[Summer Contest Entry 2015] A Trip Up the Mountains
3
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
It was that time of the year when it gets hotter for some reason. The optimistic might embrace the warmth, the change in scenery and the opportunity to take a break to enjoy it all, put aside work and risk getting fired from work. Indeed, popular media would have one believe that it is a somehow a season for romance. This story endeavours to suggest otherwise.
It tells the tale of a Jane and an Austin, a couple who have known each other for quite some time, on a summer trip to the mountains. These mountains are home to very rocky rapids that carry water from the beautiful lakes with clear, shallow and brightly blue-hued waters to short but wide waterfalls, with lush green forests nestling Tibetan villages with their characteristic buntings embroidered with Buddhist scriptures. It was all very picturesque and all very †˜heaven-on-earth’. So the travel brochure promised.
Jane and Austin, being of an impressionable (or gullible) age, saw this trip to a foreign mountain paradise as a respite from the awful heat and the mundane life they lead. Moreover, the depiction of their holiday destination as some secluded Shangri-La nestled in the middle of the wilderness with Tibetans running around unperturbed from the horrors of modern city life such as modern sanitation, electricity and clean running water sounded very romantic. Prior to setting off for this trip, they confided their fantasies of what they would do there with each other. Most of those fantasies concern behaving intimately (which is a byword for obscenely) with the water, trees, waterfalls, rapids and gawking Tibetans making up the background.
However, their hopes of travelling there alone as a couple, were dashed. The only conceivable way for them to get to their destination was by bus. They wouldn’t know how to get there by car anyway, they wouldn’t be able to read maps or ask for directions or rent a car because they don’t know how to speak or write the bloody language anyway, they aren’t really of the age to drive a car, let alone make a one day journey to the middle of nowhere anyway and they aren’t allowed to do so by the local government for reasons ranging from traffic congestion to the harm it allegedly causes to the environment and to that government being very nasty anyway.
Not only were they forced to travel in a group, they were tasked to find people who would travel with them. Quite reluctantly, they called their acquaintances, friends and people they knew if they would like to like to accompany them on that trip. They didn’t have much progress until they contacted one of their well-to-do former classmate by the name of Leonard. He thought that it would be a good idea to have a class reunion in the mountains so he went around offering money to those who were willing to come along for that reunion, never mind that it most likely costed him tens of thousands of dollars.
That appeared to be a godsend for both Jane and Austin. However, Leonard is a classmate whom they secretly loathed. Leonard was outwardly friendly and generous which was why both Jane and Austin were reluctant to openly show their dislike towards him. However, he had had a knack for getting both Jane and Austin into awkward situations like declaring very loudly to the entire class that they are a couple soon after they confessed their love towards each other. The couple still remembered that this was followed by treating them to dinner and throwing in a few gifts of questionable nature like adult material and adult toys. It is very easy to see why Jane and Austin felt a sense of déjà vu at this arrangement, not to mention a strange sense of foreboding.
Everything seemed well at first, with the couple enjoying the company of their other former classmates. The class reunion almost made the long trip on board the plane and the even longer trip from the airport to the mountains pleasant. After all, it had been quite some time since they last met and they was quite a lot of catching up to do. Yet, like an Indian summer and all things that are good and pleasant, this was short lived. The long journey by bus and plane that lasted for almost a day most certainly dampened spirits a little and then there was Leonard.
“How is your sex life?”
This was how Leonard first greeted the couple during that long bus journey. Of course, it would be difficult for anyone to give a prompt response to such a question. Before they could respond, Leonard laughed it off and started a very awkward one-way conversation that would involve Leonard regaling in some story supposedly concerning his past followed up with a question directed at the couple. The couple would then give one sentence (or sometimes one-word) responses while Leonard, being the insensitive boor he is, would utterly fail to see that the couple weren’t interested in speaking with him!
This was a sample of the conversation between them:
“My family has spent the past few years investing in jewel mines and jewel processing. You know, our business interests cover the area we are at now. So how were the past few years for you?”
