[Halloween] A Cover Letter Fit for Halloween!
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Know what is a cover letter?
A cover letter is a letter that precedes a job resume. It attracts interest and is eye catching so that your potential employer won't dump your letter after barely glancing at it!
Does it have anything to do with Halloween?!
And hell, isn't it bizarre? [Insert Meretricious Smiley]
There are 3 parts of a cover letter.
1. 'Eye catching' opening.
2. State qualifications.
3. State interest for a face to face interview
Here is the cover letter of a deluded fresh graduate who wants to be employed as a site engineer:
While the construction industry is booming, we understand that companies like yours are facing the pressures of globalisation. Talent is harder to find, wages are more competitive and by competitive I mean low! So isn't it godsend that a fresh graduate, not unlike a virgin seeking employment in a brothel, is approaching you, offering his services for a paltry <$1000 a month?
He has many qualifications of course. In his years in the most esteemed educational institutions, he has taken courses that allowed him to over-exaggerate his actual worth. He has taken and scored well in marketing, where he learnt how to deceive others into buying things they don't really need. He has excelled in communication courses that are essentially lessons in prostitution!
As for actual academic qualifications pertaining to site engineering, he would like to point out that almost nobody in his cohort could even pronounce site engineering without foaming in the mouth and suffering seizures due to how haphazard, tedious and incomprehensible it is! The company should consider themselves lucky that anyone would want to approach them for that job!
So give him a bloody interview goddamnnit!
We wish him all the best in getting that site engineering job that nobody wants! I am sure his potential employer would feel the spirit of Halloween after reading this!
A cover letter is a letter that precedes a job resume. It attracts interest and is eye catching so that your potential employer won't dump your letter after barely glancing at it!
Does it have anything to do with Halloween?!
NO!
And hell, isn't it bizarre? [Insert Meretricious Smiley]
There are 3 parts of a cover letter.
1. 'Eye catching' opening.
2. State qualifications.
3. State interest for a face to face interview
Here is the cover letter of a deluded fresh graduate who wants to be employed as a site engineer:
While the construction industry is booming, we understand that companies like yours are facing the pressures of globalisation. Talent is harder to find, wages are more competitive and by competitive I mean low! So isn't it godsend that a fresh graduate, not unlike a virgin seeking employment in a brothel, is approaching you, offering his services for a paltry <$1000 a month?
He has many qualifications of course. In his years in the most esteemed educational institutions, he has taken courses that allowed him to over-exaggerate his actual worth. He has taken and scored well in marketing, where he learnt how to deceive others into buying things they don't really need. He has excelled in communication courses that are essentially lessons in prostitution!
As for actual academic qualifications pertaining to site engineering, he would like to point out that almost nobody in his cohort could even pronounce site engineering without foaming in the mouth and suffering seizures due to how haphazard, tedious and incomprehensible it is! The company should consider themselves lucky that anyone would want to approach them for that job!
So give him a bloody interview goddamnnit!
We wish him all the best in getting that site engineering job that nobody wants! I am sure his potential employer would feel the spirit of Halloween after reading this!
0
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Succinct and to the point, a direct commentary on the blatant realistic, yet melancholic look on cover letters and job searching...Not much else to comment on.
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Xenon wrote...
Succinct and to the point, a direct commentary on the blatant realistic, yet melancholic look on cover letters and job searching...Not much else to comment on.That said Xenon, when can we expect your contribution? It is good that Shark allowed for multiple entries.
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now we need to have a version of the job interview, and it continues on with the daily work on the spot!
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
That said Xenon, when can we expect your contribution?Some time after today, but also before October 30th. I can't really say much else. Sorry.
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xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
I expected nothing less from you Leonard! I must say that I found myself enjoying the letter far more than I expected. Was this at least remotely close to how your own cover letter went? I would probably give the person who sent something like this a chance at an interview!
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
xninebreaker wrote...
I expected nothing less from you Leonard! I must say that I found myself enjoying the letter far more than I expected. Was this at least remotely close to how your own cover letter went? I would probably give the person who sent something like this a chance at an interview!It is an assignment which I thought was so hard to do that I decided to vent my frustration by spending 10 minutes coming up with this! I wish I can show this to my instructor as a metaphorical "giving her the bird".
This is my cover letter I have written for the assignment. Much more boring and after reading it again, I found it rather mediocre.
Spoiler:
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about the job interview thingy here's one picture I randomly found while lurking through the forums
maybe you could also use it as a base for the sequel of this cover letter thingy =D
Spoiler:
maybe you could also use it as a base for the sequel of this cover letter thingy =D
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
high_time wrote...
about the job interview thingy here's one picture I randomly found while lurking through the forumsSpoiler:
maybe you could also use it as a base for the sequel of this cover letter thingy =D
I think it is my letter summed up in a picture!
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leonard267 wrote...
