My True Original Story
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Here are my story that I was thinking for a while. Since this is my first writing a story. Don't spam me for it, I wouldn't care and reply any of it. But you surely can comment on my story more or less maybe it can improve something to the story. I'm planning to update it daily dunno if it was possible yet. Let's just see in near future. This story that I make is based from idea to make Vn. There are choice in near future just wait for it. The tag are Action, Romance, Fantasy, Sci-fi, Comedy
[spoil]It’s almost Christmas and the snow start to fall from the sky.
Stand little girl who looks through the window outside.
Watching one of the nature beautiful scenery around her.
She was in daze and frozen in time like the cold weather outside.
Until……….
[Little Girl] : “What are you doing?”
With a bright smile the girl ask the boy who looks like her age.
[Boy] : “…………”
The boy doesn’t answer her question. He just silently looks at the girl for a moment and start to walk away slowly.
[Little Girl] : “Hey, where are you going?”
The boy stops for a second and take a glance at the girl. The boy whole bodies tremble in response to the cold weather.
[Boy] : “I don’t know.”
He said that word while looking down with cold eyes and sad face. Then he took a next step and slowly advances in the opposite direction of the girl.
[Little Girl] : “…………….”
Seeing the boy getting farther away with each step. She feels ache and uneasy in her heart.
[Boy] : “………….”
She knew this sad feeling once and tries to recall her past memories.
*Step …….… Step*
She remembers the past moment when her father died and leaving her along with her mother. Doesn’t want to leave the boy alone and having the same feeling twice in her life.
Then she grabs a hold of the boy cold hand and said……….
~I need a friend to share a lot of fun things. So, I want you to live here with me~
Continuing in The Present
Part 1
The sun has starting to rise up thus morning have arrived
[Girl] : “……………..an”
I feel like, I heard something from outside. Is it calling for me?
[Girl] : “Ni…….an. Ar….. …u ….ake yet?”
The sounds come from outside the room.
[Kiriya] : “Hnng.”
*Opening the door*
[Girl] : “Geez, Onichan always careless when he was asleep.”
I can feel someone stare at me but my mind is still asleep.
[Girl] : “Hmm? Ooh, so this is Onichan…..”
What is this feeling? This sensation is making me restless.
[Girl] *Poke at his swelling bulge on his lower pants*
[Girl] : “Oooh. It twitches and moves.”
[Girl] *Poke at his bulge some more*
[Kiriya] : “Hnng.”
What is it? Leave me alone already. I want to sleep some more.
[Girl] : “Nngh, This not satisfied me. I want to see and touch it directly now.”
What is it that person want to see and touch directly?
[Kiriya] *Slowly open his eyes*
[Girl] *Open his zipper and start to pull down his pants*
At the same time Kiriya open his eyes. He sees a girl grab hold and pulling his pants down.
[Kiriya] : “Geh.”
[Girl] : “Ah.”
The morning ceremony of silence before the storm crushing down.
[Kiriya] : “WHAT THE HELL, ARE YOU DOING IN THE MORNING!?!”
Part 2
I washed my face in the bathroom to clear my mind.
[Kiriya] : “Geez, what the hell is she thinking about. Doing such a thing in early morning!”
The girl who pulls my pants down sadly is my sister with the same age as me.
[Kiriya] : “Well, can she at least warn me before start to doing that!”
The thing is she confess her love for me a several weeks ago and since then she started making a move on me.
[Kiriya] : “How stupid of me. There’s no way something as good as her give me a warning beforehand.”
When the day she’s confess to me. I thought it was just a joke and brush it aside even though she was clinging to my arm.
[Kiriya] : “With that personality of hers, it’s was impossible in every way!”
After I realized in the next days that her confession was not a spur of moment. I try to protest and get some help from our father. But he just said……..
[Father] : “Well, now. I’m not worried about your future partner any longer.”
That damned father saying unreasonable thing. Why can he not be more responsible in this case?
[Haruna] : “Onichan, how long do you want to keep holed up in the bathroom because of this morning accident. If you feel happy from this morning just say so, there’s no need to think it by yourself.”
[Kiriya] : “Who stated that incident was an accident!! And I can assure you that I’m not happy of what you did back then!”
[Haruna] : “Aw, why not?”
[Kiriya] : “This just tired me out. Ah, my head feels dizzy.”
[Haruna] : “Anyway, eat some breakfast first. Onichan, must be hungry right?”
Did she make a breakfast before waking me up? Cause I don’t hear her cooking when I go to the bathroom.
[Kiriya] : “Did you cook something before waking me up, Haruna?”
[Haruna] : “Yeah, this morning breakfast is special! I’m thinking about it all since last night!”
[Kiriya] : “Oh.”
Well, at least she was useful to make breakfast for me in the morning. Then we arrive in the dining room. After that I took a seat in the table.
[Kiriya] : “Haruna, where are the breakfast?”
[Haruna] : “Wait a sec, I need to prepare!”
As soon as she said that he takes my hand.
[Haruna] *takes his hand and place it in her breast*
With an icy tone and cold eye. I stared straight in her face and make my disinterest to be heard.
[Kiriya] : “What are you doing?”
[Haruna] : “You can eat me until you satisfied!”
[Kiriya] : “I DON”T WANTS ANY!!!”
The Beginning
[spoil]It’s almost Christmas and the snow start to fall from the sky.