“Fine.”, Jane replied curtly.
“A lot of people will suffer from shortness of breath and discomfort being up so high above sea level. Will you be fine?”
“Fine.”, Austin simply repeated the last word of Leonard’s question, apparently giving little thought to giving a proper and grammatical response.
“So how is your sex life?”
“Fine.”, replied Jane and Austin in unison, obviously not paying any attention to Leonard’s question.
Jane and Austin intended their journey up the mountains to be solely an affair between the two of them but since that was not possible it became some kind of school trip that was in fact organised by Leonard whom they loathed but couldn’t do anything about because he has very deep pockets. That awkward exchange in the bus appeared to mark another turning point where their journey turned from bad to worse.
This wasn’t entirely Leonard’s fault though. Much has been said about how difficult it was to go into the mountains. However, being in the mountains is itself rather problematic especially if the people concerned aren’t acclimatised and couldn’t put up with how expensive holidaying there would be because of its sheer inaccessibility!
Jane and Austin bought into the idea that the air in the mountains are fresh and good for their health. They found themselves gasping for air instead at the slightest exertion while walking on the wooden platforms cutting through the scenery. Mountain air, fresh or otherwise, is certainly thin.
Jane and Austin bought into idea that life in the mountains is pleasant. They then realised the toilets were horrible and the accommodation up in the mountains and even the cuisine pales in comparison to places not of the mountains.
Jane and Austin thought the Tibetans who inhabited these mountainous regions were quiet and demure. They aren’t. They are loud, ebullient and behaved more like the Mongols who share the same religion as them. A Tibetan acquaintance of Leonard made them drink a few cups of strong wine resulting in them feeling rather sick for the rest of the day. To make matters worse, Leonard spoke of how the Tibetans dispose of their dead with relish. Apparently, Tibetans think that getting vultures to strip dead bodies is the best way to send the dead person off. Austin vomited upon hearing that leaving Jane to clear the mess in a drunken stupor.
To say that the trip didn’t go as expected was quite an understatement for Jane and Austin though on the bright side, it was certainly unforgettable. Their journey back home was rather silent as most of the people who joined them were rather worn out while Leonard, unlike his usual rambunctious self, was nursing a very bad bruise on his left eye.
How did Leonard end up like this? During the last day of their trip where Jane and Austin thought they finally had some privacy in their hotel room which had a faulty door. It so happened that Leonard walked into their hotel room while Austin was caressing Jane’s once voluptuous but now sagging mammary glands overcome by a lust he didn’t feel since the start of the trip. It was hard to get himself to perform and his back was beginning to ache due to arthritis and the energy it took. All of a sudden, Jane sprang up with such speed it would seem as if she were a few decades younger and landed a blow squarely at Leonard's eye in what was surely the highlight of that trip.
Did I forget to mention how old Jane, Austin and Leonard were?!
It tells the tale of a Jane and an Austin, a couple who have known each other for quite some time, on a summer trip to the mountains. These mountains are home to very rocky rapids that carry water from the beautiful lakes with clear, shallow and brightly blue-hued waters to short but wide waterfalls, with lush green forests nestling Tibetan villages with their characteristic buntings embroidered with Buddhist scriptures. It was all very picturesque and all very †˜heaven-on-earth’. So the travel brochure promised.
Jane and Austin, being of an impressionable (or gullible) age, saw this trip to a foreign mountain paradise as a respite from the awful heat and the mundane life they lead. Moreover, the depiction of their holiday destination as some secluded Shangri-La nestled in the middle of the wilderness with Tibetans running around unperturbed from the horrors of modern city life such as modern sanitation, electricity and clean running water sounded very romantic. Prior to setting off for this trip, they confided their fantasies of what they would do there with each other. Most of those fantasies concern behaving intimately (which is a byword for obscenely) with the water, trees, waterfalls, rapids and gawking Tibetans making up the background.
