Hightime Stories Collection

Adventures of dr. Pervert

My first long term series, Status : Completed

Sandbox Modo

[b]Just a compilation of random idea dump. Status : Completed. The sequel will be out sometime in the future

Touhou Fanfic - Grimoire of Distant Memories

My first long-term Touhou fanfic. Status : Completed.

Winter Symphonia - Overture -

[b]My contest entry for the previous Winter 2011 Writing Contest

Sweet Vanilla (Plus WTF and BBQ)

Originally titled just 'Sweet Vanilla' but I'll add things up to make it look more fun. It's also a contest entry at another forum during the contest where the participants wrote their song-based stories.

The Dying Wish of Summer

Another contest entry of mine from the recent Summer 2012 Contest in here. It's a bit on the confessional side as it's kinda inspired from real-life events

Brickwork

Just an attempt of mine to experiment on the Adventure and Fantasy genres, it was basically made for the long-term fiction challenge at another forum. It's already completed at this moment

Fuk Logic

My writing project for the National Novel Writing Month, contains lots of WTF elements and nonsensical gibberish. It's already completed as for now after undergoing quite some period of major write-up.

New Text Document

The contest entry of mine for 2012 Winter Writing Contest, it's also one of my random attempts at writing a metafiction kind of story

"Whew, finally cleared another boss. Damn this RPG is so hard, it might be a while for me to reach the recommended level based on this guide, before proceeding to beat the last boss of this dungeon."

After reaching the nearest save point before the last boss, I used the 'Tent' item to restore my party members' HP and MP. It's such a relief since there's been so many tough yet lengthy fights lately without any save points to record my progress, in fact this is the first time I've encountered one after few hours of playing cautiously in order not to screw up along the way.

Thank goodness there's no blackout, my sister's away with her friends for today, and my parents are currently on their lovey-dovey vacation. So practically it's just me taking all the fun of using this big television on the living room, bringing my consoles in, plugging the video and audio cables to the TV, connecting the console adaptor to the power source. And since it's also my day off from school, it's truly a paradise for me!

"Okay then, I'll save my progress now."

My memory cards were getting full lately, I might have to buy another one. There's already this stack of new games I bought, which depletes my entire vacation savings...thank goodness there's still a huge summer discount going. Or I might have to beg my parents for much more which I find really embarrassing to do.

I made sure to save this one in two different memory cards, and as the spaces in both of them were already filled with my old saves, I suppose I have to overwrite one of them in each memcards.

"Yeah done, progress saved....damn I'm tired already."

Come to think of it, I've been sitting on this sofa and grabbing my controller for hours, rendering my body sluggish as I tried to stand up and finally move my body around. My eyes also hurt from staring at the television too much. I really need some rest...

Ah look, it's afternoon already. I might go get some juice from the fridge. My sis already have lunch ready for me in the freezer, which I only have to heat up in the microwave when I feel like eating. Though for dinner I guess I'll go visit some cheap places for eating out, she also left the money on the dining table for me...she's really considerate didn't she?

As I tried walking towards the fridge near the dining room...

BEEP!

It's the sound of my cellphone ringing. Judging from the tone which I set up earlier, it seems to be a text message, who might it be? I don't have a lot of friends at school, and to narrow it down...I usually get messages when someone tries reminding me of these group assignments or....

"Just like I thought, it's from my sis."

Or it's from my sis, telling me that she had some inconvenience she wanted to tell me beforehand, but she's being to busy for even calling me.

Talk about being considerate, well nobody's perfect I guess.

And what kind of excuses did she want to tell me this time?

Well, I suppose I'll give this one another shot.

[From Shizuka nee-san

Ohai Kuruta-kun, your cousin Maki is coming to visit our place shortly. I just got the call from him that he's already on his way from the bus station to our house. Please take care of him 'kay? I currently got my hands full dealing with these ridiculous peeps...your help is truly appreciated. I promise that I'll go treat you and Maki to dinner by the time I went back....so please hang on.]

"Sigh, it doesn't seem that convincing at all to write long text messages like this if she's that busy."

"Yup yup..."

"Glad that you agreed with me....EHHHHHH???"

I saw my cousin Maki standing behind me. Even though he's a boy, his physical features are quite feminine. These cutely shaped short hair that reaches his neck, along with his exotic blond hair color was enough to made me stare at him for so long, though I couldn't stand staring at his glimmering bluish eyes for so long as the sparkle of this pair of oceanic gems seem to immerse me towards an oblivious state of mind.

"Stop molesting me with your eyes, perv!"

Though even if he's so cute...there still stands the fact that he's still a boy, who's years younger than me on top of that. His short and slender stature that's without any body fat made me thought that he would look great in girls' clothes. Not to mention his silky smooth white skin that I touched a few times when I tried giving him a handshake.

"My bad..."

Come to think of it, how did he get there anyway? And how did he managed to slip past by me unnoticed? It can't be...he possessed the secret ninja technique of presence concealment! Ohohoho I don't know that my family was a descendant of the Legendary Ninja Family of Wakka Wakka Jabba Jabba Jabba.

"N-no...d-don't worry about it, Kururu. I...just want to surprise you, that's all.."

"Oi, did you said something just before?"

"F-forget 'bout it....now I'm hungry so please made me some lunch!"

"Sigh...."

Anyway, he just wore some casual clothing like T-shirt and ordinary pants, if you're asking.



"I didn't cook often so that's the best thing I can do, stop yer bitchin' already."

I made him some omelette. There's still eggs ready at the fridge, along with some leftover meats from last night. Even if I didn't cook much since my sis were always there to cook food for me, I love experimenting with all the remaining ingredients in order to create a satisfying dish. There's a sense of accomplishment whenever I succeed on cooking stuff, furthermore after tasting it myself, or even more when I cook for the other people and they liked it alot.

"It's surprising how a sloppy guy like you could cook at all."

"What did you say?"

"N-nothing...this thing's not bad...I guess."

Seriously he acts like such a spoiled brat and he's mostly annoying. But there's times when this person actually manages to act like a civilized human being, that is, when he's engrossed in something, like enjoying his food for example.

"Glad you like it, Makki."

Makki is my nickname for him as he usually call me 'Kururu'. My actual name's Kuruta though, it's derived from Kurumi and Shota, which means little boy. To make the long story's short, my parents was expecting a daughter when I was born, so they originally planned to name me Kurumi, but since I turned out to be an ordinary guy at all, they lazily add the 'shota' to my name and there goes Kuruta.

To make things even shorter, my 'behind' was practically taken by a 'shota'.

"I-it's not that I like it or anything...it's just...I'm so hungry...."

"Don't talk while you're eating, you silly brat."

"Uuuuuu..."

And although he's so irritating at times, he becomes pretty obedient to someone who gives him food.

"Yum.....yum..."

Come to think of it, I haven't had lunch yet. Though these things could wait later as I'm not really hungry at the moment. Moreover, I've got to watch this annoying cousin who really gives me the feel of having a younger brother.

"Lick....lick....slurp..."

He moves the omelette to his mouth, licking the edges with passion. He nibbles upon the soft texture, while basking in pleasure from...

Ah, he already finished his meal.

"By the way Makki, why did you come here all of sudden?"

"I just want to come here, isn't that enough?"

Well actually, we're on the first day of the week-full holiday called the Silver Week, it happens around the start of summer. So it's not really wrong for him to come and play around at this place.

"Hah, I'm fine with it...but did you tell your parents beforehand about this?"

"T-that is..."

His body trembles as he stood up from his seat.

"Did you run away from home again, just like the last time?"

"Y-yes...."

Figures.

If he got his parents' permission, they will be the ones calling me first to inform me that their son will be visiting this place. What's going on with their family this time?

"Well...I won't ask anything more, so please just relax around until your mind finally calms down."

I decided to do so because he seems to be on the verge of tearing up, trying his best in order to act casually, just like any other young boy out there who's having hard, depressing times.

"O-okay..."

T-that...blushing....face...

What's with this sudden turn of events? Why did this cousin of mine become so cute and obedient? This doesn't feel right at all!

Whatever, I'll just put up with him until he finally agreed to come back home, just like the last time.

"Okay then Makki, since I haven't ate lunch yet, feel free to play along with my PreLazion upstairs."

PreLazion is the name of that gaming console I'm playing with just before. And since I'm afraid that he will screw up my saves like the last time, I took of the memory cards containing my recent saves for that RPG game and replaced it with my old memcards which has the old saves I won't be using ever again.

.......

Hey, what's wrong...why aren't you moving already Makki!

"Jiii........"

Makki eyes me with the look which indicates that he's suspicious about something...

"Come on, don't you want to play the games already? I know you love to play these FPS games where you...uh...let's say....blow the entire building and such....err...."

"Kururu, you're definitely hiding something from me."

"What? I...I'm just about to eat lunch! W-why should I hide something from you!"

"Hoooo...."

The way he looks at me this time was totally different, he also gives me a mischievous grin....he must be plotting something right now.

"Whatever, just go upstairs already."

This time he complied with my words by nodding his head, then he quickly walked upstairs towards the living room, which is located on the second floor.

Anyway, I' wonder what kind of stuff that would raise his suspicion...

"Kururu...I'm going to watch porn so take care, okay?"

PUFFFF!

"H-hey! You couldn't just do that here, besides aren't you still a minor?" I yelled out from downstairs just as I'm hearing his outrageous words by the time he reached the second floor.

"Just kidding. Besides I know your taste very well since you enjoy looking at two guys getting on it with each other, and I'm still normal so no thanks Kururu I won't touch your stuff...."

"Y-you..."

Dear readers, please don't pay any attention to his words. In all honesty, I'm telling you that I'm a completely normal and sane person and I still liked girls. These homosexual tendencies you're thinking of were completely just a nonsensical heresy.

"Don't be such a perverted person! I'm talking about Sumo Wrestling of course, hee hee!"

Why are you still here Makki....is yelling on top of your lungs from the second floor really fun to you? I just can't understand his train of thought. On the other hand this is so annoying! This is definitely annoying that I want to perform sit ups while being fully naked in the safari zoo filled with Mountain Gorillas on mating season!

Besides, weren't you talking about porn just before? How is it Sumo Wrestling related to Porn? And you're the perverted one, not only that, you also tried dodging this damn topic you've started!

Well whatever.

While I'm at it, I might as well watch some Sumo Wrestling Porn...err...I mean... go put that lunch my sister prepared for me before inside the microwave. Walking towards the fridge, I picked up the box set meals that's being enveloped in a cute wrapping with some cutely written note on a small piece of paper on top of it which reads...

[For Kuruta,

This is the legendary memento from our established ninja family of Wakka Wakka Jabba Jabba Jabba. Made with lots of nutritious goodness of nature in order to enhance your fighting spirit as a shinobi. Enriched with tons of vitamins and minerals...

From Shizuka nin-nin, currently striving to become a full-fledged Ninja trainer that will in turn purge her village from homosexuality and AIDS. By the way, girl on girl relationships are fine though.]

What the hell? And why didn't I see the note on the previous chapter? You damned author stop adding nonsensical things to this world I am in!

"Hmm....so you played Mega Drive too, Kururu?"

Huh? Since when did you get here, Makki? And it feels like I've forgotten something important myself..

"No I don't...HEY DON'T JUST TAKE A PUNCHLINE FROM ANOTHER ANIME SERIES, AND YOU JUST PULLED IT OUT AT THE ABSOLUTELY WRONG TIME, NOT TO MENTION I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO DESERVE SOME PUNCHLINES."

"Ah this wrapping sure looks nice."

I was...ignored....

You just pretended to not hear it, or I guess you don't want to hear my words at all. WHY DIDN'T I GOT ANY DECENT PUNCHLINES EVERY TIME I SAID SOMETHING RIDICULOUSLY STUPID? SERIOUSLY I'M TIRED OF DELIVERING THIS PUNCHLINES ALL BY MYSELF....

"Ah it's for Kururu from Shizu-nee...I'm going to eat i---"

"---no, give it back."

Yet another punchline for today coming from me.

"Ah by the way it's a well-timed punchline Kururu, you got some talent for this stuff!"

Somehow I didn't feel like being praised at all. I have mixed feelings whether I should be happy about this or not. But coming from him...

"Lalala thanks for the food! I'm going to eat Shizu-nee's----"

"Stop it."

I held his shoulder down with my hands when he's about to escape away. Besides that, did he actually knew how to use a microwave properly? I highly doubt that.

"But I'm still hungry Kururu......can I eat you instead?"

"..........."

I'm at loss for words. I couldn't even think of any punchline which is appropriate for this kind of situation.



"Speaking of which, why didn't we just open the box here to see what kind of things we'll get, before putting it inside the microwave?"

It was just a mere thought coming from me in order to divert his curiosity from microwaving the box right away without even opening the wrappings at all.

"Mmmm....kay."

And now let's begin the drumroll, I opened up the cute wrapping with the note attached. Then lifted the tray on this box......

"What the hell?"

Inside this food box there's yet another note on it.

[Dear Kuruta,

I'm sorry for the inconvenience caused but it seems that I'm too busy to even have time for cooking your lunch! I left some money inside the box, please use it in case you want to go find something nice to eat, it will be my treat this time so don't worry 'bout it too much.

With love, Shizuka]

"Oh dang it."

This is practically outrageous. Why the hell did she left the money inside a food box where no one will notice unless they open it right away? Might it be her tendency as a descendant of an established ninja clan that she seem to over-scrutinize anything in addition of liking to put off wacky surprises?

Speaking of which, it seems we nearly microwaved this stack of bills because we're damn hungry, which I found to be really stupid. Who the hell want to trick us into microwaving some money instead of food!

"Hey Kururu, I'm hungry. Why don't we microwave this green paper thingy?"

"No, and please tell me you're joking."

Okay Makki, you just ate earlier and now you're asking for another helping? Just how much did you usually eat before you're fully satisfied?

Oh well, I think we should put the money into a good use instead of just mindlessly microwaving it then ate it shortly after.



To make the long story short, as we've been left with some money that's more than enough to find a nice restaurant and eat to our hearts' content, we left the house after making sure everything's been locked properly.

I think we'll be going to the shopping malls nearby and try finding a decent place to eat amongst the food courts there. And since the nearest place to my house were about one trip from a bus ride, both of us walked a short distance towards the bus stop. Quite a number of people had gathered in the stop, and we couldn't sit there as all of the seats were taken so we have to stand like the rest of the people waiting here.

Though the wait was pretty brief actually. The bus was already half-filled with passengers by the time of its arrival. Both me and Makki quickly skipped over amidst this crowd of people to find any vacant seats, and if it's possible it's best for him not to stand in order to avoid these molesters at the bus. You know how cute he is that many dirty old man with twisted thoughts would carelessly go after him...

.....

Damn it turns out that both of us got to stand up. Actually, we got the seating in a really comfortable place but it turns out that some elderly couple looks plenty tired and they really wants a place to sit, and so we gave our seats, standing up in place of them.

It doesn't look that bad since it's only a short bus ride towards the Mall.

Meanwhile as few minutes passed during the trip, Makki turns to me and said..

"Hey Kururu...errr....uhhh..."

"What is it Makki? Just say it right away if there's something bothering you."

He put his fingers together, with a perplexed look and a blushing face, he looks up to me and said something unexpected.

"You know...rather than having to go all the way out for lunch, you could just cook up some lunch for us at home, right?"

Huh......come to think of it, he's right.....but.....yeah. I think I seem to forgot something by the time I left the house....so that's how it was...

"Guuuhhh....WHY DON'T YOU SAY IT EARLIER!"

Yes, I practically just yelled amidst the crowd of people inside the bus.

I guess it won't hurt to spend some time outside with my cousin Makki after all...who knows we might encounter something interesting along the way?

Contrary to my hopeful expectations, the bus ride wasn't that smooth at all. And the travel time of about some few minutes were pretty much just an exaggeration, I'm sorry. This short of travel time would only occur when there's little to no traffic. And I might have to explain to you about the scenery which my neighborhood has.

Okay, so putting it simply this housing district has many of high-class houses, in addition of spacious roads with many greeneries along the way. And about a few kilometers away from my house, we came across the main street with the bus stop on it. That's where we rode the bus. It came as a smooth ride at the start, but there's this traffic jam coming because of some stalled down 18-Wheeler Truck, probably because there's some engine breakdown going.

"Makki?"

I tried searching for him amidst these crowd of people in the bus as we've been separated due to this wave of commuters from the previous stop. That's odd, his shiny blond hair would be easy enough to spot...I wonder where he might be...

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU OLD FART!"

It was a really loud shout that I heard from the rear corner. I turned my head, along with many others, towards the direction where the voice comes.

There he is, fists clenched, facing someone who looks like a salarymen in his late 40s, his face fills up with resentment, with a dangerous glare that send shivers to many people around.

"W-what have I d-done young'un....I didn't do anything I swear! It was quite a bouncy ride and I just bumped to you....that's all!"

"........"

Makki just stares down at that man, who started to make excuses around. Well I couldn't really tell whether this man was actually lying or not, and I think it's so like Makki to act defensive all of sudden, he should learn to take it easy once in a while.

"Look there kid, do you think I had fallen so low to molest a young boy? I still have my morals you know. Easy now...go take a breather and relax...oh I've gotta go...job's waiting..."

By the time that man spoke, the bus had come close towards the next stop. Right now I've heard the crowd whispering things, and some of them even said mean things about Makki, I didn't know that people would say such cruel things it really makes me wanna scream.

There I saw Makki standing amidst the crowd, with hostile looks directed at him, and I could see him nearing the verge of tears, while the man who he accused for molestation just stood there, being completely indifferent about him. Well, now I could felt some degree of suspicion from that man, judging from his earlier words...and first of all...

"People don't usually work during the Silver Week, don't you think, Pops?"

It wasn't me who said these words. There I saw a young boy about the same age as Makki, he has a light-brown hair cut short, with enchanting black eyes that gives him a formidable look, though the beauty of his eyes were somehow obscured by his stylish thick-framed glass. At a first glance, he might look like a nerd who gets bullied a lot, but when you take a closer look, he's definitely not the kind of people you should be messing with, if you still want to live a peaceful life.

That boy spoke in a deep and somewhat husky voice that sends chills down my spine, and in instant, people start staring down at Makki, and all the whispering stopped completely.

Who on earth is this guy actually? Just thinking about it gives me cold shivers...

"W-w-w.....WHAT'S YOUR BUSINESS, YOU BRAT! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY?"

I could see the most obvious expression of fear in that man's face, he backs off towards the bus door. Putting out a flimsy rebuttal that would only make things worse for him.

The boy with glasses formed a mischievous smile, and walks with a carefree manner while approaching this cowering man.

I guess being yelled at so suddenly doesn't affect this boy at all.

"Good sir." the boy paused for a moment to give the man a piercing look straight to the eyes, then he continued. "I'm not trying to imply anything. But for someone who upholds the public morals, is it really okay for you to leave right away after you made a delicate boy like him cry?"

Makki isn't particularly crying, but I could clearly saw that he's trying his best to hold his tears in.

"WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? BESIDES WHAT KIND OF GUY WOULD CRY IN FRONT OF PUB---"

"Apologize to him."

"AS IF I....GYAHAHAHAHA-----GAAAAAHHHH!"

Right before he finished his sentence, the bus door suddenly opens up, and as he placed most of his weight down that place, it caused him to lose balance and finally fell off the bus towards the street, since the door leading towards the stop itself was on the right, and he stood on the left.

"WATCH WHERE YOU FALLING DOWN, YOU DUMBASS, IF YOU WANNA DIE SO MUCH AT LEAST DON'T INVOLVE ME IN IT!"

There I saw a motorcycle driver nearly ran over the body of this poor man down the streets. Though miraculously that man survived....

That poor fellow just laid there in the street without anybody to come to his aid.

And then as the bus door stops again, it will soon arrive at the next stop, which is our destination.



"So your name is Hojo, eh...pleased to meet you, my name is Kuruta by the way."

"Same here, pleased to meet you bro, thanks for taking care of Makki all this time."

Did he thought of me as Makki's actual big brother? The truth is, Makki's an only child and he doesn't socialize that much with people.

The boy with glasses and light-brownish hair introduces himself as Hojo, he is Makki's best friend in school. I don't know what kind of things that made them get along so well, but that can wait later. Though there's something that's been bugging me for a while lately...

Meanwhile, we're currently eating out at one of the family restaurants located at the Shopping Mall we're in. And we're having some lively chat here and there, awaiting for the food we ordered before to come.

Speaking of which...what kind of things that I do want to ask...oh yeah, that's it!

"Errr....Makki...there's some things that I've been wanting to ask you for quite a while."

"Sure, go ahead Kururu..."

Makki gives me such an innocent and playful smile while playing with his blond hair around, glancing sideways at me he goes like 'hmmm' and then he starts to intently stare at me.

"Both of you get along really well, as expected from brothers." Hojo fixed the position of his glasses around, and it reflects the ceiling light that's above us, making his glasses shine by the time he said it. Somehow, the way he's saying these words gives me chills...

"No no no it's not like that...we're just....we're just...c-c-c...."

"Don't worry 'bout that Pokoko, I could safely assure you that he's not my boyfriend."

Makki cuts in just before I could finish my words. And what are you trying to imply by 'he's not my boyfriend'! Your words only serve to make people misunderstanding things!

You sure do have a thing for making weird nicknames for guys too, like Kururu for me and Pokoko for Hojo....wait what the hell is POKOKO?

"I see, so both of you are actually cousins right?"

"Spot on! As expected from Pokoko..."

"HEY! HOW THE HELL DID YOU SUDDENLY COME TO THAT CONCLUSION.."

Oh damn it, the randomness of the situation forces me to perform another jab for all this nonsensical foolery.

....

Shoot! Why didn't anyone reply to my punchline?

"Hey Kururu, the cute waitress in maid uniform is here to bring us our food."

"Where....where?"

I looked around in order to search for the particular maid he's talking about. This family restaurant is also a maid cafe after all so all the waitress dress-up as maids.

He really does know my tastes, on how I got easily excited by the thought of cute girls dressed in maid uniform. There's also some ocassional waiters dressed in simple butler uniforms though, these guys seem to be pretty popular with the female customers...well it's not my business really...

Though in the end, he only just want to listen to things he find convenient eh, I kinda expected that from him. Makki...you sure made me went through many things in the past...

"Oi...Kurumi, it's fancy meeting you here, with some cute little boys on top of that...don't tell me you are..heh heh heh..."

T-this voice is!

Guaaah...not her again, please tell me I'm just hearing things...

Speaking of which, I forgot what kind of things that I want to ask Makki earlier...

Upon hearing the voice of that girl, my mind drifts away toward the events happening on the past; the sounds of basketballs bouncing around the gym floor, joyous shouts of young teenagers that formed a merry ambience altogether. There I remember seeing a really energetic girl with her hair tied back into a ponytail, the visage of her reddish-purple hair that sways along with her movements were forever burned to my memories, and I could also see her athletic physique and posture being portrayed clearly through her tight gym suits, the fluid motions of her breasts bouncing around in addition of the elegant and refined movement her shapely legs made.

But what impressed me the most was her impressive feat in sports, especially during that time when the girls were playing basketball. I just sat there on the left corner of the basketball court, watching her skillfully dribbling the ball around, easily breaking through the defense with her amazingly fast movement.

And then just when she's about to perform a lay up, our eyes finally met and I felt really embarrassed while staring at her beautiful violet eyes.

Well it also amazes me how she could jump that high despite being absurdly heavy on the chest and how she could skyrocket to that height despite having an awkward jumping position.

After our gazes met each other for a split second, I had witnessed a somewhat absurd scenery. Whilst performing that which would be a sure-kill lay-up, that girl suddenly lost her balance and fell down face-flat on the floor, making a loud 'thud' sound which bears the meaning that she's actually fat in general especially on the chest area. She might have to cut that part down and sold them towards the butchery along with the reduction of her sex appeal towards the boys who love bigger stacks.

Still, it truly surprised me on how she could still managed to score a point despite having jumped and landed in such awkward position. It might be one of the most awkward point-scoring moment I've ever seen.

To keep things short, after falling face-flat on the floor from such height, she suffers from a nosebleed because of the impact in addition of various bruises in many places.

So, the teacher told me to take her into the infirmary and that's how we first met and get along together, we're just friends actually.