Stand little girl who looks through the window outside.
Watching one of the nature beautiful scenery around her.
She was in daze and frozen in time like the cold weather outside.
Until……….
[Little Girl] : “What are you doing?”
With a bright smile the girl ask the boy who looks like her age.
[Boy] : “…………”
The boy doesn’t answer her question. He just silently looks at the girl for a moment and start to walk away slowly.
[Little Girl] : “Hey, where are you going?”
The boy stops for a second and take a glance at the girl. The boy whole bodies tremble in response to the cold weather.
[Boy] : “I don’t know.”
He said that word while looking down with cold eyes and sad face. Then he took a next step and slowly advances in the opposite direction of the girl.
[Little Girl] : “…………….”
Seeing the boy getting farther away with each step. She feels ache and uneasy in her heart.
[Boy] : “………….”
She knew this sad feeling once and tries to recall her past memories.
*Step …….… Step*
She remembers the past moment when her father died and leaving her along with her mother. Doesn’t want to leave the boy alone and having the same feeling twice in her life.
Then she grabs a hold of the boy cold hand and said……….
~I need a friend to share a lot of fun things. So, I want you to live here with me~
Continuing in The Present
Part 1
The sun has starting to rise up thus morning have arrived
[Girl] : “……………..an”
I feel like, I heard something from outside. Is it calling for me?
[Girl] : “Ni…….an. Ar….. …u ….ake yet?”
The sounds come from outside the room.
[Kiriya] : “Hnng.”
*Opening the door*
[Girl] : “Geez, Onichan always careless when he was asleep.”
I can feel someone stare at me but my mind is still asleep.
[Girl] : “Hmm? Ooh, so this is Onichan…..”
What is this feeling? This sensation is making me restless.
[Girl] *Poke at his swelling bulge on his lower pants*
[Girl] : “Oooh. It twitches and moves.”
[Girl] *Poke at his bulge some more*
[Kiriya] : “Hnng.”
What is it? Leave me alone already. I want to sleep some more.
[Girl] : “Nngh, This not satisfied me. I want to see and touch it directly now.”
What is it that person want to see and touch directly?
[Kiriya] *Slowly open his eyes*
[Girl] *Open his zipper and start to pull down his pants*
At the same time Kiriya open his eyes. He sees a girl grab hold and pulling his pants down.
[Kiriya] : “Geh.”
[Girl] : “Ah.”
The morning ceremony of silence before the storm crushing down.
[Kiriya] : “WHAT THE HELL, ARE YOU DOING IN THE MORNING!?!”
Part 2
I washed my face in the bathroom to clear my mind.
[Kiriya] : “Geez, what the hell is she thinking about. Doing such a thing in early morning!”
The girl who pulls my pants down sadly is my sister with the same age as me.
[Kiriya] : “Well, can she at least warn me before start to doing that!”
The thing is she confess her love for me a several weeks ago and since then she started making a move on me.
[Kiriya] : “How stupid of me. There’s no way something as good as her give me a warning beforehand.”
When the day she’s confess to me. I thought it was just a joke and brush it aside even though she was clinging to my arm.
[Kiriya] : “With that personality of hers, it’s was impossible in every way!”
After I realized in the next days that her confession was not a spur of moment. I try to protest and get some help from our father. But he just said……..
[Father] : “Well, now. I’m not worried about your future partner any longer.”
That damned father saying unreasonable thing. Why can he not be more responsible in this case?
[Haruna] : “Onichan, how long do you want to keep holed up in the bathroom because of this morning accident. If you feel happy from this morning just say so, there’s no need to think it by yourself.”
[Kiriya] : “Who stated that incident was an accident!! And I can assure you that I’m not happy of what you did back then!”
[Haruna] : “Aw, why not?”
[Kiriya] : “This just tired me out. Ah, my head feels dizzy.”
[Haruna] : “Anyway, eat some breakfast first. Onichan, must be hungry right?”
Did she make a breakfast before waking me up? Cause I don’t hear her cooking when I go to the bathroom.
[Kiriya] : “Did you cook something before waking me up, Haruna?”
[Haruna] : “Yeah, this morning breakfast is special! I’m thinking about it all since last night!”
[Kiriya] : “Oh.”
Well, at least she was useful to make breakfast for me in the morning. Then we arrive in the dining room. After that I took a seat in the table.
[Kiriya] : “Haruna, where are the breakfast?”
[Haruna] : “Wait a sec, I need to prepare!”
As soon as she said that he takes my hand.
[Haruna] *takes his hand and place it in her breast*
With an icy tone and cold eye. I stared straight in her face and make my disinterest to be heard.
[Kiriya] : “What are you doing?”
[Haruna] : “You can eat me until you satisfied!”
[Kiriya] : “I DON”T WANTS ANY!!!”
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First off, congratulations for making it here! You did a good job in writing this. Unfortunately, it is not your best work. You're missing a lot of letters, and that format by itself is hard to read. You wrote this for a VN, but unfortunately, it's not a VN, so it would help to add descriptions. Your intro could've used more impact, more...heart-wrenchingness. I believe it was about being lost and trying to find your place in the world, but it could've used more feeling. Because the characters and the narrative use that blocky English, I have a hard time connecting to them, but it's great that you give us a good look into the main protagonist's head. Anyways, good luck!