Neo's Writings

I've walked on countless ruined roads alone
Facing and plowing through the winds that rejects me
Threading on thin grounds and narrow space, refusing my existence
I've ran through mass of pain and sorrow alone
Not one hand has ever been able nor want to reach me
Walking blindly with my head always high, through this abyss
My feet pinned down to the formless platform, unable to fall
Until the day a hand reaches out to me
I'll keep on walking on this unknown road, through uncertainty alone

In the garden of sinners
Seeds are sleeping beneath the ground
Light never shine upon this field of verdure
The crop grows by the sins of human
By the blood of the sinners
The plant grows by sorrow, hate and despair
Never to see the light and warmth of the sun
These seeds will grow up to be but filled with darkness

As snow falls into my naked hand
I watch it melt away so quickly
As I see it vanish, I ask myself
"Is our love so short lasting?
Like this little snow
So small, so frail, that lived such a short life?
Will I be able to keep her happy?"
I watched the sky, as the snow fall onto my face
As they melt down my cheeks
Like I was crying, since...
We both know, that our ties have become thin...
The snow, knew as much as me
That tears couldn't come out of my eyes
Thus, it had to cry for me
To shoulder my sadness that I couldn't bring out

Her soft and light body rest on my chest
She speaks slowly and softly
About the moments of happiness we had
The laughs that we shared, the quarrels that we underwent
As she talked, I saw her smiling, spinning around
In a field filled with beautiful
Her smile accentuated by the shining sun
As my eyes are closed and imagine the soothing scene
It has suddenly become quiet...
She... has left this world, with a smile on her face...

I live in a world of black and white, yet, I see colors, but those tint, are they fake or are they real?
Is this monochrome atmosphere making me want to see those colors?
Or are those colors helping breaking myself free from this single minded twisted world?
Not to be able to think for oneself, this world is only driven by one and only purpose, to live the life that it's been given, and not the life that they want to live through...
If I were to reach out my hands and paint this world and show the beauty of the colors, will they realize their foolishness?
Or will I just be looked at with eyes of disdain?
For what I care, I'm tired of this monotone world, and if I were to leave, I'd take anyone who's ready to fulfill their dreams with me, and paint our own world.

Clouded by sadness, hidden by sorrow
I have yet to feel happiness
I have yet to smile
I have yet to feel the warmth of love
Parents, lovers, friends, strangers...
None of them...
Yet... Today... I'm filled with such warmth...
Brought by such a wonderful entourage
Who kept reaching their hands out to me
Who kept helping stand up
Who kept making want to continue on
And on, until I can repay them back
With the new life that they gave me
The new life that casted away darkness
That gave birth to a brighter tomorrow

This week, all three of you fell asleep for eternity
Leaving us with tears of sadness and regards to a peaceful rest
As for me, I always wanted to tell all three of you
Thank you, thank you so much...
My dear grandparents, thank you so much, for steering me away from committing errors in my life
Thank you for leading me, for bringing me to who I am today
To help people that are in need of help
To cheer up your family and friends when they're feeling down
To always stand by their side when they need someone...
Thank you, for giving the smile and the life that I have today.
My dear cousin, thank you so much, for showing me that no matter how life treats you
You should smile and face it head on
You should never give up and always laugh
You should never frown and make your entourage happy
No matter what disease, no matter what handicap life gives you
Always smile, always live your life to the fullest, to always stay strong
I cannot thank you enough for giving me your will, your determination...
All three of you, we all miss you so much, not one day, have we forgot your presence, your warmth
Not one day have we gone without appreciating what you have left us
For that, we cannot thank you enough, for bringing us, happiness.
To the day where we'll be able to see you again.
Rest in peace, Grandma, Grandpa and Cousin.

Drown in sadness, swimming in tears of sorrow, my hands move to the sound of my melancholy.
Will the sound bring tears? Will the sound bring hope?
It's not up to me to decide now... It's up to the melody that my heart wants to express.

My heart has expressed itself.

As my hands moves to the commands given by the core of my emotions, I played endlessly, the feelings that has been rushing through it, until it finally... Finally said it was enough.
As my hand stopped moving, tears rolled down my cheeks. It seems that my heart has been able to grasp the deepest of my feelings and pull them out... Right now, it's asking for more.
I can't stop anymore, my heart has too much to say and it doesn't want to stop until it has spoken out every last words that it has to tell...

