Feeding the Fire;Corroding the Mind

There are things
That many will not understand
And there are things
That many should not understand
But there are those
Who do understand

The mind is a labyrinth
It has many halls
Many are sealed
While other are created
Some spend life creating new halls
While others spend their life exploring ones sealed long ago

I wish that I had not
Chose to be
An explorer
Life could have been much simpler
Yet would yield more profit
In a life that is unprofitable

Spending an eternity
Trapped in this maze
Escape is impossible
Death is inevitable
With water filling this space
I would rather the walls be iron bars

I am a cloud
Who floats along
Gathering poisonous vapor
Until I cannot hold anymore
And have to let it all go
Causing pain to all those around me

I wish to be water
Flowing eternally
So serene
I cannot stand it
The far away dream
Of everlasting existence

My head is a cup
That people fill with hatred
The toxin flows through me
Nerves are torn from the body
Like wires from a circuit
I cannot control myself

I build dams in my heart
But they often leak
I put up signs
And spread the word
For when the time comes
This dam will burst from the floods

My head aches
From the constant abuse
Of the acid that destroys
The very core
Relapses prevail
While the mind is left to wander

Reality becomes scarce
It is hard to come across these days
This path is coated with
Two parts imagination
And one part ignorance
Mixed together using blame

Sometimes when I look at myself
Instead of seeing the normal self
I see
A corpse
Animated by hatred
Sealed by the need for belonging

Eyes are hazy
Becoming unfocused
Thoughts just lead to aches
Waves crash over me
Yet I stand unaffected
For I no longer have a life to claim as my own

Knowing these things
Discovering these artifacts
Collecting deadly materials
Animated like a corpse
I stand alone
For anyone who gets close will most definitely become aware

Friends are like bandages
You can use them to hide the damage
And collect the leftovers
But the longer you leave them on
The more it hurts
To remove them

But it is necessary
For you cannot cover your wounds forever
Even if
The wounds you possess
Are nothing but
Self-inflicted

No pity
No shame
Nothing to live for
Nothing to die for
Just trapped
In an everlasting sleep

I hate being confronted. I will never get used to the feeling of being looked down upon, yet I have no redeemable qualities that people should look up to. I will never have anything that is of worth to anyone.

I am just a punching bag; something to be used. The only reason for my existence is to make other people look better by comparison.

There is nothing that I can do that anyone can't do better at. I have no talent, no hope, no dream. I am just a waste of resources too weak to kill himself.

I wish that I could say that this is my suicide note, but there will never be a reason to have one; I lack the strength to go through with it.

If I die, there will be people who will go to the funeral, but they will be people that I never cared enough about, nor have they ever given me a reason to care.

I feel as though they are laughing at me right now. I cannot get their voices out of my head. They always watch me, waiting for when I screw up.

And when I do, they push me to the ground. They smother my face in the dirt below, making me wiggle like the worm I am. I deserve nothing more.

All in all, I don't deserve any sympathy, nor pity or hope. I will never amount to anything; I am certain of this.

If you ever need any proof, just read this one more time(if you even could get this far).

I am a talent-less sham and should be treated as such.