Story of the Angel from Osaka (Chapter 2, part 3)

Yama-kun · 2009-11-08T11:22:03-01:00

Now it's time not making a H-scene story(well maybe some H-scene and Ecchi).. Now a story that has meaning and Plot. Genere: Romance, Comedy(lol), Ecchi(Bit H-scene), School life. Characters: Yamazaki rojin : An Angel guardian that have been sent by the God to make peace in the earth. He find himself at Osaka Town, where it have criminal. Yamazaki turn himself to a human form boy, and start his first mission in a school. Tsuki Konhi: A girl that has a very crush on a boy in her class name Takeshi Daisuke. She does everything to make him notice her. Takeshi Daisuke: A Rival of Yamazaki.. Takeshi think that Yamazaki has a plan for the whole school, that he thinks that is negative Sakura Konhi: Tsuki's older sister.. she is the leader of a art club.. a skilled girl that impress mostly of the guys in Osaka school. Chiyo Ami: Girl in Yamazaki class, that have crush on him. Chiyo likes him because Yamazaki and Chiyo hang with together in school time and after school time, and saved her from a bully (Chapter 1) Some Minor Characters: Kaguyhi Misaka Amami Shirou Kazuya Shirou Ryuzaki Ganryu Jin Mizaki Satsuki Inaba Chapter 1 The day Part 1 Spoiler: Belive me or not i thought i was dying that day. I don't remember at all what's happening or shall i say.. i don't remember what i'm doing here at this school. But sure i know, this is a sign form God. *get caught* Sakura: Hehe did you really think you could ran away from me, Where are you think your going anyway. You promise me to do the homework for me. Takeshi: Nooooo!! --Principal's office-- I sense alot of hate, alot of lonelyness. This world need to get cleaned up Principal: So your name is Yamazaki Rojin. right? Yamazaki: yes, ma'am.. Principal: It's says here that your got a good grade.. i let you stay at this school Yamazaki: Thanks *leaves* This day is a special day. I'll meet alot of people and new friends That is my mission. --school gate-- Takeshi: *sob* Your so cruel Sempai *sob* Sakura: Oh stop be silly, let's just wait for my little sister --Inside the school-- Yamazaki: *Leaves the Princibal's office*.. yes!!,, i'm in ?????: Kyaa!! please stop!!.. i don't wanna Yamazaki: Huh? *sees the little girl running from three other guys* Guy nr 1: Get back here you little brat, you'll pay for the dress ?????: Please stop, chasing me. Guy nr 3: I got you now *get hit* Guy nr 2: what the?!? Yamazaki: Be gentel.. it's not how you ask girls Guy nr 3: Who do you think you are? Yamazaki: Yamazaki... Rojin Yamazaki Guy nr 1,2,3: Oh holy Sh*t --School Gate-- Sakura: What is taking so long...*looks at the clock* Takeshi: *sob* *Yamazaki appears out of the school entry* Takeshi: Hey look!. that guy is with your sister Sakura: Why you.. don't ever touch my sister..*attacks Yamazaki* Tsuki: Onee-chan!!.. No this guy saved me Sakura: *pulls Yamazaki's shirt* WHAT!! Takeshi: Really? *looks at Tsuki* Tsuki: *blush* Ohaoi Takeshi-kun Yamazaki: I guess i take my leave.. you better take care of your sister better *leaves* Takeshi: what a strange guy.. let's go home to me and do homeworks there Tsuki: *Blush even more* O-okey Sakura: I'm going to work.. so no!.. visit.. Come Tsuki, let's go home Tsuki: Bye Takeshi-kun Takeshi: Bye, i wondering who was that guy --Town-- Takeshi: *walking* Let's see what do i need for tomorrow *reading list* *Bump a big guy* Big guy: What the hell?.. what do you think your doing? Takeshi: No! Spare me.. i didn't mean to!! *cles his eyes* Big guy: I'll teach you a lesson on not messing with me *about to punch Takeshi and someone blocks the punch* What the?.. who the hell are you? Yamazaki: No fighting please.. I hate that Takeshi: *Open his eyes* w-wha! your the guy at the school who saved Tsuki Yamazaki: *Turns around and smiles* It's nice to meet to my name is Yamazaki Rojin Big guy: What?!? Ignore me?.. i'll kill you Yamazaki: *throw the big guy at the ground* Big guy: ugh... that hurts *pass out* Takeshi: I-Incredible.. who did you do that.. what is your secret? Yamazaki: It's have no secret in a throw like that.. you should know that, well have to go now, have a nice trip home Takeshi: ...err.. *shockes* Now i remember.. the list --Takeshi's home-- Takeshi: *sitting at the computer* Let's see.. i hope the school computer can search about the guy Computer: *Info about Yamazaki appears* Takeshi: Got it Info: Yamazaki Rojin 17 years old. New classmate in 2-B in Osaka School. Takeshi: what? is that it? Hmm.. I think this guy is has a big plan for us or maybe a spy. I got it!!.. his in my class 2-B, I'll squeeze informasjon out of him... HAHAHAHA!!! --End of Part 1-- The day part 2 Spoiler: part 2 **I was walking from the town and lucky i got a list of address from the principal after i left earlier today. I was passing by a house where two sisters are living. There name is Tsuki and Sakura Konhi. I didn't want to disturbe them of anything so i just when to the window and check. And suddenly i heard some wierd sound from the room. Tsuki: *masturbating* *moan* Takeshi-kun Yamazaki: *blush and