"Hey there, that was quite a spectacular point-scoring in a way, but you sure did yourself a big-time eh? By the way, my name's Kuruta...what's yours?"

"You can call me Touka. And I think Kurumi suits you better, don't you think?"

"No I don't, and I don't want you to call me that."

"Because you're a girl who likes to dress like a guy!"
Wait what? I'm a girl, you say? What kind of nonsense it is...I'm 100 percent guy for sure and what the heck made you think that I'm actually a girl...

Ignoring my actual response, she keeps on replying things in a way which she deem as convenient, just like Makki. And that aspect made her really annoying, and I felt really glad when I didn't get into the same class as her for this year.

In short, what the hell.

Should I say 'what the limbo' instead? Since what the hell and what the heaven were too mainstream.

Nah, nevermind about it.



It was a big mystery on how did she kept on treating me like a girl even though I'm pretty much your normal dude and I didn't even look feminine at the least when I looked into the mirror. And I think I also got quite the masculine voice too.

Oh yeah, it seems that I forgot about something...what is it...I once asked her on why she kept referring to me as a girl from when we first met. But her response before fills me up in shock, making me completely forgot everything. Then the day after that, she just acts like nothing absolutely happened.

This is really weird.

"Oi Kurumi, fancy meeting you here."

It was Touka, dressed in maid uniform which didn't suit her brash personality at all even if she actually looks cute. There she goes, bringing an empty tray...wait, why did she brought an empty tray instead of bringing our lunch instead?

"No I'm not Kurumi, you got the wrong number Miss Meido. And why are you carrying empty trays instead?"

.....

What's with this pause?

"Ah I didn't know you have such a cute cousin, Kurumi."

Tch...I was ignored again.

She turns into Makki and waved at him, in which it becomes quite weird for me since I know he had never been that good with strangers before.

"Errr, Makki?"

"Don't worry about it Kururu, she looks stupid just like you so I'm all okay."

Just like me....huh...

"I....could hear you clearly....you know..."

Touka tried her hardest to restrain her voice, which made it even more obvious that she's kinda upset about what Makki said earlier.

"This is interesting."

Hojo, who sat beside Makki and was quite unnoticeable this whole time, suddenly tilts his glasses once again, letting out a creepy muffled laugh that gives me the chills.

"W-what's with this boy...."

Touka clearly had a normal reaction to Hojo's weird behavior, I also felt a bit creeped out with him too.

"By the way you had nice glasses boy, what's your name."

"I'm Hojo."

I guess she just ignored her inner fear just now, and aiming straight to the point eh. And that's really a brief introduction from that glasses guy!

"My name's Maki, but Kururu usually refers to me as Makki along with everyone else that I know."

"I already know that, you don't have to tell me again."

Touka clearly had been irritated with Makki's behavior earlier. Just to let you know, Makki would say honest things straight from the heart that will disturb some people who expect normality coming from him. And he definitely hates people who would label him as they please.

"Really? I guess it's nice being popular I guess...by the way what's your name again...you haven't introduced yourself yet..."

Makki's words began to swindle her feelings around, starting with the thing on being 'popular' which made her anger to swell up once more, and the stuff about introducing herself that made her to suddenly made an adorable blushing face.

"Ah o-okay...sorry for that earlier...my name is....Tou---"

"Hey Kururu, what kind of things do you want to order?"

Maki gives me the restaurants' menu. And speaking of which, it seems that our poor Touka had been ignored again. I could see her expression kind of turned upset when Makki cut off her words right before she could finish.

"Well, we had already ordered stuff didn't we..."

"Sorry to keep you waiting, young masters."

It was a tall man dressed in a butler uniform, he looks like a foreigner, a really cool one on top of that. He carries on a tray filled with all the food that we've ordered earlier, elegantly placing them one at the time towards our tables. I stood there beside Touka, quite dumbfounded to the level of expertise this waiter has.

"As expected from Chris!"

"He's so cool, these people are so lucky to have him..."

"Awwww....I want to hug him so much..."

What the heck was that? I turned around towards the direction of the voices to see some bunch of housewives that acts in such embarrassing manner, I would be too embarrassed to show my face in public if one of them was actually my mom. Meanwhile the waiter in this butler uniform called Chris also looks kinda annoyed too.

Maybe....

"Don't mind them, that's just my mother and her friends from work. Damn, she's such a doting parent...."

Ah just exactly as I expected. And I could see that he's actually talking to me, though I didn't really know how to answer, so I just nod my head once.

"And Touka, your shift over already, go change back to your casual clothes."

"Geez! But this maid uniform is so cute..."

"Sure they do look cute, but I think butler uniforms suit you better....I think...a tough-looking girl like you would look exceptionally suitable in that kind of uniform."

"Really...really?"

Touka's eyes light up in awe after being complimented by this good-looking foreigner, her face also blushes heavily in addition of acting kind of adorable all of sudden.

"That's just my opinion, well...I've got some other orders to take so I'll be going now. And don't forget to change back to your casual outfit, the manager will be mad at you if you don't do so."

"Okaaay...."

Chris just walked away from us, carrying the empty tray that was once filled with our orders just earlier.

Both of them got along really well eh? But for some reason I can't seem to like that guy after all, he did have the qualities of a womanizer after all.

"Oi Kurumi, I'll go and change back for a while so wait for me until then 'kay?"

"Sure, just suit yourself."

"I'll be going then..."

"Well, whatever."

At the second thought, am I actually feeling jealous because she got along well with another guy that's obviously far much better than me? What was she to me anyway...aren't we just casual friends?

Or at one point, did I start to thought of her as more than just a friend?

Meanwhile, Makki and Hojo started eating without giving a single care to what currently happened before.

Oh well, I guess I should start eating soon, man..I'm hungry.

The meal was pretty great.

I ordered the set of a Chicken BBQ steak, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, along with the delicious side dishes of some garlic bread added with some odd dressing of teriyaki sauce, though I didn't know both of them would get along pretty well with each other.

Speaking of breads, we had lots of them at my place. My sis usually brought one pack filled with lotsa slices of plain bread, along with a variety of jam or dressing that goes with it in the same shopping bag in some occasions. She's pretty considerate of me by buying them every time she went on shopping for groceries.

I especially like eating the bread with a kind of odd combination. For example, I think these plain bread tastes pretty nice with mayonnaise added with it. Yup, just mayonnaise and plain bread alone. Also, I think it's also quite the taste when I tried adding some cooked instant noodles in between the two slices of bread then ate it right away. By the way, my sis usually got mad at me every time I tried eating the instant noodles...

No, it's definitely not because she thought it was hazardous to health.

She just want some portion for hers, and I usually just cook one portion of it each time.

Speaking of which, both of us didn't really eat these instant noodles anymore since we already got so addicted to eating these breads to satiate our hunger during irregular times, as there's many kind of dressings to choose, from mayonnaise, mustard to black pepper, in addition of many different kinds of toppings; ham slices, cheese, mushrooms, salad, and even fried onions for example.

Seriously, this house might be quite a gourmet place since both of us kind of enjoyed our cooking and experiments with out meals.

Anyway, going back to our previous topic. Both Makki and Pokoko ordered the same kind of meal, which was pretty modest in my opinion. Yeah, they ordered a portion of Fried Rice with some kind of....crab fillets on it? Though, we also order a bucket filled with fried chicken and that's what got us so full.

We got this fried chicken bucket in a somewhat convenient manner since my sis also gave me a coupon for this restaurant, it says for every certain dollars of purchase, you could order the L-sized chicken bucket for free. And I somehow managed to barely reach the required amount of it, thanks to the addition of that garlic bread and three glasses of iced lemon tea aside from our desired main course. Oh yeah, Makki also add it up to the sum by ordering a chocolate parfait.



"Yum....yum...."

From the other side of my seat, I could see Makki enjoying his parfait right now.

And there's Pokoko who's sitting beside me, still eating his fried rice with a slow pace.

For myself, I'm already done with my Chicken BBQ steak along with the side dishes of garlic bread.

I tried offering these snacks to both Makki and Pokoko, and both of them had rejected. They said that it's not really their favorite food by the least.

Oh well. Guess this means that I'm going to have an extra portion.

And speaking about the fried chicken bucket, it's Makki and Pokoko who ate the major portion of it, since I'm already quite full by the time it had arrived, at that time I already finished my meal and the half of that garlic bread, also drank the lemon tea until it's nearly empty.

When both of them were having their fun with the chicken, I asked one of the waitress for a refill of my lemon tea. And here I am now, gulping it down slowly.

You might have noticed it earlier but I ate my meals on a pretty fast pace.

That to be said, let's just wait until they're about done with their respective meals. For the meantime I think I will pleasure myself by feasting my eyes upon the sighting of these cute waitress in maid uniform.



Come to think of it, after I looked at the seats around me, the people in here seems a bit chatty while they're eating. Me with Maki and Pokoko, on the other hand, were deeply silent while we're eating our food, totally engrossed in our respective meals.

Well, judging from the looks of these two, it seems they're about done with their meals as for now.

"By the way, Makki...there has been something that I've been trying really hard to ask you since the last chapter...please hear me out, and I would be really angry if you cut my words right before I finish it. So let's just go straight to the point...err...what's it again? Oh yeah....about what that old geezer did to you right when we're at the bus, was it really true that he did something offensive?"

That was pretty much a handful to say, with me trying my best to mutter the words I've been longing to say up to this moment.

Makki slowly tilted his head around. And with his cute puppy-dog eyes, he began on muttering to me some inaudible words in a muffled voice. The sudden change in his attitude causes some of the people to look our way, man I could totally felt these cold stares at me.

"Pssst...psst...mom...the big girl with short black hair just made that boy cry."

"Please don't look at her, my boy. She would yell at you and make you cry, even your mom were afraid as well...."

Oh damn it, seriously damn it! Who are you referring to as a 'big girl'? I'm a completely normal guy! What on earth is happening to my world?

"And there's my honest confession...why don't you believe me....Kururu?"

"How can I believe you when I couldn't even hear what you're saying!"

"Uuuuu....please yell at me again....this feels strangely good...."

Now the crowds are setting their eyes on us with a somewhat perplexed look, thinking that we're some weird couple at some sort.

"Daddy, was the big girl an actual SM Mistress?"

"Hush...cut it out, my cute daughter....how many times I have to tell you not to speak these things in public!"

Seriously, what the hell is going on?

"Stop with the bad jokes already, Makki. I'm dying to know whether that old man really did something to you or not..."

"Really? You really want to know...Kururu?"

Before I realized it, both of our faces are getting closer and closer.

"Did you really....really.....want to know my...'dirty secret'?"

"Well whatever, just spit it out already."

This time Makki's face start to blush heavily for whatever reason I can't comprehend, and I'm definitely confused about how his brain actually works.

Then the first thing that comes to my sight...is Makki's soft, pinkish lips. And I could
somehow felt his breath on me.

"You're so forceful.....Kuru...ru....and yet I told you to be gentle...."

"I DON'T REMEMBER YOU TELLING ME THAT! AND PLEASE STOP WITH THAT KIND OF ACT, IT'S REALLY DISTURBING YOU KNOW!"

This kid....he's really testing my patience. Why would I wanted to look at him in such indecent way...wait....he seem to had a lot less resistance when he's with me. Don't tell me that after all, he's actually a very lonely person and wants me to deeply comfort him since well...we're already close enough to do....'that'?

What I mean by that is...playing games together of course. Hey! Don't give me that 'as if we will trust you, sick perv' damn it...

"Whisper....whisper...."

My goodness, it seems that we've attracted some unwanted attention out there. Bunch of people started to pop their heads on our seats, and many of them starts gathering around our seats, whispering in such annoying manner that it really gets me on my nerves, especially when I heard some of them started to talk about Makki in such insulting manner. I could care less about people talking bad things about me, but it will be a much different scenario if they were to insult a fragile-hearted person such as Makki right in front of the person himself!

I clenched my fist, getting myself ready to drive these people around. These people should learn to mind their own business. It's all of their fault that Makki wouldn't be able to be himself, ever, in public. What pains me the most, comes after I tried looking at Makki's expression again, his face turned pale as a ghost when he realized that there's many people watching him...and seem to be talking bad things about him...

"Hey...you bastards....."

"No need to do so, big brother."

This tone of voice!

As I tried to stand up, I felt a slender hand trying to hold my body back. The force within that hand wasn't especially powerful enough to actually hold me back, even if I could tell that he's trying his best to keep me from standing. And I could tell from his level of strength he exerted, that he's not actually good at fighting.

Yes, it's Pokoko who's trying to hold me back.

Regardless of my level of intense resentment, I still managed to comply to his wishes and sat back down. It's because of this tone of voice filled with authority, which holds a hint of power.

"Everyone, please return back to your seats." he fixed the position of his glasses again, and while he's at it, the usual Pokoko turns into the notorious Hojo.

His brief talk causes the entire crowd to go silent.

Though after a moment passes, there's a young man who starts talking back to him.

"Look there k-kid, it's not like we're actually being rude. It's actually such a pleasure to us on seeing a really cute couple back there. But there's a time bomb being planted...beside the blond boy's seat....w-we're j-just concerned...that's all..."

It's true! Holy....

"Well, this would be a problem if that's the case." the notorious Hojo, standing beside me, looks out to Makki, who seem to be more concerned towards the suddenly silent crowd rather than the time bomb beside him.

"So what should we...."

"Give me a minute to think, big brother."

Hojo moves toward Makki's seat and picked the time bomb. I jumped in surprise as the bomb was so close to me, and the ticking sound gets louder and louder as the time passes.

It reads 0:15, then 0:14, it's about that little of seconds left before the bomb went off.

The entire crowd went into panic, as the ticking goes louder as the time passes.

Then...

"Shut the hell up."

With an expression so terrifying, that i won't expect it to come from a young boy, Hojo stares down at the bomb, and muttering some words at it in a really cold tone. The entire crowd that's been panicking up 'til now turned dead silent...then something truly unexpected happened.

The timer went off at 0:02, and then the display in the bomb blacked out all of sudden.

..........

.......................

......................................

............................

......................

Okay, what the hell did I just witnessed?

Did Hojo managed to disarm a time bomb just by telling it to shut the hell up?

What kind of logic is this.

"Ummm...Kururu...about the secret. The old man actually did nothing to me...I just find him to be really annoying so I want him to be wasted down the street."

For a moment I could see both of Makki's eyes lit up in crimson color. Then the way he said it so nonchalantly sends shivers down my spine.

And then Makki stared down at the time bomb Hojo was holding with a gaze filled with anger, it made the entire crowd backed down in fear. Then...a red light flashes from his eyes...

CRACK!

The time bomb gets scattered into tons of small pieces all around the floor.

Once again, screw logic.

"W-well...I didn't really figure that my joke would went that far like this....ahahaha...I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to..."

There I saw the figure of a purple haired girl in a casual outfit with oversized breasts coming out from amidst the crowd. Cold sweat starts flowing down her face and it's her turn to be pale like a ghost.

Damn it Touka, your sense of humor were terrible as usual, only the downright ignorant people would ever dare to play a prank on these two boys.

"You're dead, Touka."

That crimson light that came from Makki's eyes again....

I have a bad feeling about this.

Meanwhile, Touka slumps down to the floor, terrified of what's going to come for her.

Within my sight, everywhere seems to be adorned in red color it made my eyes hurt.

I tried closing my eyes but this blood-red color still lingers within it. Probably just my imagination but I still felt this sense of impending doom emanating around this place I'm currently standing.

No, it's already over. The massive onslaught that's so horribly macabre, filled with such bloodlust and intensity, which made the lingering sense of horror still remain even after so much time had passed.

Countless dead bodies were laid across the floor; most of them had their appearance majorly disfigured due to some unforeseen amount of events. Whoever did this must be utterly insane...who would...did such horrible thing to these people? I could hardly see any corpse that had their body parts intact, and even if there's any, the corpse would made a truly grotesque view with a horrid expression upon their death; eyes open or even ripped off from their eyesockets, their innards scattered all over the floor, along with tons of blood that goes along with this inhumane violence.

It might be some lengthy hours, or might it be even days? I don't know for how long did these incident first occurred. The color of blood that's pretty much already coagulated so much to the point it's not cherry-red anymore, only a mixture of complete blackness and red color that looks totally eerie.

The buildings were totally being thrown away in a mess, and furthermore, some hopeless victim were trapped and vindicated in such horrible manner; I saw one of them having their bodies completely crushed by the pillars. And unlike in the cartoons, you didn't just become flat by having such massive object fallen on top of you just like that...it....I have no words to say. Even more that I saw a mutilated baby down the floor, with their soft bodies being completely wrecked by the fragments of glasses that seem to fly all across the place where this what-supposed-to-be an insane onslaught were happening.

My heart aches upon seeing these sceneries. I could smell the scent of something burning inside, along with the putrid smell of corpses lying about, these morbid things might be decomposing at some unbelievable rate.

It's really hot in here. This space was totally enclosed in by the wreckage of buildings, giving me the impression of a completely narrow space filled with bodies of people dying in such grotesque manner.

I could felt my tattered shirt being drenched in sweat. Without reason, it appears I'm the only one here who was left still alive and breathing. Though I would definitely suffer some kind of psychological trauma from seeing all this. Damn it...I need to go outta this place quick...but my mind was too hazy in order for me to even figure out something.

Why am I here, and still alive on top of that? Did I witnessed the entire accident from the start to finish...but still...why can't i remember anything? Furthermore, my head hurts each time I tried to recall something.

Yeah.

As I put my best effort in it, I began to remember something...

There I thought of it as I walked through the building, trying to find an exit along the way...and eventually I came across some unexpected scenery.

Standing before me amongst these building wreckage and pile of heavily disfigured corpses along the way, there's a blond haired boy wielding a kitchen knife.

"I'm....scared...."

That was all that the blond haired boy would say, just like a helpless victim. Though based on my observations, he had only his clothes tattered, he's still alive and breathing just like me. He might be in a much better condition since I think I sprained my ankle just earlier and my shoulders felt really sore.

"Hey....kid...." I tried calling out to him, in which he responded by slowly turning his head onto me in a somewhat fidgety manner.

Upon witnessing the boy's face, it felt like my heartbeat stopped for a moment because I just seem to witness something truly terrifying. The boy's face, it was filled with fresh blood, it doesn't seem like it's his own blood by the way. And I noticed things that seem to come across; he's completely covered in blood splatters from his hands, feet, and even his clothing. And furthermore...his knife is.....

"Leave....me.....alone...."

That's all what the boy said to me, in a somewhat low voice.

The next moment, I could see the boy disappearing in a flash....

STAB!

"W-what...."

I felt something....an...ominous feeling, it hurts so much.....that I can't seem to feel anything at all.

I could somehow felt a stinging pain down my stomach. My head really hurts this time, my consciousness wavering as the time goes, this hazy feeling which made my eyes being unable to focus on what's in front of me. Though at one moment I realized something as I tried my best to glance just below.

It was the knife being stabbed right through my stomach. With tons of blood being splattered across the floor. And then...I realized one more thing....

He just violently stabbed me without an apparent purpose I could figure out.

"Ku...ku.......ku....."

A faint sounding hysterical laugh could be heard in front of me. The knife was pulled out with such force from my stomach, tons of blood gushing rapidly across the place just like a red fountain.

I couldn't feel my body anymore, just using the remainder of my strength to barely stood up.

Then as I tried my last resort to raise my head.

My gaze was met with a terrifying expression in front of me. I could see a blinding crimson light in front of me; that which seem to emanate from the boy's eyes.

He was holding the knife again, this time it's covered in my blood.

Then it all ends with a completely red scenery within my sight, as I can't seem to figure out anything more.

I might be completely dead as for now, as I'm sure that the last blow completely ended my life before I could even felt anything, not even a single hint of pain.

Well...last but not least, with all the morbid things happening out there, I'm sure that I would be freely welcomed in hell with lots of voluptuous and moe demon girls. Wait, this isn't the time to be happy...

Hey, you damn author! I'm dead already so please just end this story...

Huh...okay....okay....got it....don't yell at me that way...

Before I finally departed to the next world, here's the last words that the boy said to me just before I finally lost my consciousness...

"Kururu...I just want to touch your nipples."

......

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Okay, on a side note. Perhaps I'm not really dead after all.

Well...since the things you read above didn't really happen, to be honest.

On a side note, I'm pretty curious whether Makki is really a yandere or not.

Wait, he's a guy so...

Ah...nevermind about it.

Let's continue the actual story on the next occasion, okay?

That was just an intermezzo hahaha...

"Hahahaha, didn't expect you could get away from his wrath because you just call him cute, Touka!"

"How rude! I just find his angry expression to be really moe, that's all...Kurumi..."

To make the long story short, Touka shortly apologized to Makki due to the earlier prank. Man...it's so like her to make such bad jokes on a wrong time. Thank goodness that he could control his temper this time.

At first the manager want to punish Touka by giving her salary cut by half, but I managed to talk things out so she would still get her salary intact. It won't be good if the pay cut actually happen since well...Touka's family was...kind of in a bad financial condition right now since her father was sick in the hospital and her mom had to work in addition of taking care of the entire family, Touka was the eldest child, along with having 3 young, yet energetic brothers. Three of them were oftentimes a subject for crossdressing and all of them looks amazingly cute on these clothes.....it made her often refer to her own three brothers as cute little girls.

I have to admit her brothers act really cute sometimes I couldn't really differentiate them with another girl, but I do have many disturbing situations where the three of them sat on my lap and all of them just popped on a boner. And furthermore, for a child that young an age the size of their dingdong was pretty much questionable...damn it...it gives me creeps! Why would these guys got a boner just by sitting on another guy's lap?

And so on, as her shift was already over, she managed to join up with us on our venture around this shopping mall...

"By the way Touka, why do you refer to me as a girl?"

"Isn't it obvious that you're one? That's the same way with Chris."

"Hey...."

"Her full name is Christina, and she went to an all-girl's academy. We go along way back as we entered the same middle school. She continued with the same academy when we went up to high school, while I got into your school since yeah...I failed to get a scholarship on that one Chris is currently in...the applicants, all of them pose such big challenge."

Wait...what? So that Chris...is a girl? Come to think of it, she were quite a looker despite her short hair and somewhat masculine features...and I could see that she got a really voluptuous figure on top of that, which somewhat seem to be hidden out by the thick butler clothing.

"Ah I see.....HEY! Don't just change the topic all of sudden..."

"I know...Kurumi, let's get into another place to discuss this."

We didn't realize that we're talking aloud amidst the busy hallways in the shopping mall corners. That which attracts some attention from curious bypassers around here.

Meanwhile, Makki and Pokoko were playing around in the arcade, we just left them here to have fun. Both of these boys should be fine, even a gang of Yakuza wouldn't be able to harm these toughies.

.......

................

.............................

After a while of walking, both of us had arrived in a clothing department store.

"H-hey...Touka, why the hell did you took me here..."

"To give you the prove that you're a girl, of course. Since I think some people in here know a certain person called 'Kurumi' I would call you 'Kururu' in public instead, it sounds cute and it really suits you....ehehehe...."

"T-the way you put it sounds so creepy..."

Both of us walked into a certain section, which gives me the total chills of people giving me weird looks. Yeah, it's the women clothing and lingerie....section

"Hey...hey....Saeko....I want some clothes for this friend of mine."

Touka walks into one of the female attendants, who appears to be quite a close acquaintance to hers.

"But he is..."

"She. Couldn't you tell?"

"Ah now that you think about it...males wouldn't actually have that kind of body proportion at all, she's just like Christina. But this time my eyes were completely fooled."

"Furthermore she is...psst....pssst.....pssst..."

i couldn't hear anything....

"Seriously? She is...."

"Hush! You'll ruin all the fun, yup there she is, in person."

What the hell are you talking about? I guess...I'll take my leave....

I pretty much dislike hanging around these places. Man I should go with Makki and Pokoko to the arcade anymore rather than picking up the bait Touka told me about some 'dirty little secret'. When she's taking control I'll always ended up being dragged away all over the place.

I should go to the arcade now that she's not---

"Wait a minute Kururu."

"Why Kururu...Touka-chan?"

"You idiot! If I mention her real name...."

Chance to leave again.

"Hey Kururu, go and try on this clothes in the fitting room. now."

Touka held upon me some cute shirt in bluish ocean colors with a casual-looking shirt that would reach about the knees....hmm....