My heart, has realized, the burden it carries, alone, by itself, all these time. It was heavy, the weight was too much...
It wondered "How could he...no... we manage to stand up still? How can we manage to keep our head high?"
It realized, he had always been alone, shouldering his own sadness, his own burdens.
What was resting on his shoulders weren't his burdens alone, it was also those of his friends.
Indeed, he had friends, but, the burdens he carries couldn't be passed on, couldn't be removed, couldn't be reached by others...
Only he, can put it down... But... How? It piled up so much that now... Is it just too heavy for him to remove it alone?
His heart, his entire self was struggling... Should he break down and cry? Should he keep walking with these burdens?
Paralyzed by his dilemma, he is now in a stalemate between sorrow and happiness...

Time, I ask of thee
Would you kindly
Stop ticking for a moment
Even if you're feeling reluctant
Please, just for a while
Let me rest, so I can finally smile
Once again, a sincere one

O peaceful and serene night
By your silent demeanor
I pray thee, bring me
The rest that I seek
Calm my mind, strip me from my worries
Revitalize my soul, ease my conscience
Sing me, your beautiful lullaby.

Let it go, let it reach the free vast blue skies
Soaring into freedom, reaching for a new story
Roaming freely, free of lies
To one day, sit down and enjoy his life happily

Beyonds the clouds, it'll one day reach a new life
Whenever you'll want to let it go, letting him search for a new joy
If you'll follow him, love him like a loving wife
To one day, tie the knot, become one and forever be at peace

In my dream, I saw you, standing there
In the emptiness, with a sorrowful expression
Looking at me with worries

In my dream, I heard a melody
As every note was slowly getting louder
You seem to get even more sad

At that moment, I sat down in front of the piano
My hands started moving on their own
My fingers, flowing with ease alongside the melancholic melody

Tears rolled down your cheeks
I could hear you begging me to stop playing
But the song chained me down

You tried to reach out
You tried to scream out
But I couldn't do anything but keep on playing

As you fell down on your knees, losing all hopes
I played the final note
Where I forever rested my head
On the piano that echoed
The song of my life.

Trapped in a world of darkness, I find myself chained
No matter how hard I try, I can't undo these shackles
I tried to struggle and struggle, but to no avail...

I've almost lost hope... But then, I heard a voice
"You... Who are lost, confused, led astray by your feelings...
Tell me... From these two, who do you trust? Who do you believe?
Only once you'll have your hearts rid of doubts,
Only once you'll have your feelings sorted out,
Only once you'll have your gathered your thoughts back together,
Will you be able to be set free from your fate"

What does it even mean?...
No... I was given no time to think, a female voice was heard, it was hers...

"I like you" "I hate you"

Huh?... What's this?

"I love you" "I despise you"

What is this? Is this a test where I should determine which one is her true feelings??

"I believe you" "I don't trust you"

No... It doesn't feel like it... Each one of those words... Both them...
They make my heart feel so tight... My chest, it hurts... Whenever I hear her...

"Please, be with me forever" "Go away"

I... Don't know what to do...

"I'll always be with you" "I'll never choose to stand by you"

........What... Are her feelings for me?...

"You're the only one for me" "You're pathetic, I would never choose you"

.....No... No... No. No. No. This... Is...

"Please, take good care of me" "Good riddance"

This is how my heart sees her... Showing both sides of her...
My heart is wavering... It's...
Switching back and forth between warmth and cold
Happiness and sadness
Trust and paranoia
Interest and indifference
Acceptance and rejection
Compassion and pity
Hope... Despair...
Love... and... hate...

Do I love her?... Or don't I?...

As I was lost in thoughts, my mind started to calm down and I slowly gathered my thoughts...
As I slowly regain my sanity, her voices started to diminish until finally I couldn't hear anything.

The chains holding me started to rot away, giving me the chance to break free.
Light started to flow into my world. I stood up proudly, walking forward with a triumphant and determined air.

I shouted.

"Through her bads and her goods, through her kindness and her harshness, through her attention and indifference...
I will always love her, and I will love her for who she is. That is my answer and I'll remain firm on it."