However, their hopes of travelling there alone as a couple, were dashed. The only conceivable way for them to get to their destination was by bus. They wouldn’t know how to get there by car anyway, they wouldn’t be able to read maps or ask for directions or rent a car because they don’t know how to speak or write the bloody language anyway, they aren’t really of the age to drive a car, let alone make a one day journey to the middle of nowhere anyway and they aren’t allowed to do so by the local government for reasons ranging from traffic congestion to the harm it allegedly causes to the environment and to that government being very nasty anyway.
Not only were they forced to travel in a group, they were tasked to find people who would travel with them. Quite reluctantly, they called their acquaintances, friends and people they knew if they would like to like to accompany them on that trip. They didn’t have much progress until they contacted one of their well-to-do former classmate by the name of Leonard. He thought that it would be a good idea to have a class reunion in the mountains so he went around offering money to those who were willing to come along for that reunion, never mind that it most likely costed him tens of thousands of dollars.
That appeared to be a godsend for both Jane and Austin. However, Leonard is a classmate whom they secretly loathed. Leonard was outwardly friendly and generous which was why both Jane and Austin were reluctant to openly show their dislike towards him. However, he had had a knack for getting both Jane and Austin into awkward situations like declaring very loudly to the entire class that they are a couple soon after they confessed their love towards each other. The couple still remembered that this was followed by treating them to dinner and throwing in a few gifts of questionable nature like adult material and adult toys. It is very easy to see why Jane and Austin felt a sense of déjà vu at this arrangement, not to mention a strange sense of foreboding.
Everything seemed well at first, with the couple enjoying the company of their other former classmates. The class reunion almost made the long trip on board the plane and the even longer trip from the airport to the mountains pleasant. After all, it had been quite some time since they last met and they was quite a lot of catching up to do. Yet, like an Indian summer and all things that are good and pleasant, this was short lived. The long journey by bus and plane that lasted for almost a day most certainly dampened spirits a little and then there was Leonard.
“How is your sex life?”
This was how Leonard first greeted the couple during that long bus journey. Of course, it would be difficult for anyone to give a prompt response to such a question. Before they could respond, Leonard laughed it off and started a very awkward one-way conversation that would involve Leonard regaling in some story supposedly concerning his past followed up with a question directed at the couple. The couple would then give one sentence (or sometimes one-word) responses while Leonard, being the insensitive boor he is, would utterly fail to see that the couple weren’t interested in speaking with him!
This was a sample of the conversation between them:
“My family has spent the past few years investing in jewel mines and jewel processing. You know, our business interests cover the area we are at now. So how were the past few years for you?”
“Fine.”, Jane replied curtly.
“A lot of people will suffer from shortness of breath and discomfort being up so high above sea level. Will you be fine?”
“Fine.”, Austin simply repeated the last word of Leonard’s question, apparently giving little thought to giving a proper and grammatical response.
“So how is your sex life?”
“Fine.”, replied Jane and Austin in unison, obviously not paying any attention to Leonard’s question.
Jane and Austin intended their journey up the mountains to be solely an affair between the two of them but since that was not possible it became some kind of school trip that was in fact organised by Leonard whom they loathed but couldn’t do anything about because he has very deep pockets. That awkward exchange in the bus appeared to mark another turning point where their journey turned from bad to worse.
This wasn’t entirely Leonard’s fault though. Much has been said about how difficult it was to go into the mountains. However, being in the mountains is itself rather problematic especially if the people concerned aren’t acclimatised and couldn’t put up with how expensive holidaying there would be because of its sheer inaccessibility!
Jane and Austin bought into the idea that the air in the mountains are fresh and good for their health. They found themselves gasping for air instead at the slightest exertion while walking on the wooden platforms cutting through the scenery. Mountain air, fresh or otherwise, is certainly thin.
Jane and Austin bought into idea that life in the mountains is pleasant. They then realised the toilets were horrible and the accommodation up in the mountains and even the cuisine pales in comparison to places not of the mountains.