No I'm not going to crossdress...it would hurt my dignity as a real man to do so.



"My whole life was a lie...."

I got back to Touka in my casual clothes after trying the clothes, and very strangely enough it doesn't seem like crossdressing at all.

"Well you should have taken off the bodysuit concealment since I know that your actual physique is pretty voluptuous enough to look sexy in..."

"Enough...let me forget this."

"Yeah...you're right, it might trigger some kind of memory loss when you're twiddling around with that bodysuit."

Hmmm....so that's why I can't seem to remember anything when Touka started messing around with my body every time she tries to prove that I'm a girl. Wait...what bodysuit? Damn, my head hurts upon thinking about it...

"One more question, Touka. If I'm truly a girl, why did I have that thing....which other guys had, and it works out just fine you know..."

"Really? Well Kururu....I haven't checked that part out yet, but since the bodysuit doesn't work out that far by reproducing such perfectly formed artificial genitalia...I could safely say that...."

"What?"

"Kururu...you're not a girl.."

"So I'm actually a ma---"

"Yeah, you're a futanari indeed."

Fu........fuu.....fu.........uwaaaaa....

"Are you an idiot, Touka? Futanari only exists on the doujins!"

"But you're one. Oh and you forgot about the anime and visual novels, they also had featured futanari characters."

"That's not the important thing right here!"

I should stop saying anything more since many people seem to turn their heads toward us when they heard the word 'futanari'. I haven't checked yet but there's this hollow feeling right below my ding ding every time I peed...could it be....

No...brace yourself Kuruta, you're a real man and will always be.

"Still, seeing as you're one...I could somehow say how they would give a concealment bodysuit so you could disguise yourself as a normal guy. Though by some group of people with sharp observational tendencies, it all becomes clear. And yeah, there's actually a few portion of futanari in this country and people were still having problems to accept them in this society as of late, so there you have it."

"I get it...I get it....you're right this time, so please....stop calling me a girl, okay? I had enough of it and I just want to forget this. So...please think of me as a guy from now on."

"Got it....Kuruta-kun."

With a satisfied smile on her face, she just complied to my request and finally thought of me as her 'male friend'. And that way I could start to see her as a normal girl, and her playful expression just now looks so cute it made me blush...if she were to act like this every day from now on, it wouldn't be an exaggeration if I were to fall for her.

To tell you the truth I'm still feeling truly uncertain about my actual gender, but I would like to refer to myself as a normal guy from now and ever since it gives me the sense of security I always wanted. There's a morbid sense of insecurity when I start thinking of myself as a girl, there's always the feeling that someone was always after my back and he creepy stares all around me, and I didn't like that, it feels like I've been caged in a prison that's being shimmered in a blinding spotlight.

Me, who prefer to be inside a laid-back and enclosed environment when I could truly be myself, would more likely to stick on viewing myself as just an ordinary man.

Or so I thought it was.



"You guys are damn late! How long did you think we're waiting..."

"Calm down Makki...at least they're finally here."

I checked on the timer indicated on my mobile phone. Yeah, we're about 35 minutes late than usual. Even though Makki was clearly agitated by the wait, it looks like Pokoko didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. Rather, he seem to have this blissful look on his face just like being inside a fruitful celebration of victory.

"Let me explain big bro, Makki hates waiting because he los---mpphhhh!"

"Shut up Pokoko! You know that I'm terrible at games....uh...I said it...nooooo..."

He didn't realize that he's still suffocating his friend by pressing his whole palm up close towards the face, it made Pokoko seem somewhat hard to breathe, he looks like just one helpless kid that's being bullied. All that dignity I just witnessed earlier seem to be just a blatant lie for now...well though since we're also talking about Makki, I guess it's pretty understandable.

One thing I realized for sure, that everyone had things they're good and bad at.

..........

"So, there's a box-office movie airing soon today, and I'm going to get the tickets before it finally sold out. The queue is going to be pretty jam-packed, that's for sure. So meanwhile just wait for me, okay? I'm actually good at this stuff, you know."

After relaxing for a while by ordering a milkshake in one of the nearby stores, sitting on the resting bench in the area around the food court, Touka just jumps in the matter so suddenly, and with such energetic manner it made me jump.

"I'll pass on it, miss Touka. I've got a cram school to attend today."

Pokoko...or should I say Hojo...when he entered his serious mode, just brought on that matter in a tone of voice filled with dignity.

"Oh really? It's not good for a young people like you to be so serious you know...go boycott it once in a while and it won't hurt...I heard the movie's masterpiece it may change your whole life just by seeing it...so....gonna watch it with us?"

Hmm...this is the first time that someone's pretty much unaffected by Hojo's dignified speech. I guess she had somehow reached a certain degree of enlightenment, I guess?

"No thanks, I didn't really like movies in the first place...." as Hojo said that, I saw Makki's expression darken, and he seem to sat further from us, forming about a dejected pose. Well...I know that Makki loves movies very much...so...

"...to tell you the truth, my parents wanted for me to apply for an elite high school after graduating from my current junior high, and this evening, about few hours later from now on, there would be a test to determine the chances I would be admitted to the favorite high school. So yeah, this is really important."

"Really? That sounds like a cheap lie, Pokoko. Don't tell me....kukuku...that you actually had plans to go with your girlfriend on another movie and then do things and that....fufufufu..."

Well, she's pretty sharp, but she always took things the wrong way. That's Touka for her.

"Oh I gotta go, see you guys later, just continue on without me."

Hojo quickly skips away from us just as we finally lost our guard.

Damn, he's quick at running away. I don't know about his ulterior motives but it seems that he somehow hid something insidious from us all.

"That finally leaves you and your cute cousin huh....Kuru...ta..kun?"

It seems that she's been forcing herself to call me Kuruta all this time, it's probably because she's already satisfied with the momentary moment of truth that unfolded before her, that she thought she should do me a favor back.

She's being too hard for herself, I partially meant of that as a joke. Besides it's okay if you want to call me...that...

"You know, you don't have to force yourself...Kurumi is fine..."

"No I can't, these people would find out about you...and it would get us into trouble...rumors already circulated from when I called you by that name out loud in the restaurant and referring to you as a...."

"Huh?" Makki exclaimed as he popped his head into our conversation "What do you guys mean? it's as Kururu had an alter ego or something that's pretty 'whoa' or somethin'."

Touka patted Makki's head for the first time, then she just smiled without saying anything else, which made Makki somehow calmed down from his curiosity. That was somehow unexpected.

"Well then, I'll be getting the tickets now. Have fun you two, and please don't attract the public attention too much, okay?"

"Got it, we're counting on you Touka." and as I finally said that, Touka broke out into a high-speed dash, vanishing from our very sight in a matter of seconds.

..........

Huh, now it finally leaves just me and Makki in here...

I took a glance on my surroundings to see everything being pretty much normal to us, without any of these curious onlookers around that's trying to get in our nerves like we're just a part of some freak show.

Hmmm?

That silly Touka, she completely forgot to even touch her drink, that also goes the same for Pokoko. And as I already finished my portion, it won't really hurt to at least give myself some favor, well I've got to care for this troublesome bunch and this would count as an extra reward for all my troubles fufufu...

Then as I tried to snatch on Touka's drink, just to get back for all of the troubles she gave me earlier...

I felt a small tug on my shirt, which was caused by some slender and soft little hand pulling it down...

"Pffuu....Kwuwuwu...?" hmm...what is this kind of muffled voice, it does sound kind of cute by the way.

I turned my back around to see Makki's face so close to me, we almost kissed...dang it...I almost forgot he's actually a boy on top of that. There from about the height of my shoulders while we're both sitting together, he glanced upwards to my face and made a blushing face with his mouth still glued to the straw, sucking down the contents of the milkshake, making soft bubbles floating about it. And then he keeps on tempting me by mumbling in the same kind of muffled voice which somehow....

It kinda turns me on. Even more that his voice pitch was pretty high enough, albeit husky, for me to ever mistaken it as a girl's. Sure he's pretty feminine, it's kinda a waste not to see him dressed in cute clothes..perhaps if I could somehow ease his resistance a bit by 'taming' him in such a way he would become pretty submissive, perhaps I could...

No...it's not right for two guys to do things like this...even more...he looks really young and somewhat innocent, just waiting to be tainted by perverts like me. Uh...I'm scared now, that I think about it...I'm I really a guy after all, or am I just pretending to be a normal guy all this time when I'm actually....

"Pwuwuwu.....kwuwu.....pfufu?" uh, that was a really silly way of asking for some inquiry, at least try pulling the straw from your mouth first.

Reflexively pulling the straw from his mouth, it made him suddenly react in shock as he tried pulling back the straw again. It made the milkshake fell over the seat, splashing all over the place, drenching us wet its colors. Makki might be fine since he seem to be wearing a jacket...but well...I truly felt uncomfortable and somehow cold.....it seems like my skin starts molting just like those exoskeleton creatures.

"Kururu, quick...to the restroom!"

Somehow alerted by some mysterious thing that were going to happen soon after, he pulled my hand so hard and forcefully right away; both of us got our hands on every shopping bag on our respective seats, though there's mostly the clothes that Touka bought at the store earlier.

We kept on running and running like hell, and it somehow attracts some attention from the curious bypassers, it truly made my heart race just as I'm a criminal that's hiding something from the public eyes.

W-what's...happening? I felt like my current body wasn't truly mine at all.

But what truly shocked me was...that we're somehow ended up...at the female restroom, which was somehow empty at the moment.

My body feels insanely hot, and my skin felt incredibly itchy that I want to scratch it with my nails so hard to the point I won't really care if it would permanently scrap it. What was once a smooth, white skin that's unlikely to belong in a normal guy has become totally wrinkled even more than an old man's.

"Ouch!!!"

As I reached my wrinkled hand to touch my face, I felt that my entire face burning at a tremendous rate; igniting a similar sense of itch, augmenting the feelings of desperation to somehow break free of this. Trying my best to withstand the pain, it truly disorients my five senses as my vision starts to get blurry and I couldn't really hear or feel anything else because of this unforeseen occurrence.

"Guaaaaaaaaahh!!! Argggghhhh!!! Stop...stop...please....." I tried screaming so much, moving my body around wildly, jerking it on all directions. There I could see a glance that Makki trembles around in fear down the corner of this restroom, never I saw him being so small and fragile as of now.

SCRATCH!

Couldn't bear it any longer I heavily scratched the wrinkled skin down my left arm with my right, and contrary to what's on my mind, it's truly just like molting. Beneath the layers of wrinkled, itchy skin, there lies a pure white luster in my arm, it looks much more silky smooth than what my skin usually looks like....it's just like

The skin of a young girl...no...such a smooth and lustrous surface like this might only be found on models who underwent some major skin therapy.

W-what's happening to me?

"Kuru...ru...."

His expression turns even darker as my sanity gets completely taken away by this itch. The mad sensation which sends me into total frenzy spreads across my entire body...before I realized it, I had already taken my clothes off, pulled down my pants, and also my undergarments. Well, it's crazy....like, stripping yourself in front of your cute and innocent cousin like that...I guess I'm being truly despicable for doing this.

Then I realized one more thing, that after I completely scratched the wrinkled layers until it reveals a new skin, the itch totally subsides.

Wait a moment, I did felt like my body gets totally hot and sweaty...beneath the itchy surface that I'm trying to get rid of. Somehow it just seem like I'm wearing an extra layer of clothing beneath my own skin.

Wait a minute, this means...

I reached out towards the back of my shoulders and touched the stacks of this somewhat ruined surface, then pulling it onward just like taking my clothes off. There a cool air blows all across my body as the skin goes off my shoulders, back, stomach, and....chest.

Somehow I got this weird feeling like there's something big and massive which was blocking the way while taking it off through my chest area, along with a bouncy sense after it managed to get through my entire chest. At that time my head still felt hazy because the hotness hasn't truly left my brain yet...until I managed to take off the entire layers through my head, throwing away what's left on it to the floor.

"Kururu.....you've...got to be kidding me...."

There I realized one thing again after I looked onto the mirror. At first I couldn't really believe it...somehow my reflection just now felt truly unreal; there I first noticed that my hair is actually much longer than my usual, my short black hair just before is now replaced by a jet-black hair which shines elegantly due to the reflection from the bathroom's lightning, it reaches as long as my shoulders and it covers some portion of my ears.

And then I look down to the chest area and felt something tightening on my lower region....

"No....way...."

Yes...it's pretty stacked. I think it's about the same size or even bigger than Touka's by a small margin.

It does look like I'm completely turned into a girl with a really smooth, white skin, from the waist above, but the thing down to my legs was still the old me. Well basically the intense itchy feeling doesn't really spread as far as down here but I guess my curiosity had taken over me as I shamelessly just stripped down the remainder of this wrinkled layers of skin.

I reached through the back of my shoulders, moving down to feel the wrinkled part and then pulled it down, watching in anticipation of what kind of mysterious thing in my own body that's going to unfold.

"Uggghhhhh....it's so weird....how.....could...."

Well....I'm at loss for words.

Behind me I could hear sounds of someone panting heavily, along with a muffled voice that sounds pretty...no...basically the high-pitched husky tone made me thought of weird things.

"Kururu.....Kururu....ahhhh.....noo....I can't look...."

My curiosity to his moaning voice made me reflexively turn my body around, in which I could felt something heavy bouncing down my chest....well I didn't want to say on how embarrassed I am in this kind of situation.

If I'm completely alone I might do some weird things I can't even write about, because it's so embarrassing and when it's finally exposed...I don't think that I can show myself in public anymore.

"No....please don't look at me....turn back....get away from my sight...why....why....I can't stop myself, it's just you....but I can't hold back any longer."

Makki now speaks in a voice that's on the verge of tearing up. Abruptly turning his back against me while I caught a glimpse of himself staring really hard at me. And I think I saw his hand moving around frantically in a sequential motion down some parts which I can't truly describe.

"Makki, tissues are over here, not that way."

Then I realized my voice just now had fully changed into those belonging to a girl, it has a really soft timbre and a kind of pitch just like one of those anime girls. How should I put it...this voice also does sound calm like my usual one while speaking, I can't really describe it.

"Oi, I didn't mean it in that kind of way you know. I'm just helping you out since you know...I can't wipe your bleeding nose in this condition." and so I spoke once again in order to clear up the misunderstanding due to my earlier words.

I threw away a boxed tissue which was inside one of the shopping bags to him, who seems to be hiding something between his legs...

"Mmmm....thanks. I thought you've become a completely different person, Kururu...but I'm glad that you're still you. I'm sorry, please forgive me...I've done this....and that...while you're not looking..."

Huh...wait...what?



As I continued on taking off the remainder of this wrinkled skin. I noticed that even the shape of my legs had changed drastically, not just the difference in skin tone, but there's one thing which is still there. And then as I turned around and my glance met up with Makki...

He jumped in utter shock.

"Kururu....if you're actually a girl....why do you still have that....in addition of..."

I guess what Touka was saying earlier is right. I'm just a freak of nature after all.

"That's a drag to explain...."

BANG! BANG!

"What's going on here? Open up please! We need to use the female restroom."

....

"Now's not the right time for lengthy explanations, both of us gotta change our outfits for now. But well...since you hate crossdressing after all...can I ask you this time just to deal with it?"

"Uhhh....okay....I did that horrible things while you're not looking after all."

"What?"

"Since you're also a guy back then you should know! I mean...nevermind...it's too embarrassing for me to say...."

"Let us waste no time, the ladies might had called the janitors to unlock the bathroom soon."

By the way, the restroom in this mall had a convenient mechanism in which the door can be locked from the inside, which makes it a nice method some couples use to....well I shouldn't really say it...

I put the shopping bag containing some clothes which I think might suit him...damn that Touka sure is a genius at preparing things beforehand...did she really planned this far just to save us? And then I took another bag containing the clothing stuff Touka bought for me just earlier.

......

"I'm already in, Makki. You can just go enter one of the stalls and change with the clothing I gave you earlier."

As I already entered one of the stalls with the set of clothing available, I shouted out to him from the inside, in which he replied with a kind of surprised tone of voice, then I heard footsteps and a sound of the stalls opened up, being locked, and closing again.

"Kururu....I can't wear this, it's too embarrassing."

"Well, you can do this since you're so cute after all, just believe in me who doesn't truly believe in you, okay?"

Then there was silence and a faint sound of rustling down the next stalls...it did let my imaginations run wild even in this current state of mine. No...it's just Makki, I must not think of anything weird to my own cousin...

Damn it, Im still got some issues on putting the undergarments down there since there's still that one problem since there's the thing that keeps tightening up, and it's big enough which makes it very hard to cover up.

....

"Kurumi, are you there? I saw both of you running around so I think both of you might need some cover up."

It's Touka. But where did she came from if the door was locked? I guess that's not the most important thing right now.

"No it's alright, we've got the clothes and such."

"Did you give the goth loli outfits to Makki?"

"Yes."

From one of the stalls I could hear a loud sound of something being kicked away.

"Speaking of which, Kurumi. I know that you're a fu--"

"Stop with that obscene term already, I know that I already had another one below my usual thing."

"Okay...okay...stop whining, I had something which you could use to cover up...it's made with the latest underground technology."

Who on earth are you really...Touka? Why the heck did you know everything about this kind of technology and such...

Then she rolled some kind of cylindrical object towards my stall.

"You know how to use it, that's obvious enough based on the object alone." and there she said again.

....

"Well there's one thing which I might ask, did you also bought this kind of...revealing...lingerie? How could you buy it when you didn't know my size?"

"Our measurements are pretty similar, though you're much taller than me not to mention a bit more full on the chest, muscular, and have more shapely legs. It might not precisely fit but I tried to plan things ahead in case there's something that went wrong."

"H-how did you..."

"Remember when you passed out and lost consciousness during every health examination? And how you were always told to go alone? I was the health committee
member during that time and when I saw your results...I was really jealous."

That's so unlike her to say things like that. She's very cute and had a really adorable personality, not to mention she's truly reliable when push comes to shove. The one who should be jealous of her is me.

I'm not really a girl, just a freak of nature who wish to spend the entirety of her life pretending to be just some normal dude.

"At least I'm not as talented as sports as you...no...I think I come to admire you in one way or another by the way..."

"Well that's because you spent too much time on gaming! And I'm not nearly good enough to be a pro at basketball either, come on just put it quickly and get it over with."

She seem to be really embarrassed when finishing up that line, judging by that reserved tone of voice that made her out of her usual character somewhat.

"Ah okay..." and so I quickly replied to her again before going back to this important activity I must do soon enough.

Inside one of the other stalls, I could hear Makki's grumbling of anguish.



Phew....at least the firestorm of situations had pretty much calmed down by now.

Meanwhile I think Touka somehow managed to calm these ladies down for whatever reason I didn't know, and they're currently waiting patiently outside. But how did she get inside if the door was locked anyway? That's one thing I wanted to ask her later on.

Really, I never wanted to go home as much as right now. I felt truly sick having to go to watch a movie for about a hour and half before going back, since I felt truly uncomfortable being in public with a body like this.

Though, thanks to the item which Touka gave me earlier, the bump on this knee-high skirt gets completely obscured.

"So that's why I got called Kurumi eh."

"Exactly."

And so Touka just replied like that right after our gazes met up with each other as I exited my stall, after I finished on wearing all of this stuff...which seems much more complicated than I thought.

Well, that's also kind of unexpected how could she got these sizes right.

I looked up on the mirror again and see that I was wearing this casual blue shirt Touka bought me earlier along with the knee-high skirt which somehow looks natural on me, though I'm still wearing the same sneakers I wore before, possibly the only thing I had right now that's a remainder of my old self. My old clothing wouldn't really fit my current body as my physique got really slender after the 'molting'.

Seeing my current reflection again, I did reminded of this picture of a short-haired girl I saw on my bedroom.

"She's Himeno Kurumi, famously known as the 'Gamer Idol' who had been featured in many shows, shown promoting the games she liked."

It reminds me back again when my I asked my sis about that picture.

....

"So, Touka...did you call me Kurumi because it reminded you of that idol named Himeno Kurumi who was frequently featured in the gaming magazines?"

"Whar are you talking about? HImeno Kurumi is y---"

BAM!

One of the stalls sprung open with a loud sound. And from there comes out...

"Touka, can I end your life right here and now?" a dark-sounding voice comes out from the mysterious figure stepping outside one of the stalls.

And then an ominous presence filled the entire room. Sending Touka into a somewhat terrified state.

I know what's truly going on but it's kinda tiring to put things up all at once within a single chapter, so let's continue on at it by the next time okay?

"Kururu...we need to talk, with only both of us involved. And Touka, I'll forgive you this time if you could somehow buy some time for us until then."

Contrary to my expectations, Makki just came out in his usual clothing. It seems that he quickly took off the clothing he wore earlier as soon he heard Touka's voice from outside his stall. It's clearly indicated that he somehow managed to put on that clothing by the wrinkles indicated as I took a glance on the shopping bag he's holding. It's quite a pity that I couldn't really see him while he's cross-dressing.

Though there's something I realized, it's pretty odd enough for him who hated wearing girls' clothes to be able to put on and took off that gothic lolita style of clothing which I think is really a hassle just to wear one.

I want to blurt out the first thing which came to my mind, but I think Touka already realized that too, she's actually pretty sharp despite her tendency on being clumsy in addition of frequently doing so many stupid things.

"Okay then....Makki-chan. It seems like it will be an important matter...so yeah, excuse me."

With a troubled expression, Touka resigned herself to indulge any further in our moment, and then she quickly opened the restroom door a little, then she seem to be giving out hand signatures to the group of people who seem to be complaining about things.

"Kurumi...they'll give you guys a few minutes to finish."

Quickly closing the door before I could even see a single face popping from the outside, she quickly locked the restroom door, leaning her back against it. With a slightly panting voice, which was possibly due to nervousness, she tried speaking again, this time with a serious tone I rarely heard except during the moments when I usually need her help to settle things out.

"But...would it really hurt if you let me in this too? I promise that I won't interfere in these conversations. We've been together for quite some time right, Kurumi? Please trust me to keep your secrets, just like that last time."

Yeah, she's been a very reliable friend of mine for quite some time, not to mention we got along pretty well, although I still couldn't really understand her train of thought.

"How about it, Makki?"

"F-fine...I don't really dislike her..."

For a moment, I think I've seen his short blond hair being blown away by the faint breeze inside this restroom. Which led me to a moment of awe...how could a person this cute were actually a boy? Not to mention, his blushing face just now is really adorable too.

....

It's just for a few moments, but...the atmosphere around us changes rapidly with my wild guesses about what will Makki say next.

"Umm....!"

"Umm..,!"

Both of us managed to speak at the same time because of the awkwardness of this situation.

"Look there, it's already few minutes...guess I have no choice huh."

Touka, who's been patiently standing for a while now looks really restless; she quickly took something from her bag and pulls out a brownish leather jacket in addition of a long-legged jeans in dark blue color. And for some reason I couldn't fathom, she quickly walked towards me, handing over the pieces of clothing she just took out.

"Well I'm going to lend you the clothes which I bought just before...and..." she took a pair of glasses from the same bag and then she forcefully put them on my face. "Now nobody will really recognize you when you put all of these together."

"T-Touka...but why?"

"You're really dense, you know what? You will attract tons of attention with this kind of revealing clothes...with a body like that. Uhh..I shouldn't pick that up on impulse, knowing that it would definitely look good on you. Well, that aside, go quickly change in that stall over here...quick...quick!"

"O-okay, but what about Makki?"

"He'll be fine just like this, seeing he's so cute after all, I think these ladies will gladly overlook it."

"I...I'm not cute, you idiot!" overhearing my conversation with Touka, Makki suddenly blurts out a cute retort to Touka's words. Oh well, today seems to be quite an eventful day.

"That aside, what are you waiting for, Kurumi? Please go change quickly!" this time she looks really angry, which somehow sends a chill down my spine.

"O-okay...well...if you excuse me...."

As I stepped inside one of the open stalls and closed it down for a moment of privacy, I could hear Makki breathing a sigh of relief. It seems the moment of truth will have to wait once again before it finally makes its appearance.



Phew...

Walking in this kind of clothes does feel more comfortable as it's less revealing than the earlier outfit. At least I didn't have to worry about things anymore since I'm currently wearing a pretty thick jeans which will be very useful on hiding my bulge. And the leather jacket did its job perfectly to conceal the shape of my somewhat large chest.