I think it is my letter summed up in a picture!ah, that's good to hear. let me know if you're working on a sequel to it =D
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
high_time wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
I think it is my letter summed up in a picture!ah, that's good to hear. let me know if you're working on a sequel to it =D
I'd be working on your submission first.
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
The Randomness wrote...
This is how jobs should work when hiring people. I really enjoyed reading it!Naw... I don't think the employers really want to read through this. Even though a couple of people claimed that they would hire me if I sent them that letter.
But, if my tutor wanted eye-catching cover letters, I think I have met that criteria.
1
Hahaha I thought it was short and funny, and the frustration definitely comes through. I liked the 'virgin in a brothel' line, and the only criticisms I have are for minor corrections and the somewhat chaotic variance in tone, although that may be intentional.
The minor corrections are in the line "Isn't is godsend" which should be "isn't it a godsend", and the somewhat confusing use of "for a paltry <$1000 a month" as the style seems very conversational and vocal, and yet I couldn't think of a way to naturally say "for a paltry less than 1000 dollars a month". I'd recommend using a flat sum just for ease of reading or changing the line to something like "offering his services for less than $1000 a month" and removing the "a paltry" modifier.
As for the tonal variances, maybe it's just because I have an irrational and passionate hatred for exclamation marks that I can neither explain nor defend, but I felt that sometimes there was too abrupt a shift when changing from commas and periods to exclamations of the same nature. I say this because reading it through a few times I had trouble deciding on whether it was to be read like a dramatic sales pitch in the vein of carnival attractions or someone like Billy Mays who is hyping up the reader, or if it was a dry and droll style meant to be ironically formal.
This is mainly because of the heightened diction in the middle paragraph describing his qualifications combined with the low energy of commas and periods, which seems very formal and dry compared to the paragraphs above and below which shout at the reader unabashedly.
To demonstrate I read it aloud to highlight the differences I perceived in the styles according to how I read it. HERE YOU GO
The minor corrections are in the line "Isn't is godsend" which should be "isn't it a godsend", and the somewhat confusing use of "for a paltry <$1000 a month" as the style seems very conversational and vocal, and yet I couldn't think of a way to naturally say "for a paltry less than 1000 dollars a month". I'd recommend using a flat sum just for ease of reading or changing the line to something like "offering his services for less than $1000 a month" and removing the "a paltry" modifier.
As for the tonal variances, maybe it's just because I have an irrational and passionate hatred for exclamation marks that I can neither explain nor defend, but I felt that sometimes there was too abrupt a shift when changing from commas and periods to exclamations of the same nature. I say this because reading it through a few times I had trouble deciding on whether it was to be read like a dramatic sales pitch in the vein of carnival attractions or someone like Billy Mays who is hyping up the reader, or if it was a dry and droll style meant to be ironically formal.
This is mainly because of the heightened diction in the middle paragraph describing his qualifications combined with the low energy of commas and periods, which seems very formal and dry compared to the paragraphs above and below which shout at the reader unabashedly.
To demonstrate I read it aloud to highlight the differences I perceived in the styles according to how I read it. HERE YOU GO
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
GroverCleaveland wrote...
HERE YOU GOGC narration on vocaroo, I laughed because of how appropriate it was since Leonard has done this in the past, specifically with one of my posts.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
GroverCleaveland wrote...
Hahaha I thought it was short and funny, and the frustration definitely comes through. I liked the 'virgin in a brothel' line, and the only criticisms I have are for minor corrections and the somewhat chaotic variance in tone, although that may be intentional.The minor corrections are in the line "Isn't is godsend" which should be "isn't it a godsend", and the somewhat confusing use of "for a paltry <$1000 a month" as the style seems very conversational and vocal, and yet I couldn't think of a way to naturally say "for a paltry less than 1000 dollars a month". I'd recommend using a flat sum just for ease of reading or changing the line to something like "offering his services for less than $1000 a month" and removing the "a paltry" modifier.
As for the tonal variances, maybe it's just because I have an irrational and passionate hatred for exclamation marks that I can neither explain nor defend, but I felt that sometimes there was too abrupt a shift when changing from commas and periods to exclamations of the same nature. I say this because reading it through a few times I had trouble deciding on whether it was to be read like a dramatic sales pitch in the vein of carnival attractions or someone like Billy Mays who is hyping up the reader, or if it was a dry and droll style meant to be ironically formal.
This is mainly because of the heightened diction in the middle paragraph describing his qualifications combined with the low energy of commas and periods, which seems very formal and dry compared to the paragraphs above and below which shout at the reader unabashedly.
To demonstrate I read it aloud to highlight the differences I perceived in the styles according to how I read it. HERE YOU GO
I regret having to give an extremely late reply due to my commitments at school. The first thing that came to my mind after listening to the recording is marvel at your powers of analysis. It never occurred to me that the tone of the first paragraph and the proceeding paragraphs are quite different.
On another note, I got an A- for not sending this as my practice resume and cover letter.