Flashback
0
Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
The problem that most stood out to me were the myriad of adverbs used, though it thankfully tapered after the first paragraph. Sure it helps to note that everything happened or was executed in a certain way, but there are other ways to do it than adverbs. The fact that the problem ended after the first paragraph leads me to believe this was not finished in one sitting as well.
As for the rest of the piece, it's too short to really give a good take on the dementia the man is experiencing, nor put anything he's experiencing into perspective. He's simply an insane man at the end of the world. The stark polar shifts he makes between laughter and dread, along with the hallucinations are all well and good, but the lack of any real background hampers the experience. The only shred of such background is noting how he was once "a god", but that leads me to question whether he had been insane in the first place or simply egotistical.
In all, felt more like an excerpt than a stand-alone piece. Well written (aside from the adverb storm) and deserving of more expansion to elaborate on the protagonist's fractured sanity.
As for the rest of the piece, it's too short to really give a good take on the dementia the man is experiencing, nor put anything he's experiencing into perspective. He's simply an insane man at the end of the world. The stark polar shifts he makes between laughter and dread, along with the hallucinations are all well and good, but the lack of any real background hampers the experience. The only shred of such background is noting how he was once "a god", but that leads me to question whether he had been insane in the first place or simply egotistical.
In all, felt more like an excerpt than a stand-alone piece. Well written (aside from the adverb storm) and deserving of more expansion to elaborate on the protagonist's fractured sanity.