[Summer Contest Entry 2012] Koyuki x Ayaka

Unless I decide to change my mind for some reason, this is my final draft for the summer 2012 writing contest. It was inspired by all of the yuri visual novels, anime, doujin I've played/watched/read. So, without further adieu, I give you "Koyuki x Ayaka". Enjoy!


I stared into her deep, purple eyes as if looking into her beautiful, warm soul. I grabbed both of her hands in mine and held them up between us.

"Mi...Miyasawa-senpai?" I tentativley asked.

"Y...Yes Ashikawa-chan?"

Her waist-length, vibrant, sky-blue hair flowed brilliantly behind her in a sudden gust of wind. Other students had begun to gather around us. It was starting to get embarrasing so I steeled myself and confessed.

"I like you Miyasawa-senpai! I love you even! Will you go out with me?!"

The spectators gasped. A deep embrace was her response. Relief washed over me like a warm summer downpour. Her warmth was a comforting feeling, standing in the cold winter afternoon. After what seemed like an eternity but was actually more like thirty seconds, she pulled back and looked me over. The pink blush on her face was really cute.

"Is that an acceptable answer? And... call me Ayaka."

"Yes it is!" I said, smiling eagerly. "Call me Koyuki then."

"Koyuki... the truth is I've secretly admired you since I accidentally ran into you in that 3rd year hallway three months ago. To tell the truth, I was terrified at the thought of confessing to you. I'm glad you came forward." She replied with the warm, cool smile I always looked for when stealing glances at her in the hall.

Ayaka-senpai moved her face slowly towards mine. What happened next was one moment on a huge list of the happiest moments in my life. It was the moment our lips first touched. There, in the school courtyard, surrounded by a student audience, we shared our first kiss. Her lips were warm and soft, just like I'd always imagined.

After about fifteen seconds of a deep, innocent kiss we had to stop and take a breath. "I've... I've always wanted to do that" was her slightly embarassed reply.

"So have I!" I eagerly replied, smiling broadly.
*hngh!* Ayaka-senpai grabbed her chest.
"Ah! Are you ok senpai!?"

"I think I'll be ok. Your smile may have almost given me a heart attack but I think I'm ok now.

Laughing, I took her hand and suggested we go to Karstuks for some pastries and hot chocolate. It was pretty cold and, after all, school was over for the day.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll pay for you. You can get whatever you want."

"Can I get the really big strawberry crepe?"

"Anything for my Koyuki."

That made my already amazing day even better.

Hand-in-hand, we walked out the school gate, towards Karstuks, and a new and blissful life. I noticed a few of the pervy guys looked turned on by the whole thing.

They can have their fantasies, all I need is Ayaka-senpai.


...


I learned so much about Ayaka-senpai in the hour and a half we were in Karstuks. We sat there in a booth, me eating my strawberry crepe, Ayaka sitting across from me sipping her mochccino.

I was staring intently into the abyss of her eyes when I noticed she was saying something."-erries then?" Ayaka's question snapped me out of the rather risque fantasy I had been imagining.

"Sorry," I said, "I was off in my own little world."

She giggled, reached across the table, and patted my head.

" I said "Do you like strawberries?""

"I love strawberries." I flashed a smile with my reply.


...


It only hit me that night as I lay in staring at the ceiling in bed what she had said. She said something as we were leaving the school that day. She said "My Koyuki."
That's right. I thought. I am your Koyuki and you are my Ayaka-senpai and it'll always be that way.



...



Ayaka's first visit to my house was kind of awkward at first, but my when I realized my parents didn't know what kind of relation I had with Ayaka-senpai, it felt more normal. They thought I was just bringing a friend home and that was perfectly ok with me.

After watching some TV with my parents, I took Ayaka-senpai up to see my room. My heart was pounding as I opened my door and walked her in.

ba-bump

What if she doesn't like it?

ba-bump

What if she thinks I'm weird?

ba-bump

"I always knew my Koyuki would have a cute room. I'm somewhat of an otaku myself." she said, referring to the manga on my bookshelf. "It looks like we both have the same secret hobby."

"You're so cool Ayaka-senpai!" I was overjoyed at this.

