[Summer Contest Entry 2012] Another Day...
0
Another Day…
9-16-12 6:30
Ahh, another day..
Nearing the end of summer I believe, and here I am; some poor bastard who just woke up from some god-awful dream and Putting on my Jeans on, planning on what is going to be the longest days I’ll ever have. My phone keeps lighting up the dimly lit room of mine like it’s the fourth of July, can’t blame the person on the other side. Brushing my teeth, and rushing to grab a concha* right before I begin my leave, heading towards my beaten up Honda civic.
I pause to connect my i-touch into the auxiliary slot in my stereo before firing up the engines then another display of fireworks from my phone, this time it’s a text,
From her…
I try to ignore it but then again who am I to do such a thing?
.
.
Such a devious bastard I’ve become.
9-17-12 1:00
Its been 4 years, and still she has that bubbly - Tsundere personality, no thanks to the Hentai she secretly reads on her computer. Despite her disposition and her mischievous, tomboyish nature, she’s grown… in more ways than one.
God this feels like something out of some vanilla manga.
First thing we did was we went to the college were we first met, babbling about all the good times we had together. Honestly the only good memory I had of that place was the days before I met her, before I decided to enter the art club. After that was one terrible thing after another. I can’t say anything after that, but then again; I was a delinquent, she was a tomboy. Like pairing monkeys with dragons in the Chinese zodiac.
Huh, Come to think of it, she's a monkey, I’m a dragon.
FUCK! Get your mind out the gutter man.
Second thing we did was head down straight to the bar, and now here I am writing down my diary entry while the two of us were down in more alcohol than drunken Irishmen. I Gotta stop now before i get FUCKED up
9-19-12 7:45 am
Another day gone, but something seems to be amiss, Or maybe I’m just thinking too much, either way I know something is going on with her.
She seems depressed, well not like emo kids when they have thoughts of suicide, just…
Distant… empty.
I left for work the other day, but when I came back she was just… there: Huddled with her luggage, sitting on my couch. We left for some coffee and while we talked I found out that she was leaving, heading back to japan within a few weeks. If this was the reason why she was depressed then what the hell is going on? I mean, she’s done this every year since we were 19, we’ve talked on the phone at least once every three days, communicated over in Facebook, Fakku ,Skype, hell even sent postcards like good –old fashioned people hahaha…
Of all the time in the world, why now? Why now does it have to be different? What in the name of the lord almighty does this encounter matter?
It wasn’t until we were walking back home when she pulled me against her, pushed me against a wall and placed her lips against mine that my mind reached an answer.
“She is in love with you”
9-20-12 we didn’t talk much today. But I worry for her.
God damn it, what is she to me? That question had been bugging me ever since that incident. She left to go sightseeing just a few minutes earlier and here I am, writing again before my work shift. I need answers damn it…
.
.
.
I got off work and then I decided to meet with a good friend of mine.as much as I hate it, he always had a knack for giving advice. Fortunately, I could still find him in the art studio in college, working on his latest piece for an exhibition. I told him of my situation and that I needed answers. He shook his head with a smile and Said” your waaay too fucking stubborn to even notice homie”
After a few moments, he then asked me the same question I’ve been asking myself
“What is she to you my brotha?”
She’s …
God Damn… It feels different when someone else asks me that question.
I thanked my buddy and quickly drove home. Entering my apartment, she was nowhere to be seen. Her luggage was there but she wasn’t home. In my mind I had time left “what is she to me?”
She’s bubbly, but also firm. She doesn’t think things through but she always seems to find a way around our problems. She’s is a tomboy to the core but at the same time, she’s more feminine than any other girls I know.
She’s loud, arrogant, fierce, foolish, Airhead at times, stupid, hardly fluent. You can’t imagine the amount of trouble she dragged the two of us into. She doesn't give a damn of the consequences in life; more carefree than others. She’s expressive through her actions, but can’t handle relationships well…
And this friend I have her, the tsundere; bubbly and BOLD woman I know…
I love her.
Now i got to find her... Man the fuck up, and hope for the best.
9-25-12 9:00am
I decided to take her out on a trip around San Diego. She smiles now whenever I look at her, maybe she’s just laughing at my face. Ha ha I was always ugly, with the hardheaded look I usually give, adding a smile just makes her want to laugh, I know it: but still, it’s good to have her usual personality back.
I took her to Belmont, and we had a good time, we snacked on as much junk food we could stuff ourselves with and wasted as much as 500 bucks on food and games: Mainly rides. It’s Nice to see she’s still scared of heights; the look on her face just as we were dropping like a rock on the roller coaster ride was fucking priceless, the kick to the nuts was a worthy price to pay.