hids* what the!? Tsuki: Please be gentel, it's my first time Yamazaki: oh god, oh god.. please wash away my sin for this Tsuki: No stop i'm gonna cum Takeshi-kun Yamazaki: Was she masturbaiting?.. *try to look again* Tsuki: *moan*..Stop!! Yamazaki: *turn red over all his face* I couldn't beleive what i saw a very strange way to make the body feel good, and i have never seen a girl do that before Tsuki: *notice someone it's watching* KYAH!!! ONEE-CHAN!! Sakura: what is it? Tsuki: Someone is stalkin me Yamazaki: Holy God *hids* I'm out of here *leaves* I ran back to my place and of course should i never go back. I will not talk about it when i get back to school. --Konhi house-- Takeshi: *pant* *pant* I have tell it to Tsuki, I better not tell it to Sakura or she'll kill me. I quess this is it. I better take Tsukis window *walking to the window Sakura: *with a bat behind the window* I'll kill that guy if he stalk again my sister Takeshi: *pop his head out of nowhere* Tsuaki-chan I need to tell you something Sakura: AHH!!.. *swing the bat* Takeshi: Ahh!.. *evade* Wait i have to say something Tsuki: Takeshi-kun? Sakura: So your the one who stalking my sister Takeshi: what? Sakura: you have alot to explain to us when i'm done with you *hits Takeshi* Takeshi: ugh... --Inside-- Sakura: Okey, listen up pal.. why are you here and why are you stalking my sister Takeshi: *tied up* I here to tell Tsuki about something special and i wasn't stalking at all Tsuki: something special? Sakura: Yeah right.. Takeshi: It's true, i just came here and went to Tsuki's window and tell her that- Sakura: That what? Tsuki; (I love her?) Takeshi: That she need to stay away form that Yamazaki guy Sakura: What? that new guy? You have to take your pill something is wrong with you Tsuki: Yamazaki?.. that green shirt guy? Takeshi: Stay away from him!!.. okey?.. Sakura: *untie Takeshi* you better go home i think your sick or something Takeshi: Wait i haven't tell you everything Sakura: yeah, yeah.. get out of this house already *slam the door at Takeshi* --Outside-- Takeshi: *sweatdrop* SEE YA TOMORROW!! Tsuki: *pops out of the window*.. see ya tomorrow Sakura: *pulls Tsuki back to her room* Go home already!!.. *close the window* Takeshi: *sweatdrop* I guess i have to go home. --Yamazaki's home-- Yamazaki: *praying* God, please forgive me for this sin. I'm not worth your mighty name As you Angel please wash away my sins. I'll make the earth peaceful as my pay. Yamazaki: *eyes changes* *yawn* *thinking* Mostly days like this can be a very stress for one person, ugh.. it's valentins day tomorrow. And i don't have even know any girls in the class. Gonna check the list of the girls and boys in the class List: Kaguyhi Misaka Sakura Konhi Takeshi Daisuke Yamazaki Rojin Amami Shirou Kazuya Shirou Ryuzaki Ganryu Jin Mizaki Satsuki Inaba Chiyo Ami Yamazaki: It's not that much students in my class.. hmm.. a note form the principal note: I'm sorry for putting you into a class with trouble makers. But i hope you can be together with this little name Chiyo Ami, she's mostly alone and get bully with other students, so please take care of her. Yamazaki: *sigh* well time for go to sleep. --Next Day-- Sakura: Where is that damn Takeshi...*mad* Tsuki: Onee-chan, isn't better that you get to the class by yourself? Sakura: Grrr.. fine *leaves* I finally arrive to the first day school day. Yamazaki: *enter the school gate* Here we are, my first school day *hears scream of help* **I suddenly heard screem of help from the back yard of the school** ?????: Stop, i don't have money left for the brake stop!! Yamazaki: Somebody get bullied.. *searching for the help* --The School's Back yard-- ?????: Help somebody!! Bully: You stupid little bitch give me you damn money ?????: I told you i haven't money left Yamazaki: HEY!! YOU!!.. stop that immidietly.. Bully: Like i care.. Yamazaki: Watch your mouth!!...*running against the bully* Bully: Looks like we have a little knight saving the princess Yamazaki: Take my punch *hits Bullies stomach* **I'm happy that i hit a nerve right there, if i miss i could be death right now** Bully: Ugh.. what?.. so strong..*pass out* Yamazaki: That should take him down (ouch!.. my hand) ?????: Arigato!! Nii-san Yamazaki: I'm glad to help. Are you okey? ?????: yes of course, thanks to you Yamazaki: that's good to hear.. what is your name? ?????: My name is Chiyo Ami --End of Part 2-- The Day Part 3 Spoiler: part 3 **I had this strage feeling for this girl I meet..some very evil and some kinda very sad. I wondering what students is in 2-B. I feel a bit nervous or something I just think it's the breakfast i just ate before i came here.** Chiyo: Nii-san, NII-SAN!! Yamazaki: w-what? Chiyo: What are you spacing out there for? Yamazaki: Oh nothing **This girl. It said in my note that i need to stay close to her. I guess this is a messange form God. This girl need serious help.