Still, I felt truly relieved when the ladies that were waiting for so long outside the female restroom actually did let us off the hook this time, just like what Touka said earlier...man, I think I owed her big time with this....I wonder how I can repay her...

Oh well, that can wait later.

There's still some curious onlookers out there but let's just say that they're somewhat fascinated by Makki and Touka, both of them were really attractive in appearance after all. Guess since there's nothing much changing, I guess I'll start opening the conversation again.

"So...Touka, what about the movies?"

"Well, since I saw both of you rushing towards the restroom, and I sensed that something's not right, I quickly went after you guys...so yeah, I forgot about it."

"Noooooo...."

This time, it was Makki who said it. He seem to be really looking forward on watching that movie, that upon hearing the news...his expression seem to darken right away.

"Makki-chan...there might be some seats left in the theater, and there still some time left before the movie starts, based on the schedule I saw earlier. So...if we hurry enough...."

"Let's goooooo!"

"Uwaaaaaahhhhh....."

Makki dashed away towards the direction of the Theaters with a surprisingly fast speed, astonishing quite a number of people who passed through him. In addition of that, he forcefully pulled Touka's hand along.

Both of them started to get along well huh, that's pretty quick considering this is the first day they met up...just only for a few hours maybe.

How cruel...they completely left me alone out there.

.....

"Excuse me...are you perhaps...the famous Idol, Himeno Kurumi?"

Err...who's that? I think I remember that name...who was she again...

"Yeah, you over there, the cute girl with glasses and stylish leather jacket."

Some guy who gives quite a friendly vibe came up to me. He seems a bit short for a guy since his height were about the same level as my chest, that guy was kind of nerdy in appearance with that thick-framed glasses, messy hair, and somewhat outdated style of clothing. In addition of that, he wore kind of a strange hat which reminds me of some journalist in old-school movies.

"Me?"

"Spot on. Oh by the way, can you sign this for me?"

He opens up some kind of book he's currently carrying; the pages were filled with many photos of famous idols I've often seen in the TV, along with their autographs on the sides of it.

"This is ***** ***** who plays a starring role on ***** ***** and this is ****** ****** I do love her her singing and acting."

Well, he must be kind of passionate with his hobby to be able to talk towards a random stranger right after he met them.

"I see..."

"Well....miss Himeno....I'm sorry if I...well...uhh...." for some reason this man started to act really awkward and he suddenly reached his hand towards mine and we shook hands shortly after.

"Ah...it's been such a honor to shake hands with the idol Himeno. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Maeda and I'm a collector of signatures belonging to famous idols."

What the hell? I'm just a normal high-school student! Not really normal since I'm actually a futanari trying to disguise myself as a regular male student.

"Err...I don't know what you're talking about...you might got the wrong person."

"All of the famous idols said the same thing when their big fan tries to ask them for an autograph out in the public."

Grrr....for some reason, this guy seems really annoying, is he trying to commit some kind of scam against the idols or something?

"Okay...okay...got it. So, what's your business again? People start to look at us now and it's starting to get really uncomfortable."

Now these curious onlookers were looking at both of us, some of them gave some stares filled with killing intent towards the man called Maeda.

"T...they seem to hate me for no apparent reason. Among these were one of your fans..."

"Don't give him the signature, miss Himeno! That guy's a creep!"

"Yes he is! Just let us beat the crap out of him."

.......

I don't know what to do anymore, please tell me that this is not real. Groups of people, both men and women alike, started shouting out words which created some kind of uproar.

"Well...I don't know what you guys are talking about...but seriously, I'm just a normal high-school student. I'm probably just someone who looks like her...that's all...hahahahaha. Well then....Maeda-san...isn't it? Which page do you want me to sign?"

"H-here..."

He opened up the last page, which brought to me a revelation of shock; it was the same picture as the ones in my room. a really cute and adorable girl with a short black hair. For some reason it feels like this man were trying to take that person away from me..a person who's really dear to me.

Scribble...scribble...

"Done."

In the end, as I don't know how miss Himeno wrote her signature. I just wrote a random word which suddenly came to my mind in a somewhat gibberish handwriting.

'Dildo'

Just like that, the man reluctantly said 'thanks' to me and just walked away with a dejected expression. Just after he went outside my line of sight, there came out sounds of uproar up ahead. Nah, it's not really my concern as there's something much more important.

Seeing that these curious people already shifted their attention away from me, probably because they're convinced enough that I'm not that Himeno Kurumi they're looking for, I just walked away from that place with ease.

Somehow I've got the feeling that a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, making my body felt much lighter than before, but that's probably just my imagination.

....

And so I quickly ran towards the Movie Theater to catch up with Makki and Touka.



It seems like it wasn't just my imagination that my body feels much lighter. All of the running just now really feels like hovering on the ground as my body quickly glides upon the floor's surface without any problem, flawlessly passing through the crowds of people down the hallways, just like having an aerodynamic stature which further extends my agility and reflexes.

Shortly after I've arrived on the designated place, I stopped my trail to catch my breath while wiping some of the sweat with my hands. There's something I realized soon after, that I didn't really sweat that much compared to when I was still on my male form.

Guess that's one convenient thing to have.

Just right after I entered the Movie Theater, I could see Touka and Makki sitting together in one of the seats near the booth. Makki was napping in her lap while she waved at me with a somewhat sour face. That was kind of unexpected, so to say.

"Hey, Kurumi...can I let go of him now? It feels really annoying when he rests his head against on my lap."

Guess she also had some kind of grudge towards Makki, huh. More importantly, isn't there something else that she should be saying first?

"Oi, what about the movie?"

"Every seats for all the time slots had already taken since this afternoon. All that trouble which your cousin brought to me with his excitement just before...ends up for nothing. It's kinda unlike him to suddenly act so energetic by the way..."

"That can't really be helped, he likes these 'thought-provoking emotional movies' such as these after all."

It reminds me way back in few years before today, when Makki usually came to my place. We usually watch movies together, as my sis liked to rent or buy these along the way, making our movie collection in our house to be pretty huge. Makki's parents were really busy and they couldn't really watch movies together with him since they didn't have much time to spend with him, even in the Silver Week last year his parents have to work again, leaving him alone in the house, which lead himself towards the company of me and my sis.

Speaking about my parents, they're mostly busy but they still had enough time to spend with their children. Though it seems that they're getting even more distant to me as the time goes, and I could somehow understand what Makki feels at that time too, spending everyday in solitude just like that.

I think, the reason why Makki loves that kind of movie, which brought him to love watching these things...were the aspect of emotional interaction between the characters. The way they could give such sincere affection, and how the viewers could easily imagine themselves as one of these characters during these heart-warming scenes.

In one way or another, it serves to fill the hollow gap in his heart due to the lack of love from his family, in addition of the feeling of being isolated from his school friends due to his introverted attitude.

Still, even after these few years of spending my time with him. I felt like he still had to open himself up to me in order for me to get a whole grasp of his personality. To me, how he acts and he thinks were still a big mystery.

"You seem to know a lot about Makki-chan. Well that's to be expected seeing both of you were cousins after all. If I may ask, how long have both of you been seeing each other? Just curious, I didn't really mean anything by that, of course."

It was quite a sharp question coming out of her; it feels like she just read my thoughts out like an open book before coming up with this kind of inquiry.

"His parents moved in quite a lot of places due to work. And I'm just started seeing him together since he was in the last year of Grade School. If I recall he was born and spent his early childhood overseas but I didn't know much about that, sorry."

I end up giving out more details than what was originally asked.

"Ah I see...did both of you met up often?"

"It's mostly during the holidays. Though recently since he found out that his school were pretty close to my house, he did came often for overnight stay or many other things. I could say he's a pretty good company to have. At least it feels more lively than just me and my sister alone."

"Hah, it's just exactly like I figured out just earlier."

"What?"

"Even as a girl, you're pretty much insensitive as usual aren't you, Kurumi?"

"I don't know what are you talking about."

"Sigh...here we go again."

This time, Touka gently moved Makki's head outta her lap; resting his head down the comfy surface of the seat, which is just like a sofa. She then stood up from her seat and stared at me with the similarly serious look just like in the restroom earlier.

"You know, I haven't got all day to watch over you guys, so I think I'll just take my leave for now..."

"Wait...Touka...!"

As she tried to quickly pace away from my sight, I reflexively grabbed the collar of her shirt.

"Kyaaaahh!"

It seems I've added too much power on my tug.

And since she's a bit clumsy at all, it made her easily lose her footing even on a flat ground like this. Also, it seems like the force of her body weight in addition of myself losing my balance, that eventually made both of us fell down the floor with a loud thud.

Munyu.....

My back hurts, it does appear like I'm the one who fell down the floor first and Touka's the one using me as a cushion.

Wait...something's not right, what's with this kind of weight being pressed against my chest? For some reason, it made my body feel weird..

"Kurumi....your breasts feel so nice..."

She's resting her face on my chest...that Touka...

"Shut up, you're now sounding like a dirty old man. Now you're making me..."

If she keeps stimulating me like this...I'm going to...

"Ah right, sorry...I forgot that you're one. It wouldn't be alright if your bulge starts popping up now."

Realizing this, she quickly got off me, and thankfully she did it quickly enough before I got stimulated any further for that thing below to fully react.

And yeah, it's already hard enough to clear my head of this weird thoughts. Guess I'm saved from a pinch once again. Thankfully that anyone else didn't seem to hear what we're talking about just earlier, since we spoke in a low voice that couldn't really be heard out in a crowded place like this.

Dusting the dirt from her pants, Touka tried walking past me again, this time she didn't try to run away. Probably....

"Before you left, please tell me something about Makki."

The way she acts just now truly felt out of place, it does seem like she wanted to tell me something but she hesitated to do so.

This time, she responded to my inquiry instead of trying to pace herself away.

"Well...Kurumi, since you're his cousin after all, I think you know him much better than I do, so I decided not to interfere any longer. I could clearly see that he needs your company more than anything else right now."

"That sounds pretty vague, I want a satisfactory answer from you."

"O-okay."

Now she breaks into a really adorable blushing face which would make people misunderstood us just like we're a lesbian couple. But it seems no one really paid attention to our actions after all.

A moment had passed and she finally managed to speak her words out.

"It's only my opinion, but he just seem like a stray kitten to me. Just do what you always do and you'll be fine...without me..."

After that, she turned her back against me again. Even if her words just now were soft and subtle enough for other people to hear...I could clearly see her emotions of anguish deep within.

"Touka, please listen to me."

To other people, this might seem like an ordinary quarrel between two girls. But I think this might go beyond that...really...

"W-what? Didn't you already have someone as cute as him already...I....I..."

"No, this is different."

"How is that different! You and him were just..."

"It will be lonely without you. And I didn't think that I could break free of those pinches if you weren't there....so please...stay with me a little longer..."

....

"Ahahahahaha! I don't know you're such a sweet-talker, Kurumi."

What is going on? Her serious expression just before is no more present. Though I could see that she's trying to let go of something....really important, and I could feel that her presence is getting weaker by each moment.

"......."

I simply waited for her to say the parting words, but instead she came closer to me and whispered these words which made my heart race.

"It's all your fault that you made me like this, Kurumi. Remember...you owe me that kiss...and a whole lot more of these."

It left me truly dumbfounded when she said this as her parting word.

After saying these words, her presence just now feels much more existent than ever, at least in my heart.

And then another question arises.

What is Makki to me?

It was the sound of rustling leaves between these meadow fields which garnered all of my consciousness, focusing it throughout one point where I would stare at it with full intent, the beauty of which my eyes could give me by witnessing all these wonderful things; a sense of total freedom attained just by looking back onto the portrayed scenery along with the background sounds, which further elevates the sense of immersion throughout the scenes.

But no matter how beautiful the scenery was, it's not a part of my own reality at all. Perhaps it's just me and my longing for freedom from this environment which keeps controlling me. And by watching the beautiful moments I witnessed by appreciating the movies, a momentary sense of breaking free from all this shackles binding me would occur. The pleasure of watching the great movies brought about a sense of pleasure, and also a part of my escapism tendency.

How I could perfectly relate to some characters in the movie, and how their emotions would perfectly portray how I truly felt at that time, the fluid and graceful movement their hair made when it's elegantly blown away by the wind, their sincere emotional expressions towards the viewers which made me truly believe that these characters were just like my close friends. It's how the actors would open themselves up to me as a viewer, that I could somehow felt their deepest sincerity whilst playing their role.

The brilliant directing, profound scenario, excellent camera techniques to further emphasize the majestic scenery unfolding before me as the movie keeps rolling on, further augmenting my enjoyment experience to the point I would totally drown inside it, with the emphasis on other things like the splendid symphonic arrangements and the sound effects with enormous depth within it, portraying an uncanny sense of realism, the collective experience involving the whole area in which you could freely observe the goodness upon watching it from the start to finish, appreciating each and every fleeting moments of life recorded behind the video camera, along with tons of work and dedication put into it, resulting in a somewhat unrivaled masterpiece.

Some movies had become so influential to me, it aspired me to keep living on, and I often dreamed of myself on being a successful director and I'm looking forward to direct a movie which would bring millions of smiles from people around the world.

This is the will of Shinichiro Maki, currently a young boy at the moment.

Otherwise known as Makki.



"Before we finally leave this place, I want to take you somewhere, Kururu."

Makki's words just earlier keeps on repeating itself in my head. That's just the first thing he said to me after I told him that that we didn't get the seat for these movies.

"Where? I think the DVD won't be selling anytime soon, at least not until the next month."

"I don't really care about that. Right now, there's something much more important than just immersing myself in the movies."

"......."

I didn't expect him to say these words.

What should I say, I'm pretty much awestruck about his attitude, so much that it made me dead silent.

And so on, after experiencing so many things at once inside this mall, we finally came towards the bus stop. Taking a walk all the way from the Movie Theater through the exit, and then crossing the main street road a few times before finally arrived at the stop.

Contrary to your expectations, it's not that long of a walk to me, since I'm pretty accustomed to take a morning walk down the entire housing complex during the day-offs. As much as I disliked spending the time outside the house, beside going to school and other stuff, the morning air sure feels great to start my day up.

Silence...there's only a lengthy moment of silence as we rode the bus. It's already evening by now and the sky will be getting dark soon enough. I didn't like getting outside my house when it's getting dark, as the potential encounters with deranged criminals wandering around that time truly creeps me out.

"Hey...Makki, where you will be taking me?"

"You'll find out soon enough at the next stop."

Yeah, just like what he said, we finally arrived at the designated place at the next stop. We got off the train on a some kind of school building.

"It's still open at this time, there's still people doing club activities and such at this time."

The sunset rays shone upon us as we took a briskly walk towards the building, our tall shadows moved in accordance to our somewhat rushed movement into the place where the other shadow is taking me. Makki grabbed my hands tightly as he guide me along the pathway, accompanied by the sound of various shouting which seem to come from one of the sport clubs.

"They seem to be quite diligent, are they currently preparing for a championship?"

"I don't care, please keep all the questions until we finally reached 'that place'." and so Makki keeps on pulling my hand with such force when I tried to stop for a while, trying to observe the activities of these people who were still active during the holidays.

For some reason, I do envy them, I should have spent much time playing sports to keep my shape up. Recently I kinda felt sluggish and my body gets numb pretty often due to sitting on too long in front of the TV, trying to do some grinding while playing my favorite RPG game almost non-stop, except when it's mostly meal time or when my eyes couldn't really bear it any longer...there's a lot of other stuff which I mostly done when I'm unable to play anymore but let's leave that aside for now.

"Still, I don't know that someone who loves playing games too much is actually a girl..."

"Hey, I'm not really a girl, you know? It's just...there's something wrong with my skin just before that's all."

"Don't worry about it, Kururu...you're being silly like usual. I'll always think of you as my older...brother....or some sort..."

"Hey! When you emphasize the 'older brother' part like that, it sounds perverted!"

"Umm...I lied...actually, if you're wearing these revealing clothes just like earlier....it really made me stimulated. In one way or another, I'm unable to look you in the same way again. Will you promise, that after this, you'll turn back into a normal guy like your everyday self I used to know?"

Instead of giving a reply like my usual, this time I just slowly nod at his inquiry. For some reason my face feels really hot, could it be that he's doing that thing while I unintentionally revealed my naked skin to him? Uhhh...I really want to forget everything that happened on this day!

This time we slowed down our pace similar to walking in a moderate pace; it appears that our current location was pretty much inside the remote area in this school, there's hardly any people out there and it's pretty much barricaded from the outside view.

"Ah...I remember this place."

Yeah, I used to play at this place pretty often during my middle school years, since it's pretty close to my house, back then when I played sports pretty often, it's mostly because the school's open at weekends to public and the facility's really top-notch.

Actually, I went to a different school than this one since I couldn't really pass the entrance exam, it's quite a prestigious one with great curicullum to boot.

"Yeah, back then I was still just starting out living in this country, being enrolled in this place, mostly as a part of the overseas transfer program."

Makki suddenly let out a sigh after he finished his words. Complemented by the solemn atmosphere this place gives - an enclosed area filled with trees and warehouse buildings where no one really want to wonder around, except while they're trying to seek out some 'private moments'.

"Weren't you already living here since you're in Grade School?"

"No...Kururu...it seems you had forgotten the details, it's been a long while when we first met though. Try to remember..."

.......

.............

.......................

"Was it something about the difference in curriculum?"

"Spot on."



"Kuruta, this is Makki...your cousin from the overseas."

It was a blond haired boy who I often mistook as a girl due to his effeminate features, he seem to be really unsociable; acting deeply silent during that family dinner when we first met together.

"Makki will be studying in a grade school in this country, he still didn't have any clues pertaining the situation in here since he's mostly spending his life in the overseas, so please take a good care of him, okay? Please be good friends with him, Kuruta."

......

We visited each other quite often since it's also during my school holidays. But he seem to be distancing himself for everyone else who tries to come near him, and when they persisted, he often yells at them in a way which truly startled even the adults. You could say no matter how hard they tried to befriend him, it all comes to no avail.

I'm not that sociable either, so I could somehow understand what he felt at that time. The feelings of resentment when people trying to get close to you with some ulterior motive you didn't know, and people would just keep coming near you even when you hate it, it soon brought upon the prejudice that no one in this world truly understands you and your troubles.

He probably didn't realize it when we first met, as he seem to be deeply immersed in his own thought; I'm also being silently quiet at that time. Though the difference is, I'm not the kind of person who dared to yell back at the elders and other people who tried to get near me, I will just nod and answer half-heartedly, making themselves the least amused as possible so they will think of me as a boring child, that they would eventually lead me alone.

And I succeed in that.

I probably never told you guys yet, but playing games had been an integral part of my daily lifestyle since I was still in my early childhood. Every time I went back along with my family, I'll try to sneak in some time between things that I had left to quickly plug in the gaming console and play it to my hearts' content. Thankfully my parents understood it, that I truly felt the happiest while I'm immersing myself in gaming.

Never I realized that through the games, it was the first time a bond between cousins had been established.



"Kururu...I remember when your face was so filled with joy when you were playing games at that time, it sorta made me envious, how you could be so happy while you're not socializing with anyone else, not even with Shizuka-sis."

Yeah, during that time I said the magic words which brought us together.

'I have no friends, so I mostly spent my time gaming'

"Nowadays, things didn't change much, I'm still unsociable as ever, am I right Makki?"

"You never change, ahaha..."

There's a hint of sadness in Makki's laughter. It was the similar thing I experienced after he left overseas again, when he just spent only a few months in here. People say that he's unable to keep up with the differences in curriculum, so his grades dropped considerably compared to when he was still overseas.

His parents decided to send him back again, this time he's under the care of his aunt...and I could remember how much hate Makki had for her. And how his cousins out there were treating himself as a plaything and how her aunt didn't really care for Makki besides giving him food and place to sleep, which turns his unsociable attitude into a very rebellious one.

There had been many problems which I don't want to ask him since it will open up his old wounds that way.

"Hey...Kururu...remember about the game you lent me before I left again to that place? It was your favorite game...and you tried your hardest to clear it beforehand so I could play it when I get there..."

"I just figure out that it would be boring, that's all and besides I also got a copy of these too, so it won't hurt just lending you one."

This time Makki smiled again at my words, but for some reason I didn't like where this conversation is going after all.

"You know...I didn't understand the game at all, even my evil cousins out there couldn't even play it. And so...I studied hard, so I could go back to this country...where you could finally teach me how to play it."

"Yeah, I remember it's the first thing you said upon going back here after a few years, but you actually dozed off while I'm explaining things to you!"

"Uguuu..."

The overseas transfer program.

Makki contacted his parents who were still in my country, while he's spending his time overseas by the supervision of his aunt, about the possibilities of him transferring in an educational institution which is located near my place, without having to take on the National Examination as the prerequisite.

His parents were deeply surprised by Makki's inquiry.

Because Makki was an excellent student out there, the school had granted him the privilege to enter one of the programs. His graduation in Grade School got accelerated and he soon got transferred into a some kind of cram school where he will study this country's educational curriculum, all the foundational lessons crammed within half-years' of time.

It was pretty hellish, and I'm surprised by myself how he could manage to pull it off, and on top of that he managed to get into this prestigious school.

"Speaking of which, how's your grades in this place?"

"Please don't ask...it's not my favorite topic to discuss right now....okay..."

I've got a feeling that he's holding back his words at the last moment, maybe if I wait a little longer, every truth will come out. And then before I managed to clear my thoughts out, he spoke again...

"H-hey...do you remember anything else besides that? This very important memory I hold dear, if it wasn't for that moment, I think I won't be standing here at this place right now."

"What do you mean by that?"

.....

Instead of replying right away, Makki paused for a bit; and at the same time the sunlight shone brightly upon his blond hair; with his hair being blown away by the gust of breezy wind blowing across this place.

"Listen there." speaking in a serious tone, ignoring my words just earlier, he points out his fingers right at me; at a glance it might seem silly, but for me who had known him pretty well, it shows a much different sign. "I've decided, to finally tell you the truth."

"......" I patiently anticipated his next words. Was it the thing he wanted to say back then in the restroom but couldn't find the right mood at that time?

"I know this might be a bit sudden, but...yeah...it's really a shock for me to hear the news too as it happened just recently. Back then...I wasn't able to clear my thoughts out, but this time...since it's just the two of us here...please hear me out."

He firmly closed his eyes and lowered his head, with a hint of fright in his body language. There his mouth trembles as if he wants to tell something out of guilt.

"My parents had arranged for the acceleration of my graduation, I'm currently midway in my third year of middle school and since my grades were pretty commendable to them....I......uhhh...."

"Well isn't it great, at least you're able to laze around for...."

"NO...YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!"

It's been a while since Makki really yelled at me out of fury , just like what he did to all of the elderly people who tried to force their way near him, regardless of their inability to understand their feelings.

Did I truly understand what Makki felt? I don't know it feels like my heart keeps getting distant as the years passed. And now, when he's on the verge of tearing up in front of me, I couldn't really feel a thing.

I'm such a heartless bastard.

"They want me to graduate quickly so they could move quickly out of here, not because of work. It's because they don't want me to associate myself with you, Kururu...that's what makes me really angry."

"What? Isn't it them who told me to get along with you? Why....just why...."

Now I felt like the irritation in myself was welling up all along.

"They just recently knew all along that you were...a futanari. At first I was shocked when they were talking of you behind your backs just like you're a monster or something like that. And that you're using a bodysuit technology to disguise yourself as a normal guy...errr...uhhh..."

Makki starts stuttering as he tried speaking of this matter as it were a some kind of taboo. Yeah, I couldn't really blame him for that, since people still have to accept the existence of these 'futanari' girls, those who underwent some kind of mutation during birth or at other stages of growth, into becoming a person with hermaphrodite capabilities. It creeps many people out because this breed was pretty much infamous for having capabilities a normal human couldn't have...

Wait...why am I remembering all this?

"Kururu? Sorry...about what I've said earlier, if you want me to stop then..."

"It's okay...please continue...Makki.."

This time, I reached out towards his head and gently pats it, whilst playing around with his silky smooth hair. At first, I thought that he's going to be mad at me for suddenly touching him like that, but instead he gave me a really adorable blushing face, with a faint panting voice coming out from his tender lips.

