My Most Recent Poem (critiques?)
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I tried to mix game imagery into my poetry as it was written for someone who particularly enjoys the things I referenced in this. Though that particular person hated the poem.
ANYWAYS I'm open to critiques and would love feedback in general. (also warning, vulgar language)
The title is "The Princess is in Another Castle"
ANYWAYS I'm open to critiques and would love feedback in general. (also warning, vulgar language)
The title is "The Princess is in Another Castle"
Spoiler:
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
I believe it was what the princess said while she is in another castle? That was very clever of you. Can I ask if I am right and what did each stanza mean roughly?
While I am rescinding away
Down into the hollow crevices within
Allowing myself to unwind into a strand
That is finally beginning to fray.
I did not understand these lines. Rescind means annulling an order, a command or a law. Did you mean take back or draw back?
Hollow crevices within refers to the Princess's place of imprisonment isn't it?
Why the metaphor of a strand of hair or piece of rope in the last two lines? Allegorical of her sanity and her feelings of despair?
While I am rescinding away
Down into the hollow crevices within
Allowing myself to unwind into a strand
That is finally beginning to fray.
I did not understand these lines. Rescind means annulling an order, a command or a law. Did you mean take back or draw back?
Hollow crevices within refers to the Princess's place of imprisonment isn't it?
Why the metaphor of a strand of hair or piece of rope in the last two lines? Allegorical of her sanity and her feelings of despair?
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The first stanza is supposed to be someone revoking an agreement and withdrawing inward. You could even say it's an unspoken age-old law of "women and children first" and guys always being White Knights. The last two lines of it are just that person's relief that they can finally "unwind", almost like a guitar string can unwind, when you unwind it you fray the ends.
I was thinking of a guitar string when I wrote it at least lol.
You could summarize the poem by saying this. The person the poem was written for doesn't truly appreciate the independence of the woman they're with because they're always trying to assist them like Mario rescues the Princess. Another day, another castle. The poem is subliminally trying to tell that person that, despite not being a "blonde, blue-eyed damsel" like Princess Toadstool, who always requires help, that doesn't change the love they feel. They want to help the rescuer, not the other way around.
I was thinking of a guitar string when I wrote it at least lol.
You could summarize the poem by saying this. The person the poem was written for doesn't truly appreciate the independence of the woman they're with because they're always trying to assist them like Mario rescues the Princess. Another day, another castle. The poem is subliminally trying to tell that person that, despite not being a "blonde, blue-eyed damsel" like Princess Toadstool, who always requires help, that doesn't change the love they feel. They want to help the rescuer, not the other way around.
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
This is actually really well written. It's hard to believe anyone couldn't like this if they understand the references. There are a couple that I noticed, namely Legend of Zelda, obvious Mario, and Star Wars, perhaps more. I really really enjoyed the tempo, and it's not too difficult to follow.
Very nice.
Very nice.
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Xenon wrote...
This is actually really well written. It's hard to believe anyone couldn't like this if they understand the references. There are a couple that I noticed, namely Legend of Zelda, obvious Mario, and Star Wars, perhaps more. I really really enjoyed the tempo, and it's not too difficult to follow.Very nice.
Thank you. That actually really really means a lot, that and you noticed a lot of the references which is even more awesome :)
"Brittania" is probably the one most people won't get. It's from an old online video game named "Ultima Online". The person I wrote this poem for has a map of Britannia hanging on his wall.
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
mdarkanima wrote...
It's from an old online video game named "Ultima Online".I have heard of—but never played—it. Not my particular preference in games. Nice of you to explain, though.
If you have more poetry, you should most certainly share with the section. At least, if you ever produce more.
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Xenon wrote...
mdarkanima wrote...
It's from an old online video game named "Ultima Online".I have heard of—but never played—it. Not my particular preference in games. Nice of you to explain, though.
If you have more poetry, you should most certainly share with the section. At least, if you ever produce more.
I usually post my work on DeviantArt here's a link http://mdarkpoet.deviantart.com/
The second poem on the site after the video game one I shared I also think is halfway ok lol.
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Xenon wrote...
This is actually really well written. It's hard to believe anyone couldn't like this if they understand the references. There are a couple that I noticed, namely Legend of Zelda, obvious Mario, and Star Wars, perhaps more. I really really enjoyed the tempo, and it's not too difficult to follow.Very nice.
Alas, I could not understand it. Very interesting how this relates to a woman who is frustrated with her partner for being overprotective. If anyone can provide an in depth analysis of the poem I would be happy.
I am sure the author would be happy too to have people discussing his poem.
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leonard267 wrote...
Alas, I could not understand it. Very interesting how this relates to a woman who is frustrated with her partner for being overprotective. If anyone can provide an in depth analysis of the poem I would be happy.
I am sure the author would be happy too to have people discussing his poem.
Sometimes I don't even understand my own poetry lol. I use it as an outlet for my emotions and my frustration, that, and I really enjoy delivering a message in a unique way whether it's through music or writing.
I think the poem is open for interpretation in any form. None will be necessarily wrong. I interpret it as a woman frustrated by being overprotected because, while writing it, I AM a woman frustrated by being overprotected. I don't like people helping me, I like being able to support myself.
But the poem uses metaphor, so who knows? lol