** Chiyo: Here are we!! *open the door to the class room* --Class room 2-B-- Sakura: Hey check it out, it's the little Chiyo-chan... Chiyo: *afraid* h-hello Sakura-chan Sakura: What with the long face *patting Chiyo roughly* Chiyo: Stop! I used to much time fixing my hair Sakura: What's the matter *still patting Chiyo's hair* Do you think boys in the school gonna check you up or something **The hate, the pain.. I can feel anger in my body. It's..it's someting bad in this room it feels like i want to say- Yamazaki: STOP!! Sakura: *shocks and stop patting Chiyo* Chiyo: *hidding behind Yamazaki* Sakura: Wow, looks like Chiyo-chan got a guardian Yamazaki: you better stop this, you stupid bitch Sakura: *Shocks* Ryuzaki: Ohh~ you just get burned, Sakura Sakura: Shut up!!.. your nothing to do with this Chiyo: Thanks for saving me again Yamazaki: No problem *pat Chiyo gentel* It's my job to do that chiyo: So your saying your gonna be on my side? Yamazaki: That's right *smiles* *Teacher appear* Teacher: Okey listen up you little dirty students.. it's time to learn math Yamazaki(thought): Energi of darkness, that's why.. this is the source of all noise that have been spread around this school Teacher: Sit down to your damn desk Yamazaki: *still standing* Teacher: *see Yamazaki standing* Didn't you hear what i said.. SIT DOWN!! Yamazaki: you have no right to make me sit...I'm not a dog Teacher: oh alittle trouble maker *take out a from nowhere bat* How do you like to get hit in the face Sakura: Listen to the teacher you idiot.. sit down Ryuzaki: yeah man sit down Jin: Don't let the teacher beat you Sakura & Ryuzaki: WHAT!? Jin: you heard me, beat the crap of him Yamazaki(thoughts): very well, those students has been teached by this moran.. I'm gonna show him *alot of anger inside Yamazaki* Yamazaki: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! *crack knuckels* Teacher: I'll show you *swing his bat* Yamazaki: *evade* *Punch the teacher in a nerve behind the head* Teacher: ugh....*falls down* Yamazaki: *pant* *pant*.... Classroom: *silence* Yamazaki: your the trouble that have those students fall to trash.. *someone hit Yamazaki for behind* argh..*still standing* What the f*ck Security Guard: Ops.. Yamazaki: AHHH! *hit him with a chair*... Ryuzaki: *stands up* Stop this man.. this is isn't cool Yamazaki(Thoughts): I lost my control of myself.. i didn't know what i were doing. Sakura: Enough!!. *Everyone stop* Sakura: Thanks to you!! the Teacher is knocked down.. and the second.. *thumbs up* your the best Ryuzaki: you got some guts do this jin: Good job, we know you could do it Yamazaki(thoughts): everyone is cheering.. is this really true.. i did something bad. But still this is the right way to my goal, of this mission All students: YA-MA-ZA-KI!! YA-MA-ZA-KI!! YA-MA-ZA-KI!! Yamazaki(thoughts): I feel energi flowing inside me... Yamazaki: I will change this school to become, more better All: YEAH!! *This is the best that happend in my life. And i will make this school a better place to learn.. I'll do it God trust me.. i will!! --Takeshi-- Takeshi: Oh no!!.. i'm 15 min late for school *running* *see the school gate is lockes* Takeshi: I have to climb over *check if the security gurad is around* Lucky! no one around --School Hallway-- Takeshi: No one have to notice me *sneaking* i need to be very quite --Room 2-B-- Takeshi: I'm almost there. *about to open the door* *Sakura open the door* Sakura: Where have you been Takeshi? Takeshi: I..I.. Sakura: yes? Takeshi: I overslept *running* please don't hurt me Chiyo: who was that Sakura-chan? Sakura: Just a friend of mine.. Chiyo: I see *turns around* YAMAZAKI FOR LEADER IN THE SCHOOL COUNCIL All: YEAH!! Yamazaki: I'll do my best to become your leader! and i'll not fail.. with God in my side, i'll win --End of Part 3-- Chapter 2 Thoughts of Yamazaki Part 1 Spoiler:This day was the best ever, I couldn't believe i could do something big that make the students so very happy. I was going to celebrate it but Chiyo invited me home with her. She told me she will thank me when I helped her out of the situation earlier this the day. She did not have many friends along with her but she took the most with them from class 2-B. Ryuzaki was there and helped to lay the table and Amami Shirou twin sister of Kazuya Shirou helping with making food. I know them not so much, but I have heard a rumor that Shirou family in this town are very good with cooking. I am sure that the ingredients for the food is secret. We had a serious conversation that I would become the school's leader. I did not show that it would be so serious with it. But I just smiled when they looked at me, when they wanted me to agree with them. They would first make sure that I would make the school more better to learn, and all the bad teachers should be removed. After a serious talk, began with karaoke. All attended except me. I sat on the couch and read what it wrote was important. I was very surprised because the head teacher told me that this class is very noisy and makes a lot of noise, but there is just bullshit, all these students are like angels. these students are very good and very smart. I wonder why they have been moved to this class. I saw a girl from my class. I think her name is Satsuki Inaba. She is a shy girl, but I got her to the group. She