After massaging my nuts from the pain (and chasing her through the Park) I decided to take her to Fiesta Island, a place well known by the locals for huge bonfires, street racing meets and a relaxing way to exercise.
At first she said it was boring; typical. But after a few curves in I rounded the corner and there was the sunset. The view never gets old. That along with the ocean breeze made it ideal, and beautiful. After parking the car I sat in front of the car while she lays down on the hood. I think we spent a good 10 minutes just staring at the sun, talking about how we always seem to have a good time together. Then it deviated from talking as she leaned over and kissed me again under the summer sunset. I wasn't surprised, after all we...
Hehe, know what? I’m not going to say it.
9-29-12
I think I know why I’ve always dreaded meeting her every year. Looking back every day was fun, exciting, action packed (at least when she was around) and god knows the amount of shit we waded through together. It was her leaving that made it painful. I was always cool about it, but I couldn’t help but cringe whenever she talked about going back to japan. It made me feel.. Used up. Than again, it’s not like someone would go and spend $1,000 on a round trip ticket just to use someone up.
Throughout my entire time with her I’ve grown to accept her for who she was, all the good stuff and bad stuff she had with her. Then I wondered “had she always tried to admit her feelings to me ever since?” Hah.
I can’t say for certain but this year was completely different, I could only imagine the tribulations she went through just to finally admit it. But she is who she is, a bubbly- tomboyish woman who couldn’t handle relationships well who would waste a thousand bucks for a round trip just to see some poor bastard like myself.
Oh well, I just hope that now the lessons of Japanese I took back in college serve me well, because of all the crazy stupid shit we been through, this is by far, the most craziest, the most stupid, and the most awful of ideas i’ve ever had in a long time.
Ha ha, she’s sleeping right on my shoulder as I’m typing, I can’t help but take a picture of her passed out. I reached down and gently hold her hand. I then look out into the setting sun.
Another day gone, but a new life will begin for us, bringing that welcome change i so desperately needed…
For me and my fiancé
FIN
*Edits made 7:06 pm 6-14-2012*
9-16-12 6:30
Ahh, another day..
Nearing the end of summer I believe, and here I am; some poor bastard who just woke up from some god-awful dream and Putting on my Jeans on, planning on what is going to be the longest days I’ll ever have. My phone keeps lighting up the dimly lit room of mine like it’s the fourth of July, can’t blame the person on the other side. Brushing my teeth, and rushing to grab a concha* right before I begin my leave, heading towards my beaten up Honda civic.
I pause to connect my i-touch into the auxiliary slot in my stereo before firing up the engines then another display of fireworks from my phone, this time it’s a text,
From her…
I try to ignore it but then again who am I to do such a thing?
.
.
Such a devious bastard I’ve become.
9-17-12 1:00
Its been 4 years, and still she has that bubbly - Tsundere personality, no thanks to the Hentai she secretly reads on her computer. Despite her disposition and her mischievous, tomboyish nature, she’s grown… in more ways than one.
God this feels like something out of some vanilla manga.
First thing we did was we went to the college were we first met, babbling about all the good times we had together. Honestly the only good memory I had of that place was the days before I met her, before I decided to enter the art club. After that was one terrible thing after another. I can’t say anything after that, but then again; I was a delinquent, she was a tomboy. Like pairing monkeys with dragons in the Chinese zodiac.
Huh, Come to think of it, she's a monkey, I’m a dragon.
FUCK! Get your mind out the gutter man.
Second thing we did was head down straight to the bar, and now here I am writing down my diary entry while the two of us were down in more alcohol than drunken Irishmen. I Gotta stop now before i get FUCKED up
9-19-12 7:45 am
Another day gone, but something seems to be amiss, Or maybe I’m just thinking too much, either way I know something is going on with her.
She seems depressed, well not like emo kids when they have thoughts of suicide, just…
Distant… empty.
I left for work the other day, but when I came back she was just… there: Huddled with her luggage, sitting on my couch. We left for some coffee and while we talked I found out that she was leaving, heading back to japan within a few weeks. If this was the reason why she was depressed then what the hell is going on? I mean, she’s done this every year since we were 19, we’ve talked on the phone at least once every three days, communicated over in Facebook, Fakku ,Skype, hell even sent postcards like good –old fashioned people hahaha…
Of all the time in the world, why now? Why now does it have to be different? What in the name of the lord almighty does this encounter matter?