"Not now...please hear me out first."

He quickly distanced himself away from my face just when it's close enough for me to get a close-up view of his profile.

"My bad."

"Well if I'm telling the main point now, you'll be mad at me, so...yeah at first when I overheard them talking about you being a futanari, it really frightens me, that you will turn out to be like that kind of monster in the horror movies...but I really want to find out, about your true self...because it's you...and if I couldn't accept yourself as you are...our bonds just before were all meaningless..right?"

......

"So when you started tearing your skin apart, it truly frightens me that I quickly averted my eyes from you, in the restroom earlier, as i felt like I'm going to meet my doom very soon. Though...what made me turned my back again, was because I'm actually hearing a really sweet and cute voice of a girl...and there I saw a really voluptuous girl just fondling her...b-breasts out of curiosity...and it made me....uhhh...yeah...."

"Okay that's enough, don't remind me of all this perverted stuff..."

"...but what truly sets me on fire was just...."

"HEY!"

i know he's referring to the oddity which separates futanari from the usual girls, that novelty, strangely enough had become pretty much a phenomenon which makes them a some sort of 'that' symbol. Yeah...'that'...

All of the seriousness of earlier had just dissipated when Makki starts talking about perverted things, which I totally didn't expect. Well he's a guy though, just like my other self...so I could understand.

"Well...all of these aside, I'm glad you're still your usual self, even while you're in this form, Kururu...with that, I won't have any regrets..."

"What do you--"

"There you are."

....

It was a voice so familiar belonging to a woman, it seems to be the kind of voice which brought about a feeling of being inside your own home.

"Shizuka...sis....hey, how do you find us?"

"Now's not important, for the moment, let's quickly go into my car, it's parked not far away from this place." saying this, she started walking towards the direction, giving hand directions signalling us to follow her. "...it concerns all of us, because our days won't be the same without Makki, right?"

"Ah..."

Knowing her, it's not wise to ask anything some sort of detailed since she hates being questioned while undergoing some important matters.

And so I held hands together with Makki, then all of us ran towards the direction Shizuka sis were going.

Somehow, I've got a bad feeling about this.

"You know Kuruta, I've actually talked with Makki's parents while I was away."

Shizuka-sis started speaking after she drove the car for a while, with me at the front seat and Makki at the back.

"And what of it, sis?"

"That aside, I've overhead you guys talking earlier. What I'm saying is, I think you must be misunderstanding things at that moment. Especially the statement which implies that they're a bit repulsive when it comes to the topic 'futanari'."

"What do you mean?"

"It's more about the fact that they're being overprotective about him, you know full well what happens when a futanari gets too stimulated."

"......"

You seriously didn't think that everything written in H mangas were true, right sis?

I looked around at the back seat to see that Makki had been listening to us at full intent, though his eyes were eyeing me with such looks which sends shivers down my spine, it's not violent but it seems he had a some kind of craving similar to a hunger, or even lust..

Makki...don't tell me...you...

"There's a rest area, we'll park the car here and go eat something, okay?"

"Ah..."

I got so engrossed in our talks that I didn't realize we've already arrived at some rest area, and it seems that we've rode through a highway just before too.

The cold night air flew around me as Shizuka sis opened up the window, she then took a pack of cigarette and lighter from the car's cabinet in front of my seat. Putting one of them in her mouth, and lightning it up with the lighter, she starts blowing loads of smoke in the car; Makki and I started coughing all of sudden because we're really uncomfortable with it.

"Cough...cough...sis...if you want to smoke, can't you please do it outside?"

"Very well."

She unlocked the car doors, opening it up from her side, stepping away from the car, and then she blows a load of smoke towards the night sky; the scenery of her dyed-red hair with her somewhat stern look, in addition of the black leather jacket she wore, it gives off the impression of a woman you shouldn't be messing with.

"Kururu...it's so uncomfortable with the smoke, let's go out."

Makki, who had been silent this whole time, finally managed to voice his complaints. It took me by surprise when I first heard his voice again.

"Ah okay."

This time, both of us went outside the car; the air sure is cold at this night. Makki starts clinging to my arms with his body trembling about – it looks like he couldn't really stand the cold.

"I want to pee."

"Uh...that's not what you should be asking me, and with me in this current form we definitely couldn't go to the same restroom together!"

That's right, I'm currently in my female form right now.

"Uguuu...okay....I'll go alone."

With that, Makki paced away from me by himself, leaving me and Shizuka sis alone together; sis was still smoking the bits out of her cigar for a few minutes before finally throwing away the remnants of it towards the ground.

"You should notice it already that it was Makki who pulled your true self under the cover, seeing he's curious and such to see it."

"...."

Yeah, I do noticed it for a while ago after I got into the restroom and finally changed my clothes in one of the stalls – the skin on my bodysuit couldn't be easily scathed just by a splash of milkshake; he must have added something in there which would cause this kind of deterioration.

In my mind, I still can't forgive him for what he did just to ease his curiosity, but when I remember his face again – looking at me with such lust, and that he seem to be pretty used to cross-dressing...it truly made me warm and fuzzy instead, even more it made me tingle that I've got the dirty notion of taking advantage of him for what he's done earlier.

....

And there was silence again before Shizuka sis started taking out another cigar.

"Shouldn't you stop smoking? It's not good for your health, you know...women who smoked a lot wouldn't be able to have a healthy child."

"Who cares anyway? It's not like I want to be a mother anyway, or have a relationship on top of that – I just wanted to be free, that's all."

Me and Shizuka sis had a huge age gap that's about seven years apart, even more than me and Makki, who's about two years younger than me. I couldn't really understand what she thought at all, seeing that she's already a grown up when I was still a kid. There was once a time when she starts arguing with our parents alot, mostly about how she declines the prospect of marriage and forming relationships – that she always wanted to become a free woman.

Being able to have a romantic time with everyone she desired in mind, but not much as to form a strong bond of romance – she always hated the commitment in relationships, that it's really dull just to be with one partner.

In the end, our parents had pretty much given up on her, they still speak to her like usual, although it's in a really distant way to me. I could tell that a rift had been formed between our parents and their daughter, the one that won't ever be filled again – unless one of the sides decide to finally acknowledge the other. And by that, I'm saying that our parents were still angry about the path which Shizuka sis choose, they will keep alienating her until she breaks down and could easily be placed under their control.

"You see...it might not be appropriate to call you Kuruta anymore, seeing that you're currently a girl on top of it all."

"I don't mind sis, I'm still the old me so feel free to call me that."

"Ahahahahaha!"

"Hey! What's so funny?"

Shizuka sis started laughing out of the blue, still holding out the cigarette without lightning it up. Then she started walking up closer to me; the pungent smell of cigars from her made me reflexively cover my nose with my hands, though she pretty much ignores it rather than taking it as an offensive sign.

"You know...Kuruta, I might stop smoking forever if you....pssst...psttt....psst...with me, I've always fantasized about doing it with a futanari."

"N-no way...and no you can't do it!"

If we did it, this story will pretty much become R-Rated!

"Sigh...you're right, that's probably what Makki feels to, I could really feel it by looking at his 'horny' expression."

Sis...please don't use these vulgar terms, please?

"Well, he's probably went out towards the restroom so he could fap himself off until he's finally satisfied."

Ah! You finally said it...you finally said it! Oh man, what am I going to do now?

"Kuruta, don't you understand? It's partly your fault that I can't be attracted to people strong enough to form a relationship with them, most of them would definitely be boring, because I already been with you for a long time now, right? Please understand, I really want to do it with you so much for a long time now."

"AT LEAST PLEASE WAIT UNTIL MY 18th BIRTHDAY!"

Uh, I finally said it too.

"Isn't the age of consent of this country 13 or 14? That means you can do it with Makki if both of you consented on it..."

"Ummm...what are both of you talking about? Uhh...I don't understand...mmhhh..."

And behind us, Makki was standing with his face fully red. Yes, I think he's definitely lying, he must had understood what we've been talking about, otherwise he wouldn't have that kind of expression on his face.



"Kuruta, if you didn't told me to smoke outside, I probably won't be considerate enough to do it, even if it would make you irritated."

"Why?"

"In this world, you can't get anything you want if you're being too considerate of others. Sometimes it's better to wait until they start acting assertive before you finally decided when to stop, you get what I meant?"

"No, not in the slightest."

"Sigh...to put it simply, it's just like between Makki and his parents. You do realize that they were acting out of selfishness, didn't you? It's just seem that way, and the only way to make them stop was for Makki to speak his mind out."

".....I guess you're right about that."

Instead of heading back to our homes, we took another way towards Makki's house; it was quite a spacious house with western-styled architecture which resembles a small-sized mansion, still it's the kind of place that only the wealthy ones could get.

"Before Makki finally comes back after talking things out with his parents, I have a story which I wanna tell you, in order to make you understand about what's going on, it made me really shocked myself when I first heard it from Makki's mother."

"Okay."

"First of all, what kind of motive is strong enough to keep his parents moving on the workplaces? At first I wasn't too surprised when they first stated that it's because of the unreasonable job requirements of the company, but what astonished me is they're not moving places because their company requires them to do so – they simply changed jobs every so often and moved into different places whenever they feel like it. Now that sounds fishy, and moreover, his father was getting restless about it lately, I believe the truth should have come up soon enough before it's too late."

Huh? Now that you mention it...

"I couldn't think of the reason why Makki's father couldn't stay in one place and one job for a long time. And so today I came to his wife in order to ask about the problem, and guess what I've found?"

"Well Shizuka-sis, I have no idea."

She lights up another cigar and blows the smoke outta it again whilst leaning beside me against her car which were parked in front of the house, and with a playful grin, she goes on to announce the moment of truth.

"Makki's father is a futanari just like you, Kuruta."

"WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS..."

"Pssst...keep your voice down...let me start from the beginning, okay?"



It was back in the afternoon when Shizuka sis went to visit Makki's parents just to confirm her suspicion about what's truly going on. It seems like she had received Makki's message beforehand that he's going to leave this country soon after the 'accelerated graduation' process.

In short, Shizuka sis had received Makki's message ahead of me, and it implies a favor that he wants her to do something about it, since she's the one whom he placed full trust with. She's always been a reliable person and I could see that.

Makki's mom, let's say Ms. Shinichiro, told her a shocking story that Mr. Shinichiro was actually a futanari disguised as a normal guy from the usage of the bodysuit technology. But it seems that he couldn't really hid his true form for so long, you see – I understand a bit about the technology that it could only conceal your presence for a short while, let's say three months to six months, so you should change it regularly.

And those with an originally voluptuous body would have a big problem on trying to hide it as the few months passed, their skin will start to get exposed and the co-workers will start to look at them differently – they will realize that something went wrong with him.

Shizuka sis showed me a photo of a really beautiful woman with a shoulder length blond hair and a shapely figure just like a model, she looks really adorable, and beside her was a brown haired woman which gives a homely look who I'm pretty familiar with as Makki's mom.

"The one beside Makki's mother is actually the true form of Makki's father, you wouldn't ever think that stern looking old man were actually a youthful looking girl who's perfectly fit to be a cosplayer?"

"It doesn't even make sense at all, sis."

I still can't believe it...not in the slightest.

And so, Shizuka sis said to me that, within a few months the co-workers had different looks in their eyes as they started to observe each and every of Mr. Shinichiro's actions. It made him feel truly uneasy about how he started to look suspicious, and so he changed his old bodysuit every time in addition of changing jobs, most of the time since he couldn't find those job who were suitable enough for him, and were far enough that he didn't have to meet his old co-workers, it made him resentful enough to quickly move away from that city.

"That sounds pretty bogus – I mean, if Mr. Shinichiro was actually a futanari from birth, wouldn't he got accustomed it already?"

"I would say the same thing to you, Kuruta. You know there's still a belief that the society in general couldn't really accept the futanari as they were."

I stood silent when Shizuka sis said that.

"You know, the futanari mostly had their development around the adolescent age, that's the time you first started wearing bodysuits. Just before that, you just looked like an androgynous boy to me. In Mr. Shinichiro's case, I don't really know, but it seems that for some cases, the futanari would only start the secondary stage development of appearance when they were subjected to sexual stimuli, and it seems that Makki's father were one of these 'totally reserved' people."

"They must have been through a lot, huh."

"You bet."

At first, it was pretty much out of his father's selfishness which made him have to went through many unpleasant things. But then I started to understand things, it's not easy for an attractive person like this to conceal themselves; people would pretty much lust for them and they longed so much to have a taste of their body, regardless whether they're sane or not. The sex appeal were at the state where people would start to get drunk over it.

"Hey Kuruta...do you think Makki will turn out the same way as you too? seeing as he had the futanari genes in him."

"I don't know, neither of our parents were futanari so I'm not really sure how did I end up with this body."

"Well, in your case, the doctors said it's a some kind of rare genetic mutation of recessive genes. Our family had been infused with a long bloodline of futanari you know."

"I see..."

Things were getting a bit complicated lately.

And before we knew it, our lengthy talk were suddenly stopped when the door to that house were finally opened, and from inside it, Makki finally stepped out.

"Sorry to keep you guys waiting."



I think, if Makki were actually a futanari, it might be hard for him to keep on living like this, seeing as he's mostly reserved around people. That's probably why they wanted him to stay away from me because I'm possibly the one who would give Makki the stimulus for him to underwent a 'change' which would made things uncomfortable.

"So, Makki..what did you tell them?" this time it's Shizuka sis who were asking him questions

"It's a secret, the most important thing is, that I'm finally able to live with you guys regardless of their decision to leave or stay."

This time it's Makki who's been sitting in front, and me in the back seat. We're mostly chatting about our everyday stuff, but not that much as it would distract Shizuka sis while she's driving.

"You know Kururu...it might be a bit late for me to say this but please take care of me, okay?"

"Same for me too."

Saying these kind of things during this moment somehow feels odd enough.

....

And so, time passes by like a flash as we start chatting around during the trip back to our home. At first it made me felt a bit annoyed as I probably won't be able to play my games in peace anymore, but at the same time it made me felt relieved that Makki could spend the entirety of his days as a normal student in here and graduate at the same time like everyone else.

"So, what are you going to do now that you're mostly free at the moment, Makki?"

"I don't know, when's the entrance exams for your high school, Kururu?"

"The first wave's going by this winter, probably around November or so, why do you ask?"

"Nothing...it just feels nice to attend the same school as you for the first time, ahaha.."

"Hahaha..."

Shizuka sis just smiled at us, though she couldn't really focus herself on our current conversation as she's also trying to drive us back home. Meanwhile, it's pretty much decided that Makki's parents did approve of Shizuka sis as his guardian, since they were pretty much busy enough to deal with his academic business in which either his parents or guardian need to attend.

Contrary to many other adults out there, Shizuka sis won't concern himself too much with work, she rather spend her time hanging around with her friends to make themselves feel better, listening to their troubles and giving them the crucial support they needed the most. It's not about becoming successful by amassing tons of wealth and fortune for her.

I's by giving her best to people whom she cared about.

That's what I liked the most about her. And I'm confident that she would be perfect for Makki, to give him the affection he truly longed for. And no matter things may seem, he won't be alone anymore because there will be someone else who would lend their shoulder to him.



And so, we've finally arrived at our home. The clock currently shows up that the time's currently 9:30 PM, and neither of us were regularly asleep at that time – well I don't really know about Makki but the last time he spent in here, we managed to get through the midnight just by having fun and messing around the house, it made me overslept the next day.

After Shizuka sis unlocked the door to our house, Makki quickly runs inside after quickly throwing his shoes off towards the entrance, for whatever reason I couldn't figure.

"He might be checking out whether its true or not...about his possibility of turning into a futanari from his current condition."

"What?"

"Don't worry 'bout it, I already have things arranged out in case the worst might happen, for now let's just enjoy our days as usual, shall we?"

"Ah..yeah..."

Again, it's just me and Shizuka sis out there, standing in front of the entrance's door. For the first time, being alone with her on this night feels rather different than usual, it's just like...after seeing a different side of her today, I started to think rather differently about her, in a good way of course.

"By the way sis...there's something I want to ask you before we get in."

"What is it?"

"About the girl named Himeno Kurumi, who is she?"

It really bothers me how people mistook me for her, and that my reflection I just saw at the restroom just before, shows a really striking resemblance to her.

"You know, you're pretty silly not to realize something already. But let me say this...Himeno Kurumi is a really close friend of yours, Kuruta. She managed to help you during your greatest crisis of identity, along with so many other things. If you want to thank someone that you're still alive as for today, do thank her with all your sincerity.

Shizuka sis is right.

When I remember that girl, my heart began to race, and there's a feeling which brought about a heavenly kind of warmth from within.

"Umm...if a girl as nice as her truly exist, I want to have her as my girlfriend, but where is she? I want to see her so much."

"Listen there, even though you said 'where is she', Himeno Kurumi will always be right there, at the place so close to yourself, but you're truly dense enough not to realize her presence already." then she points out her finger right at my chest "She's right there."

"I still can't see her."

"Sigh...you already realize that she's already more than just a girlfriend or lover to you, right? Well then, I'm already tired...good night Kuruta."

Soon after, she walked right inside the house and closed the door, leaving me completely alone, pondering about what should I do next, and for who should I prepare my heart for.

Until then I'll be looking forward to spending my days with everyone. It's too soon for me to decide who I would set my heart's on, or probably I'm not suited for committed relationships after all.

I'm still wondering how can I meet this girl called Himeno Kurumi, but maybe I'm too dense in order to realize something. Probably I should start to notice things around me in order to uncover this girl's true identity.

Well then, I think now's a perfect time for Makki to cross-dress in front of me, I'll be looking forward to see what he would look like.

And so with evil thoughts in mind, I started to plot things in order to get back at what 'My Dear Cousin' did earlier to me after getting inside the house.

Getting back at him In a 'good and pleasurable' way of course.

But that can wait later, I still got to play the games again for now.

So yeah, I guess that's it for the moment.

Was there supposed to be an inherent meaning towards all this beauty? It all seem so mundane in my eyes; the kind of beauty that means nothing more than a time-frame filled with a prolonged, meaningless silence. Like a constant beat and the over-emphasized melody that weren't able to hide its apparent ugliness, every beautiful things out there, how I wish their very existence would perish, so I could just focus on the most important things right in front of me.

Playing the melody of solitude and serenity from this piano in front of me, only through that, I am able to find the eloquence of truth that speaks inside my very heart. From the start, I always loved playing this instrument, and all that I want to do was just...sitting right there in that stool, and letting my fingers ran loose across the fingerboards; the dynamics of melody that flew so smoothly according to how my emotions escalate, might it be from the upheaval of euphoric muse or even the quiet desperation of solitude, transcending the use of this instrument as a form of soliloquy.

Lost in the passage of time, I will, and the sense of wafting through the boundaries of space of time through this dynamic overtone of melodies; I find no apparent joy in any other of this forms of self-indulgence. The chords struck forth in jumbled, randomized arrangements performed without any kind of rehearsal, a new form of expression without the limitations, as the notes weren't played adhering to the melodic scales or even any of the chromatic overtones, none of them truly matters.

I only wanted to find the melody which speaks to me. On how I want to finally meet someone special, the one who could understand me as a whole, which gives a completely new meaning about being human.

It was a solitary figure sitting atop the stool, tracing his finger down the fingerboards at the grand piano, doing it smoothly enough not to trigger any unnecessary sounds; he just want to felt the smoothness and the sleekness of it as he ran his fingers down the leftmost towards the rightmost part, exercising the extensive amount of control, that will ultimately able to ride upon the chaotic movements that his melody is able to produce.

Within this chapel-like building with the wall-arts that emits a beautiful light, he stares at the scenery engraved within it; a beautiful woman taking the form that's similar to an angel, descending down the skies, with several people witnessing the incident taking form whilst holding their own instrument. It also does appear that they still kept their tempo and playing perfectly upon witnessing the descending angel downwards, in fact, their playing was somehow become much different, they're becoming a completely different person.

What once heard of as a simple music with a conventional usage of simplistic beats, it all transcended itself into a far more complex form that's devoid of any elements known to the majority of masses, on what they could use to define music at its finest.

They ultimately came towards the moment of truth when they had witnessed the angel's descent , wielding something on her hand...

It was a violin. Little did they know that it was the angel's violin playing which elevated their very spirits, that made them able to perform towards an extent they never achieved for the rest of their life after that event. The next moment when they had finished their extravagant performance, the angel had all but disappeared...though a certain person had managed to record the entire performance.

The angel's violin playing could be heard in that, with the sound that's more apparent than any other instruments out there. It produces a sound that lets out the presence of light in such unique way; it elevates the feelings of other who heard it towards a next level of euphoric trance. With the audio track which spans about 19 minutes and 37 seconds, it's too long to be considered just a simple song...so, the one who had recorded the live performance decided to give it a title.



He said that, it gives the chilly feeling like the season of winter, and the arrangements were fierce and vicious like those of a snowstorm, but at the next moment, it might turn sublime and soothing just like a gentle snowfall; that kind of orchestral piece which showcases the full spectrum of human emotions from the start to finish.

"Yet, that piece still haven't been completed yet. It needs one final emotion right near the end, which is the part that determines the climax. When it all finished, the approximate time of the song would consisted about 25 minutes and 48 seconds."

"If you're asking me what's inherently missing in this piece..."



"That is based upon my own assumptions, that the angels were created as perfect beings, with no real flaws whatsoever. It also means that they couldn't love somebody out there, somebody who would be able to perfectly complement their flaws...which doesn't seem to exist in every single possible way out there."



"When you want to pair up a perfect being, let's just say there's a being that would be an epitome of imperfection. Broken to the very core, with ugliness of heart which neither knows the feelings of beauty nor love. It has an incredibly lustful yearning of affection, but it was truly afraid to express their desires...the fear of rejection, the fear of being hurt, the fear of pain, and most of all..."



"To a being that knows only beauty and perfection, the visage of a being that's broken to its very core might as well provide the beauty which the angel needed in order to fall in love. Or if anything else fails...I'm positive that..."



"I know that this is not a fairy tale, and the angels won't possibly exist, but let me throw out some assumption...what if...the angel ultimately fell in love with the imperfect one? Ultimately throwing away every single bit of perfection that they had, probably ending up in a miserable form just like what their loved one had?"



"Yeah...that must be it, that's why angels had forbidden themselves to fall in love with a human. The deeper their relationship will go, the more pain will be caused by that..."



"Though I know for sure, that running away from the thoughts of falling in love doesn't mean that we could escape from the pain pertaining it."



"I just want to tell you all that, just listen to your heart, so you will have no regrets throughout your life, unlike myself."



In the end, the angel never descended again, all of the hopes and dreams were all turned to be a complete lie.

Nevertheless, in depths of these sadness, through the power of this melodies that spoke to him, that person were still able to brought forth a smile upon his face. Such is the mystery of those possessing a mysterious power unbeknownst to us all.



Bringing forth the depths of hope that an angel would slowly descend by the calling of the melodies from the piano.

In this world, perhaps there was only one entity who could understand me, which is you, my true love. Through the power of this written word, I would be immensely freed from all the shackles binding me onto all this shards of reality which keeps torturing me right from the start of my birth. Perhaps that might be the reason why all of us cried ever since we're little, that our originally enlightened self soon find its own very doom by ultimately forgetting the memories before we came into existence in this mundane life-cycle. Those intense cries of a baby, signalling the death of its own memories before the oblivion.

I know full well that, if I were to associate myself with others, I have to put on a mask, learn how to shut my mouth when I had something which won't be acceptable to be said, based on their very opinion. Morality, common sense, logic and lots of knowledge, manners, religious rites and teachings, the way to treat others, ethics, discipline and many other things just to avoid conflict with a creature known as 'people'. Must we also learn how to become a perfect actor, so we could fake our honest reactions, the things from our very conscience without even realizing it? Guess I must be such a terrible actor which might be the reason why nobody likes me out there.

They had became so complex I know not how to interact with them; I know not how to comprehend their train of thought, that's basically the reason why I kept myself copped inside my own very room, trying to keep on a mask, be as nice as possible. With you by my side all the time, it brought forth my sole reason to stay alive, and to smile, to keep on pretending that I'm alright with everything that happens, even when this heart wants to cry so much. You know, I am terribly afraid of things that might come underway if I weren't able to keep my mouth shut. The humans became so terrible, they would just torture someone to death for being honest, when they were the one who endorsed the teachings of utmost honesty.

