''I love you, so I have to kill her.."
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Highly suggest that you get the Yandere text font made by my other Almond<3. It highly exemplifies the rage of the characters and helps you understand what the hell those random characters are there for. Well, here goes. My first Fic ever.
Chapter One,"More Precious Than Jewels"
Chapter One,"More Precious Than Jewels"
Spoiler:
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
That is a good prologue that actually establishes the setting of the story! (But I have read books that started the first chapter with the climax so I am perfectly happy with it being called the first chapter.) I think you used the "In medias res" technique didn't you?
I understood it very well. You see, I am of the opinion that conveying meaning is one of the more difficult things for any writer to do. From what I gather, "Man gets locked up and we get some idea of the personality of the person who locked him up."
Starting off in the climax of the story before cutting it off suddenly is a good idea. Indeed, if there were a continuation of the story from where you left off, I would have some misgivings as there was quite a lot that has yet to introduced like who is our main character, what he does, what his personality is, what is the setting of the story (beyond his place of imprisonment) and so on.
Would it develop into a mystery novel where the reader is left guessing who is Tawara's captor? Or would we know who Tawara's captor is immediately and decide that a focus into her (or dare I say his) personality would be better for the story? I would have to find the answers in the next few chapters.
One gripe: Surely we can name our character Tawara from the beginning of the story? I was nearly mislead into thinking that X and Tawara are two different persons!
Another gripe: Do you have any problems with the paragraphs? I think it would much easier to go through what you have written if you've adopted a different way of paragraphing.
I have a rather bad habit. If some piece of writing excites me, I would like to parody it. In fact, I already have a parody in mind with me being the victim!
I understood it very well. You see, I am of the opinion that conveying meaning is one of the more difficult things for any writer to do. From what I gather, "Man gets locked up and we get some idea of the personality of the person who locked him up."
Starting off in the climax of the story before cutting it off suddenly is a good idea. Indeed, if there were a continuation of the story from where you left off, I would have some misgivings as there was quite a lot that has yet to introduced like who is our main character, what he does, what his personality is, what is the setting of the story (beyond his place of imprisonment) and so on.
Would it develop into a mystery novel where the reader is left guessing who is Tawara's captor? Or would we know who Tawara's captor is immediately and decide that a focus into her (or dare I say his) personality would be better for the story? I would have to find the answers in the next few chapters.
One gripe: Surely we can name our character Tawara from the beginning of the story? I was nearly mislead into thinking that X and Tawara are two different persons!
Another gripe: Do you have any problems with the paragraphs? I think it would much easier to go through what you have written if you've adopted a different way of paragraphing.
I have a rather bad habit. If some piece of writing excites me, I would like to parody it. In fact, I already have a parody in mind with me being the victim!
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leonard267 wrote...
That is a good prologue that actually establishes the setting of the story! (But I have read books that started the first chapter with the climax so I am perfectly happy with it being called the first chapter.) I think you used the "In medias res" technique didn't you? I understood it very well. You see, I am of the opinion that conveying meaning is one of the more difficult things for any writer to do. From what I gather, "Man gets locked up and we get some idea of the personality of the person who locked him up."
Starting off in the climax of the story before cutting it off suddenly is a good idea. Indeed, if there were a continuation of the story from where you left off, I would have some misgivings as there was quite a lot that has yet to introduced like who is our main character, what he does, what his personality is, what is the setting of the story (beyond his place of imprisonment) and so on.
Would it develop into a mystery novel where the reader is left guessing who is Tawara's captor? Or would we know who Tawara's captor is immediately and decide that a focus into her (or dare I say his) personality would be better for the story? I would have to find the answers in the next few chapters.
One gripe: Surely we can name our character Tawara from the beginning of the story? I was nearly mislead into thinking that X and Tawara are two different persons!
Another gripe: Do you have any problems with the paragraphs? I think it would much easier to go through what you have written if you've adopted a different way of paragraphing.
I have a rather bad habit. If some piece of writing excites me, I would like to parody it. In fact, I already have a parody in mind with me being the victim!
You are just a bundle of fun, aren't you:3. Ill paragraph it later if I have time.
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Another gripe: Do you have any problems with the paragraphs? I think it would much easier to go through what you have written if you've adopted a different way of paragraphing.
I second this. You'd probably be likely to get more replies if it was easier to read. But of course, this forum isn't all that active anyway so your call. Also, is there a reason for the huge space in the spoiler after the chapter?