[Summer Contest Entry 2012] Death of a White Star
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All in all my reaction is a "Did we really need to have this?" Needless to say that it was quite impressive, but did this really satisfy the requirements? It's a tale of wittiness that opens with flittiness and ends with vengeance and I know this was supposed to be romantic but I didn't really feel lovesick. I didn't really come in here expecting a character profile who's clearly journeyed through a thousand miles but was it really worth my while? Where was the story, where was the plot? Where was the conflict; didn't have any in stock? A tale of ups and downs, not about some man who's got a frown, who doesn't want to relate to me, talks to me with riddles and mystery. The latter half started to pick up but by the time reading this became a must it left me hanging and for my balls to bust. This is an introduction, like a story but not as complete as one, but I guess that's all that can be done.
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on the otehr end of the spectrum i feel like mike from breaking bad after he found out that gale died. F**k
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NeoStriker wrote...
All in all my reaction is a "Did we really need to have this?" Needless to say that it was quite impressive, but did this really satisfy the requirements? It's a tale of wittiness that opens with flittiness and ends with vengeance and I know this was supposed to be romantic but I didn't really feel lovesick. I didn't really come in here expecting a character profile who's clearly journeyed through a thousand miles but was it really worth my while? Where was the story, where was the plot? Where was the conflict; didn't have any in stock? A tale of ups and downs, not about some man who's got a frown, who doesn't want to relate to me, talks to me with riddles and mystery. The latter half started to pick up but by the time reading this became a must it left me hanging and for my balls to bust. This is an introduction, like a story but not as complete as one, but I guess that's all that can be done.1. Nope, didn't need to have it. But I thought it would help break up the monotony.
2. Yes, satisfied the requirements just fine. Romance was only a part of the requirements. Could've ditched the romance altogether and simply elaborated on an exagerrated alien summer. Still would have "met the requirements."
3. The story and the plot were explained to the best of their extent within the confines of 1,500 words. You must have missed them.
4. The conflict was explained to the best of its extent within the confines of 1,500 words. You must have missed it.
5. Oh, you're rhyming your words. That's cute. You must be an expert scholar.
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CooterCheese wrote...
NeoStriker wrote...
All in all my reaction is a "Did we really need to have this?" Needless to say that it was quite impressive, but did this really satisfy the requirements? It's a tale of wittiness that opens with flittiness and ends with vengeance and I know this was supposed to be romantic but I didn't really feel lovesick. I didn't really come in here expecting a character profile who's clearly journeyed through a thousand miles but was it really worth my while? Where was the story, where was the plot? Where was the conflict; didn't have any in stock? A tale of ups and downs, not about some man who's got a frown, who doesn't want to relate to me, talks to me with riddles and mystery. The latter half started to pick up but by the time reading this became a must it left me hanging and for my balls to bust. This is an introduction, like a story but not as complete as one, but I guess that's all that can be done.1. Nope, didn't need to have it. But I thought it would help break up the monotony.
2. Yes, satisfied the requirements just fine. Romance was only a part of the requirements. Could've ditched the romance altogether and simply elaborated on an exagerrated alien summer. Still would have "met the requirements."
3. The story and the plot were explained to the best of their extent within the confines of 1,500 words. You must have missed them.
4. The conflict was explained to the best of its extent within the confines of 1,500 words. You must have missed it.
5. Oh, you're rhyming your words. That's cute. You must be an expert scholar.
1. My penis breaks up monotony.
2. If that's how you want to treat the themes, *shrug*
3. Your character preaches things that matter only to him. Your "story" reeks of "character profile", suddenly explaining an entire life story when it didn't matter in the first place. This isn't a story or a plot, it's something that doesn't matter to the reader. It doesn't engage and it doesn't try to connect until the final moments. It just preaches. And you do this intentionally.
4. I don't feel conflicted when I read this. I just think to myself, "Oh, well, that's nice. Good luck with that. And sorry about my tiny human mind".
5. Feels good to be gangsta.
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gardeford wrote...
on the otehr end of the spectrum i feel like mike from breaking bad after he found out that gale died. F**kI lol'd
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Critiquing,
Honestly, I had the same reaction when I was reading your story and when I was surfing the idle pages of Facebook. It seems to me that your story has been more on descriptive form, defining this and that, rather than “emotive” and “moving”, which, I guess, is what you are trying to do. Also, stitching requirements in your story (such as using Fakku! And Romance) has been done defectively. I don’t really felt in love at all.
Nevertheless, I shall give you an A for the effort, skills aside.
Honestly, I had the same reaction when I was reading your story and when I was surfing the idle pages of Facebook. It seems to me that your story has been more on descriptive form, defining this and that, rather than “emotive” and “moving”, which, I guess, is what you are trying to do. Also, stitching requirements in your story (such as using Fakku! And Romance) has been done defectively. I don’t really felt in love at all.
Nevertheless, I shall give you an A for the effort, skills aside.