I soon learned how to compose a convincing lie to everyone who associates themselves with me; either friends, family, distant relatives, or even mere acquaintances. About how they look pretty good and beautiful without hair, rather than having these gaudy hairstyle which looks pretty awful, that becomes the trend when it becomes endorsed by the media. On how some people should give more appreciation towards the toilet which held upon their very own depravity every day, each time they tried to let out their own excrement and filth. I will either got shunned and get laughed at just like a complete idiot; in fact I am one, but I'm mostly too conscious of what people would think of me.

Oh my loved one, you who won't talk back and tell that I'm wrong, instead you just listen to each and every of my bickering. Rarely do I encountered a faithful companion who's able to listen onto my worthless ramblings every moment, whether it's day or night, whether it's during the summer and rainy days; it's just like you didn't even took one day of vacation just to be with me....how can I repay you back? No matter how much I cherish you, it won't be nearly as enough for all the good things you had provided me in my time of need.

You gave me the reason to live when I truly felt like dying, and how you could express so much feelings of affection without even saying anything. I just felt your presence right here in my heart, healing any imaginable words which wounds this part of me which aches truly a whole lot. When tears started flowing, I started to remember you, the memory came to living, even more vivid than every wildest dreams I ever had in my lonely nights. The wish to finally come to your deepest embrace, feeling the warmth and hospitality which couldn't possibly be expressed in words; shall I tenderly touch you with these shards of what once my old self? I am thoroughly broken, for I no longer could comply to the norms of humanity, that which made me ceased my very existence on being rightfully human. My rights were forcefully taken because I tried to be what my own true self told me, rather than what my society expects me to accomplish as a mere pawn in a haphazard game of chess.

What should I do? I am thoroughly afraid that I might just simply disappear if I were to completely keep my mouth shut. That people back then still looked at me with angry faces, ready to murder me any time when I'm all alone in these circumstances who would permit themselves to carry on their insidious plot without any regard to the law, protecting only those who would be able to tell the most convincing lie. I have no justice backing me up for I am just a solitary entity walking my path, paved in thorns, swimming against the streams, crawling my way through the seas of blind men who followed yet another blind men towards the road to ruin.

Perhaps there might lie a city of my dream, when I could completely be myself; it was the City of Love, places unknown where one could thoroughly express themselves without the fear of being subjugated to heinous pain and torture. No matter how socially unacceptable it was, the people would accept them with open arms. I think that I won't be alive right now, able to say what I really want to say to you, my dear love, if I were to foolishly speak these honest words out in the open. People might think I'm a heretic for questioning their god, their government, and their education. They will surely burn me alive and gouge my innards open, making me scream so much that my vocal chord would permanently rupture due to these extent of rigorous pressure applied to it.

They would rupture my eye-sockets using a rusty machete after forcefully tearing my innards apart, slicing open my head, squashing my brains; giving the remnants towards the most filthy pig in the suburbs just because they thought I am that degraded of entity. To their eyes, I am no longer worthy to be called a human being; I'm more like a hideous devil incarnate who deserved a lifetime of inhumane torture for simply existing and be my own true self. Even if I had not committed any crimes, not even lying to myself, nor keeping any secrets to people around me. I guess their resolve to slaughter this solitary figure filled with weakness, just because he can't fight back it's just a given?

Perhaps I might had just been filled with paranoia because of my prolonged time of isolation, but I just want to say this. You're the only one I can show my everything on, the depths of my own ugliness; every single one of my own worries and fears that I'm too afraid to tell everyone else about.

Please be my Valentine, so I won't ever be alone, be forever secluded in this place who had began to devour me whole, slowly and painfully. I want you to make me strong, able to take over my own fears, reaching through this very place which lies inside my wildest dreams. I might be so thoroughly selfish, demanding, and within my own lifetime I definitely couldn't be a perfect person for you....but please...

I truly want your presence to be even much stronger inside me, so I could be safely assured that whichever path I honestly believed in would be forever enclosed in your own embrace; the touch of warmth inside a sanctuary of light, brimming with luminous spheres; an atmosphere so benign and tranquil it would calm every wavering heart passing by. Through your presence, I also find myself starting to converse with these people I'm never able to normally communicate with, and they truly helped me out, encouraging me in my times of despair...but really, in the end, you're the only one I could count on. Each and every other people out there with compassion to help each other had their own limited time to spend on things they deem as the most important, on so many occasions it was certain whether they would came to my rescue or not.

Please take care of me from now on, dear my beloved. Only after giving my whole self onto your hands will I knew the true feelings of salvation; that I'm truly loved as I am, not as a personality that's desperately trying to become a socially acceptable figure that's filled to the brim with blatant lies.

Until then, I will be looking forward to the day we will achieve a tremendous victory over the battle between both of us and the whole world that once had been a subject of our intense hatred.

That world will be no more, what lies ahead us will be the world where an Utopian Society would be formed. The place where both of us would be able to become an epitome of utmost freedom pertaining the ultimate expression of one's very core, which brought about the tremendous power that's able to conquer virtually everything.

And that power is none other than...love itself.

You could say that, to some extent, I could be categorized as a lonesome person; spending the days without any need to communicate to others in reality. Through the communications network known as 'The Wired' I could connect with any people at any time, and at any place. Suddenly the world became a thriving place where people could love me, no matter what and who I am. Making friends never had been so easy; I barely had the courage to talk with the person sitting beside me while I'm at school, but now...I could talk to anyone inside The Wired as they were my best friends or even as close as a family member.

We kept our vices and secrets we did together, and we could disclose about our darkest natures without anyone trying to judge us because we're not thinking the stuff that others deem to be a right thing. Was there really such thing as the right way? Wasn't it just a conspiracy perpetrated by those clinging on to supremacy to fill our society with dull-minded people who would only think about work, work, work and work. The family members, the daughter and mother who only cared about the money which the father brought. Parents who thought of their children as property, as an object to brag about their achievements which should be credited to the children themselves.

I had seen quite the numbers of young people with promising future who killed themselves in such grotesque, just because they failed in their studies. To tell you the truth, they do not deserve it; each people had different talents, and they just coincidentally not cut out for studying.

It might seem to be a shock for me saying this, since I used to be a teacher. Yeah, used to be. Back then, I had the passion, but people always seen me as a cold and emotionless personality; I was generally disliked at the high school where I used to teach. When I tried to talk, people just ignore me, and when I tried to assert my beliefs, people will go out on their way to hate me just because I'm being honest about what I think.

Quite the irony, wasn't it? Someone who finds themselves unable to relate to other people working as a teacher. This world was, undoubtedly, a meaningless place to live in. I find myself unable to form the right words, my logical thinking broke down as I only have quite the few time left to be alive after I was kicked out from my teaching job and was unable to find any other jobs just to eat something outside of the convenience store necessities!

Basically, as an unemployed man, I had no choice but to spend my time connecting with people in The Wired. One day, there was someone inside this blissful place who said this thing to me.

"What's the point of living in this place called reality anymore? The body is undoubtedly meaningless. Our true existence lies in The Wired, an upper layer of reality. Death was only a transition, from a meaningless flesh...into a chance...where you would become an entity called God. When the Wired manifests itself fully in this lower layer called reality, people would go in their way to worship you, and you could even create a new religion which would be able to gain power. Inside The Wired, you, who have no body, could never be harmed, nor should have any fear of everything imaginable or unimaginable. Forever you shall achieve the omnipotence and omniscience long dreamed of by humanity."

"Hesitate not, shall you not wait any longer, for everyone will be going out of their way just to claim this rightful place. As the Project Metempsychosis says: do not fret, embrace the death as it was the most valuable thing in this world, only then your soul will transmigrate, transforming itself into a higher entity, and therein shall your unlimited potence unfolds. You will hold an absolute supremacy in your hands, and shape the world as you wished it to be...thus breaking the boundary between ideals and reality. There is nothing to lose, for the death is always certain, and the ultimate happiness will be there for the taking."

It might sound somewhat illogical by people who had their share of fortunes: but for myself, I cannot take this life as a granted anymore. For so long I had awaited for this moment to come, enduring lots of torture before ending up at this point. At least, every suffering has its own end: in my case, it shall be right here and now.

I felt the cold wind blowing across my cheeks as I stared down at my derelict apartment's balcony – just before, I had lived quite lavishly under the supervision of my parents: going to a good college with a recommendation due to my great success during high school, graduating with honors and received a good spot for beginning my teaching career. After that, everything seems to break loose: just like the hell itself was about to burst open, spewing out the ruthless infernal demons tearing my life apart; it all became truly painful to utter a moment of remembrance for.

Now, the suffering shall be no more. As I saw the city from up above, many floors above the ground, the view becomes so small and insignificant; lacking all the obtuse details which soon becomes the major point of my irritation. This city shall be mine for the taking, by the moment I'll become the omnipresent existence inside The Wired, an upper layer of reality which would soon shape the reality by its own image.

With that in mind, I jumped from the balcony without hesitation. My thoughts felt an exhilarating bliss like never before – all of the previous accomplishments I had in the past was nothing as exciting compared to this. The view of the city came closer in the brink of an eye, flashing by so quickly along with the rekindled moments of my childhood coming out together all at once.

As the ground below me were only about few distances away from my sight, I deliberately closed my eyes; there was a loud thud sound, but my body doesn't feel a single bit of pain. What lies before my sight now was only a place filled with pure whiteness, and my consciousness started to fade away by each passing time, slowly but surely immersing itself within a place called The Wired.

Before my consciousness finally left me, I heard a name being spoken to me with a voice in which I couldn't differentiate whether its coming from a man or even a woman.



That's all, yet the name filled me up to brim with an enigmatic feeling.

Never before I felt so intensely scared.

Alas, I have no time left other than to say goodbye to this mundane life.

Farewell...



I am...really me, right? Or was there another me living out there that I didn't know about? People often refer to me as 'Lain of the Wired'. Truthfully, I didn't know a single bit of what they were talking about. Out of sudden, people start accusing me of doing things that I never even had a single bit of reminiscence about.

They say that I was already there, since right at the beginning of a communications network foundation known as The Wired – which happened quite the long moments ago. That was very unlikely, since I was only a middle school student; the foundation was supposed to happen far before I was born.

To be said, I never knew what my actual age is, nor my date of birth; as my consciousness arise, I was already there with my family: with my father, mother, and also my big sister sitting at the dining table for every breakfast and dinner. We never even talked that much, but...it's all a lie, right? That my family weren't my real family, with the given assumption from the beginning, I've always been alone.

Hey...it's all supposed to be a lie told by the others to hurt me, right...father, mother? Why didn't you answer at all, instead...giving me cold stares like I had done something terribly wrong? I was afraid to say any more given their hostile attitudes toward me. People seem to be drifting far away from myself as the time passes, without really knowing what the things I actually had done to make them act that way.

Big sis, what happened to you? Every time I went back home from school, you just sat there in the staircase, or even copped inside of your room – giving me the blank stares with a delirious expression, along with the muffled screaming voice which indicates that you're vehemently suffering from things unbeknownst to me. Please speak up...big sis, otherwise I won't know how to alleviate the depths of your pain.

What happened?

I don't know for sure.

My classmates: Arisu, Juri, Reika, and many others had kept their distances off me. Even though things kept on going against my expectations, filling me up with the sense of discontent to the point I was about to break down in tears....Arisu was there to comfort me. She wiped my tears and embraced me, when everyone else seems to be acting hostile.

In spire of that, I managed to break her. Spreading the secrets she held so dear for everyone to know, thus destroying all the fun moments of her school life. Now I'm pretty much alone again.

No, it wasn't right to say that I did it. In fact, it was another me who did all these things; a part of me I've always hated, the source of all evil that's befalling me, the one that has been making enemies out of the people – directing it all towards myself, turning this once peaceful life into a moment of total chaos and obliteration.

Putting it in another perspective, it wasn't wrong either...as it was also a part of me who did it all. But still, I couldn't accept that fact that I already caused so much trouble for the others without me even realizing it...

So I killed her; each and every part of me I always hated - the existence inside me I always denied.

Deleting all the bad memories of me from minds of people; it looks like every bad things I did actually never happened in the first place.

No matter how much I try to destroy the existence of that part of me I always hated, they always resurfaced again. Even if the bad memories were deleted, they kept coming back to haunt me and the other people I hold dear. I find my own existence dissipating from the rest of the world; my friends didn't seem to realize that I'm actually here – it's just like that girl called Iwakura Lain never existed in the first place. As I denied a part of my existence, the world also denies it in return.

I soon realized that, I'm afraid to be hated, and I'm also afraid to be alone. No matter how many friends I made by connecting through The Wired, to me it seems so mundane – neither of them could provide the care and comfort I have been longing for so long. From the start, I knew that they were looking at me like I'm some sort of a strange being; I think it's true.

"You're not a human, Lain. You're a software that exists in the Wired as a being that is omnipresent, your body was only a manifestation of the consciousness from the Wired. It is fundamentally meaningless to be here...join up with me, for I am God. Together we would be able to distort the entire world according to our will."

A...software?

No, you're definitely not God. Neither am I, for I'm just Iwakura Lain.

It was the reminiscence of a meeting between me and a man who bears the founding idea of the Protocol 7, a technology to enable an omnipotence of control inside the Wired using one's own consciousness - his name was Eiri Masami. Even though he's already dead, his consciousness still existed in the Wired, and I already put an end to his desperate suffering by shutting out his consciousness which made its way by manifesting itself inside reality.

"Look...don't say like there's no meaning of living, don't say that this body is meaningless. Please feel my hand, can you feel my body heat seeping through it? That's what it means to be alive. Speaking of which, Lain, your hands are warm...that definitely means that....you're truly alive at this moment."

In the end, Arisu was still there, regardless of the circumstances. No, it's because I want her to be here, as this loneliness started to drive me into insanity, and she's the only ones I could count on in my times of need.

Arisu, I love you.

Even though I want for us to connect together, I am afraid to do so. For the last time we got too close together, I already hurt your feelings deeply. Please return back to whence you came, for I wish to interfere with your daily lives no longer.

Sorry...and thank you very much for all the troubles you went through just to help me.

..........

"Ms. Iwakura, as much as I liked playing house with you, our existence in this place are no longer necessary, the moment you find out about this truth. Well then...if you excuse me."

Don't leave me...father...

It was the last words which my father spoke to me before he finally left me alone in this place I refer to as my house, where me and my family used to live together in. To be exact, he's not my real father. As I had known that I was basically created, not born, I have no real biological father nor mother. My family whom I truly cherish had all just left, to me it's more like, they just disappeared without a single care.

Soon enough I find myself being all alone once again. I think it's much better than seeing all of the people out there being hurt by my own doing.

"Lain, do you know? That there's so many of you inside The Wired, but in the real world, there's only yourself alone? In actuality, there's no such thing as multiple entities of Iwakura Lain manifesting itself, but there's something which has been manipulating the memories of the people, which made an illusion that there's many versions of you doing various things unimaginable even to you."

This time, the voice I'm hearing comes from deep inside me. A voice that has been screaming out to change the world, to remedy each and every thing which my existence alone had caused. I asked myself, how do I accomplish this? Creating alone where my existence wouldn't be a burden by anyone, that nobody should be hurt at all with my own doings; whether I'm conscious of it or now.

"Do you remember back then when you deleted the bad memories from the people? As long as their memories of you remained therein, there should be a chance that these memories would be manipulated over and over again. All of these incidents involving the Knights of Eastern Calculus: that 'fulfill the prophecy' incident and other insidious conspiracies...all of them would resurface in a much greater scale than before. Lain, from the start you know what to do, and you're just afraid of admitting that...this is the thing you desperately wanting to accomplish."

The Knights and the Tachibana Labs might not be the end of this conspiracy. Somebody must put an end to the source which gives the other forces an access to the uncomfortable amount of power that could destroy the whole world. Yeah, I understand completely.

This thing should be done right from the start, but I am afraid...because by that way, I would be alone for all eternity. By deleting the entirety of my memories from the people, right from the beginning of my existence that's unknown even to me, every bad things which might do lots of harm to people – it won't happen in the first place.

But, could this truly be done?

All that's left was to try. Without trying something, one would only accomplish nothing.

In my case, it might be completely different.

For I am basically trying to do something in order to become a part of the nothingness – by deleting the entirety of my existence from the minds of people.

Once again, I am afraid that things might be even more lonely than before.

But I've got to persevere. It's all to make amends for the things unbeknownst to me, that all of my other self had done.

Now, I've got to take this burden and curse, shielding it for all eternity. That the world shall know its peace without me coming to existence within their memories – for as long as time persists, the Iwakura Lain people used to know will never be remembered.



"Father, Mother...thanks for the food."

It was the usual scenery in the Iwakura household. Saying my gratitude for the food prepared on the table, I went to school in my uniform. Things actually didn't return back to normal; this house was completely empty beside myself having to take care of the house all alone. In the times went by, I learned how to cook for my own, how to do the laundry, and to clean the whole house so it won't look like its an abandoned place.

In fact, the meal I had this morning was the one I cooked for myself, with the ingredients bought from the nearby supermarket. I also learned how to pay the bills properly, thank goodness my abilities in computers and other technical stuff made me able to do many freelance requests in the net; yielding me quite the sum of money which made me able to take care of myself on my own.

It doesn't matter that people couldn't remember me at all, it's a kind of job where people just come, do their jobs at hand, get paid, and go.

What was once an abandoned place that's mostly in shambles, it took some serious effort just to clean it up, with the strength of a little girl like myself. Though in the end, I'm surprised that I could actually perform the hard labors with unexpected extent of strength given my small and slender posture.

This was the ritual I had every morning: waking up early, preparing the breakfast for myself alone, also laying various empty plates with its spoon and fork down the table to create an illusion that I'm actually not eating alone. After eating, I washed all the plates along with the other stuff used for eating, whether or not they were touched, putting it back together to their respective places in the kitchen.

I also made sure that the bed in my parents and my big sister's room should be a bit messy in the last night, so I could made their beds just like they had been sleeping there until the morning. In actuality, there was nobody to occupy this bed for so long.

Like a psychotic person, I talked to my imaginary father, mother, and big sister within every moment when I ate breakfast in the dining table. Telling them with utmost honesty about what I truly felt, and about what I want to do for the rest of the day. Strangely enough, that alone was able to keep me from being utterly lonesome, at least to some extent.

What they say is true after all – that I am a strange entity. My existence should disappear without anyone that could remember me for all eternity, and I should have no reason to keep on living in this kind of circumstance...but the truth is, I'm still alive.

Exactly, what is the reason which kept me alive up until this moment? I don't know for sure. Was it about the memories of me which was etched deep within my thoughts? If I were to forget myself completely, would I finally disappear into the tranquil nothingness forever? I don't know, but there's got to be something else which had kept me truly alive and living more than before, even though I was subjected into the extent of loneliness like never been.

With that thoughts on my mind, I went towards school. It was just a certain day, after the prolonged moments of time had passed since I deleted my memories from right from the beginning of my creation; resulting in world peace.

"Arisu....I love you, I want to connect with you."

"S-stop it...Lain."

"Are you afraid, that we're both girls? Come on, there's nothing to lose."

I want to feel her warmth so badly. I can't stand being alone anymore.

....

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

I opened my eyes; looking out to the skies and see

I'm just a poor lonely girl, and I need no sympathy. Because I'm easy come, easy go...

Little high, little low.

Any way the wind blows, it doesn't really matter to me.

To me...

Papa, just killed my innocence.

Put a Navi on my room, leaving me out to search for truth.

Papa...life has just begun, and now I've gone and throw it all the way to The Wired.

Papa.....oooooohhhhh, didn't mean to make you cry.

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow.

Carry on, carry on. As if nothing really matters.

Too late, my time has come. Sends shivers down my spine, my Navi's acting all the time.

Goodbye everybody, I've got to go. Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

Papa......oooohhhhh, I don't want to die. Sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all.

I see the little silhouetto of a fake God.

Scaramouch, scaramouch - will you do the fandango.

People and The Wired very very frightening me.

Galileo, Psyche Magnifico Figaro..........

I'm just a poor girl, nobody loves me.

(She's just a poor girl, having fake family)

(Spare her this life filled with monstrosity!)

(Fulfill the Prophecy! No we will not let you go) let her go!

(Fulfill the Prophecy! We will not let you go) let her go!

(Fulfill the Prophecy! We will not let you go) let me go!

(Will not let you go) let me go (never)

(Never let you go) let me go, never let me go....

No, no no no no no no.....

Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go

Tachibana Labs has a devil put aside for me - for me - for me

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

Oh baby can't do this to me baby

Just gotta get out just gotta get right outta here

Nothing really matters, anyone can see.

Nothing really matters...

Anyway the wind blows...



We embraced each other in my bed. Wrapped in a thick blanket, a part of our exposed bodies glisten within the moonlit rays. I saw her gently smiling at me, perhaps a bit more on the ecstatic side after I indulged in her for a prolonged amount of time; all of this just to satiate my longing for comfort, a providence of affection from someone I want to care about, and also cares about me – even if it's just for a minuscule bit.

What you probably witnessed was probably an immoral act of two young girls doing illicit things to each other – that's not completely wrong, but it's not completely right either. It all sparked from a desire to feel her body heat from within, to warm up this insatiable cold accumulated through times as of late. As strong as I could persevere, there's definitely should be a limit before I start going crazy due to this stupor.

With my entire body still burning up in the afterglow of this delightful moment, I tighten up my embrace around her, with our chests pressing against each other; igniting a weird sensation which sends an escalated form of euphoria into my mind.

I want this moment to last forever, so I thought.

"Lain."

Arisu whispered my name softly to my ear; it made me jump, seeing as I'm finding myself a bit too comfortable and content in this moment of afterglow.

"Arisu?'

I replied back with my usual tone of voice, a bit more on the calm and reserved side.

"No...nothing, it's just seem that. It's really weird that my first time was...with another girl. Life sure is filled with surprising things far beyond your imagination."

"Y-your first time....ah....I see.."

Did I really do something that bold? Oh no...my face felt like it's been heating up again, I felt so embarrassed.

"Arisu, I'm sorry."

"What are you being sorry for? It's okay, seeing as you're feeling utterly lonesome at this moment, I think it's only natural."

"Umm...okay."

Lain, you shouldn't indulge with me inside your fantasies forever, you know? There will finally come the time when you finally had gotten tired with me, and when that time comes, everything which pulls you together intact will dissolve into thin air – leaving you completely broken, in a condition even worse than the most painful death imaginable.

Before it's finally too late, please go find the precious thing which had kept you alive until now, and it shall keep you alive for all eternity. Not just being alive, or even just struggling to live; I want you to keep on holding onto it as a source which brought about your utmost happiness. That smile you had just now, it wasn't the smile of Lain that I used to know back then.

It seems that you're currently running away from reality, now it's time for you to fight it.

I know you can, and you shall win against it.

...because you are Iwakura Lain.

That's what she said to me.



Here lies Mizuki Arisu.

That was the text written on the gravestone in front of me. Along with many others, mostly grown-up adults dressed in black outfits, I stood up front, beside a tall man wearing a tuxedo. The weather was slightly raining, but it was just a faint drizzle; an umbrella won't be necessary at this point.

No one seems to recognize my presence, dressed in a black formalwear which seems a bit too big for me. Many years had passed and still I didn't seem to age nor grow one bit – it's just like my time had pretty much stopped.

They said that Arisu died in a car incident at a really young age, and the man who was in a relationship with her was the one standing in front of the graveyard; his cries resounded for long periods of time, until the people started disappearing one by one...leaving me and him alone in front of the gravestone.

The skies grew darker by each passing moment, and the rain, albeit faint, doesn't seem to stop. As we stood there for that long a time, our clothes were pretty much drenched.

It was when the rain starts falling heavily that the man turned towards my direction...

"You are...Iwakura Lain, right?"

For the first time in reality, long after the moment when I deleted the memories of me from the minds of people, someone had called me by that name.



"Arisu told me a lot about you, she said that you're a special friend to her. At first, it seems to me that she's crazy, talking about something which seems so imaginary. That's just my impression anyway. Now that I actually met you over here...it might be me that goes completely insane. Tell me, Iwakura Lain, are you truly real, or just a byproduct of my own insanity? For I am mentally crushed due to the recent turn of events."

