Knocking on Heaven's door (Short Story)

"Hello?"


"Anyone?"


The sound of footsteps, his footsteps were the only sound accompanying. The pace started to become faster and faster.


"Hello?"


His breath started to become more and more rapid. Up to a point where he has to stop and started panting.


"Help..."


The place was dark as the night. No. It's even darker. There's nothing to be seen at all except a small light on top of him that has been shining him all the time. The only thing he could ever felt was the cold ground he's standing on. The only scent he could smell was the scent of a flower. The only way he could be going is nowhere. There's nothing on the floor, no rock, no cement, no tiles, no asphalt. The ground was flat as it could get. The road was never-ending.


"It's no use..."


The boy sighed as he sat down on the floor. With nothing but disappointment, he look around him for any signs of human. After a few glances, he gave up.


"What is this place.."
"How did I even get here?"


The boy put his head around his arms as he lay back on the ground facing the sky, or whatever is up there.


"That light.."
"..Haven't changed at all"


He noticed that the 'light' haven't moved, changed or disappear since he got in that place.


"Hey you!"
"The light... can you speak?"


Silence was the only thing in the air. Nothing could be heard at all.


"I guess not..."
"...I think I'm going crazy.."


The boy glares upon the 'light' in hoping something that something would happen. It is either that or he's just having a staring competition.


"You know..."
"... This day was my birthday.."
".....I was on my way to my house and then there's.."
"..there's.."
"umm.."


The boy stopped talking and his head began to hurt. It seems he's unable to remember anything after it. He started to struggle in pain, screaming, shouting. Images flashes in his head, one after another.


After a minute of nothing but pain, he stopped and passed out in his own arms.


"hey..."
"wake up.."
"..wake uppp.."


A voice was heard. Even though the boy is still unconscious, but somehow he could listen. The voice a girl, a young girl. He opens his eyes slowly to see a young girl in front of him, smiling.


"..Good morning!"
The girl shouted. The boy, on the other hand is speechless. Stuttering, trying to find the correct sentence to say.


"umm.. who are you?"
The boy asked.


"Me? .. I'm the moon"
She replied.


"moon?"
"What moon?"
Confusion was clearly on his face as he says those words. The girl just smiled. Then, she stood up and does one of those transformation moves usually does by the superhero in television. Hands down it was the weirdest thing the boy have ever seen. The girl ended the so-called dance by putting two of her fingers between her eyes before swinging it upwards toward the 'sky'.


"I'm the spirit of the moon~"


"That's a moon!!??"
The boy was shocked to know that the circular thing that has been shining his surrounding was a moon.


The girl sat down again and started explaining. For the boy, it was the worst subject ever to learn and yet he still keep his focus. Probably just to please the girl's heart.
After a brief explanation of what a 'moon' is, the girl ask for a confirmation.


"Get it?"


"Yeeeees, teeaaacher"
The boy answered.


After a small laugh between those two, they started talking, and talking. Time pass on quickly without notice. The girl did all the questioning, and the boy do the answering. It seems like an endless conversation.


"Umm.. a question"
"What is this place?"


The girl smile disappeared. She scratched her head, and look around. She stood up and started jumping with her hand over her eyes, trying to see the distance. Other than that, she also tried to feel the wind by wetting her fingers and point it upward.
After a few minutes, she sat down again and sighed.


"I have no idea"


"That's not good."
The boy sighed.


"Why?.."
The girl asked.


"I need to get out of here"
He answered.


"Do you.."
"..Do you hate me?"
The girl stuttered.


"Why would you say that?"
The boy wonders in confusion.


"Then why do you want to leave me?!"
The girl shouted.


"Calm down. I don't want to leave you, you're a great friend...."
"... you're my only friend.."
The boy's voice become low.


"To be honest, I don't have any friends or family. I was all alone from the beginning.."
"The only place I could ever call home was the orphanage. The only family I have is the care-takers....."


".."
The girl didn't say anything. It seems the conversation has ended. No one talked after that. They just lay back on the cold floor watching the 'moon' shines. Time move on as usual but this time it's slower. Both of them started fall asleep because there's nothing more to say, nothing more to keep them awake.