It wasn’t until we were walking back home when she pulled me against her, pushed me against a wall and placed her lips against mine that my mind reached an answer.
“She is in love with you”
9-20-12 we didn’t talk much today. But I worry for her.
God damn it, what is she to me? That question had been bugging me ever since that incident. She left to go sightseeing just a few minutes earlier and here I am, writing again before my work shift. I need answers damn it…
.
.
.
I got off work and then I decided to meet with a good friend of mine.as much as I hate it, he always had a knack for giving advice. Fortunately, I could still find him in the art studio in college, working on his latest piece for an exhibition. I told him of my situation and that I needed answers. He shook his head with a smile and Said” your waaay too fucking stubborn to even notice homie”
After a few moments, he then asked me the same question I’ve been asking myself
“What is she to you my brotha?”
She’s …
God Damn… It feels different when someone else asks me that question.
I thanked my buddy and quickly drove home. Entering my apartment, she was nowhere to be seen. Her luggage was there but she wasn’t home. In my mind I had time left “what is she to me?”
She’s bubbly, but also firm. She doesn’t think things through but she always seems to find a way around our problems. She’s is a tomboy to the core but at the same time, she’s more feminine than any other girls I know.
She’s loud, arrogant, fierce, foolish, Airhead at times, stupid, hardly fluent. You can’t imagine the amount of trouble she dragged the two of us into. She doesn't give a damn of the consequences in life; more carefree than others. She’s expressive through her actions, but can’t handle relationships well…
And this friend I have her, the tsundere; bubbly and BOLD woman I know…
I love her.
Now i got to find her... Man the fuck up, and hope for the best.
9-25-12 9:00am
I decided to take her out on a trip around San Diego. She smiles now whenever I look at her, maybe she’s just laughing at my face. Ha ha I was always ugly, with the hardheaded look I usually give, adding a smile just makes her want to laugh, I know it: but still, it’s good to have her usual personality back.
I took her to Belmont, and we had a good time, we snacked on as much junk food we could stuff ourselves with and wasted as much as 500 bucks on food and games: Mainly rides. It’s Nice to see she’s still scared of heights; the look on her face just as we were dropping like a rock on the roller coaster ride was fucking priceless, the kick to the nuts was a worthy price to pay.
After massaging my nuts from the pain (and chasing her through the Park) I decided to take her to Fiesta Island, a place well known by the locals for huge bonfires, street racing meets and a relaxing way to exercise.
At first she said it was boring; typical. But after a few curves in I rounded the corner and there was the sunset. The view never gets old. That along with the ocean breeze made it ideal, and beautiful. After parking the car I sat in front of the car while she lays down on the hood. I think we spent a good 10 minutes just staring at the sun, talking about how we always seem to have a good time together. Then it deviated from talking as she leaned over and kissed me again under the summer sunset. I wasn't surprised, after all we...
Hehe, know what? I’m not going to say it.
9-29-12
I think I know why I’ve always dreaded meeting her every year. Looking back every day was fun, exciting, action packed (at least when she was around) and god knows the amount of shit we waded through together. It was her leaving that made it painful. I was always cool about it, but I couldn’t help but cringe whenever she talked about going back to japan. It made me feel.. Used up. Than again, it’s not like someone would go and spend $1,000 on a round trip ticket just to use someone up.
Throughout my entire time with her I’ve grown to accept her for who she was, all the good stuff and bad stuff she had with her. Then I wondered “had she always tried to admit her feelings to me ever since?” Hah.
I can’t say for certain but this year was completely different, I could only imagine the tribulations she went through just to finally admit it. But she is who she is, a bubbly- tomboyish woman who couldn’t handle relationships well who would waste a thousand bucks for a round trip just to see some poor bastard like myself.
Oh well, I just hope that now the lessons of Japanese I took back in college serve me well, because of all the crazy stupid shit we been through, this is by far, the most craziest, the most stupid, and the most awful of ideas i’ve ever had in a long time.
Ha ha, she’s sleeping right on my shoulder as I’m typing, I can’t help but take a picture of her passed out. I reached down and gently hold her hand. I then look out into the setting sun.
Another day gone, but a new life will begin for us, bringing that welcome change i so desperately needed…
For me and my fiancé
FIN
*Edits made 7:06 pm 6-14-2012*
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That was amazing its like a good anime that ended u just want more im glad i read this thank you your friend Chillz
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Kingchill wrote...