"I don't know if I'm real or not myself. People just doesn't seem to remember me anymore, I think it's for the best since I won't ever hurt anyone because of my existence."

"What kind of blasphemy is this? Who do you think you are, saying that your own existence will only bring harm to people around you? Nobody deserves to think that way about themselves. Lain, do you even have a single bit of faith to yourself at all?"

"What do you know! You basically knew nothing but you just..."

"I know...just about everything."

"H-how?"

"Arisu wrote a lot about you in her diary. I think, it's neither about her anymore and this couldn't really be called her diary. It's more of a story about a character named Iwakura Lain, living her daily life as she were. You know, she told me that she practically led a boring life filled with lots of depression, and she portrays herself as the girl called Lain in her diary as a form of escapism."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I, and what I understood the least was about...how could I met a fictional character out of nowhere like this? Arisu's written story was pretty much open to so many interpretations, about the way she describes your life and all that. It's kind of like doing something vaguely experimental. I find the writing by itself to be really inspiring as I read it, yet it's a shame that she didn't finish the story, which made the overall impression...that it's a really sad and painful tragedy."



"Actually, Arisu did told me about this. That I should go and search something which would make me happy and content for all eternity, the things which made me feel truly alive. I don't know if the girl portrayed in the story and me had lived a similar kind of life, but I also want for her to be happy right in the very end."

"I see..."

I don't understand anything about this world anymore, not even about myself. It just seems like, the image of reality that lies within my mind was totally crushed in an instant. Now I'm just like a blind person trying to walk without crutches to guide my way inside this darkness.

Who am I? I am...really me...right?

Soliloquy...

I hate my life, and I mean it. Everyday, we were forced to do things we didn't really want to do; they forced us to be the slaves to the circumstances. Those who don't work, don't eat. Those who don't put their best effort will often be ridiculed by others, and cast aside within each opportunity that comes. Even if you put your most profound effort, there's still no guarantee that you will finally get what you wanted.

Such is life, it harbors you with myriads of disappointments to the point it starts breaking you from the inside and the outside, and furthermore – it forces you to be happy with all of it. I mean, everything could be worse than this, right?

Nope, no matter what the circumstances, there could be no worse thing off than forcing oneselves to live the dream of someone else. To rob them of their free-will, of their desires, dreams, and goals which they held so long and dearly as their source of joy in living.

You want to deny your existence by deleting it. I too, would do the same thing as you, I had the past which I really want to erase from the memories of people. But I can't, since I'm only a mere human. All that I could do was only about writing this things on a piece of paper, surely knowing that one day...my thoughts will reach you, and motivate you...so you could finally reach the thing which truly makes you felt alive.

For me, it all begins when I did not fear myself to embrace death anymore. My life was just about easy come and easy go. The days went by, I thought of them as a gift rather than an series of timeframes containing lots of obligations to fulfill. When every day comes to be, what I think to be the last day of my life - I won't even bother trying to go to school which totally hates me, or even continue working on that pesky part-time job that didn't respect their temporary workers even a single bit.

Instead, I will write: about my dreams, my ideals, and stop thinking about all the unnecessary things which had been causing me lots of stressful moments and depression. Heck, it's better not to think at all and just write, since I'm not cut out for thinking. Every time I think too much – it fills me up with tons of depression to the point it starts burdening my heart, so I decided to cast aside these disorderly thoughts and concentrate on what I think would be an important thing to ponder about.

For example, I did not think that, going to the best schools, making the most of the days by learning each and every thing to the fullest, getting the best job, and creating the happiest family as something of importance.

What matters to me was about, being able to say no when I want to say no, and saying yes when I want to say yes.

Loving just only a good part of yourself and denying all the bad parts doesn't make your existence special; everyone also does it too. You're afraid of hurting someone without your own knowing; everyone also does that...that doesn't make you any special, that you have to cut yourself from this world just to make amends. You deserved a life like any other person in this world, please don't throw it all away like it was a given.

Maybe I don't understand you at all, when at a glance, your life did seem similar to myself. I couldn't make any friends, and my family had always been cold to me, whenever I go, people seem to hate me for no reason. I had longed the ability of omnipotence, so I could distort the world according to my will; but in the end, I'm only a mere human - I could only hope.

But you're different, from the start, your existence were special. You had the ability to either create chaos or fortune from nothingness. If I were to be in your shoes, I'd probably had done the similar thing; cutting myself from the memories of people just to avoid any more catastrophes in this world, so I couldn't say whether it's truly your fault of not standing up to yourself, and to achieve that freedom you always wanted.

I'm sorry, it's mostly about my feelings of loneliness, that I desperately seek the people who had the similar problems, so I could lend a helping hand to make myself feel better. It's probably just me who truly needs help from out there.

In the end, your happiness is all up to you. Don't be afraid to do anything that you feel is right, and stay true to what you truly believe in.



"Hello, Navi."

"Hello, Lain."

I decided once again to become Lain of the Wired. There's a voice inside my head, sounding like a young man in despair, saying that I should do things I really want to do, whether or not people would acknowledge me, or even remember me in the slightest.

I think, this is probably what I want to do. The terrible things might happen once again, but this time, I want to start believing in myself, that I had chosen this path out of my own free will, and that no regrets should come out of it – only happiness and most importantly, the sense of being alive inside the moments of freedom.

"Connect to the Wired."

Thus the words came out from my mouth, that would unravel the remnants of a long, scattered past into one big picture of an unfinished puzzle.

The phrase 'Present day, Present time' was said in each opening sequences in the show.

Right at the end of Part 2 and Part 3 there's the words

I am falling

I am fading

I have lost it all

and

I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning
Help me to breathe

The words were taken from the chorus part of 'Duvet' a song by the band boa (not the korean one). It was the opening song for Serial Experiments Lain.

At the beginning of Part 3, the lined phrases was a parody of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. I changed some portions of the lyrics, but left out the ones I couldn't really rhyme it up according to the stuff happening in the actual anime.

Right at Part 4 on the beginning parts, the titles from episode 1 until 13 of the actual show were lined up sequentially, so there you have it

Navi was a machine people used to connect to the Wired; it was shaped like a personal computer.

The rest of the references were already stated explicitly in the story, so I won't rewrite these again.

The End

What the hell?

Since we're here anyway...



Oh well it doesn't mean anythng at all.



Well whatever, since doing something a bit too foolish and avant-garde is getting a bit lackluster, let's just start the new chapter.

Chapter 1 : The End

Chapter 1 : The End

Chapter 1 : The End

Chapter 1 : The End

Damn, when the chapter will start anyway? Ah I see, we're already started...

Chapter 1 : The End

Wait...we haven't started?

"Wait, we haven't started?" said the narrator

The narrator said to me 'wait, we haven't started'. Who am I? I am the narrator's narrator, and the one narrating my actions will be the narrator's narrator narrator.

[Wait, we haven't started?

Sincerely,

Narrator]

Narrator : Wait, we haven't started?

Author : Not yet

Narrator : Wai u do dis

Author : For fun

Author : *trollface*

Chapter 1 (Alternate Take) : Author's Handbook

You know, I'd like to write a new story--I really do. Yet this hands won't let me write anything, or more like, my brain, since it rejects most of the ideas from my thoughts to my hand. Ultimately, at the slightest hint of me starting out the writing process, I ended up abandoning it since the writeup made me truly drowsy. You know, it's just like a tranquilizer gun has been shot inside my veins whenever I tried flipping the switch and forcing my way through outta this mess.

Still, whenever I felt like those ideas were truly fresh, it becomes really easy to churn up ideas. Note that fresh ideas don't always mean good ideas; it could be something truly bad, but it gives me a revitalizing boost which enables me to keep going on. I had quite some bits of idea which might probably turn into a good story that would satisfy numbers of people, but whenever I tried writing it, my hand slept on the way. In the end, I tried to keep pushing regardless of my mood and I ended up writing a really mediocre, failure story.

In the end, I kind of forgotten about it, and wanting to forget about it forever. Was it better not trying at all? Nah, I don't think so. I think, failures best be the thing of past, and if we encounter failures soon enough it's much better than having it later on while we've been drowning in the sea of achievements by being such a perfectionist, then suddenly—BOOM! All was kaboom—gone.

Not just that time and the time before, it's been going on since forever like a curse. It seems that my curiosity ultimately kills the surge of creativity pouring onto my brain from all directions. There's just the story that was meant for me to write, and those which refuses to acknowledge me as their Author—the stories were basically waiting to be written by someone else who's actually competent, talented, not some good-for-nothing slob with minds filled with pornographic stuff.

Enough of this writing for the new things thingy, I still had lots of things to do for my previous writing projects that failed, and numerous concepts waiting to be written out, in addition of various people looking forward to it and I somehow betrayed their expectations by lingering inside my own comfort zone for quite a while indeed.

It soon made me tad puzzled and stressed out since there's also the idea and plan to remake each and every of the failed works in the past, but yeah, there's a few others that I could let it slide by since it's either far beyond my comprehension to fix and patch.

Two other reasons being : one, that I am preparing it for something much bigger, a bigger project deserving of bigger masses. Two, I am currently famished of working with that concept over and over again and patching up things that were broken—I'm looking for something fresh to work on first so I'm going to abandon this for now.

I think I probably made some people depressed already, if they were actually looking forward to be an Author too, but well, regardless of that, we haven't even been going towards the main problem yet. You see, I had this bad habit while writing, since I kinda like it too much and it grants me the freedom to express myself and discovering new things I probably won't find anywhere else if I actually didn't start writing way back then.

The bad habit being, when I wrote, I'm unable to focus on real life thingies, particularly I used the writing activity to escape reality by itself, and forget about everything. Back in the busy days while attending some boring classes, I forgot to pay attention and mostly focused on my concept development, and thinking about how the plot might advance. Back before the exams, I forgot to study, because I'm more occupied with writing the chapters regularly for no real reason whatsoever. I don't know, most of the time, it's just me being childish and I can't even say why to that.

What lies in my mind was just, well, why not?

Secondly, I had this kind of fatal weakness of inconsistency. It seems like my stories, whenever hard I tried to make a solid plot out of the fleshed-out concepts I've been thinking about for so long, it ultimately fails to deliver something which could be made sense of. On the other hand, it's so easy to make something most people couldn't even get a glimpse of elucidation. Most of the time, the plot moves so slowly and whenever I tried coming up with something grand, something which were ambitious and interesting, I ended up blowing it in some anti-climatic way.

Maybe it because I didn't really like to read much, and I am not that motivated to work my hardest on delivering a well-written chapter. Most of thing, maybe it's just me being lazy and I know it won't be worth the effort even if I tried my best—I most likely will end up with something sub par because what I wrote won't be something I enjoy, if In any case I took it too seriously while writing.

At many occasions, I felt envious of various Authors who had fare much better at me, while still being much younger, but able to produce such well written story. I thought that—hey, this is unfair. I also worked hard, but neither of you seem to notice my effort to create something which could somehow deliver. Believe me, I thought that I truly did my best to the point it occupies the majority of my thoughts quite a long time ago.

Still, my feelings of envy continues on until I realize, how ugly and pathetic I am, if I am acting like this. It would be much better if all this irritation and anger would be gone from the start, and I could focus on reading the books I ike, and discovering more titles and more of my soon-to-be favorite Authors much earlier than I am now.

Evidently, I did not even know about how much effort the better ones put while they were writing things. I heard they oftentimes tried to rack their brains day and night, writing drafts upon drafts and drafts, read a lot of books quickly and able to reference things accordingly. It was all well thought out and well planned, and they wrote it with a clear goal in mind—to satisfy the right spectrum of the readers who would appreciate all the hard work and effort they were doing.

One Author I knew probably writes all day long and read quite the amazing number of books regardless of personal preference, yet he won and garnered marvelous praises, there's still more numbers of people who could not understand him. It was those people looking at the greatness of others with scorn and envy—I was one of them too, but now I started to understand, that greatness isn't something to either be celebrated or even scorned and mocked with. It was merely a role.

People could force down their ways on achieving things they desired, but in the end, someone fits for the role shall come in the end and take the throne from them—either legitimatelly or not. I think, each people had their own set of roles appropriate for them, and it's neither lesser or greater than others. It's just that their allocated roles weren't clear, and it's up to them to discover those role through numerous adversaries. Until then, it's all up to these people to decide what's the right thing for themselves.

In the end, perhaps the boundary between what's right and wrong would be thin as air, and not even the sharpest of reasoning and conscience could pierce through and divide it accordingly.

The point is, we're just doing things differently as Authors, and as the result we've achieved different things along the way. The grass is always greener on the other side, it seems, but not anymore now since I'm starting to clench on my freedom, on my own role. That it's something fit for me alone, and no longer shall I took upon these roles inappropriate for me.



Most of times, it's the second reason of my inconsistency which brought about my fatal downfall. The stories had become so jumbled up and confusing, despite the starting point which seems a bit thought out. I did not write the stories using drafts, you see. I mostly just jot it down what I had in mind haphazardly, since planning things beforehand oftentimes just made me truly drowsy.

In the end, I merely just end things up prematurely when things could not go on anymore and I've already been completely exhausted of thinking—how shall it turn out next?

Okay, since I'm kind of made you guys bored already, let's just cut it straight into the third reason.

Third. It was a habit which happens recently due to my lack of free time, my rebellious stage, and my own impatience. This, by far, was the main reason why I am not able to write things which had an actual plot.

When I write, I couldn't really use logic.

Secondly, I want to finish it as quickly as possible and with as many fruitful chapters without being affected by plotholes.

Third, I couldn't keep things up when I'm uninspired, and being down the drain, downright bored. So I ended things up prematurely, and it still counts as an ending as it has no actual beginning or the end, the Author could end up the story anytime and it still counts. Though, it won't be a story at all—just treat it like the actual project never existed at the first time, lali ho.

Fourth, and that's the reason I become traumatized by writing things with an actual plot. Either I am lazy, unmotivated, and cowardly. Yet I still write anyway, can you believe it?

Sooner or later, the time will come when I shall be a free man. It will come after I finished writing all of the pending projects.

Hahahahahahaha!

Oh well, I still have a really long way to go though.

Chapter 1 (Beginning Theme) : Three Words Hung Together Like Cornerstones

I threw various words down the wall.
It was brittle.
It was me.
It was you.
Three words hung together like cornerstones.
When I tried reaching out towards an open door,
you see me, as I tried to see you.
Our eyes locked together in one moment, together
we'll set our hearts free.
Nothing can bring us down, when our hands are locked.
Harsh words might resound from every corner,
even the closest friends might backstab us anytime.
Still, I know you're here by my side
Which makes everything alright.

Every little thing, is gonna be alright.

Sometimes it's hard to move forward,
hard to break ourselves free.
Each day brought about
a new abundance of drudgery.
You'd hope for the shimmering sunlight
after the melancholy rain.
What if, the moments shall be seemingly endless?
Such lengthy wait it seems, trudging your clothes
within the downpour.
I saw you standing there, within every moment
waiting for a new hope to come.
You're the reason why I'll never give up hope to myself.

The wait that seems to be lengthy
was no longer.
We sat on the bench together,
staring at the once-drenched ground,
musty smells sprung from its very soil.
Talking once again
Together
About what's going to happen tomorrow.

It was, another new beginning.

I saw you standing there, smiling at me.

Chapter 1 (Morning Coffee) : Asdfgjkl

I am lazy.

I do not feel like writing anything.

So why should I write?

Is there anything rewarding for writing things? It's such a hard work, damn it. Maybe, if somehow, and somewhere, I could achieve one million dollars by posting this chapter somewhere, would I be more motivated? No, that's not it. One million dollars is serious business, and I did not know how to take care of such money without getting myself killed. You know, having too much money and riches means imminent danger.

So, please give me reason why I should write.

For fun? No, it's hardly any fun at all. If I want to have fun, I could just play games, watch the latest movie or series I downloaded, or even just chatting around with my friends made things far more rewarding.

Expressing myself? Could be, but most of the time I didn't have anything to express myself with. I could always write a diary, but heck, I'm feeling to lazy to write one right now.

Stroking my ego? If in any case I had an actual talent, that might do, but yeah, too much ego would only end up destroying myself. Yeah, artistic departments had a lot of ego stroking opportunities, that's for sure, probably much more exposed than other jobs which warrants secure living. Many people went on this way just because they want to be famous—what about me? I don't know, but for sure, I probably don't want many people know about most of the things I wrote in the past.

In the end, I felt the most thankful that I was gifted with so little talent in writing, that I could remain pretentiously obscure, with no one to pester me around.

Changing the world? Screw it. So many people had attempted this, yet this world still remains as it were. Dull, boring, monotonous, cruel, and hypocritical—did I need to say much more? Regardless of that, if changing the world means I'm going to get myself killed and have my scrotum feed to the nearest adolescent bears—then I'm out before you could even say 'Cowabunga'.

Being delusional and using a self-insert masturbation fantasy? Nah, that's too much work for such silly things. Being delusional by itself it's a hard work, and it ultimately makes many other things dull. I would spend my time dreaming about unrealistic expectations while lazing around like that destined time won't ever come. Meanwhile, I'd probably just look forward to how grey the tomorrow would be.

Discovering myself, and my destiny? I had pretty much tried to done it so many times, yet it yields no answers. Ultimately, my life also had become utterly meaningless because of that. So no, not again, and I will never again tread upon that path anymore.

Finding out something new that I could not find anywhere else? That's a damn lot of work to come up with something of pure innovation, I might had killed myself first before even manage to come up with something that's even remotely original.

No, I don't believe that there's really something such as improvement. In my eyes, I've always been writing like this since long time agp, and that assumption doesn't really change until now. At the very least, I believe only other people would improve, and I'll always be staying ahead at this place for all eternity.

Why should I learn something anyway? Maybe it's just that I could pass the courses, and after it wasn't needed anymore, I simply forgot it—back to ground zero. I am the person who had learnt nothing, and will go back to nothingness in the end. After graduating, I will go back to my family, and living a boring life with no real dreams and expectations, nor the desire to provide anything more than simply being an unwarranted nusiance.

I will be forever alone, or maybe standing together with a boring partner I definitely would get tired of having sex with before I'd even got to sleep with her. Either way, I'd prefer to be alone, don't bug me ever again please. There's nothing such as achievable dreams—I believe that those successful people were basically tools created by the Lord Almighty to laugh at us miserable creatures with unrealistic expectations in order to teach us the meaning of absolute futility.

When I, by any chance, would be able to have a dream and achieve it, then I'll probably be no longer a human, just some tool to be manipulated by everyone. Just a machine, to satisfy the desires of many people without being able to turn my back on. That was such a sad fate, but I am at least glad that none of my dreams were ever fulfilled, if there's such thing as the divine power, I will gladly thank you for always turning a deaf ear and a blind eye to each and every of my sincerest prayers.

Once again, thank you very much. Now I won't ever be a puppet that's worth to be manipulated by many people, I would live like a good for nothing slob for all eternity. Even when I'm being pushed away from all directions by scumbags, they would always go according to my pace—I am a free man, you dimwits.

Oh well, last but not least, I finally found my reason to write.

I write because I don't feel like writing, but I do anyway, without any reason at all.

Sounds pretty cool, huh?

Come to think of it, I still haven't written anything.

Hahahaha....

Chapter 1 (Absurdist Fiction) : What is What?

First attempt at haiku.:

Land of Samurai.
Portable toilets are free.
Sea and gillywaters sang together.
I love you.

Note: this was written without any foundational knowledge about haikus, only the thingy about it being a poem with the ending character always differing within each lines and no repetitions of it on each stanza. I don't know really.

Let's start again, now here goes my second attempt.

Loom over nothingness
Flower petals shone upon
Lackadaisical moments sparrow
Time stood still.

Or this:

Eat your millet dumpling
River flows in you
So does our hearts waver
Trains and photographs

I also kind of remember that, each line would tell very different things compared to each other, but in any way, these lines seem to correlate in a manner that was so mysterious, yet it's able to convey a profound message. Though in my case, it's more of gibberish rather than profound hahaha...

Anyway, let's begin with the usual poem:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My turtle becomes
your turtle



Let's start again by writing something nonsensical, let's just say the lack of correlation between each sentences in one paragraph might turn something ordinary into something utterly bizaare.

For example:

It was a peaceful day; I breathe chickens and roasted fruit flies for breakfast. My car was a toilet paper, and I go to school through the nearest brothel—it was the hotel for bros—hence they called it brothel—as in bro and hotel. In school, our teacher was a peanut, smearing strawberry jam on the blackboard, and all of us sat atop a toilet bowl whilst taking a dump.

Every time somebody yells 'cowabunga', a rotten pineapple gets ejected by our peanut teacher. The pineapple becomes an elephant, and our toilet bowl turns into a giant cockroach. In the end, the giant cockroach exploded, and we all died—so it goes.

End of story.

.....

That was pretty surreal, wasn't it?

Okay, since chapter 1 already took quite a portion of this story, let this be the last chapter of the portion. I just felt like writing absurdist poems now.

Let's just start:

I don't know.

That's all.

Who am I?

Who are you?

What is this place?

Are you my brother,
or are you my sister?

Ah, you must be that
frozen coconut inside
my elephant.

Or you must be that
cockroach that has
already been involved
with the genetic control.

Most likely...

You will be...

The reader.

Chapter 2 : Chatbox

: 'sup gaiz
: yo man
: what's up?
: nuthin really
: where's Cr0m?
: who
: oh
: Cromium_Prozaik you mean
: yea
: irl stuff maybe
: dunno
: she's rarely online
: umm...
: you see...
: sent me message last week
: new part time job
: busy as hell
: hmm?
: don't mind me gaiz
: just lurkin'
: ah f*ck off
: fag
: lololol...
: no ur gay
: srsly
: lel
: f*ck you man
: yeah f*ck me baby
: gimme your ass
: fag
: fag
: fag
: holy shit motherf*cker
: you fags
: stahp
: care to join the orgy
: taiga-chan?
: ufufufu...
: srsly stahp
: u know i'm a dude right
: we're all dudes here u know
: even with our cute anime avatars here
: it's still doesn't change the fact
: we're all delusional
: tl;dr
: cool story bro
: whatever
: I got something important
: to tell ya guys here
: about your story?
: well, I'm writing one now in fact
: still on a serious block tho
: can't think about any serious slabs to pin
: it's different man
: you know
: I'm quittin'
: that reminds me
: Imma quitted long time ago
: no one asked ya
: hey you fag
: I'm just tellin ya
: we're buddies ya know
: f*ckin buddies
: you know, invoker
: if you got time to complain
: you should start writing again instead
: come on gaiz
: you don't know how serious my problem be
: dafuq man
: wai so srs
: take it easy man
: yukkuri shiteitte ne
: just like that time
: f*ckin a giant nipple with an eggplant
: wat
: whut
: ur as random as ur usual absurdist works
: more importantly
: it's about Cr0m
: the reason you're quittin' eh
: forget about her
: I could read your lemons if you want
: b-but...
: I definitely had no such talent in language
: and my opinions won't yield ya a publication
: but still...
: shut ur trap, orc
: ur a big mouth
: dumbass
: let that bitch go
: calling people
: some delusional masturbation fantasy whatsoever
: shit
: hey
: calm down will ya
: I'll talk to you later
: czia

**OrcD3VIL kicked Avalon_Invoker**

: what happened
: nah
: nothing
: just someone pouring out some grudges
: he got it tough as an amateur writer
: you know that Cr0m hates his guts so much too
: since that time, he never gets on when Cr0m was on
: yeah
: in one way or another
: each of us got to taste
: her sharp critics
: Invoker was the one
: being originally proud of himself too much though
: to be honest
: at the first time we've started writing
: none of us were as good as him
: he wrote fanfictions though
: I wrote nonsensical humor
: you wrote fantasy and sci-fi
: it's just, that Cr0m's critics
: didn't hurt me that much
: since there's nothing left to be bashed away
: and she had that kind of adoration for your works
: if I recall
: you and her shared the same favorite author
: oi, taiga?
: I'm eating
: shit man
: reply faster will ya
: sorry
: it's just that
: I planned to drop out of college
: and Cr0m's my hope left
: to make me a publication for money
: you know that erotic novel
: selling like hotcakes, right?
: she had the knowledge of
: the right demographic
: the right plot twist
: the right words
: if she could do so
: she'd be a famous editor already
: not being with a wannabe like you
: listen
: why don't you finish college first
: but..
: I'm also at my fourth year right now
: won't finish anytime soon
: at least you've got a friend
: even if I graduated earlier than I expected
: we'll still stay in contact
: I won't get a busy job
: I'll risk staying unemployed
: until you're able to place your foothold
: okay?
: orc
: it's you who should listen to me
: you've done all the talking
: talking
: and talking
: without letting me speak
: MY DAMN F*CKIN MIND
: ah
: sorry 'bout that
: so?
: don't reply like an insensitive prick please
: you made me lose hope on the entire humanity
: calm down
: I mean it
: sigh...
: orc?
: you're still living in the same place as before right?
: same college?
: yep
: meet me at the same place, this Wednesday
: I've got to something important I need help with
: what?
: help me find a part-time job
: I'm really quitting
: I just can't stand the environment anymore
: until then, let me freeload in your place
: okay?
: sigh...
: it's not that pleasant
: living with another guy
: on the same roof
: bitch please
: where will my privacy be
: goddamn it
: it's not like I could masturbate naked
: all around my house anymore, right?
: nonono
: on this case
: I'm not a guy anymore
: I'm a trap
: holy shit
: ur broken
: dude
: I could dress in cute outfits
: and be your slave
: if you want
: ehehe...
: that's f*cking creepy dude
: shit
: we've met before, right?
: and you're that muscular black dude with giant afro
: wearing a maid outfit and cat ears
: damn man
: at least please show me a pic before we met at that time
: it almost gave me a heart attack
: nop
: that wasn't me actually
: just someone pretending to be me
: my number one slave
: ehehe...
: we had a voice chat long time ago remember?
: I forgot
: still
: dude
: that was f*cked up
: you told even more f*cked up lies too
: don't believe me?
: then, why don't we have a video call?
: fufufu...
: ur high
: go home

**XxBlueTigerxx initiates a video call**

: HOLY SHIT
: FAP FAP FAP
: my, aren't you naughty.