had a very nice voice just like Chiyo. Anyway, after the party, I was again getting to help Chiyo-chan. She wanted me to go home, but I told her that no one is home that is waiting, so I stayed with her instead. Chiyo was a very smart girl and knew what she should do with abandoned vein. She had the most biggest job of all in the whole group. Chiyo-chan want be a lawyer when she was educated. But first she wanted to be my vice president when I win the election for school election. After an hour of work Chiyo be completely tired. She dropped. I tried to help her, but she said that she could do it herself. I felt sorry for this little girl. I wish I knew what she was thinking. After she was finished with the job I was sitting beside her on the couch. I asked if she wanted something to drink, but she did not say anything so I just looked out of the window. I had never seen a beautiful view before. I could see the cherry blossom trees from where I sat. It was unbelievable. This day was the most incredible days until Chiyo crying after my name. I looked behind me, but Chiyo suddenly kissed me on the lips. I was shocked at such a girl's reaction. She said, thanks again. I was surprised. She suddenly took off her top. I went back into the sofa corner. She came to me with a beautiful look. I could not resist them. She held my face and kissed it again. This time, I felt very warm, it felt very good. Since she had removed her top, I could her breasts. They were very soft. I noticed that she did not care at all. She stopped kissing me and started to remove my pants. I felt me warm at the start but began to feel strange. She walked toward the curtains and closed them. She said that may not none know about this. chiyo, was not the same girl I knew, it was like someone had taken over her body. After she, said the statement, she pulled off my pants completely off. I wanted to stop her, but there was something in my body that made me immobile. I had on my shirt and boxer left. Her breathing very heavily, she began to massage the special section, or should I say my dick. She giggled a little spruce while massaging my dick. It began to feel very strange. She held me hard that I could not get myself away. She told me that I was the first boy she ever was love in. I thought she had a boyfriend, because she's pretty and cute. Never imagined she want me. I felt warm again, but this time it was more hotter than before. I took her head and kissed her back, but still she massaging my cock while we kissed. I have never experienced anything like this before. It was like I could see what happens in the future. I could see myself with Chiyo-chan holding hands together with a daughter. I do not know what to call her but I'm sure that her name is Kaho. Except that I knew it, she had already taken off my boxer. Her, poked at it and looked at me, with cute eyes as usual. I heard someone knocking at the door. I did not know who it was, but I pushed Chiyo-chan very carefully and took the boxer and my pants. She told me there was nothing to be afraid, she said it was her parents, but she will talk to them. I did not hear her at all, I took my things and jumped out the window. Her came after for me, but stopped and shouted "See you at school!". I just run far away I could. She spent the last effort and said that we should meet after school. I was afraid to hear it. --Next Day-- I went to school and thought about what I and Chiyo-chan did yesterday. Suddenly, Tsuki and Sakura surpise me from behind, surprising and talked about school election that would happen tomorrow. They talked a lot about I want to win. I did not say anything, but I said I had to do something so they just went off. After Sakura and Tsuki walked away, I met up with Ryuzaki waiting for me, Sakura and Tsuki may have passed him. Ryuzaki gave me some Manga that he does not like. I told him that I do not read many, but I told him that we could give it away when there is school election. Ryuzaki was agreed and went with me to school. When we were almost on the way to school I saw Takeshi on the ground no power to move. I asked if it went well with him, but no one answers back. Ryuzaki told me that Takeshi was weird planner to find information about me. I asked why, but Ryuzaki said only that he was just crazy. We were there but Ryuzaki ran to the door without me noticing. I saw chiyo-chan waiting for me at the school entrance. She asked me if I had done the homework that was to be completed until today. I was a little surprised that she only asked about it and nothing else. In the classroom, I had nothing to do. It was history, but could be anything from before. The teacher asked me ask measure but I responded to them without looking at her. She was quite impressed. I looked at the window and saw how the people had it. The recess should I eat with Sakura, Tsuki was not there since she is in another class. Nearly all 2-B was up and ate. I had no food, but Satsuki gave me half of her melon bread, it was very kind. In some reason everyone left. I ask them where they going, and they asked to the clubs. I spit