Jane and Austin thought the Tibetans who inhabited these mountainous regions were quiet and demure. They aren’t. They are loud, ebullient and behaved more like the Mongols who share the same religion as them. A Tibetan acquaintance of Leonard made them drink a few cups of strong wine resulting in them feeling rather sick for the rest of the day. To make matters worse, Leonard spoke of how the Tibetans dispose of their dead with relish. Apparently, Tibetans think that getting vultures to strip dead bodies is the best way to send the dead person off. Austin vomited upon hearing that leaving Jane to clear the mess in a drunken stupor.
To say that the trip didn’t go as expected was quite an understatement for Jane and Austin though on the bright side, it was certainly unforgettable. Their journey back home was rather silent as most of the people who joined them were rather worn out while Leonard, unlike his usual rambunctious self, was nursing a very bad bruise on his left eye.
How did Leonard end up like this? During the last day of their trip where Jane and Austin thought they finally had some privacy in their hotel room which had a faulty door. It so happened that Leonard walked into their hotel room while Austin was caressing Jane’s once voluptuous but now sagging mammary glands overcome by a lust he didn’t feel since the start of the trip. It was hard to get himself to perform and his back was beginning to ache due to arthritis and the energy it took. All of a sudden, Jane sprang up with such speed it would seem as if she were a few decades younger and landed a blow squarely at Leonard's eye in what was surely the highlight of that trip.
Did I forget to mention how old Jane, Austin and Leonard were?!
1
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
You know your writing has such a unique and identifiable method when you end up using "Leonard" as an adjective to describe it.
2
Wow. If not for "It was hard to get himself to perform and his back was beginning to ache due to arthritis and the energy it took." and the succeeding two sentences I really would have thought they were in their late teens or something. The picture served as a beautiful (and disturbing) finishing touch.
2
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
RavenxSinon wrote...
Wow. If not for "It was hard to get himself to perform and his back was beginning to ache due to arthritis and the energy it took." and the succeeding two sentences I really would have thought they were in their late teens or something. The picture served as a beautiful (and disturbing) finishing touch.You left out the once voluptuous but now sagging mammary glands.
4
To be honest I find this piece much less Leonardish. The humor injected in the story is – how can I say it? – more “decent” as there are less swearing, rude comments, ranting, and other Leonardish elements. I think you focused more on planting bits of clues here and there instead of giving your all-out Leonardism.
Which is okay, since the revelation at the ending worked out quite well (maybe put the picture in a spoiler? It kind of gives out the twist). I liked the conversation piece between the three characters, and I particularly love the 'Leonard' character in this story.
I think some of the clues are bit unsuitable as it made me think really hard and almost came at the right answer.
I enjoyed reading nonetheless, and am hoping to read more stories with †˜Leonard’ in it.
Which is okay, since the revelation at the ending worked out quite well (maybe put the picture in a spoiler? It kind of gives out the twist). I liked the conversation piece between the three characters, and I particularly love the 'Leonard' character in this story.
I think some of the clues are bit unsuitable as it made me think really hard and almost came at the right answer.
I enjoyed reading nonetheless, and am hoping to read more stories with †˜Leonard’ in it.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Chronus14 wrote...
Which is okay, since the revelation at the ending worked out quite well (maybe put the picture in a spoiler?
I think some of the clues are bit unsuitable as it made me think really hard and almost came at the right answer.
Oh, that picture has no meaning to it. Though the facial expression of that lady pretty much describes how one might feel after reading the story.
That said, what do you mean by unsuitable clues?
1
I never did answer the question when I read your draft, Lenny. This was a great comedic read and I knew from the subtle hints that they were old. What I did not expect was for you to put a picture at the end when you submitted the final piece. Good finishing touch. Keep up the good work!
0
leonard267 wrote...
Oh, that picture has no meaning to it. Though the facial expression of that lady pretty much describes how one might feel after reading the story.