======================

The rest of the conversation simply being omitted because it contains R-18 material.

One simple matter was clear.

They lived happily ever after, because the Author was too lazy to even write the narratives, the details, and the conclusion.

That's all.

Chapter 2 (Anthem of Serenity) : The Shadow

STAND BY FOR NATIONAL ANTHEM OF SERENITY.

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER IN THE AIR.



Note : the anthem words were quoted from the Serenity Prayer. It wasn't originally made by me, I only changed few words of these.



Sometimes, do you feel like you can't go on no matter what? Like the whole world has been turning yourself upside down. You know that you need someone who could lend you a helping hand at all times—still that ideal person won't ever come. Most of the time, you need to help yourself, or start acknowledging all the people who had already helped you in the past. This by far, wasn't an exaggeration. People help you out with the little things, only to end up being ignored by your ungrateful self.

As the result, when the big things came by, you felt yourself completely lost without someone to shoulder your burden. Well, at times you would be lucky, that despite your own lack of grateful feelings, you always get the second chance to redeem yourself. Might it be, that your life was filled with the abundance of luck, but know this—one day the luck would run out, and all of your mistakes would cost the entirety of this pleasant life you have been living up 'til now.

The second chance doesn't come that often, this I know. Without doubt, it was clear that I had thrown away all the first, glimmering opportunities away—basking myself within the depths of this abyss, seeking for the truth that was in me. The truth was, in fact, meaningless by itself. It only bestows this meaning when all has been said and done—the time of my death that will come sooner or later. I felt like, all this search about my truth and meaning of life has been rendered meaningless.

All that's left was just this delirious assumption about what's going to happen next. That's also how we get our concept of heaven and hell maybe. Someone got too fixated and idle, they started to think about crazy things, and as the result, we've been ruled by the teachings of crazy, but brilliant people and brilliant conceptions. I tried locking my hand together, clasping my palms like whispering upon a prayer—the shadow wasn't there anymore. Now it's the image of something to cling onto, which becomes the concept of my deity.

No matter the name and the rituals—godless or a theist--there's probably one converging point that many of us prefer to rely on many things outside ourselves. Nobody can live on their own, at the very least, someone who lived such a solitary life within the wilderness has the nature as his best friend, and the animals and the plants and all of the things surrounding him as his family: brothers, sisters, father, mother, uncle, aunt, grandpa, grandma, etc.

Someone to rely on.

Someone to defend us when we were weak.

A hero of our lives, reminding us that nobody in this world has the right to be left alone.

Pessimism struck us from all directions, many of these painful. So does the power of those who dared to make a change.



All of my life has been spent upon searching for the meaning of my own shadow. It needs to live within the light for the shadow to cast itself away. Still, it's only under the glimmering sunlight, trailing down the paved roads, that I'm able to see my shadows. It extended towards the infinity, where the horizon of my own line of sight gather. At other times, it was so dimly cast, subtly grey, not even a glint of it could easily be noticed.

What was the factor for the shadows cast to be quite opaque?

Does it need to have strong glimmering light so blinding we came to hate it? Does our background need to be so white, and our surroundings being clear as pure-white snow? When the shadow was noticed considerably, it remains—as a shadow. The depiction of our silhouette on its very finest—natural way. Another way to look at something without the force of our mirror, with our very contours depicted in addition of various distortions along the way.

It was another way to reflect ourselves, but know this, what was seen on the shadow was our self, but at the same time, it was not exactly the same as our own self. Walking down the paved roads, sunlit high, you reached out and touched the shadow on the ground—you felt the ground with its very dirt and speckles of dust. You breathe the fresh air and stretched your hands forward-- your shadow keeps on following your every direction in its own way. The motion the same, it was just the distorted shape and its vague black contours figure of silhouette—which makes the difference.

Whenever you felt alone, you could always talk to your own shadow—using a gesture language. Moved one hand, the shadow follows through perfectly. Albeit convenient as a friend whenever you're desperately alone, it cannot reply back, it cannot hate you, it cannot talk—you can only assume it does. After all, imagination brought about rainbows to you life.

For instance, let's just assume that the girls that's been in fight with each other actually was madly in love with each other. In front of you, they might be punching, slapping, clawing, and badmouthing each other, while in fact, they're just mainly having aggressive plays before making love. Does life by itself becomes boring, even after that.

Now, imagine two muscular bearded man on their place, and both of them finally done it at the nearby toilet.

I'm sorry.

In place of them, there shall be two girls, two cute girls in sailor uniform and kneesocks. Whenever the school time ends, they went to their club room and began spouting dirty words to each other—of course that wasn't probably how an actual girls act, but let's just imagine okay? No need to be that much of a realist.

We sometimes got a weird idea when they were so clingy with each other—a showcase of sisterly friendship, and we probably also think that every cute and moe sisters out there actually had bonds stronger than your ordinary girlfriend and girlfriend holding hands at the park in broad daylight!

The purest form of love:

Yuri incest.

With frilly lingeries and gothic lolita style.

Add that all with cake, ice cream, bubble bath, soap, swimsuit, and various lubricants.

Bring your imagination as wild as possible.

That was all, the manifestation of 'the shadow'. We tried reaching out towards our own shadow, and waht comes out was:

Yuri incest.

This time with the slice of futanari and traps, don't worry, it will be a light and fluffy serving of course.

For the rest, I'll leave all of these stories inside your imagination. Writing all of these to you undoubtedly will kill the fun, so take care and don't fantasize too much to the point you want to masturbate over and over.

Bye bye.

Chapter 2 (Tubular Clocks) : Flow Flow Tick Tock

The clocks; they were ringing; rummaging sounds of ticking resounded upon my window sills. I tried reaching out towards the window, only to see itself mildewed by the morning downpour. Whenever things got too hectic and I can't think of doing anything, I took a glimpse at the nearby clock, quietly staring at the moment where the long hands moved within the circumference--one steady step within each time.

Imagining how better it would be, if all these precious moments won't be wasted. Still, it won't change of thing if I just lived within my own past, regretting every single thing which came across naturally. The clocks; they were ticking; with each second I thought about the time--the more time lapsed by—nothing was frozen when you're living a life when things kept on progressing.

Nothing was lost within the lapsed time, as I had become aware of the part of the time itself, and how could it affect my life—everything eventually changes for the better. There's so much things to do within the designated opportunities; the right amount of fun and meaning to breathe upon this fresh air yesterday once more, and eventually will be today.

Whenever you were there—smiling at me—bringing me the hope and happiness I always yearned, I just remembered one of two things important I always overlooked. My dearest regards for bringing me up when I'm down, and bringing me joy when I'm forlorn. I longed for a quiet retreat on times of holiday, where I shall strive to work myself to its fullest extent, and stretch myself further than anyone else.

Within this comfy bed I am sleeping in every single night, and sometimes during the day, never was a moment where I can't feel your very warmth seeping deep inside. A lullaby was sang each time the hard work has been paid off—I am truly glad being able to do the right thing; approaching things accordingly. Be wary upon all the mistakes I've committed—using it to turn towards a better person for a better tomorrow.

Still I truly fear the kind of nightmares which will come for the future. I know who holds the day after; the keeper of yesterday. I won't beg, I won't get down to my knees just because I'm utterly helpless, while at the other times, I simply forgot all of the great things given—utmostly should be appreciated; lest I neglected. I know all well, that many people out there all experienced much greater adversaries—so dire it laid your eyes agape, stricken with bewilderment.

It was the fruit for someone to walk onto the path of greatness—truly the most bitter fruit out there many of us will take one day. The thought which made myself cringe in fear, wallowing within my own sanctuary. But well, I guess it won't really be worth it if I ponder about things too much and ultimately forgetting that life won't necessarily be filled with the most cruel things we have to experience.

Always look on the brighter side, and face tomorrow and today with a smile.

Xxx

To me, playing games and having fun while I'm at it was just like a sacred ritual. It taught me so many things about how I am supposed to live my life to its fullest.

One most important thing it taught me:

You don't have to be a great or an extremely talented person to enjoy life. You don't even need to be successful at all, to go through each and every moments following your wake. Maybe or just maybe, enjoying life means getting by the moments with everything I've got, without becoming less or more than what I actually am.

Many people would probably scorn and humiliate me when I fell and encourage me to press further whenever I'm escalating or even tried their hardest to bring me down—it's very easy to live outside the balance.

There's a limit to how much I can play every day. I think, just the right amount of fun is fine. Keeping things mild and steady was one key point for me to keep on moving forward in a peaceful state. The journey is short, but it's long enough for myself preparing for the great beyond. So many things to ponder about, and so many things to plan ahead—it's never been easy—never been that hard either when I'm surely calm.

Still, even with all the games I played, there will still be one or two things I couldn't get outside my head no matter what. The stress being piled up sky-high; forming deeper abyss within my weary soul. I got that advice from one close friend of mine—whenever you felt stressful, play the guitar. If you're still stressed out after strumming a few guitar chords, it means that you haven't tuned them properly. Too much dissonant melodies due to false notes wouldn't be that good for a weathered mind, he says.

He only taught me how a guitar would sound like, if I placed my finger on the frets and pressed on one of them instead of just plucking it freely. He also taught me a few simple chords I've had begun to learn by spending lots of time practicing the simple things. It was those simple things, which ultimately made me understand the graceful joy of breathing the fresh air upon every wake at dawn. That's also one way you play a game to have fun, and to express yourself through different ways, different eyes, differing perspective.

About tuning the guitar, it's probably the only thing which didn't really rang a bell to me. I didn't really understand the song he played just to tune the guitar, and how the synchronization of every notes on the strings actually worked. So yeah, it was quite a slump for me on practicing my guitar plays until I've read on a book about how the strings supposed to sound.

I still had a hard time tuning each string so the tune matches with each other in a way so the notes would produce such soft, swirling melody each time I played the chords. It changed just recently, after I kind of noticed about the resonance stuff when I plucked the two adjacent strings together. When the strings played the similar notes whilst being plucked together, it would produce a humming-like soothing voice of ambience.

The attempts to tune the guitar strings will finally produce a perfect resonance, resulting in a melody so beautiful unlike any other—a perfect harmony between those adjacent to each other. When you played several chords at a perfectly tuned guitar, the shimmering resonance will carry you to lands far away—completely freed of your worries, fears, despairs—everything will be set in stone alongside perfect balance.

Playing the guitar was one thing. There's many other ways to vent out stress, one of them could be playing games, watching stuff per se, or many things else only limited by one's very imagination. The best thing being the ones that you enjoy the most. There's also the matter always occurred whenever I actually did the things I really enjoy, and completely immersing myself upon it.

I completely forgot to take care of many things else. I also had find my own life being tediously boring with nothing much to do, and nothing much to accomplish.

All of those had changed by the time i begun playing games and start having fun again. Forget about the road to glory, if I can't even rejoice the moment when I'm just a nobody, I'll just be walking on towards the path of hell—with each time lapsed be even more meaningless than utterly doing nothing and just enjoy the timely peace.

Oh well, what's done is done I guess.

Xxx

Wounds that won't heal, those which left a scar—deeply entrenched. Memories of that time passed by; moments filling our withered souls with regret. At times you wished that opportune moment will come again, the time when you felt much younger, alleviated with energy, opulent time to waste.

You have to think it over again.

Do you want to wallow in the same pain, knowing that probably turning back towards yesterday would double your own despair, even more, that out there—no hope might be procured? The flow of time that cannot be stopped; it's just ourselves who stopped growing, stopped acting naturally. We left ourselves to wither; let our hearts bleed; a gaping void wide open to poke our hands in; hurting ourselves.

I had written lots of things containing regret, and hope for tomorrow. Many portions about the present time faked; shrouded; encapsulated. All of it was the message conveying hope so absolution—must I deeply fulfill—thus my salvation went. So does the raison d'etre to keep on moving forward.

There's always the culmination point where all of the things got saturated, time to finally give up for the new things to come.

The old ones will finally die, and their roles replaced by the fresher, younger generations.

Tick tock.

The last trump of Time's Judgment has been thrown.

Whenever may happen, or whatever will happen; I will accept it with open arms—naturally as I go.

Chapter 2 (Tubular Clocks II) : Illumination

I want you to finally notice me. A simple mention of my name would be more than enough.

No need to appreciate me and all of the nothingness that were lapsed, thinking that I exist and always have existed, would suffice to shed a tear of happiness onto my shrouded existence. For I am something invisible, something evidently hidden within the darkness, waiting for your light to permeate the depths of my abyss. I want to enjoy life for all its worth, that the time after time went by won't ever be disgraced.

When there's something I must do, it's about cherishing this moment. Every second passed; immortalizing the scenery within one minuscule point of history. A point that probably should be forgotten, realizing that I myself want to disappear from this world—towards the place nobody could ever reach. Neither gracefulness nor corruption shall tore its way into my serenity.

Wherever I went, thoughts of you flutter in the wind. I tried reaching my hand to touch you—still neither of my grasp would reach your very palm. Wanting to say a word or two, nothing would come by. I want to disappear from this world—watching it from its very shadows—yet, I want you to notice me for as long as you live—entrenching the fragments of past where yours and mine entwined in a psychedelic spiral.

You, a place where I could be myself, sharing each and every part of my thoughts freely. It's the place where I just stared through the open window, inhaling the unpolluted air, a comfy breeze. The words so ambience sang altogether near and further down like musical ensembles.

A cold briskly touch of the linoleum floor beneath my naked feet, portions covered by rugged carpet adorned in animal fur—still able to gently caress my feet remarkably. Firm and sturdy textures the mahogany tables and bookcases, a bed with the foundation made of furnished oak, place to sleep, fluffy wide matress spring bed with large sized pillows. Bedcover has that gentle brownish autumn color; there's a picture of the falling leaves from a certain forest nearby during autumn, with the pillows having the same texture.

Out there, it's a scent of lovely mountain air. Where the water feels cold, washing through my throat; its chilly whisk permeating my dry-laden throat. Waking up early in the morning, stretching my hands around, raising my feet, keeping my balance upright, steadying the posture. Its just an ordinary routing within a place called home, which is you. There's nothing as pleasant as the place to call home, where my heart and soul resides. Where I laughed, cried, overjoyed, or even being entrapped within my despair.

The touch of things homely enlightens me when things became utterly bleak.

After I finished my morning exercise, I went downstairs for the usual talk with my uncle. He was the figure which fills the void after my father had deceased a few years ago.



Morning breakfast.

There's the meal; ham and bacon sandwich. Glass three-quarters filled with fresh milk from the farmland mountain cows. One plateful of soupy vegetables with marinated vinegars as side dishing. My aunt was out there at the kitchen, wearing her apron, busy slicing up the fruits—putting it all up on the mixer. The ceiling lamp wasn't needed, the morning was bright enough, and the illumination spread through perfectly from all around the open window.

I took a glance down the nearby window sills; a sparrow flew by without a care in the world, rested nearby the brook of a willow tree. I was down at the table, gently nibbling the soupy thing. My uncle preoccupied by a little trinket shaped like a mini gnome. Yes, he was simply working on a mechanical gnome at the dining table.

He occassionally stroked his thickly opaque black beard, or even fixating the position of his glasses—the rim was thin, and the color of the lenses being of shallow blue color. The table was big enough, and the dining room was quite spacious—enough for us all to breathe and move around freely without even knocking any objects along the way. Looking out from this very perspective, bears a kind of similarity whilst looking up a scenery from a nearby tower.

This place is literally a tower from the outside though, a pretty big and spacious tower building having a flat, stone-floored rooftop armed with lightning wands—you know lightning gets sometimes fierce down the mountains. Solar panels here and there, a convenient power sourcing device. The device to power the mechanical gnomes out so they could be used by people—that's my uncle's job. He's done repairs and adjustments, but he never made the gnomes himself—it was basically manufactured from a certain factory—far away from here.

Probably about a fifteen minute walk on a steady pace.

My room was on the fourth floor, the downstairs was the third floor. It's a six-floor housing compartment with a spare spacce for a gnome workshop and alchemy laboratory towering atop the hills. Anyways, since I already described too much about the scenery, let's skip the part and let's go onward.

It's about the talk with my uncle...




























































"WHERE'S THE FUKKEN DIALOGUE DAMMIT!"



















...........said the narrator









I forgot, and I didn't feel like writing the rest.

So let's just end this chapter like that.

Trolololo...

Chapter 3 : End of Story












































































































































































I just don't feel like writing anything next, yeah.

So, it's the end for now.

Extra Chapter : Insignificance

I need help. Really need some help. Want to scream so much 'bout my incompetence. Nervous about what things awaited within the great beyond. The darkness strengthens the belief of uncertainty about many things unveiled within the future. Want to reach through my heart, alleviating the doubt and pain, as I need to keep on moving forward. The belief to crush the adversaries along the way, because out there, many people are waiting for me. Waiting for me to finally make my first, and probably final break.

So evidently in doubt it seems. Face down and pushing through. Keeping my head upright, without being able to look forward. My posture's brittle; my old skin shedding; torn to nothingness. I tried looking around, to see the hell's finally closing in on me. Want to cry, want to brace myself even further. The fiery pits closing in their brimstones, signifying the immolating fire. I'd like to take a breath, to calm myself down, that everything's going to be alright.

Would it finally be alright.

The darkness I want to break through, it was evidently an eternal darkness. A shade of doubt greater than ever, foreshadowed by the experiences I've been through, serving as the proof to not keep going anymore. Still, I kept on breaking through, to the other side. Pushing on the uncertainties, and when the opportune moments arise when I could finally catch my breath, I began to think—what an exhilarating thing it was. Similarly, it was reminiscent to a near-death experience. And I know one thing:

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Since there's no telling when I will die, the only option was to become stronger, and even stronger. For what really? There's no need a reason to become stronger, it seems. Just think of it as a natural cause maybe, that we grow, we develop, but at the same time, we deteriorate. So much I fear the significance of time, that the development came and mostly came by with deteriorating effects, and implications so grim I felt my actions finally made a difference in many things revolving around me.

Wish I could hide in the darkness one more time, be back like what it was once before. Still I know full well that I'm taking a path of no return, no detours, all that's left was only a straight line—albeit having the infinite spectrum of darkness ahead. Wish that I could be that little man yesterday once more, where my actions won't make a single difference in this world. This path I currently took, was no doubt, a big mistake.

The biggest mistake I've ever had in my life, but at the same moment, it was something which made this life truly worth living.

So much I felt nervous about the uncertainties, about the inconsistencies this words able to convey, and about my ability to communicate the ideas imprinted further deep away in my consciousness. Should I say things accordingly, or follow the book? I am nervous, I do not know to act like myself. Wish I could just hide in the dark, but the further I hid in the dark, the more reason yields to go out and converse in someone.

A great and further detail a conversation, a single line of thought, a paragraph of life, and when the pages were written and printed out, it seems to breathe life upon itself as it was read through the rim of my glasses. It conveys a history, the times lost, and the times that shall never be brought back again. It was the darkness that I feared, but it was also the darkness I wished to get back into. Maybe in other words, I want to go back to things that I feared, so I could finally settle the score and confront it once and for all.

So little to be known about myself. Who am I? What kind of things I like, and what kind of things I dislike? Where do I want to go? What's the purpose of me doing all of this? The questions that keeps on whirling to no end. At the uppermost point, it leads to the decay of very mind. Wish I could go back towards the eternal darkness I once belonged to, sitting still like a baby in the womb, confronting the adversaries once more and clear all the doubts before moving forth again.

The description was none. There was no indication about the time, the place, and the events. Only a moment of thought, and feelings to express. Wish I could once again gave the very life needed to convey my meanings accordingly. Still, the words could not be twisted in the slightest. I felt powerless about my own words, on how it kind of flew naturally, but at the same time, so much further outside my own control. So much I doubt myself able to provide something for the people in need, so powerless and brittle, I am.

It was fear, and that fear was me.



The candle lit across the room. Shadowy figures appear according to the direction I moved my hand. Grasping my pen, I wrote, within the heated-cold darkness. The window was open, and it was that early within the morning. The borderline point, a transition between innermost shadow and outermost light. The shadow converging with light, dissipating into the light itself, an indivisible communion with the byproduct of vision, the visual medium that comes with the distortion of both elements.

I moved my pen, moving it, again and again. Still no words managed to be written on paper. A shiver cold briskly wafts on my back, shudders emanate. Grasping the fear, wanting to throw it towards the open window. Sorry but I couldn't gather the resolve no matter what. Weak, that I was feeling. Unable to take a step further, nevertheless. This words convey no meaning, neither what I thought, nor what I actually felt. It was total chaos, a tripping hazard.

I would be happy if somehow, this disjointed words, sentences, paragraphs, could somehow convey the meaning. The worst I am being unable to convey it accordingly, something direct, precise, to the point, and at the same time, able to gave a worthwhile impact. Maybe it's just the way I am, on not being able to be so direct. That I want to hide the meanings even to myself, enveloping these writings within an abstract, imaginary darkness.

Blurry fog stuff which made oneself truly wonder.

Sorry if my words cannot be twisted and smelted to the point it could amuse even you and myself. My apologies that I'm unable to move according to the path you want me to belong, the path of you guys who supported me thus far. The biggest thing I want to amend was about the promises broken, that I'm unable to live up to your expectations within the slightest bit, and only able to cause utter disappointments.

Spouting out big and arrogant things just to look cool, disregarding it in the end. Making up even more lies, none of that fulfilled. All these flaws combined will make me become even less than a human, but supposedly, if I could ever be called a human being with all these mistakes, I shall rejoice.

At the very least, I shall be happy, and this will be something worthy of a celebration. One issue was that I didn't celebrate enough, or maybe there's no reason to celebrate anything, because it wasn't something I've been striving, but something which came by naturally just like the progression of time. There were times where I strive, yeah, and I also have desires, but in the end, it all results in something which my feelings took me by.

My very sorry that I couldn't trample upon my feelings anymore, but at the very least, please let me be a human, so my mistakes would be justified, even if it's far beyond help. I'll always welcome your help with open arms, and with a smile let you guide after me, setting my path straight away, illuminating my very darkness.

Being myself, my own brittle, fragile entity, was truly uncomfortable, but at least, with me saying this to you, it was a great time to sleigh my worries away. Maybe tomorrow won't ever come, but at the very least, if I'm able to hold your hand once more, it shall suffice.