out what it was, and they were a little surprised again. Sakura gave me a list of clubs that I could be part of. She crossed over some of the options and said it was full. There were three options left, I did not know which of them I should choose. It was sport, music and talent, and the sumo club. I chose the one-time music and talent club. I gave it to Sakura, she said I could just go right away to the club, because she would deliver it to the principal for me. until I tried to look for the room, Sakura stopped me. She gave me the number for the room. She asked me if I played any instruments. And when I answered "no". She said that those guys have been at the club in the past, because it has happened if they win the club festival this year, have to move to another school. I did not understand her point, but I just went my way and tried to find the room. The note that I got says "5-C" it was the other side of the school. I was almost there, so I heard some fighting on the hallway. The room was "3-A". Suddenly, someone was thrown out of the room, it was Ryuzaki. I asked about it went well, he replied that he had it good. There were five big guys who beat up Ryuzaki. They asked me to stand aside but I stood there and defended Ryuzaki. Two of them held on to beat me, but so there was a teacher and stopped them. I helped ryuzaki up and went to the club room. I finally found the room and opened it, but then I saw Chiyo-chan with the smile she had from yesterday. --End of Part 1-- Thoughts of Yamazaki part 2 Spoiler: I saw her just inside the eyes. It was the same look I saw from the previous day. I was going to run away, but then it happened that I was stuck again like yesterday. She walked slowly toward me the while with the eyes. It was like she took my soul from me. She licked her lips to look very sexy. I try to fight back with all the strength I had. Chiyo-chan said something, but did not listen. She had her face in front of my face and breathed on me, she had a wonderful scent. She pulled me inside the room and closed the door. I still had no control over my body. she pushed me and I fell to the floor. She looked down at me and said, "so you chose this club, too?". I got the excellent control over my body again and stood up. I asked her about how the rest of gruppenen was. She replied back that no one had gone home because they had nothing else to do. I asked, Why she was still here, and she told me she was waiting for me. I was not surprised at all, because she said we would meet each other, regardless of when school ended. Chiyo-chan hugged me suddenly, and she said we were only alone for ourselves. She kissed me again, I felt that God would punish me for this, she pulled down my pants and even boxer like she did yesterday. But this time it was completely different, my dick was very hard. Chiyo said bunch of things I did not understand at all. She said that she had not seen any similar in their entire lives. She said my dick was big. I tried to push her away but she had a strong grip so that I could not push her. I laid still in the ground, worn by pushing her away. Chiyo began to do some weird movements with her hand. She massage my dick up and down. I did not understand why her do it, but then there was something strange, my body started to feel good. Chiyo talked to me while her massaging my dick, oh god this is not what I feel everyday. Chiyo continue with the same pace and began to lick at it. while she did it It felt like it was a monster inside my body that wanted out of me, but I tried to keep it inside. Chiyo was not shy at all, she just continued and continued. I felt something strange, something strange down on my dick. Chiyo said something funny again, but I did not hear anything again. Her swallowing my entire cock. I wanted to stop her, but suddenly there was something white out of my dick. Chiyo-chan smiled at me and said that semen tasted good. She began to take off their clothes slowly. Meanwhile, my dick was just harder and harder. Chiyo was very happy and said that this is going to be fun. I did not understand what she said, but she took off her panty. chiyo showed me her pussy. I looked at them with large eyes. she said that pussy is just for me. I had not seen anything like this girl's action. She sat on my chest and said "be kind to me", this is my first time. I asked her what to do, and she said "lick it, like i did to you". Suddenly, I had knowledge of this. I could see what was needed to make her feel good. I began at once, she was warm inside himself. I lick her pussy, until she said "please be a little kind with me." I tried, but the body would not stop, Chiyo screamed and suddenly there was a lot of water came out of her. She was on and said I was very clever. Chiyo said that I was right for her. I stood up and said I was not ready for her. Chiyo yelled that I was really ready. She jumped on me and said, "Let us be one". I knew what she was thinking, my dick and her pussy met, the two of us felt the same. She went slowly down my dick. I saw that she felt that it was painful, but she tries as best she could. I