If I know you, I would talk to you
Make you laugh and tell you stories
Make sure you enjoy your days
Make sure you'll be looking forward to tomorrow
And hoping we could see each other again

If I care for you, I would tend to your wounds
Noticing your pains and sorrows
Asking you if there's anything I can even do
In order for you to heal from those injuries
And hoping you would notice it

If I like you, I would sacrifice some of my time for you
Putting aside my own problems and forgetting my selfishness
Helping you through yours and lifting weights off your shoulders
Making sure you will be able to walk with a smile
And wishing that we could get closer

If I love you, I wouldn't die for you
I would do my best to be able to stand by your side
And make sure that you'll laugh and smile
For as long as we both breath, for as long as we walk the same road.
Finally praying that we can be bathed in an everlasting happiness.

Here, along these lines, I shall tell a sad story about a young girl, striving for happiness, striving for love... This story takes place during winter, in the town of Zimur, a town ruled by money, where poor people had to live a miserable life and rich people lived a life of luxure. Her family used to run a bakery store but went downhills when a famous baker came into town, thus, after that unfortunate event, they lived a poor life, but still remained a happy family... But... Stress and rage always gets the best of those who aren't strong enough to endure that pain of living in such a desolate state...Thus, here is the story of Warm Snow Fairy, Yunie.



Yunie, a frail but smart young girl, was living alone with her father. Actually, her mother disappeared two weeks ago... The last time she ever talked to her mother was after the fight that her mother had with her husband. The last thing she said to her was "I'll be back my dear Yunie, father and mother will go and talk outside... So go to bed ok?". Since she was a good girl, she nodded with an innocent smile and went to sleep like her mother told her so. After a few moments, her father came into her room and told her that her mother has gone somewhere else, having enough of this place and that they're be the only two of them from now on. After saying those words, her father hugged her with tears flowing down his cheeks, Yunie noticed blood stains on his hands but didn't pay attention, not understanding what it means and closed her eyes, thinking that her mother only left to do some errands and can't come home until she finishes with those errands.

Two weeks have passed. Her father became even more and more violent, he started to hit Yunie. Yunie stayed strong against her father's violence, telling herserlf that he'll stop when her mother comes home. Yet... Yunie's mom still haven't come back home after those two long weeks... Worried, she went and asked her father, frightened that he'll be mad, but the need to know where her mother is overcame her fright "Daddy, why hasn't mommy come home yet?". Her father, only by that simple innocent question, went mad and threw down what was on the table, grab,bed Yunie and threw her out of the house, in the snow. Yunie, scared, didn't understand what's happening, started to cry. Her father then threw a cloak at her and told her to wear it if she doesn't want to freeze, but god knows that that wasn't enough to warm her up in this cold freezing weather... Yunie quickly jumps at the door and started knocking violently with her little frail hands on the door, beseeching her father to open the door. He didn't reply at all. Yunie understood that her father doesn't care about her anymore and decides to walk away...

She walked away, she couldn't stay at a place where happiness was stolen from her, where only violence and pain can be brought to her... That kept her walking and walking.

Since it's nightime, beautiful lights were lit up everywhere, giving an even more beautiful feeling to the snow covered town. Yunie was awestruck by the beautiful scenery and thus, her sadness slowly faded away.

Hunger was starting to take hold of her little stomach, but she didn't have money, she didn't know what to do and thus, kept walking around town. She kept walking and walking until she arrived at the rich people's district. The scenery here was even more dazzling than the poor district that she came from and so, she couldn't help but give out a big innocent smile. Still, that couldn't help her forget about her hunger at all, thus, she kept walking and walking, asking for food whenever she met with people that she thought were good people. Still, no one wanted to help a girl from such a filthy and ugly district like her and thus, the rich people shunned her.

Not being phased by their response, she kept walking and walking, until a boy, that wasn't looking where he was going, ran into her and both of them fell onto the ground. The fall wasn't serious since they were cushioned by the snow. The boy got up first with some groaning and decided to go help out Yunie get up. She gladly accepted the friendly hand and took it. Yunie saw the bag of bread that the boy was holding and her stomach started to growl. The boy apologized deeply to her but Yunie was too deeply absorbed into looking at the bread in the bag. The boy notices this and told Yunie that they should go sit somewhere to eat it together. Yunie gladly accept with a huge smile.

