Rush held out his hand to a young girl who's clothes had been torn badly.
There's nothing technically wrong here, but you have two completely unrelated things in the same sentence. I would break it up into two.
Before she could even fall rush quickly caught her and lifted her up in his arms.
The character?
"Seems your ankle may be broken.." Rush tutted slightly
Lyn blushed as she noticed his strong arms keeping her in his grip firmly but comfortably
"Ahhh well, seems i'll have to carry you home" Rush shrugged
"You..you don't have too..." Lyn said quietly
"Yes i do, now where about do you live?" Rush smiled
Whose point of view is this scene taking place in? If it's Lyn's, then this would be a good opportunity to show us what's going through her mind at this point. It's clear that Rush carrying her is causing her to blush, but why? Does Rush's firm but gentle grip stir something up in her? Does it make her have indecent thoughts?
A small fire cooked a pathetic looking fish that was lying on a bed of short sticks. Rush picked at it for a second before groaning and throwing himself to the floor.
You can do more with the descriptions here. Rather than simply telling us that the fish looks pathetic, you could say something like, "Tiny and more bones than meat, the fish was a pathetic thing." Or whatever it is that makes fish pathetic. I don't know fish.
After eating a barely nutritious meal Rush sat on the edge of a high cliff overlooking the desert sands below. The small pong where he caught his meal glistened like a sapphire in the slight distance.
I think you could use a stronger word here than "eat." Seeing how he hasn't had a proper meal in weeks, "devour" seems like it would be more appropriate. Also, I'm assuming that second bold word is a typo and it's meant to say "pond."
"Soon i'll have to go back to civilization..." he said quietly
He grinned as he tried to think back to when he was last in a decent sized town.
Why does he have to go back to civilization soon? Is it the lack of proper food?
Rush looked lazily down towards the pond and noticed that even more in the distance a trail of sand was blazing around.
This could have been written better. I would maybe even lop off the first part where he's looking down at the pond. It's already been established that he's at the cliff face looking down at it. Also, the phrase "sand was blazing around" is a bit confusing to me. I think you're saying that sand is being kicked up into the air from the riders, but I'm really not sure.
He cocked his head and strained his eyes as he saw several small blips appear in the distance.
"Small blips" is kinda redundant. When I think of blips, I think of those tiny little dots on a radar. Like a character, once the reader is familiar with a term, there's no need to describe it again. Think about your target audience and rather or not they know what a blip is.
He tilted his head again as he thought the reason for thrashing their horses so hard in desert terrain. They weren't that close to any of its borders and the pond they rode past was the only fresh water for miles around.
His eyes widened as he realised they weren't travelling fast, they were being chased.
I would chop this up into smaller sentences, or something. In your description above, Rush sounds like a hardened man who really knows the ins and outs of the desert and dangers of traveling in it. What I'm trying to get at is that the revelation of these riders being chased seems like one that he would arrive at rather quickly so you'll want to play with this paragraph to give that illusion.
The group of horses was clearly split in two, the first group of about four riders were panicky riding their horses trying to get rid of the second group of riders which numbered roughly about thirteen.
Here is another case where I think you could replace the bold words with ones more fitting. Also, "riders were panicky riding their horse trying to..." is far from elegant especially the part about riders riding. Something along the lines of, "The first group of riders were frantically trying escape the second, a group roughly thrice their size."
As they got even closer Rush noticed the smaller group wearing high class clothing whilst the second group were wearing the colours of a local bandit and slaver group.
You could be more descriptive here. What classifies as high class clothing?
Normally Rush would ignore such attacks as they were common in desert terrain, but he noticed that the horse in the temporary lead held a woman of apparent impeccable beauty, she was wearing very high class clothing especially made for long distance horse riding although they were showing signs of being worn. Her face was pale and grim and her eyes were desperate.
Here we find out that Rush is no stranger to this sort of thing that apparently happens all the time yet his eyes widened a few paragraphs ago suggesting surprise. How is the beauty of the lead woman apparent? All you bother to describe after this is her clothing and you use the term "high class" again. You already told us it's high class.
For a brief second that seemed to last an eternity their eyes locked. Rush's deep brown eyes clashed against her Emerald green eyes.
I would do something like, "Their eyes locked. A brief second stretched into an eternity," instead. By eliminating "seemed," this helps us get into the mind of Rush whose point of view this section of the story is being told from.
"Well fuck..." Rush smiled and he tried to look away.
He couldn't not help her now.
I think you could combine this into one paragraph. It'd still be pretty damn short.
Rush took a deep breath and pushed himself of the cliff. By now the riders had gone past his position but he could easily catch up. Rush held his breath as the sandy ground grew nearer and nearer. At the last second Rush closed his eyes and moved into a diving position.
He pushed himself off? Is this him using his powers? I would also start this part off with the horses riding past him and then him jumping off the cliff. It just flows better. I would replace "sandy ground" with just sand. I also might do something like, "Rush jumped off the cliff and drew in a deep breath as the sand grew nearer and nearer."