asked if this was okay, but she only replied "yes" back. she was head of my dick inside her pussy. Chiyo began to cry. Half of my body stood up and kissed her for her to be quiet. We kissed and it felt really really comfortable. I looked down and saw that she was bleeding. I looked at her. She looked at me and said that she regrets. I wondered why. She said the back that we should do it when we got older. I came back with a comment, and told her that I loved her anyway, even we met each other a few days ago. She started crying, I wondered why again. Chiyo said it was the first time someone has said that to her. I said it was just nonsense. She said that her parents let her do all house work at home without getting something in return. I kissed her again. She hugged me while we did it. She said to me, you can start to move. I moved slowly and she was tight as that. She cried a little, but she felt good, it made me too. We began to move faster, and she told me to go faster. i was thinking about her own safety and I would not do anything bad to her since she liked me so much. Her pussy started to be loose abit. The pace moved more faster, we both started to get crazy. Chiyo started to screem out after more, and I did what she said. We continue all the day, and suddenly someone knucked the door, it was Sakura. I thought she entered the door, but she stayed outside. She was asking for it was okey inside cause she could hear Chiyo-chan screeming from the other side of club room. Me and chiyo said nothing back, cause it was very hard to talk while have Chiyo-chan's pussy connected with my dick. Sakura was about to open the door but luckly her cellphone called. I didn't know who it was but she just went back to her room. Chiyo looking at me and had a cellphone in her hand without me notice. She told me finally were alone again. She start moving again with faster pace. She was tigher then she was earlier. My body felt awesome. I could feel the same feeling down at my dick, when Chiyo sucked my dick earlier. She said "cum inside me". I was shocked, i said that she will be pregnant. She said that i could just do it just this time. She asked me again that i was going to cum, and i said yes back to her, but i didn't know what she meant. Then suddenly something white again came out of my dick. Chiyo suddenly screemed out it was warm. We unconnect each other and Chiyo was powerless. I dress myself and cleaned away the white thing that Chiyo call "semen". Chiyo came back to herself, and we talked a bit together and we was discusting about we could be a couple. I said okey, but i told her to learn me about more about this, cause i didn't know much about things like that. --School Gate-- Me and Chiyo-chan was holding hand together, and went outside the school gate. Suddenly she dropped my hand. I looked at her and she told me that we should be a couple in secret. I was wondering once again. She was very shy about this couple stuff. She cried abit. I hugged her from behind and said it was okey, we could meet each other after the school and do couple stuff. She hugged me again. I didn't know what i said but i told her to stay in my house. She looked at me with cute eyes. I didn't like her to stay with her parents. It started to be night so we head home. We hold each others hands again while walking home, this was the start of a new life with a girl. --End of part 2-- Thoughts of Yamazaki Part 3 Spoiler: It has passed 3 days, and me and Chiyo-chan is still couple in secret. Nobody knows about it. Me and Chiyo always meet each other after the school. yeah about the school election, they moved it to the next week. But still my classmate was very serious about it, it was non-stop they worked everyday. I and Chiyo stood outside. We went home to me again, but Chiyo had obtained a job at a cafe, where she had to dress up as a maid. Since we were lovers, I would not want other boys to touch her, since she is so beautiful in my eyes. I went with her to the cafe. It was not just a regular cafe, it was only for luxury people. Chiyo invited me into the cafe. I did not want her interference, but her boss thinks it was okay just this time. I sat down and looked out the window as usual, my job is still not finished, my job is to make this world peaceful. I turned and saw Chiyo-chan in front of me. She smiled at me as usual and gave me a menu list. I looked at it and it was not cheap stuff. She said to me that she would treat me, because it was the first day of her job. I was relieved, and would just kiss her, but she turned around. She said we could do it when we came home to me. I looked at the menu list if it was any good I would have. Chiyo-chan could not wait so her move on to other customers and had to take orders. I looked at the menu a long time and finally found what I wanted, before I could order the boss came to me. He was a little surprised to have Chiyo-chan working in his shop. although it was the first day of her job, the shop had gone to the top. I was a little surprised too, I noticed that the majority were boys. I saw that it flirted with the other maid, but