Is my story at least, decent?
1
I'm currently making a story but I don't know how well it goes. I'd like you guys to read my prologue first. please tell me what you think of it. I'm still a novice though. Anyways, here's how it goes:
I'm going to ask you a question.
If you made a promise overseas a decade ago, do you think that your partner will still remeber you? Let alone, your promise?
As for me, maybe. It happened to me 10 years ago, while I was still 6 years old. My family went to Germany because apparently, my daddy has his best friend/co-worker there. We spent a whole year there and due to that, I learned how to speak German in spite of being a pure English lady.
There, I met a friendly boy. His hair was blonde, like his mom's, and his eyes, a deep blue. He was shy and was a crybaby. We went to the same kindergarten but I only stayed there for a year. I befriended him and well, we became best friends.
But those happy times vanished quickly. Before I knew it, we already had to go back home; here in London.
.
.
.
But that's not the end of the story.
Before leaving, Uncle and his family took us to the airport. Suddenly my friend walked towards me and took something out of his pocket. Those words... The ones he told me, they're still as clear as day.
"Versprich mir, dass, wenn wir uns wieder treffen, würden sie das tragen dieser winzigen glockenspiel glocke."
He told me, "Promise me that if we meet again, you would be wearing this little chime bell."
Actually, I was already crying at that point because he still managed to give me a memorial gift on my flight. That is why I, rummaged through my bag to find something worth giving to him. Inside my bag, I found my broken watch locket. I know, it's already broken and unusable but it was the only thing that I could give to him at that moment. The clock was stopped at exactly 5:24.
That time, I was the one who spoke, "Ja, ich werde auf jeden fall tragen es jeden tag, so dass ich bis zu unserem versprechen leben."
Meaning, "Yes, I'll definitely wear it everyday so that I can live up to our promise."
"Aber," I continued. "Sie müssen versprechen, dass, wenn wir uns wieder treffen, werden Sie diese Uhr Medaillon am Hals haben, und es sollte immer noch um 5:24 sein, okay?"
("But, you have to promise that if we meet again, you'll have this watch locket on your neck and it should still be at 5:24, alright?")
He nodded and we made a pinky-promise. Honestly, I was very, very embarrassed to tell him how I really feel that's why I just told him this;
" I love you, I always will..."
Judging by their reactions, I think his parents and my parents were really surprised. My friend was just about the same age as me then, so I doubted that he actually understood me. After that, I gave him a little kiss on the cheek. I ran off with my parents with a last bye-bye wave and went back home.
I'm going to ask you a question.
If you made a promise overseas a decade ago, do you think that your partner will still remeber you? Let alone, your promise?
As for me, maybe. It happened to me 10 years ago, while I was still 6 years old. My family went to Germany because apparently, my daddy has his best friend/co-worker there. We spent a whole year there and due to that, I learned how to speak German in spite of being a pure English lady.
There, I met a friendly boy. His hair was blonde, like his mom's, and his eyes, a deep blue. He was shy and was a crybaby. We went to the same kindergarten but I only stayed there for a year. I befriended him and well, we became best friends.
But those happy times vanished quickly. Before I knew it, we already had to go back home; here in London.
.
.
.
But that's not the end of the story.
Before leaving, Uncle and his family took us to the airport. Suddenly my friend walked towards me and took something out of his pocket. Those words... The ones he told me, they're still as clear as day.
"Versprich mir, dass, wenn wir uns wieder treffen, würden sie das tragen dieser winzigen glockenspiel glocke."
He told me, "Promise me that if we meet again, you would be wearing this little chime bell."
Actually, I was already crying at that point because he still managed to give me a memorial gift on my flight. That is why I, rummaged through my bag to find something worth giving to him. Inside my bag, I found my broken watch locket. I know, it's already broken and unusable but it was the only thing that I could give to him at that moment. The clock was stopped at exactly 5:24.
That time, I was the one who spoke, "Ja, ich werde auf jeden fall tragen es jeden tag, so dass ich bis zu unserem versprechen leben."
Meaning, "Yes, I'll definitely wear it everyday so that I can live up to our promise."
"Aber," I continued. "Sie müssen versprechen, dass, wenn wir uns wieder treffen, werden Sie diese Uhr Medaillon am Hals haben, und es sollte immer noch um 5:24 sein, okay?"
("But, you have to promise that if we meet again, you'll have this watch locket on your neck and it should still be at 5:24, alright?")
He nodded and we made a pinky-promise. Honestly, I was very, very embarrassed to tell him how I really feel that's why I just told him this;
" I love you, I always will..."
Judging by their reactions, I think his parents and my parents were really surprised. My friend was just about the same age as me then, so I doubted that he actually understood me. After that, I gave him a little kiss on the cheek. I ran off with my parents with a last bye-bye wave and went back home.
1
xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
As I have gone on a recent Nisekoi binge, hopefully there won't be too many identical clocks going around!
Anyways, to answer your question, it is decent. To truly assess anything though, you'll probably want to post a couple chapters at least.
Also, is it important to have the characters speaking German? While the prologue is set in Germany, it does not necessarily have to have German dialogue. Kind of like when a story is set in Japan, but the dialogue is written in English. The language is generally assumed to be native to where the story takes place unless stated otherwise.
Anyways, to answer your question, it is decent. To truly assess anything though, you'll probably want to post a couple chapters at least.
Also, is it important to have the characters speaking German? While the prologue is set in Germany, it does not necessarily have to have German dialogue. Kind of like when a story is set in Japan, but the dialogue is written in English. The language is generally assumed to be native to where the story takes place unless stated otherwise.
0
No, actually, I just did the German thing in order to emphasize it.
As I wrote on my topic, this is jst a prologue, so the next chapters will contain English dialogues since the permanent setting will be in London. This wil hold true for the following chapters as well. Thank you, though.
As I wrote on my topic, this is jst a prologue, so the next chapters will contain English dialogues since the permanent setting will be in London. This wil hold true for the following chapters as well. Thank you, though.