After a few hours of sleep, the boy woke up. He stretches his arm and yawn as big as he could yawn.


As he stands up, something caught his attention. A big thing somehow appeared from nowhere. Trying to figure what happen he turns around and saw the girl knitting something.


"Umm.. girl.."
"..Do you know what that is?"
The boy asked as he point the big thing.


"What thing?"
"I don't see a thing."
"Why would there be a thing here"
"Did you know that the moon is actually a star?"
The girl startled.


"I mean that big thing there."
The boy turns the girl's head toward the 'thing'.


"umm. I don't... know?"
She answered.


"I'll go check it out"
The boy started walking toward the 'thing'. He suddenly felt a heavy feeling. It's not his feeling, the girl is hanging on to his leg.


"Please don't go there."
"See? There's nothing there"
The girl tried turning the boy around and change his focus to something else.


"I can't believe you didn't see this thing. I mean.. It's huge."
As the boy get closer to the 'thing' he notices something.


"Hmm.. there's a blanket covering it."


"Damn"
"He saw through the disguise"
"I know I should have use the wall trick"
The girl whispered.


The boy grab the end of the blanket, and pull it with all his might. It shocked the boy when he knows that the 'thing' was actually a door. To where is still unknown but it is clear that the thing is a door.


"Hey, would you look at that!"
"It's a door"
"Let's talk about how cool doors are"


The girl suddenly appeared from behind the boy and tries to talk him into doing something else. It seems the girl is hiding something.


"I feel..."
"somehow.."
"I need to get through this door"
The boy started sweating. It's weird because he has never sweat at all during his time in that place. Even when he was running amok.


"Don't!!"
"There's... there's nothing behind that door"
"Why would there be a something behind a door like that"
"The thing is don't open it. Don't ... don't walk through it!"
The girl started to stuttered again.


The boy started to notice the girl's suspicious behaviour. He pulled the girl away from the door and reached for the doorknob.


"Here goes nothing"
As he opens the door. He saw nothing but a bright light but he keep on moving. All of a sudden, he found himself in a hospital. Inside a ward. He look around and notices a kid in one of the bed, alone. He slowly creep closer and take a good look. Just to know that it was him. He was the one who's laying on the bed, unconscious and surrounded with appliances. He rubbed his eyes for he can't believe what he have seen.


He tried touching 'himself' to know if it's was real but it was futile. The girl grab his arm and pulled him back, back to the door. The boy's face was white as if he have encountered a ghost. He can't believe what he saw. Was it real? or an illusion?


"Who am i?"
He said as he stares on his two hands.


"You're..."
"A ghost..."
The girl muttered.


"Am.. I dead?"
The boy replied slowly. He started breathing faster, and faster.


"No.."
"Not yet..."
The girl replied. She sat down, and started explaining. The boy listens carefully, giving all of his focus.


"You were hit... by an oncoming truck... on your way to the... orphanage.."
"..They say you wouldn't make it.. but somehow you're still alive when you arrived at the hospital.."
"...Even though you're alive, you're stuck in a deep coma"


The girl explained. The boy was still speechless. The girl continued on how he got here. It seems the boy's spirit is stuck in a place called the "Place of Lost Souls", a gap between heaven and earth. A place where people who are supposed to be dead, but aren't stays until they finally make a decision. A decision to live or to move on.


The souls who are lost, are given a door. A door to back to their original places, or known as earth. If they touch their body, they'll take over it and regain health slowly and after a few days, they will be as healthy as they were before.


Of course, only a few who have ever take that chance. Others just gave up. Their life was already falling, dying.


"You mean... If I touch my body.."
"I can be alive again?"
The boy asked as he stood up and walked toward the door.


"ummm.. yes"
The girl muttered quietly. She held her arms and started rubbing her eyes.


"I'm going then"
The boy spirit rises and put his hand on the doorknob again. As he turns the doorknob, he couldn't shake the feeling of something heavy. He turned around and saw the girl sobbing, holding in her tears, her feelings. He tried to comfort the girl with smooth word and promises.


"I'll be back.. I promise.."