I'm sure I look nothing like that when I read your story.
leonard267 wrote...
That said, what do you mean by unsuitable clues? I find some of the clues give away the final twist (the characters being old) too easily, like the line 'they aren’t really of the age to drive a car' and the term 'class reunion' (which to me, sounds like something only old people will do). Both of these clues are given at the first quarter or so of the story.
And when I read the 'the optimistic might....' I readily thought of a scene in Game of Thrones where an old man is asking Daenerys Targaryen to sell himself back to slavery because the kids bully him (the same phrase was used by the old man).
Perhaps, this is just me. It's alright, Leonard. The story in its entirety is a good read; the ending still worked well for me.
1
Jane and Austin turning out to be old rather than young is a funny twist, but I think you could have done more foreshadowing. It felt like it came out of nowhere at the end.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Chronus14 wrote...
I find some of the clues give away the final twist (the characters being old) too easily, like the line 'they aren’t really of the age to drive a car' and the term 'class reunion' (which to me, sounds like something only old people will do). Both of these clues are given at the first quarter or so of the story.
Over here, reunions are conducted by young people too. So the heroes of this story are either very young (perhaps under 18) or very old. However, I am surprised you didn't point to Leonard's wealth and talking about business interests as the real clue that they can't possibly be that young!
And when I read the 'the optimistic might....' I readily thought of a scene in Game of Thrones where an old man is asking Daenerys Targaryen to sell himself back to slavery because the kids bully him (the same phrase was used by the old man).
Ah.. Game of Thrones. How I loathe love it! Did you know that I wrote something posted on this site that bashed the prologue of the first book? I found the style of writing hard to follow. The dialogue sounds as if it is spoken by people living in this day and age, not people living in a medieval world.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
Jane and Austin turning out to be old rather than young is a funny twist, but I think you could have done more foreshadowing. It felt like it came out of nowhere at the end.If it didn't come out of nowhere, it wouldn't be much of a twist would it? I would also think that it wouldn't be funny too.
Nonetheless I am surprised at your remarks. Other people thought I did some foreshadowing by dropping what they called hints and so figured out their true age. Needless to say that they didn't find it much of a twist (which really wasn't what I intended).
PS: In line with my usual style of writing, I broke the fourth wall using the last sentence of this entry. I think I will enjoy re-reading this entry months from now after I have forgotten about it.
1
leonard267 wrote...
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
Jane and Austin turning out to be old rather than young is a funny twist, but I think you could have done more foreshadowing. It felt like it came out of nowhere at the end.If it didn't come out of nowhere, it wouldn't be much of a twist would it? I would also think that it wouldn't be funny too.
Nonetheless I am surprised at your remarks. Other people thought I did some foreshadowing by dropping what they called hints and so figured out their true age. Needless to say that they didn't find it much of a twist (which really wasn't what I intended).
PS: In line with my usual style of writing, I broke the fourth wall using the last sentence of this entry. I think I will enjoy re-reading this entry months from now after I have forgotten about it.
When I was reading through it, I thought there was something off about the lines that Chronus pointed out, but it didn't click for me. Idk. I just feel like you could have done something more to lead up to the ending. At the same time though, you're right. Do too much and you'll give it away.
I enjoyed Leonard the character by the way. He's way cooler than another Leonard I know.
1
Im a huge GoT fan, both of the books and the TV show. :D And yes, I remember something you wrote about it but I haven't read it yet. Perhaps when the contest is over. I like to throw in comments in each entry, hopefully.
2
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
I enjoyed Leonard the character by the way. He's way cooler than another Leonard I know.
I also find rich people cool.
However, I will not touch anyone who inquires about bedroom performance with a barge pole! Though you might have noticed that Leonard asking how their sex lives were did have a payoff. After all he did find out first hand how their sex lives were. But surely you don't find those people cool?!
By the way, how is your sex life?
Chronus14 wrote...
