[Contest Entry] 'Twas the night
7
tsuyoshiro
FAKKU Writer
...yeah I couldn't help myself.
Twas the night before Christmas, when here in my house
I was clicking through pictures by tapping the mouse.
The stockings were crumpled up under the bed,
That may not be festive, but at least they were red.
The family was sleeping or at least so I thought
Still my door had been locked so I wouldn't be caught.
The volume was low and the screen not too bright,
My pneumatic chair was adjusted just right.
When just as I was gonna open my fly
Some jerk from outside made a bellowing cry.
I swivled in anger and got up from my chair,
cracked open the window cursed the fresh air.
It may have been christmas but the ground wasn't white
The air was too humid, an uncomfortable night
But what do I see in the sky from afar?
A very strange sight, it's a flying red car!
The windows were down and the speakers turned way high
J-pop was blasting with J-rock on standby
It turned and it twirled through the clouds without care
An unholy racket that took place in midair.
On the side of the doors many decals shone bright
Eight waifus were sparkling with silvery light
Motoko and Kyoko next to Sachi and Mai,
There's Kumi and Rumi right by Miyo and Ai!
The sound soon grew louder as the car looped right by
For a two-door Achieva that thing sure was spry
I craned my neck upwards and sussed out it's path
My rooftop the next stop if I trust my math.
The tires squealed loudly as it came to a halt
But ne'er did he stop his j-music assault
I was nearly out my door to have a good look
When he crashed through my window with his grapling hook.
He was dressed to impress in a clean shirt and vest
His tie was a clip-on or at least so I guessed
Gripped in his left hand was a giant red bag
With strange foreign letters and a rising sun flag.
His body was lean and he reeked of cologne
His head was a horses, for reasons unknown
I saw no expression, just glee in his eyes
The glee of a man in a silly disguise
He put down the bag, threw his hands in the air
and danced back and forth like a madman, I swear!
His gyrations were crazy but I just could not frown
At one point he even appeared upside-down!
It was funny and creepy all at the same time
I still wasn't sure if his purpose was crime
But he put up his hands and the music did stop
As he picked up that gigantic bag he had dropped.
He spoke not a word as he reached right inside
And pulled out some hentai which he flung at my eye
I screamed at the pain and he chortled with glee
before back out the window the horse-man did flee.
The car started up and it flew through the sky
Looped by just once more to make fun of my eye
But I heard him exclaim, through the cold winter chill
"I'm not paying for that window, so don't send me a bill!"
Twas the night before Christmas, when here in my house
I was clicking through pictures by tapping the mouse.
The stockings were crumpled up under the bed,
That may not be festive, but at least they were red.
The family was sleeping or at least so I thought
Still my door had been locked so I wouldn't be caught.
The volume was low and the screen not too bright,
My pneumatic chair was adjusted just right.
When just as I was gonna open my fly
Some jerk from outside made a bellowing cry.
I swivled in anger and got up from my chair,
cracked open the window cursed the fresh air.
It may have been christmas but the ground wasn't white
The air was too humid, an uncomfortable night
But what do I see in the sky from afar?
A very strange sight, it's a flying red car!
The windows were down and the speakers turned way high
J-pop was blasting with J-rock on standby
It turned and it twirled through the clouds without care
An unholy racket that took place in midair.
On the side of the doors many decals shone bright
Eight waifus were sparkling with silvery light
Motoko and Kyoko next to Sachi and Mai,
There's Kumi and Rumi right by Miyo and Ai!
The sound soon grew louder as the car looped right by
For a two-door Achieva that thing sure was spry
I craned my neck upwards and sussed out it's path
My rooftop the next stop if I trust my math.
The tires squealed loudly as it came to a halt
But ne'er did he stop his j-music assault
I was nearly out my door to have a good look
When he crashed through my window with his grapling hook.
He was dressed to impress in a clean shirt and vest
His tie was a clip-on or at least so I guessed
Gripped in his left hand was a giant red bag
With strange foreign letters and a rising sun flag.
His body was lean and he reeked of cologne
His head was a horses, for reasons unknown
I saw no expression, just glee in his eyes
The glee of a man in a silly disguise
He put down the bag, threw his hands in the air
and danced back and forth like a madman, I swear!
His gyrations were crazy but I just could not frown
At one point he even appeared upside-down!
It was funny and creepy all at the same time
I still wasn't sure if his purpose was crime
But he put up his hands and the music did stop
As he picked up that gigantic bag he had dropped.
He spoke not a word as he reached right inside
And pulled out some hentai which he flung at my eye
I screamed at the pain and he chortled with glee
before back out the window the horse-man did flee.
The car started up and it flew through the sky
Looped by just once more to make fun of my eye
But I heard him exclaim, through the cold winter chill
"I'm not paying for that window, so don't send me a bill!"
0
GroverCleaveland wrote...
Well done, it's the best "twas the night before christmas" one in my opinion.TvT
Nah I'm just kidding mine isn't a contest entry.
Thanks for your entry tsuyoshiro!
0
Buff_Daddy_Dizzle
The True Buff Bizzle
I gotta admit, this was pretty entertaining, I think you may get my vote on this one.
0
Cops: So let me get this straight... Man with a horse mask came to your house in a car -
tsuyoshiro: A flying car...
Cops: - a flying car - disguised as Santa. Next you said he busted the window and entered your room where he then exposed himself to you -
tsuyoshiro: I said he danced around...
Cops: Don't worry, you don't have to explain or go into details. So, anyways, he exposed himself to you and then assaulted you with this pornographic material?
tsuyoshiro:... sigh... yes...
Cops: And you said he was probably Asian right?
tsuyoshiro: I said he was listening to Japanese music!
Cop #2: Yeah... those asians have been causing a lot of trouble in this neighborhood lately. Don't worry pal, we'll get this straightened out for you and find the punk that smashed your window. Com'on Sal, lets go visit that chinese resturant down the street and see where Mr. Chung's boys were last night
tsuyoshiro: ... freaking cops... I swear...
tsuyoshiro: A flying car...
Cops: - a flying car - disguised as Santa. Next you said he busted the window and entered your room where he then exposed himself to you -
tsuyoshiro: I said he danced around...
Cops: Don't worry, you don't have to explain or go into details. So, anyways, he exposed himself to you and then assaulted you with this pornographic material?
tsuyoshiro:... sigh... yes...
Cops: And you said he was probably Asian right?
tsuyoshiro: I said he was listening to Japanese music!
Cop #2: Yeah... those asians have been causing a lot of trouble in this neighborhood lately. Don't worry pal, we'll get this straightened out for you and find the punk that smashed your window. Com'on Sal, lets go visit that chinese resturant down the street and see where Mr. Chung's boys were last night
tsuyoshiro: ... freaking cops... I swear...
