[Summer Contest Entry 2012] Summer's Mirage

Summer's Mirage

"This one has such ridiculous cleavage," I said over the phone as I closed out of the window on my computer screen.
"What are you talking about?!" My friend yelled over the phone, "That's what makes it great to read! Give it another chapter. You'll grow to like it."
"No thanks, Kazuya," I said with my arms crossed, "You always bring me something that's so full of cleavage."
"Don't underestimate the power of cleavage!" Kazuya cried out so loudly I had to move the phone away from my ear for the moment, "Besides, Takuro, it's more than just fan-service. Some of the stuff I showed you have real plot. I guarantee it!"
"I will still refuse to watch it," I replied.
"Come on, Takuro, just watch one series through," he begged, "It will be good, and you will see the plot within. It's going to be like those 'vanilla' doujins you always read on Fakku."
"Don't compare your sluts to the 'vanilla' girls I love!" I snapped, "They do what they do for the sake of love! At least, they don't force themeselves on their lovers!"
"Calm down, Takuro, I didn't mean to say they were the same exactly," Kazuya replied in a calm tone, "I'm just saying that you shouldn't judge cleavage so quickly. I know some cleavage series are just slutty, but there are ones where they are close to being 'vanilla'."
"Fine..." I sighed, "Send me the link of the one that you think I will like to my Fakku inbox. I got to get ready to visit my cousins for the next few days." Before I logged out of my Fakku account, I said to Kazuya, "Sorry, I snapped at you earlier, Kazuya. I know you didn't mean to make me angry."
"It's fine, Takuya," he replied, "I was being a little forceful on you. Anyways, have a good trip, and let me know when you have read the doujin."

After I ended the call with him, I shut down my computer and continued packing from where I left off last night. I checked my clothes to make sure I had my array of favorite T-shirts, a couple sets of new jeans I bought last week, and my underwear and socks were fully stocked. I made sure my PSP was charging for tomorrow's trip and packed two of my favorite games in the side pockets of my bag. Now, all that's left is a good night's sleep.

As I set my alarm clock to go off at 6:00 A.M., I looked at the photo which stood beside it. That photo was a picture of my cousin, Yuriko, the fair-skinned girl with dark brunnete hair smiling at the left side of the picture, my uncle Yasaka, Yuriko's father and the man with his arms wrapped around his own daughter's shoulders, and me, who stood idly next to them. My parents have not been able to see my uncle and Yuriko for the past couple years. Their employers had promoted them to higher positions that required more attention and had kept them away from home most of the time. I was glad that I'm going to spend some time with them. It's been lonely around my house ever since I broke up with Mizuki, that no-good slut, always flaunting her breasts to other people. "After so much time together, how did it come to this, Mizuki?" I asked myself, shutting my eyes, "This trip will help me forget you. You've probably found another guy to latch onto by now."

After 6:00 A.M.'s blaring alarm, I crawled out of bed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. Then I unplugged my phone and PSP from their chargers and put them in my bag. After that, I put on one of my polo shirts and a pair of gray slacks. After bringing everything to the front door, I double-checked the pockets of my backpack, made sure all electronics in the house were off, and made sure the house key was in my pocket along with my wallet. Finally, when all was done, I left the house, locking the door behind me, and went to the train station to board the two-hour route going to the distant town my uncle and Yuriko lived in.

It was around 10:00 A.M. when I arrived at that town. I was warmly greeted with a hug from Yuriko, who was waiting at the station for me. Then, immediately, she dragged me over to her house, where my uncle was on his laptop finishing some paperwork he received from his office.
"Dad! Takuya is here!" Yuriko cried out as she brought me in.
"Ah, Takuya, it's good to see you," my uncle replied as he looked up from his laptop, "Why don't you bring him to the living room and get him something to drink?"
"Yes, Dad," Yuriko replied with a smile. Then letting go of my arm, she looked at me and said, "Come on, Takuya. Dad's a little busy with work."
I nodded in reply and followed her to the living room.