So Rush could clearly see the horses in the distance.
That's not a complete sentence. Yeah, people do stuff like that all the time to varying degrees of success. Just ask yourself why and if using a complete sentence wouldn't be better.
He smiled to himself making a strong mental note not to open his mouth.
How long has he been doing this? If he's an old pro at it, that hardly seems like a thought that would pop into his head. I get what's going on there though. It's a joke, but consider moving it to another section. Maybe Lyn could later ask him what it's like to move underneath the sand and Rush could say something like, "It's a blast! Just don't open your mouth."
So fast, that he caught up to the riders in mere seconds.
Delete the "So fast," bit. I think what you want to do here is demonstrate just how fast Rush is moving and simply saying that he caught up to the riders in seconds does a fine job of that.
Rush smiled slightly and shot himself upwards out of the sand. He flew through the air on a interception course with one of the bandit riders, in mid-air he drew his sword and roared loudly as he plunged towards him.
In general with action, you want to do what you can to make it seem, well, action-y . . . I'm by no means an expert on this, but one of the easiest tricks to help convey the feeling is with short sentences when you describe what's going on. This makes it seem as though your characters are thinking fast which is what we would expect from someone in the middle of a fight.
Also, Rush has done a lot of smiling so far. I think you could make do with cutting it out here.
The shot actually decapitated the rider before he even knew what had happened.
From your use of the word "actually" I'm guessing this comes off as a surprise. Don't forget to take what opportunities you can get to show readers what you're characters are thinking.
Rush felt his energy drain slightly form the lack of decent food, he sighed slightly and pulled himself onto his first kills horse.
You used the word "slightly" twice in the same sentence. Be weary of overusing certain words. I'm not just saying grab a thesaurus and make it you're new best friend. Stop and think if there's a word that could better describe what's happening. Rider is a word that you've thrown around a lot through this entire scene. Completely unrelated to that, "first kills" should be "first kill's."
They jabbed crude swords and spears at the riders whilst another bandit threw a rope around the woman, she screamed as he gave a heave and thrust her off the horse.
This should be divided into two sentences.
He fell of his horse in slow motion and by the time he hit the floor he was already dead.
Slow motion?
Rush looked down at the girl who's head was locked on at the last riser, she screamed out as several swords hacked at his body.
A lot of screaming going on. I get the feeling that some people there are fearful of what's unfolding before them.
the girl offered no resistance although he did feel her tug against his shirt slightly before letting go.
The girl tugging slightly against his shirt counts as resistance. If it doesn't, then I don't know what the hell it is.
Rush stepped forwards and drew his sword.
My first thought when I got to this part was, "Wait, didn't he already draw his sword when he was leaping through the air to kill the first bandit?" When did he put it away?
He drew a deep calm breath before throwing a lump of energy forwards, at the last second he shaped it causing the ground just in front of the incoming riders to suddenly shunt upwards and solidly rapidly.
This is another spot where there should be at least two sentences as opposed to just one. And what does "solidly rapidly" mean? Is that a typo?
All seven riders fell to the floor and only six got back up.
Only six out of seven got back up? Well, he got almost all of them there, didn't he?
He ran forwards and clashed against the bandits, they were not used to ground combat so their legs were slow and weak, something that Rush made an advantage of.
Are bandits in the region weak on their feet in general, and this is something that Rush is capitalizing on? Or is this something he observes after clashing with them?
he then used his sand skills to sink into the sand and cut another rider in half, all the way through his body as he burst out from beneath him.
I would consider thinking of a better term than "sand skills." It fits and I know what you mean, but it just sounds so plain considering all of the amazing things he can do with it.
With four riders remaining Rush lazily shot another bullet of sand at one of the riders punching a hole the size of a large melon through his chest.He fell to the floor coughing up large amounts of blood.
Why couldn't he just do this from the get go? You've mentioned a few times that Rush is weak and running low on energy, but he just wasted a lot of it to create a giant wall of sand instead making seven sand bullets to finish them all off right then.
Rush laughed slightly before forming a large amount of sands into literal 'sand' sharks.
Just, wow. Sand sharks. And I don't mean that in a bad way. This sounds like such a fantastical attack it's a waste that you pretty much skip over their formation. You can go into a lot more detail here about this happens.
Note that I didn't point out all of the things I thought was wrong with this. Even with the problems I did bring up, I didn't point out every single spot where they take place. However, I do feel that these are the major issues going on.
Ignoring all the technical issues, the idea of the hero witnessing an attack and jumping in to save the day is far from new. I thought the part of the story that shines the most is the magic that Rush uses. I haven't seen that a lot.
Rush's characters is fairly generic. One thing you mentioned in his bio that didn't come into play at all in the story is his past as a bandit. The fact that he slaughters a gang of them here provides ample opportunity to explore this through thoughts that Rush has.