how much fun she had the other day and how he could've joined her if he wasn't doing something else, also mentioning a few times how she wished the father's condom never broke, and to top it all off his parents were always blaming him for all of their problems and how they wished they never had a son. In all irony he wished he wasn't alive either.
His only solaces were his computer, his anime and his guitar. He would weep when he thought no one was around. He would cut his wrists in hope he would die from blood loss. What did he have to live for? Nothing he thought. He went to the bathroom and opened the file cabinet, and found multiple pills of varying kinds. He slowly opened them all, trying to think of a reason why he shouldn't end his life right then and there. Sadly he couldn't think of anything so one by one he swallowed all the pills. He went to his bed to go to sleep. He lied down on his soft bed and comfy pillow, closes his eyes and never wakes up.
What the boy did not realize was that his problems were about to end the very next day. His father had just received a promotion to become the head manager of his corporation. His dad's yearly income would have went from 100k a year to 100k a month, he would have quit drinking and would have mended his relationship with his son, his rich family would've no longer looked down upon him and his dad's side of the family, his parents would've have stopped the verbal and physical abuse, and he would've seen the change he so desperately wanted.
So the parents and the family wept on Christmas day, for they knew what they indirectly had done. They knew he was depressed and emotional but ignored all the signs and ignored the boy till it was too late. On Christmas day instead of spreading cheer, drinking eggnog, and opening presents, this particular family held a funeral, and they wept till they could not weep any longer.
0
Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
GracefulDiscension. wrote...
So the parents and the family wept on Christmas day, for they knew what they indirectly had done. They knew he was depressed and emotional but ignored all the signs and ignored the boy till it was too late. On Christmas day instead of spreading cheer, drinking eggnog, and opening presents, this particular family held a funeral, and they wept till they could not weep any longer.
Awesome stuff, the parents sucked. It was still sad though, but I guess the story can teach people a lesson to remember.
0
GracefulDiscension. wrote...
So the parents and the family wept on Christmas day, for they knew what they indirectly had done. They knew he was depressed and emotional but ignored all the signs and ignored the boy till it was too late. On Christmas day instead of spreading cheer, drinking eggnog, and opening presents, this particular family held a funeral, and they wept till they could not weep any longer.[font=Tahoma]
[color=olive]That was pretty depressing but nevertheless, it was a good read.[/color][/font]
0
Here is my full feedback, do with it what you will.
I think the story was well written with a suitably distant yet intimate third person style, and the themes were well brought up and presented with good development. I personally thought the actions of the characters were a little inconsistent. Like the rich family showering him with presents on christmas, and only mocking him behind his back, but then only sending him a broken condom and a personal insult for his birthday. And how the ending played out, with it saying the dad would have mended his relationship with his son, when I don't believe that level of emotional and mental scarring could be repaired simply by a father coming into money and not drinking as much.
I also was confused as to how an alcoholic, abusive wreck of a father could be promoted to the head of the company he worked at. To sum it up, I really liked the first three blocks of the story, except the rich family's inconsistencies, and I think this story could really shine if you tweaked and modified the ending a little bit, even though that might be difficult to do without losing the impact of the boy's tragically timed suicide.
But I'm not exactly a professional in this stuff, so I could just be ranting about nonsense.
That's my two cents, if it wasn't helpful, feel free to tell me to piss off so that I can delete the post and not look like an asshole.
I think the story was well written with a suitably distant yet intimate third person style, and the themes were well brought up and presented with good development. I personally thought the actions of the characters were a little inconsistent. Like the rich family showering him with presents on christmas, and only mocking him behind his back, but then only sending him a broken condom and a personal insult for his birthday. And how the ending played out, with it saying the dad would have mended his relationship with his son, when I don't believe that level of emotional and mental scarring could be repaired simply by a father coming into money and not drinking as much.
I also was confused as to how an alcoholic, abusive wreck of a father could be promoted to the head of the company he worked at. To sum it up, I really liked the first three blocks of the story, except the rich family's inconsistencies, and I think this story could really shine if you tweaked and modified the ending a little bit, even though that might be difficult to do without losing the impact of the boy's tragically timed suicide.
But I'm not exactly a professional in this stuff, so I could just be ranting about nonsense.
That's my two cents, if it wasn't helpful, feel free to tell me to piss off so that I can delete the post and not look like an asshole.