After putting my stuff down, I slouched back into the cushions of the couch in bliss. "I can finally relax a bit, away from life back home, especially from her..." I thought.
"Takuya, you seem a bit down," Yuriko said as she came from the kitchen with glasses of iced tea.
"What do you mean, Yuriko?" I asked as I took a sip of iced tea.
"Your face seems a little paler since last time you've been here," she replied as she placed her hand on my forehead and the other hand on hers, "You don't seem sick. Perhaps, something is on your mind."
I looked away trying to hide the guilt on my face.
"What's wrong, Takuya?" Yuriko asked as she grabbed my wrist, "You know you can tell me. We've always told each other everything since we were kids."
"I'm not sure, Yuriko," I sighed.
"You've helped me by listening back then, Takuya," she said, "Now, let me at least do the same for you."
After another sigh, I took a deep breath, put down the glass of iced tea, and started my explanation. "I broke up with Mizuki. She was showing off her body to other people. I told her it made me uncomfortable, but she didn't stop. She just kept flaunting herself. She took me for granted. I was only her boyfriend in name. Nothing more..."
"Takuya, that's not true," Yuriko replied, "Don't you remember about the lunches she made for you? How about the chocolates she made you for Valentine's day? You told me how great they were over the phone months ago." She then grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face her. "And don't forget who she was when you first met her, Takuya," she continued, "She was one of your school idols. I remember how much of a crush you had on her and how happy you were when she asked you out. Everyone wants to have a look at pretty girl, but you have more than those guys she 'flaunts' to. You have a personal connection with her that the other guys don't. Which other guy in your school gets a homemade meal made with her love? No-one."
"But she still..." I mumbled.
"'Flaunted herself,' you say!" Yuriko interrupted, "Takuya, she's the school idol. Of course, she's going to flaunt her body to people. You have to understand that she is not there only for you. She has her own life too. And love is all about compromising your lifestyles and accepting each other's strengths and faults, not personal pleasure. Give her another chance, Takuya. Try to understand her better before you do such things. Breaking up isn't an easy thing for both people."
"Hmm... Give me some time, Yuriko," I replied taking another sip of iced ttea, "I need to think about it. I'm still uneasy about talking to her again."
"At least apologize to her soon, Takuya," she said patting my shoulder, "That's the least you can do."
"Thank you, Yuriko," I said, "This really helped me."
"I'm willing to listen any time you need it, Takuya," she replied with a smile.

A few days passed at Yuriko's house, and it was time for me to return home. I was on the train, passing the two hours engulfed in my PSP. When the train slowed down at my stop, I slowly got up from my seat and grabbed my bags. Walking towards the exit, my phone vibrated in my pocket. As I stepped onto the station platform, I looked at the text I received from Yuriko. "Good luck with your second chance. ^-^" Puzzled by the message, I looked up and saw Mizuki waiting for me at one of the pillars. Our eyes met, and soon, our arms wrapped around each other's warmth.

The cousin is interesting because we are told nothing about her,
other than the fact that Takuya helped her in the past. That's a plus.
The girlfriend is interesting because she likes showing off her skin, yet is still very loyal to Takuya.
The ending felt a little rushed, but I guess I can't really blame you, since you only had 1500 words.
To sum it up; very interesting characters, but a little disappointing payoff.
Good luck with the Summer Writing Contest, and continue to improve as a writer.

I didn't know how big the story was going to turn out.
And yes, the ending was a bit rushed. I was already hitting 1400 words towards the end of the dialogue between the main character and the cousin. I ended up at about 1480 words and didn't want to risk anymore.
I would like to take the story concept for another story idea though, or in a way, expand it.

Thanks for the critique and your thoughts. I hope to be a better writer along the way.

I hope you make a better version of this now that the contest is over and write it in all it's glory. Because I'd love to read more of this.

I humbly thank you. I do hope to expand the story someday and hopefully be able to publish it to the public as well as some of the other stories I have written and currently writing.

Also, thank you for allowing me to be in this contest. It was fun to write the story. Too bad about the word limit, though I should be thankful for it because I would have gotten carried away in writing it for the contest.

Oh and make sure to go with proper paragraphing next time. In other words, put a space between each and every paragraphs so that it's easier to read.

Ah, I will be sure to keep an eye on that next time.
Thank you for pointing that out for me.