[Summer Contest Entry 2012] Don't forget me!

Part 1: Travelling

"Daru...Daru!
I hear someone calling out my name. The voice tears me out of my daydreams as I realize that I am sitting in the train watching the landscape bathed in a hot summer through the window. You could see some trees and the beach we were off to in the distance.
"Daru!" someone cried out again before I decided to turn my head around to a girl sitting next to me with this super upset look on her face.
Who was she again? I thought for a moment. I knew her from somewhere...
She was....Ah!
She is my female childhood friend! I know her 16 years now or so.
And she looks super upset.
Naturally she is not really upset but she loves to pretend as if. Just a mix of boredom and the feeling of not being noticed by me sitting next to her.
"Daruuuu! Geez. Why do you keep spacing out like that?"
To strengthen her words she leans with her whole body against mine and forces me to move backwards to the window and search with my hands for more space to withdraw to.
"This is a once-in-a-lifetime trip! We will never be able to go on a trip like this again! Just the two of us!" she says while holding up a deep eye contact.
Looking for words to answer I gaze into her deep brown eyes. She was always the strong girl type even if she looks so shy. She would even help me in elementary school all the time.
Deep in thoughts my gaze slides down her face over her white cheeks that are light redly colored to her neck and finally to her breasts which are a little exposed by her tank top.
Her eyes follow mine and the piercing glance she has changes as she realizes where I am looking at before even I realized. Her body still pressing mine against the window. My eyes not able to avoid the view that is given. The moment ended when her face abruptly starts to turn red and she stands up. I close my eyes thinking that she may be upset, shielding my head with my hands, waiting for her next punch but instead I hear a weak "W-We need to get off here!" from her.
Perfectly timed the train driver repeated through the speakers:
"Sendo Beach, Sendo Beach".
A bit disappointed but also enlightened I look at her standing there watching me with her brown deep eyes analyzing every inch of me.
Jumping off my seat I take my stuff, grab her hand and rush out of the train without looking at her.

Part 2: At the Beach

I feel the sand under me as I sit at the beach. The sun really heated the whole beach so I am more than grateful to sit in the shade. A cool breeze blows through my hair and the smell of the salty water is in the air. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I can remember the days when I sat in the hospital. The White halls, the white room, the white bed I was laying in with someone holding my hand. The doctor coming, telling me something. The person next to me crying.
Was that all a dream?
A familiar voice calls out to me like when we were children:
"Daruuuuu! The water is great!" I look up as she comes out of the ocean with a big smile, takes my hand and pulls me to the water. I look back to the lovely shadow I was sitting in and the lovely Magazine I read called "Fakku!". A bit disappointed I continue walk into the water.
"C-cold" I gasp while standing to my knees in the transparent liquid grabbing the sand on the ocean floor with my toes and hoping that the sand would give some of its warmth to me.
"Don't be a meany~ Daru" she giggles and jumps on my shoulder. Swinging back and forth laughing she brings me to fall. Seeking for revenge I dive next to her feet and pull them away. Still laughing she loses her stand and we have a water fight.

Time passes and the sun sets. We decide to come out of the water and watch the sunset before going to the hotel we booked in advance. Sitting next to each other holding hands.
She places her head on my shoulder and my heart starts to beat a little faster.
"That was a great idea to come here" she whispers.
It really was.
I look around. Nobody else is at the beach anymore. It is probably around eight. "Whose idea was it to come here again?" I ask out loud not remembering how we even had the idea on going on a trip like this.
She playfully pushes me from the side. "It was yours of course you Dummy!".

Part 3: The last night

A person in white bowed over my body.
It said something but I could only see the movements of its lips without realizing what it had to say.
She still holds my hand. I look at her and at our surrounding. We both sit in our room in the hotel. Only we both. No one else was there. Just we two on our bed looking at each other. Her expression shows worry.
"Hey. You ok?" she asks with a sad voice.
I didn't get why she could be sad. After we played at the beach and watched the sunset we walked back to our room. Not saying anything.
"You are strange since we started the trip. Is it because of what the doctor said about your illness?"
"What ill-" She leans forward to me and we kiss.
I forgot the question I was going to ask.
I don't ask why she has tears in her eyes.
We part and look at each other.
She looks sad again. Unbearably sad.
A warm feeling spreads inside me because of the kiss and I lean forward to kiss her again in hope to comfort her. She accepts the kiss.
We abandon our clothes and lay in our bed together.
Our bodies meet and our kisses deepen as we feel each other and passion takes over our actions.

Part 4: The first day

Light shines through the window and hits my eyes. They are heavy as I open them.
I am on a bed with a girl next to me. We seem to be in an hotel room.
It all seems familiar.
She opens her eyes slowly and smiles at me. It is a heartwarming smile.
"Hey, Daru..." she says and touches my arm softly.
I turn to her and open my mouth to speak.

...

"Who are you?"

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1138 Words.
Thanks for reading.
I apologize for my bad gramar and I hope that the story came out good
(I am not sure if it's understandable).
I appreciate feedback.

Wait, what?

Good read and all, cute and bittersweet write, but what happened?
Did he lose his memory?
Did the sex give him amnesia?
Did he forget all about her after sleeping?
Does he have a split personality?

What's going on?

From what I can tell the focal character has a memory-related illness that is either linked to or directly is the reason the hospital is mentioned in part 2. "She" obviously knows about this illness and it is probably the reason they are on the trip alone in the first place. I'm inferring that this trip (and the private matters that took place in the bedroom) is part of an attempt to help said illness by producing a particularly memorable day--hence the title, which is likely from "her" perspective.

Wow, that's pretty good. Wonderful read.
I'm probably just as forgetful as the guy in the story. My apologies.

Wow, that totally turned everything on its head there. To be fair, you almost lost me on the way to the conclusion and you may want to reread some of your passages due to grammatical errors. However, I congratulate you on a great conclusion. Bravo.

I had some doubts about the ending and that people maybe get confused so thank you Jericho for explaining.

@Blaze: I will try to reread the story to eradicate some gramar errors. Thanks for your advice.

This is a story with a lot of potential, only if it’s worked out really well. Even from the beginning of the story, I already perceived about the narrator’s illness (the title helped me, of course). My first suggestion is that you should’ve made the story more intriguing by not feeding us with not-so-important details. You could’ve feed us more spoilers and hints as the story progress, and when it came to an end, it’ll be a total shocker (and that would be awesome!).

I don’t know, honestly, the part of the story the readers will be looking forward to. Was it the Narrator’s slow developing illness (which I suspect as Alzheimer)? Or was it the Protagonist, the girl’s emotions and reactions on dealing with her lover’s diseases?

It would be interesting to witness the disease unravel. It is not that unique, because I’ve heard something like this in the past. But still, these types of stories with enlightening conclusion are not available everyday.

But, it will be heart melting to witness the girl’s solitude witnessing her lover’s slowly decaying memory. How painful it is to be forgotten by the person you loved?

I can see that you tried to combine these two powerful elements of the story. And it will be very painful to you if I said you sort of failed to do that. The end’s twist is not that surprising, since I already know about it (and the development of the disease is imperfect, too.) And the girl, handling with her lover’s illness is weak.

Anyway, your entry’s theme is hard, so I won’t blame you that hard. Like I said in the beginning, the idea has a lot of potential. Good Luck with the contest!