That was amazing its like a good anime that ended u just want more im glad i read this thank you your friend ChillzArigatou gozaimasu >:3 and thanks again for taking the time to read it :)
suki888 wrote...
how many days did you finish this story? thanks for sharing it t us.umm... well, i dont mean to boast but i really made this story within an hour after reading the summer contest thread. its based on a real friend of mines that came to San Diego not long ago and we spent a week hanging out together haha so finding a plot story wasnt that hard for me at the time ^-^
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Hello there ScribeZazu, I believe we met on the Writers' Lounge before yeah. And since I stumble upon your piece while visiting this section, I might as well give my comment 'bout it~
Reading along the text, it seems to be heavily based on real-life events. That's what I thought before I read the comment below, and seeing it was right I presume you might probably had written lots of things from yer RL events~
Judging from the content of romance, the heroine seems to be quite unusual to me since it's based on some person you have met? Leaving that aside, the emotions were shown pretty modestly but above all it still stands to be realistic and natural, good job on describing the characters~
When some of the descriptions felt pretty vague and a bit rushed, I liked the unexpected ending when you instantly shift the readers' paradigm from expecting a bad ending from all the previous narration by giving them an unexpected good ending at the right time, couldn't have done it better myself~
Most importantly, you said before that you've written this story in one hour. Firstly, congratulations for being able to finish a piece so quickly but since the deadline is pretty far away, try to fix up any thing you find lacking in this story so the completely edited and reworked version will have a neat layout and grammar. And I don't really like how the story feels kinda rushed on some parts despite my positive impression about it overall...try to find the parts you find to be rushed out and improve it according to your will if possible~
And honestly speaking, some of the spacing kinda looks awkward and you probably should rework the descriptions by utilizing the wording and fixing up your grammar and punctuation, I've seen frequent offs on the overall structure but I won't tell ya exactly where since it's against the rules to help other contestants to improve yer grammar~
As a closing note, I've seen this work to be a pretty good start. I hope you will be more active on writing things in the future and don't hesitate to consult us when you have something to ask~
Reading along the text, it seems to be heavily based on real-life events. That's what I thought before I read the comment below, and seeing it was right I presume you might probably had written lots of things from yer RL events~
Judging from the content of romance, the heroine seems to be quite unusual to me since it's based on some person you have met? Leaving that aside, the emotions were shown pretty modestly but above all it still stands to be realistic and natural, good job on describing the characters~
When some of the descriptions felt pretty vague and a bit rushed, I liked the unexpected ending when you instantly shift the readers' paradigm from expecting a bad ending from all the previous narration by giving them an unexpected good ending at the right time, couldn't have done it better myself~
Most importantly, you said before that you've written this story in one hour. Firstly, congratulations for being able to finish a piece so quickly but since the deadline is pretty far away, try to fix up any thing you find lacking in this story so the completely edited and reworked version will have a neat layout and grammar. And I don't really like how the story feels kinda rushed on some parts despite my positive impression about it overall...try to find the parts you find to be rushed out and improve it according to your will if possible~
And honestly speaking, some of the spacing kinda looks awkward and you probably should rework the descriptions by utilizing the wording and fixing up your grammar and punctuation, I've seen frequent offs on the overall structure but I won't tell ya exactly where since it's against the rules to help other contestants to improve yer grammar~
As a closing note, I've seen this work to be a pretty good start. I hope you will be more active on writing things in the future and don't hesitate to consult us when you have something to ask~
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high_time wrote...
Reading along the text, it seems to be heavily based on real-life events. That's what I thought before I read the comment below, and seeing it was right I presume you might probably had written lots of things from yer RL events~
Judging from the content of romance, the heroine seems to be quite unusual to me since it's based on some person you have met? Leaving that aside, the emotions were shown pretty modestly but above all it still stands to be realistic and natural, good job on describing the characters~
but joking aside, thanks a lot for taking the time to read my work and giving constructive criticism on my entry. now i can sleep better knowing that someone has read my work. :3
I tried going for a "Diary" Style Format which meant leaving some things out(the length of time story-wise and only a diary entry every 2-5 days, that might explain why it feels rushed). i think it worked for the most part, and after giving it a day i read it again and noticed that i may have done it too much. It's not surprising, after all i did write this almost off the top of my head. As mentioned, i did rake my brain for some useful memories and came up with what i have now.
I am planning on cleaning it up a bit so Judges I'll make an edit later tonight.
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Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
I liked the structure in which the piece was written (paragraphs, spacing between each of those, etc) and how each of those paragraphs were shaped. It seemed more and more like a diary, which you were probably aiming for.