it was wild after Chiyo-chan. Boss looked at me with anger in the eyes, he asked me not to start a fight with them. He also said he would look after her when I'm gone, so I did not need to worry. I looked at him and thanked him. He went and asked one of the maid and give me my ice cream order. I sat by the window and looked at Chiyo-chan, she did not look so happy when the boys flirt with her. She tries so well with her job, but still they try to get her to sit next to them. Chiyo and I saw each other from long distance, we smiled at each other. I received my ice cream order and tried to taste it, it was wonderful, but not so wonderful to have Chiyo as my girl. We looked at each other again, but the guys who sat with Chiyo noticed it and walked towards me, with a mad look on me. They said a lot of ugly things to me, I felt a lot of negative things about me. It was almost like they owned Chiyo as if it were their property. I said nothing back, everything they do is that they took my order and threw it at me. Chiyo-chan tried to stop them, but some of the guys hold her again. I could not do anything back they were three times more than me. Boss saw what happened and came out at once. And tried to stop it, but then he was beaten by one of the guys. I stood up and tried to help him up, but they held me down in my chair. Guys started talking again, but this time it was about Chiyo-chan. It said "Do you really great that she is your girl or something? Your shit" I stood up and said that Chiyo-chan is my girl. Guys were annoyed and beat me up and threw me out of the shop. I spent the last forces and tried to get myself home. I manage to get myself home. I went at once to bed, and tried to rest. I could not stop to think what would happen with Chiyo-chan. It could be that they would hurt her. I was on the bed and thought for two hours, and suddenly the door bell rang. It was Chiyo-chan. Henne was a little earlier than expected. She said that she quit. I asked why and she replied that the place was too dangerous, she would be with me instead. I hugged her, and wondered how we would be buying food for us, if we had no job or parents to give us money. Chiyo-chan looked at me and gave me a letter, I opened it and saw 500,000 yen. I asked at once where she got it from, and she said her parents. I thought that her parents did not support her, but still loved her parents her. We went together to the bed and began to kiss each other. Chiyo had intended to go to a concert with Tsuki and Sakura, but she would be with me. I told her that she could just go and leave me at home. Later, when Chiyo went out, I wrote applications for finding jobs that I could have after school. 500,000 yen is not enough to live my whole life. I went to the computer, but I could not deal about how to use it. But I tried as best I could to be accepted for a job I can. The problem is that I am not a normal human being who knows everything, I'm an angel who has been sent to make this world peaceful. I think this is a sign from God, this is my next goal. After some hours left, Chiyo-chan had not come home yet. I was going to call her but I had no phone I could use. I had not eaten since then I and Chiyo went to her job. My head was getting dizzy, everything was suddenly black. I fell slowly to the floor with a hard bang. I could not move, I thought that something was wrong with me, I felt sick. I lay on the floor and cried for Chiyo-chan, but no answers. I was cold, I felt like I was dying. I lay on the cold floor in another hour. Chiyo had not come home yet. I was sweating and my throat was dry. I thought that I could not get sick, I hopet that God would help me from this situation, but nothing happened. I was just more worse and worse, death was going to come to fetch me. Goodbye Chiyo-chan, I slowly closed my eyes, but then I heard the door bell rang. I opened my eyes when I heard it, it was chiyo-chan with Sakura and Tsuki. I tried to get up, but my body was powerless. Chiyo-chan knocked on the door and waited. I cried that I could not move me. She went to window and saw me from my bedroom. Sakura and Tsuki shouted at me, but I could barely hear them. I could not do anything, I just lay there and closed my eyes. I saw nothing, everything was black again for me. All I heard was screaming and a lot of noise. I felt that someone lifted me up, and the rest of the day, nothing ... nothing ... It felt as though it's been 3 weeks. I still see black, but so happened that I woke up. I awoke in a hospital. I saw Ryuzaki, Chiyo, Sakura, Takeshi, Satsuki, Jin .. all together, all from the class. I could see the girls crying, and I saw that even the guys do it too. The doctor came in and said I had the flu, it was not serious, but I needed to rest me for a week. Sakura asked the doctor that they could visit me after school, and the doctor said it was okay. After an hour took them all home, but not Chiyo, she hugged me and said that she will never leave me again. I used some that my strength and hugged her back. When I get well again, I will be able to complete my goal --End of Part 3--