We had been sitting on the edge of my bed been talking about anime, manga and games for nearly an hour when Ayaka-senpai mentioned a game I hadn't heard of before.

"It's one of my favorites. It's called Sono Hanabira ni kuchizuke wo. I heard about it on this English website called Fakku.net. It's really exciting." Ayaka-senpai blushed and began to breathe more heavily.

"That's a different title, what's it about?"

Ayaka-senpai hesitated, leaned close to my face and whispered in my ear. "I'll show you."

She leaned forward and kissed me firmly on the lips. It was different from the first time though. This time her tongue was on top of mine, moving around, trying to taste every part of my mouth it could. Her soft, gentle hands stroked my shoulder-length blonde hair as she guided my slight body down onto the bed. Ayaka-senpai lifted up my skirt. My eyes suddenly grew wide as I felt a warm hand on the inside of my white panties. I felt myself getting wetter by the second. I could barely contain my moans as she ran her smooth white fingers up and down my pure, pink slit. She ended the kiss.

"Want to see how the rest of the game goes?"

I was soaking wet already. I'm pretty sure my panties were probably transparent. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to feel every inch of her body, and for her to feel every inch of mine, but my parents were home and there was too much of a risk of being caught.

"My parents are going out to dinner tomorrow. It's too dangerous now. Let's do it then."

Ayaka-senpai looked disappointed as she pulled her hand out of my panties and laid down on top of me. I could feel her erect nipples on my chest through both of our clothes. Mine were just as hard. "Ok, but I'm going to show you the extra scenes too." she pouted. Seeing my cool Ayaka-senpai pout was really cute.

We lay there that way until my mom called us for supper. Her forehead pressed against mine, her purple eyes staring into my maroon ones, her developed breasts warming my small chest. I felt a wonderful peace knowing my Ayaka-senpai loved me, and I loved her.

End

Ok, that's the end for now. I plan to write more about these two after the contest though so don't be disappointed by the anti-climactic ecchi scene. Also, is there any way for me to keep the original formatting when I copy the text from Wordpad to Fakku? Thanks for reading.

Interesting branondorf, I was a little thrown off by the quick progression of the relationship and the few typos but I enjoyed it.
I like how you started at the heart of the confession, its enjoyable to see the event then result instead of just the result..
I'm not sure if it was just me but I didn't even realize Koyuki was a girl until the skirt part.
At the mention of a cute room I had my suspicious but that confirmed it.
I commend you for using forbidden love as well.
I look forward to the final copy.

I really liked your use of subtle Yuri in this; the way it's not completely obvious that it's Yuri until closer to the end. It's definitely got a good hook, because I'd love to read more of this story

I've seen a bit of the usual anime cliche' here but that doesn't really matter much since I enjoyed the story as I'm a fan of Yuri genres myself. About the structure it looks better to me if it has some spacing on each line except in-between paragraphs since the structure will give an impression of being 'broad' instead of 'narrow' without spacing~

The ending's pretty sweet but I felt there's gotta be a bit more to this in order to make it satisfying. Since it's a short excerpt from a novel, that explains why this piece seems kind of incomplete, but overall good job~

I wonder if anyone felt like the first part was from the original writing which the author had developed slowly for his novel that he wanted to one day publish in Japan and then he added the rest of the story for the sake of the contest in haste? No matter even if that was the case, though.

It was a nice read nonetheless.

I originally intended to use this for the contest but I do plan to expand it later. It wasn't my original light novel idea. I came up with the concept to show prospective collaborators my ability and decided I liked the idea.

Updated the story

Hmmm...okay then. I'll definitely agree that I couldn't tell that it was a Yuri relationship until the end, especially since the last character I remember named Koyuki was the main character of Beck. In any case, there's a lot of good rising action here, but for some reason, I don't feel that this story has a climax. If it is there, it feels a bit weaker to be identified as such and as a result, the resolution doesn't appear to be as strong. Granted, these are personal opinions.

Additionally, I agree that the two segments almost seem too disconnected and that there is a lot that happens between them. As someone already stated, this feels like a current story you have that has been trimmed down to accommodate the competition, but that's just conjecture. I do commend the subtle Yuri surprise at the end, though it doesn't feel as powerful as it should to me for some reason. In any case, best of luck!