Soul Eater piece

I really enjoy the way you wrote this. It may be in first person, but the way the words unfold, I don't seem to mind it too much, the sign of a skilled writer. I think this is in nice quality and the story is endearing and conveys the appropriate emotions, with a hint of teasing. I only find myself wishing to read more since it ends so abruptly, but for this specific section, I found it enjoyable.

Well, that depends if you're looking for comments or edits. I can report fixes if that's what you want, but I already made my comment of support.

late 2011 edit:

Sorry, I'm deleting old posts and I thought I could erase this entire thread

Reporting the simple monotonous stuff like give an extra space after a defined paragraph when posting on Fakku, or don't add a space after an elongated hyphen or triple period pause. Small things like those.

I think of the triple period pause as a form of sentence-ending punctuation, but the changes have been made. I'm working on the next part which will actually be told from Soul's POV

hmmm,quite Impressive. :)

The triple period pause to me has always been a sentence elongation for the purpose of pauses in speech, or thought in this case. Depending on the following thought, I may or may not capitalize it as appropriate, such as a pause in separation between questions, or I won't if it's paused in thought of how to finish the sentence. Ultimately it is the choice of the writer, though, since the triple period pause isn't exactly within any rulebook, unless I'm mistaken. I think aspired writers opt for the hyphen or break speech to denote the pause. I'll look forward to Soul's chapter.

i like it very much really good story

I FINISHED SOUL'S PART! (I'll be editing the original post to include this as well)
Though I'm torn on what to do next, whether I should finish in third person, or just keep switching back and forth between Maka and Soul's perspectives, albeit switching at increasingly frequent intervals.

removed, from now on, check the original post for updates

I think Soul thinking way too much sums up this chapter really nicely, but even with his long-winded and superfluous speech, you still manage to progress the story a whole day including a battle. I like it and will look forward to what you have next.

Technically this is just half the day, he's started daydreaming in class.

But should I keep bouncing the perspective back and forth, or switch to third person? I'd like to keep bouncing, but I'm worried I'll run out of things to write about or cheapen the humor of their inner monologues (and humor was my foremost goal with Soul's part)

I couldn't tell it was a daydream, but I might have suspected that if she was alright with that last sentence he spoke. I think you should write whatever perspective you really feel you should, permitting that you write third as well as you have so far. If you want to practice more with it, do so, if not, then change to third.

Ok, so from now on I'll just be updating the original post of this thread, where I've titled th various "chapters" and made it clear it was a dream of sorts, and I'll keep up with first person perspective