After a few minutes of walking, they finally decided to sit at a fountain. Yet again, Yunie was dazzled by the beautiful water flowing out of the fountain, wondering how come it didn't froze in this cold weather. In the end, she dropped her curiosity and accepted the bread that the boy handed to her and started to eat cheerfully. She was really happy, she finally found happiness in this cold suffering night.

Because of the fall they had earlier, half of the bread was dirty so, they didn't have enough to satisfy their hunger... The boy saw how troubled Yunie was and triumphly present to her, a bag full of gold and told her that he'll go get some more bread and that she should wait for him here. She accepts with an innocent smile. That smile brought a tingly feeling to the boy's chess, embarassed, the boy quickly left, but he didn't notice that three shadows were following him...

Yunie waited patiently by the fountain, looking at the beautiful scenery and wished so strongly that she could live here...

An hour has passed and the boy hasn't even shown up yet, worried, Yunie went and looked for him. After half an hour of walking, she still couldn't find him, but as she walks, she heard laughs, so she decided to go and check. There, she sees three big man laughing, one who was tall but slim, one who simply small and one who was a little bit smaller than the tall one, saying something along the lines that the boy that they caught was troublesome, how long it took them to catch him, how happy they were about how much gold they fetched. Yunie started to realise there was a weird stench in the air... It was the smell of blood... One of the man moved a bit so to get near one of the man on the left, to count the gold with him.

There, Yunie saw in horror, the body of the young boy she was with... The boy was murdered... His eyes and mouth were wide open... Blood... Everywhere... There was blood everywhere... The three man were still laughing but Yunie couldn't hear them anymore, she can only see the corpse of the dead boy, the boy who she ate bread with... The first happiness that she found from this long night, all gone... She looked at the boy once more... His stomach was wide open, blood was still flowing out from the gap... She saw some kind of tubes coming out from that gap, but at her age, she didn't know that those tubes were intestines... He legs were cut off, one was laying five feets away from the body and the other one was right next to his head...

Yunie couldn't take anymore of this scene and started barfing. The three man heard her and quickly surrounded her. One of them, the tall one, grabbed Yunie by her hair and told her "You didn't see anything kid, 'cause if you did..." He flashes his knife in front of her. Yunie couldn't help the tears flowing down her cheeks. The man approches the knife to her small cheeks. There were still traces of blood on the knife. One of the man, the small man, told the man "Ah, come on, drop the kid, let's get out of here, look at her, she's trembling and crying, she won't do anything, besides, she looks like someone from the poor side of this damn town like us! Let's go ha ha ha!". The man thought of it a bit and let go of Yunie and ran away.

Yunie was on her knees, crying... After calming down a bit, she walked a bit and stopped and sat down behind a bakery store... After all that happened, her legs can't go on anymore, her legs were tired, it was also cold, that small cloak wasn't enough to warm her up. People walked pass by her, not paying any attention to her, like she was a ghost. Yunie was depressed, she cried silently and the knife of the man suddenly comes to mind, she was frightened.

That image suddenly reminds her of the blood stains that were on her father's hand... She suddenly understood that, her mother must have not gone away, it must have been her father... Her father must have murdered her... And she started crying even more, silently mumbling "Mother... Mother..." The cold weather is slowly, with it's freezing claws, taking a grip of her little frail body, little by little, but she doesn't notice it because of the anguish that she had... She couldn't find a new happiness, a new place, where she could get the love that she lost...

She cried and cried, and started to feel sleepy... "Yu... nie... nie... Yunie..." Yunie hears a sweet and familiar voice... She slowly raises her head and there, she saw a lady in a beautiful purple dress, long brown hair flowing in the wind. She suddenly realizes it was her mother. Yunie was overjoyed but she couldn't move, she couldn't understand why, her mother was right there, in front of her, but why can't she move? She was frustrated by what retains her from feeling the warmth of her mother.