Pages 123 4

Yama-kun

15 years ago

Spoiler:

I see, Yama means Mountain in Japanese, and Rojin is *sigh* Old man in Japanese

voltampirs

15 years ago

still a bit fast paced in terms of getting scenes out but the plot seems to flow a bit slow (sorry if you this confusing). was a bit surprised when the teacher got a bat but then again you did say he was sent to a criminal town.

Yama-kun

15 years ago

voltampirs wrote...

got that right Volt-san *clap* *clap*

Sora-chan

15 years ago

Yamazaki Rojin wrote...

voltampirs wrote...

got that right Volt-san *clap* *clap*

unlike volt-san i just got confused on how the teacher had a bat in the first place

Nekomimiko

15 years ago

Nya...read the chapter 1 3rd part.
Imo you should put more words into describing each scene with extra detail, filling everything with direct conversations is too fast paced, sounds corny, and does not give the reader much infomation about the environment. Extra thoughts by the main character can be added between conversations to let the reader have more knowledge about the person who the main character is talking to, flashbacks etc. As volt said, its a little fast pace, everything happens too fast in just a few sentence without much detail. To be honest, I think you protrayed your story nearly into an anime with just subtitles text and a black screen.

Conclusion: more detail thanks
Just an honest opinion..

Sora-chan

15 years ago

yeah321 wrote...

you're being harsh yeah-chan please be more considerate of the feeling of the writer but well the nail wont move if you dont pound it but still...

Yama-kun

15 years ago

Sora-chan wrote...

yeah321 wrote...

you're being harsh yeah-chan please be more considerate of the feeling of the writer but well the nail wont move if you dont pound it but still...

*sitting in a corner and sobbing* All my work.. done for nothing.. the chapter 2 and the whole story won't be in process.. I feel broken..*sob*..

Sora-chan

15 years ago

Yamazaki Rojin wrote...

Sora-chan wrote...

yeah321 wrote...

you're being harsh yeah-chan please be more considerate of the feeling of the writer but well the nail wont move if you dont pound it but still...

*sitting in a corner and sobbing* All my work.. done for nothing.. the chapter 2 and the whole story won't be in process.. I feel broken..*sob*..

noo!......... now look what you did yeah-chan!!

Nekomimiko

15 years ago

Yamazaki Rojin wrote...

*sitting in a corner and sobbing* All my work.. done for nothing.. the chapter 2 and the whole story won't be in process.. I feel broken..*sob*..

Uguguguuuuuuu....
Gomen~~~~~
Its just I would like to give a friend like you an honest opinion, I wouldnt bother to post if it wasnt you. There is not a single bad intention!!
I just read too much novels and stuff....

Sora-chan wrote...

noo!......... now look what you did yeah-chan!!

Wahh..this is like an aprils fool joke gone wrong...

Spoiler:

Yama-kun

15 years ago

yeah321 wrote...

[quote="Yamazaki Rojin"]
*sitting in a corner and sobbing* All my work.. done for nothing.. the chapter 2 and the whole story won't be in process.. I feel broken..*sob*..

Sora-chan wrote...

noo!......... now look what you did yeah-chan!!

But you didn't need to rune it like that.. i was enjoy to write it and enjoy you people. And want do i get.. a heart breaking reply.. Go away

Symeria

15 years ago

the fist half ain't that bad... reminded me a bit of GTO which gave me lols...

it went downhill from takeshi's side of the story... and like neko-san said that part was too fast...

skoodlez

15 years ago

yeah321 wrote...

come on, give a guy a break!

Nekomimiko

15 years ago

skoodlez13 wrote...

come on, give a guy a break!

I got trolled by him for that, when your not around.

skoodlez

15 years ago

yeah321 wrote...

skoodlez13 wrote...

come on, give a guy a break!

I got trolled by him for that, when your not around.

XD,i guess i missed a lot

orpheus

15 years ago

Well not bad, for the third part. still... a bit fast.

Anyway, don't give up. learn from mistake to improve your work. keep it up!

voltampirs

15 years ago

i like the fact the Rojin has a lot of thoughts going on in his mind in contrast to his quiet appearance. it kinda suits him in my opinion :). no complaints storywise. there's still some minor errors but i can tell you exerted a lot of effort on your latest chapter. significant improvement. keep it up! :3

Yama-kun

15 years ago

voltampirs wrote...

Could you tell want error i did?

Symeria

15 years ago

that's a lot for thoughts... anyway This seems much better that the others in terms of character involvement and increasing story's depth...

I'll cut you some slack in grammar cause your still getting used to English(though it did make me wonder WTF was he talking about on the first read) so other than the already mentioned grammar your fine..

Yama-kun

15 years ago

Symeria wrote...

sorry about the first part of the Chapter 2, i'll do better in part 2

Sora-chan

15 years ago

......... chapter 2 is long XD *reading* ill comment back on how i like it

Spoiler:

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