Im a huge GoT fan, both of the books and the TV show. :D And yes, I remember something you wrote about it but I haven't read it yet. Perhaps when the contest is over. I like to throw in comments in each entry, hopefully.Alas, you might not like my remarks about the book. Though I tried my very best to explain what I thought while reading through the prologue and the reasons why I didn't like it.
1
leonard267 wrote...
However, I will not touch anyone who inquires about bedroom performance with a barge pole! Though you might have noticed that Leonard asking how their sex lives were did have a payoff. After all he did find out first hand how their sex lives were.Oh yeah. It does now that you mention it.
By the way, how is your sex life?
Sad face
1
Honestly speaking I prefer your old writings over this one also because I think this isn't quite like your usual style or usual theme? This seems so ordinary where your other works usually have a spice of surprise or mind twisting point. Though it is still a nice piece of work, but maybe I just had my expectations too high.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
xhimitsu wrote...
Honestly speaking I prefer your old writings over this one also because I think this isn't quite like your usual style or usual theme? This seems so ordinary where your other works usually have a spice of surprise or mind twisting point. Though it is still a nice piece of work, but maybe I just had my expectations too high.There are twists and there is quite a lot of silly behaviour in this entry. Did you miss the part where Leonard asks, "How is your sex life?"?1. Have you tried picturing Jane and Austin who I think are approaching their eighties trying to have sex?!
Though I agree it is not an angry monologue. A lot of it was based on my trip to Sichuan. I assure you that I didn't see old people doing it though but a doctor trained in Tibetan medicine asked me some funny questions and I had had a bad experience with alcohol.
PS: Actually I am quite happy that someone didn't like it. Very refreshing.
But what I am really concerned about is that you find people asking about bedroom performance out of the blue and old people having sex ordinary! Hoho.
0
leonard267 wrote...
xhimitsu wrote...
Honestly speaking I prefer your old writings over this one also because I think this isn't quite like your usual style or usual theme? This seems so ordinary where your other works usually have a spice of surprise or mind twisting point. Though it is still a nice piece of work, but maybe I just had my expectations too high.There are twists and there is quite a lot of silly behaviour in this entry. Did you miss the part where Leonard asks, "How is your sex life?"?1. Have you tried picturing Jane and Austin who I think are approaching their eighties trying to have sex?!
Though I agree it is not an angry monologue. A lot of it was based on my trip to Sichuan. I assure you that I didn't see old people doing it though but a doctor trained in Tibetan medicine asked me some funny questions and I had had a bad experience with alcohol.
PS: Actually I am quite happy that someone didn't like it. Very refreshing.
But what I am really concerned about is that you find people asking about bedroom performance out of the blue and old people having sex ordinary! Hoho.
No I did not miss the comment from Leonard, but I just thought it was expected of blunt people. You did describe him as someone who is just like that, awkward, which often lead to blunt comments. Also about elders having sex, well I don't think about it much but well I guess it does happen just really rarely.
It is always nice to take inspiration from different cultures and experiences into your own stories which you can feel here too. I just thought it was rather a normal thing having people go on a trip and the third wheel being awkward. I hope you had a nice trip to Sichuan though. I'm a bit curious about what a Tibetan doctor could ask a traveller though.
Also It makes me think a lot why you would be happy about me "disliking" or liking your current story less than your previous work. Well I guess when everyone likes something you do, it is always more interesting to talk to the odd one out.
Haha don't be too concerned, I read a lot of random stuff, talk to a lot of different people in different age groups. I find most written works quite ordinary these days. My mind has become plain.
0
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
xhimitsu wrote...
I'm a bit curious about what a Tibetan doctor could ask a traveller though. The same question Leonard asked Jane and Austin.
As for people disliking my work, well, I'd be concerned if everyone thinks my work is either horrible or good. It seems wrong. There would usually be some would like it and those who dislike it.
That aside, I hope you aren't into gerontoporn! I had enough of that with Shikinokami!