"Yunie, you can't sleep here... You'll catch a cold. You should go sleep in a warm bed." Said her mother with a voice filled with love for her daughter. Yunie replied that she can't, that her father kicked her out of the house with a voice filled with anguish. "Yunie... I'm sorry for not being by your side, to protect you from your father, to love you..." Yunie started to cry and her mother approached and hugged Yunie. The warmth of her mother freed her from the chains that kept her from moving and she hugged her mother back. "Yunie..." Yunie repeatedly cried for her mother "Mother...! Mother...!"...

Yunie opened her eyes. She noticed that her clothes were changed, she slowly looked around her surrounding. It was a normal room, just a plain room but, with a faint smell of bread. "She finally woke up!" It was a woman's voice, Yunie turned to her right and noticed the woman sitting next to her. "Really!? Quick, give her something warm to drink!!" Screamed a man, quickly coming into the room where Yunie was resting...

The two adults greet Yunie with a smile and explained to her that they're running a bakery store in the rich district of the town, that they are the biggest rival of that famous bakery across the town. The woman told her that she saw her sitting alone in front of their store and she couldn't leave her alone in the cold in those skimpy clothes. She also explained that when she went and helped her, that she was on the verge of dying, so they quickly brought her in this warm room to save her.

After explaining everything to her, the adults gave her a smile that she could never forget, a smile that brought warmth to her heart... This, was the love that she sought all night long... The happiness that she felt... Brought her to tears.

The adults, surprised, looked at each other and smiled and hugged the little girl. Yunie cried even more in the warmth of their love.

Weeks have passed, and Yunie has become a healthy girl, running around town, delivering the bread that the customers order with the same beautiful innocent smile that she had when she was living with her mother, the same smile that brought warmth to the boy's heart. This smile was as beautiful as Yunie. Yunie brought warmth during the cold winters with her smile during her delivery and thus, was known as the "Warm Snow Fairy of Zimur"...

This is a story of a boy named Yuu, left by his parent, alone.

He grew up in a poor orphanage. He was loved by everyone there.

When he became a teenager, he wanted to leave the orphanage to take care of himself.

The director, worried that he won,t be able to balance school and work together, refused at first, but seeing the determination in his eyes, bought him a room in an apartment and found him a suitable job.

Yuu thanked the director deeply and makes his farewells to everyone, while also trying to dry their tears, but he, himself couldn't help but cry at the separation.

Months have passed since Yuu has settled down in his new home.

Yuu liked to help people around him so he quickly made new friends at school and he's living a fine and comfortable life.

He works hard to pay off his room and to keep himself from starving all the while studying.

It's hard, but he keeps his head up high and lives his life with a smile, thinking that he would one day, find his parents and show them how great he had become.

One day, the bills were starting to get expensive, he couldn't pay it off with his current work shifts so he asked his boss to increase his work time.

He worked and worked, until he couldn't keep up with school anymore. He realized that he already had enough presence and grades to graduate even if he were to quit now, so he decided not to go to school anymore and concentrate on work.

His friends were starting to get worried about him, so they decided to visit him.

They noticed that although he's been working hard, Yuu's still fine and happy, so they didn't think much about it.

One day, Yuu started to get into a depression, he didn't know why.

One of his friends noticed this and started to think of doing something, his friend thought that it might be because he never had the time to be happy for himself.

On a sunny morning, Yuu receives a call from his teacher, the teacher told him to come to school. Yuu wondered why but decides to go anyways.

When he got to school, he saw there, at the decorate gate, a group of people, all waiting for him. It was his friends and teacher.

His best friend comes and brought him to the crowd and they explained that they were making a graduation ceremony just for him since he couldn't come because he was working and dropped from school.

Yuu was really happy, his heart felt so warm. Everyone got into position and the teacher called his name. He walked over to the teacher.

The teacher made a speech about how Yuu was a devoted and smart student and told him to make a final speech.

"I have made a lot of great friends here... The teachers gave me the support that I needed to keep my heads high..." Tears started to flow out from his eyes

"All of you even thought of re-doing the graduation ceremony just for me... I... can't express how much I am grateful for all of you..." He bows to the crowd, to his friends, to his teachers.

"Thank you very much!! Thank you very much for all these years of friendship, for all these years of guidance, for all these years of support!! Thank you so much!!" He gets his head back up while crying with a smile, where his friends rushed to him to dry his tears and support him.