"No you're not... you're ...going to live your life ...with someone else ..and ..and...forgot all about me"
The girl held in her tears, and keep on rubbing her eyes.


"I'll always remember you..."
The boy replied in order to please the girl's heart.


"Then stay..."
"I'll ...I'll...put some furniture and a tv or some sort around here."
"..or.. or an arcade.."
"....a fountain..."
"..anything..."
"..just don't leave..."
The girl cried her heart out. Letting everything out. The boy put his arms around the girl and whispered into her ears.


"I'll be back... I promise..."
He turned back and walk away. Turning the doorknob without hesitation. As he turned around, the only thing he could see was the door closing and the vision of a girl crying. The door closes and the vision vanished.


Then what happened? The boy lives his life, growing up even though in a harsh situation. He got in a university and graduated on the top of his class. He even open his own business. Let's just say that the boy's life was getting better by the minute. He was able to own a company worth millions and have a family that loves him as any normal family would. But, he never marries. His good looks, money and fame sure brings a lot of women in his doorstep but he reject all of them. His family? All of it are his old friends from the orphanage. His life? Let's just say, he's happy.


The girl? She still waiting, for the day the boy would come back. She wait and wait, and wait. Her eyes no longer cries and her heart is no longer broken. But one thing was clear, she still haven't given up.


After 60 years of waiting. The girl hears a sound, a cracking sound. She started to run around, searching the source. Didn't took her long to notice that it was the sound of an old door opening. And behind that door was a man, a man who once step foot at that place long time ago.


"You came back.."
".... and you look a bit old.."
Said the girl.


"Sorry for making you wait..."
"....I'm back...."
The boy replied. He was much older, or old. He's now around 65 years old, with a long beard and walking around with a stick. But, in the girl's eyes was a gentleman, a man worth to be wait for.


"Well... would you look at that.."
"You've grown too and this place is different"
The boy said.


The girl is no longer a crybaby she used to be. She's now much older and much more prettier. The place that used to be dark, creepy, cold is now a place where there's mountain, forest, fountains, hd tv, a long couch and in the middle of it is a house, a manor to be exact.


"Come here!"
The girl pulled the boy's arm and runs toward the manor.


"Girl, I'm not strong as I used to be.."
The boy replied. He tried to stop her but he was no match for the girl's strength. His walking stick falls to the floor and now he has to keep up. Even though it was exhausting, but somehow, every step he runs with the girl, his energy is coming, his beard started to fall, his hair started to become black once again, his broken back which look like the hunchback of notre dame is now straightening on its own. It seems he has become much younger.


As they arrived in front of the manor, the first thing that caught the boy's attention is an altar, and a bunch of people he never knew, with the grim reaper holding a book.


"Is everyone here?"
The so-called grim reaper asked. The grim reaper has one of those cool deep voice you get from the main character in a movie.


"Yes.."
The girl replied.


"Wait...."
"...The grim reaper is our priest?"
The boy asked out of confusion.


"Why? It's his day off"
"Anyway, let's start the ceremony"
The girl exclaimed.


"Alright then.."
"Do you, boy, take this girl as your lawfully..
"*cough*cough* if we even have any law *Cough*"
"...wedded wife?"
Said the grim reaper.


"I do.."
The boy replied.


The grim reaper asked the same thing toward the girl. The answer was yes. And so the ceremony continues.


"I....ummm.. I forgot my name again..."
"...I, boy , take you, girl, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until...."
"...Ummm.. until..."


The boy stopped in his track and think deeply.


"Until what?"


The girl asked.


"...Until anything parts us.."
"*cough*cough* which I doubt it *cough*


The boy replied and smile toward the girl.

"Well then, you may kiss the bride"
Said the grim reaper as he cuts the ribbon that has been hanging over his head with his grim reaping equipment.


The boy slowly leaned toward the girl and gave her his very first kiss. And like any other stories, they live happily ever after.

The story itself isn't a bad one. Unfortunately it's very poorly written with more grammar mistakes than I could keep up with and terrible description. I think if you go back over it and have a look even you'll see some very amateurish language and techniques (or lack thereof). Hopefully you'll decide to rewrite this properly seeing as I don't think it's a lost cause.