The principal comes up to Yuu and puts his hand on his shoulder "Yuu-kun, we have one final surprise for you" As he said that, he pointed towards the gate.

Yuu turned his head and there his saw, a woman, who still looked young, with a long brown hair fluttering in the winds and a man, tall and well built. He thought that they were familiar...

"Hello Yuu-chan..." The woman spoke.

Somehow, Yuu immediatly knew who it was and ran towards the couple and jumped in their arms, crying. They were his parents.

They hugged him and started explaining why they had to put him in the orphanage, they had a huge debt, left by his grandfather, they couldn't pay it off and they couldn't take care of Yuu.

"We're so sorry son, for putting you in the orphanage... We didn't want you to live through the hardships that we've been through with us..." said his father

"That orphanage was run by a friend of ours and he gladly took you under his wings until we could get a stable life for you, so you can be happy" said his mom

"But we want you to know, that we have always been looking out for you" said his dad

"We have always love you, every day, we thought of you as we worked hard to repay our debts" continued his mom

Yuu lifts his head up and his mom dried his tears. He looked into their parents' eyes.

"It's alright, Mom, Dad, I've always had this feeling that I wasn't alone, that both of you never forgot about me, that both of you always thought of me." And he started crying again.

His parents started to tear a bit, his mom wiped away her tears and pats Yuu's head.

"My my Yuu-chan, you have grown up to be a fine young man! You look just like your dad in his younger years!"

"Haha, and you still have that sincere look in your eyes, just like your mom!"

Yuu kept on crying. He was so happy, those were the words that he wanted to hear, these are the feelings that he wanted to feel for a long time.

"We are so proud of you, for staying so strong and keeping on smiling, living your life with your head high"

"Mom... Dad..."

The parents looked at him with teary eyes and confused, they approached themselves to him.

"What is it Yuu-chan?"

"You can ask us anything son"

Yuu wipes his tears and said with a big, warm smile

"Welcome home!"

And he hugs his parents once more.

A boy, trapped inside a bottomless pit of darkness.
A girl, walking the road of happiness.
If both of them should meet, what would happen?
On that day, the girl walked up to the boy.

"Are you alright?" she asked, worried.

They have never met once before.
This would have been their first conversation ever.
The boy just looked up at the girl with a sad face and looked back down, without replying back.
The girl decided to sit next to him and she tries to comfort him.
Nothing gets through to him, until she said:

"I want you to share your pain with me, your burdens will be lighter!"

The boy, albeit barely noticeable, reacted to those words.

"...Do you really want to... Know my pain?"

The girl smiled, happy to hear the boy's first words to her.

"Yes!"

She agreed happily. The boy was confused at the girl's cheerfulness.

"...You won't understand them..."

The boy just didn't want to give up and tell her his feelings.
The girl, without hesitation, took the boy's hand and held them tight in hers.
The boy felt the warmth in her hands, his heart started to feel really warm.

"Please, tell me, I can't bear to see you like this! I know we've just met, but I want to see you smile!"

The boy was surprised at the girl's honesty, his heart started to be overflowed by warmth.

"But, no matter how I'll explain it, you won't understand me at all!!"

The girl held his hand even tighter. With a firm and resolute tone.

"These pains, these feelings that you're feeling. Most of them aren't yours isn't it? I can tell, your heart is crying, it's not crying because you're unable to help those who feel those agonies... If you open up to me... I can help you shoulder those burdens!"

He was surprised at how accurate the girl explained his pain.

The boy couldn't hold it in anymore, the warmth from the girl is just too sweet and loving, he couldn't hold back anymore, tears started flowing out of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks. He looked at the girl with his first ever sincere smile.

"You do understand, you do understand me!"

The girl can finally feel that the boy opened up to her, she hugged the boy.
That was the first ever love that the boy ever felt and that wouldn't be the last from that day onwards.


By that fateful encounter, the boy changed and became more open to his surroundings, helping others through their pain with the best aid he could offer to them.
The girl remained by his side, to forever be the pillar that would support him, in sadness and happiness.

On that day that they opened up to each other, a flower bloomed in both their hearts, with its soft yet strong roots, forever linking their joy and tears together.