Sword Song
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Hmm... Hmm... *nods* That's good indeed...
Well I have my own story too... It called "The True Story of Matatabi" :D
I'll make a thread 4 it later... hmm... Maybe about a week.
Since I'm too lazy... It'll done in 2 months lol :lol:
*Edited
Well I have my own story too... It called "The True Story of Matatabi" :D
I'll make a thread 4 it later... hmm... Maybe about a week.
Since I'm too lazy... It'll done in 2 months lol :lol:
*Edited
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I enjoyed reading your errrr....light novel xD. You really improved in your variety of details and imagery. I would like to read more in the future.
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I've read it, and since you get enough criticism from Onime over there you'll only get compliments from me.
I would've reviewed last night but I fell asleep after I finished reading it. Not saying it's boring, I'm saying that within that context that it made me have a good night sleep. It was quite a satisfactory read. I wouldn't recognize any of the out of character moments since I've barely played FFT. But I liked the personality you gave each of them.
Intriguing and I'll be sure to read the next chapter when it's up
*ticks the "notify button* :roll:
I would've reviewed last night but I fell asleep after I finished reading it. Not saying it's boring, I'm saying that within that context that it made me have a good night sleep. It was quite a satisfactory read. I wouldn't recognize any of the out of character moments since I've barely played FFT. But I liked the personality you gave each of them.
Intriguing and I'll be sure to read the next chapter when it's up
*ticks the "notify button* :roll:
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Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
Oddly enough, I like it more out of battle than in. Maybe its how you wrote it, but the battles seemed less interesting than the rest. But hey, maybe its just because you're really good with dialogue.
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Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
ShiaSpirit wrote...
I'm not that good with battles yet... x.xI'm working on my action scenes!
Well I'm not as good with dialogue as I am with action, so I can tell where you're coming from @_@
If you ever want a little assistance, I'll help out.
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Preview of Chapter 2. I'm working on it! Slowly..... Indeed.... Very slowly...
Sword Song
Chapter 2: Run Past Through the Plains
The beautiful young female knight deflected an overhead short sword blow from a cadet with her shield with a clang. The rain drenched them both as they continued to fight. Her long hair clung to her body as she twirled and danced with her blade looking for an opening against the blond boy. He was fleet on his foot as he ducked and weaved around her blade looking for a hole through her defense steel curtain. Neither gave an inch fighting for their beliefs.
Miluda Folles’s battle skirt fluttered as she thrust her sword towards the young cadet who nimbly dodged the blow. Using the chance, he aimed for her open head, but the shield came up just as quick as the sword clanged harmlessly. Her golden eyes full of hatred glared through her blond bangs at the blond cadet who stood before her. He wore light armor and relied heavily on his speed in contrast to her who relied on overpowering the enemy.
The squire danced around as he looked down on the knight. It was clear he showed her no respect as he twirled his sword playfully. She was going to kill this bastard and dance all over his corpse when this was done.
“Who do you think you are!?” Miluda screamed at the young squire. “We’re not animals!” She lunged at the squire, but he easily side stepped. She quickly spun around going for a slash to rip out his belly, but found the enemy blade blocked its path. “There’s no difference among us other than our families! Have you ever been hungry with only soup to eat for months?” Her rage flowed through her as she spoke her mind to this cadet. “Why do we have to suffer!? Because you nobles deprive us of the right to live!”
She brought her sword down in a mighty overhead stroke. The cadet coolly brought his sword up, but the force was so great, his knees buckled as she continued to try and cut through his blade. Even in this unfavorable position, Algus Sadalfas could only laugh at her words.
“Human? Hmph, ridiculous.” He slid to the side as her blade hit the ground where his body once was. “The minute you were born, you had to obey us!” While she had her blade in the ground, he quickly moved to her unprotected backside. “From the second you were born you were our animals!!” He quickly lunged for the kill.
“Says who!?” Miluda yelled angrily. She quickly spun around with her shield arm out deflecting the sword as it ripped through her green cape. “That’s nonsense! Who decided all this!?”
“It’s the will of heaven!” He gripped the sword tightly in both hands and swung it with all his might at the woman’s arm.
“Heaven!?” God would never say such things!” Using this large swing, Miluda held the shield in front of her body and through her body straight into Algus causing him to drop his sword and stagger backwards several paces from the blow.
“Animals have no God!!” Even though Miluda was already on top of him, he still spouted these words. This boy would never understand. He was off balance, he had no way to block, victory was hers.
“Ahhhh!!!!!” She screamed in anger as she brought her sword down at the neck of the squire. Nobles should all die! They were ignorant of the masses. They don’t deserve to be the elites!
Her sword was blocked by a saber from another cadet. He stood in front of the squire who was on his rear end protecting him. From his attire, he was probably the leader. He wore light blue clothes, but wore the cape of the Hokuten. His shoulder length blond hair was tied back and his blue eyes stared at her. She tried to get past him, but he wouldn’t allow it.
“Ramza, is she really our enemy?” Miluda turns to a third man. He had reddish brown hair slicked back and wore light armor unlike the other two. His hazel eyes were sympathetic as he looked at her. He turned his gaze back to the one who blocked her blow.
Grinding her teeth in agitation, Miluda knew her people had been killed. If these three were able to talk to her this freely, she was clearly the last knight standing. However, she was not going to give them anything. She would rather die than be taken prisoner.
Pulling her sword back, she realized she wasn’t going to get around Ramza, she would have to kill him first. Using both hands, she brought her sword at him with all her might. He parried the blow redirecting over his head as he ducked and rammed his shoulder into her body. This is more than enough for the top cadet as he thrust his sword at her heart. Miluda’s reflexes saved her as the blade missed and slid right into her shoulder. The pain was agonizing as she fell to her knee looking up at the cadet who had bested her.
“Lay down your swords. Surrender and we’ll spare you.” The noble stood in front of her, no he stood over her. She could only glare at the one called Ramza, that damn Beoulve.
“Go ahead, kill us then! We’re just animals! Kill us!” She screamed at the young cadet.
“You hate us that much…?” Ramza asks with a pained voice.
“Ramza kill her now! She’s your enemy! An enemy of the Beoulves!” Algus started to shout trying to sway Ramza. “Understand? Your enemy! She’s a loser who’s lost sight of life! Losers cannot remain alive! If we don’t kill her, she’ll kill us! We can’t coexist! Kill her Ramza! With your own hands!!!”
“Ramza, I don’t see why she’s our enemy.” Delita looked at Miluda who was now staring at the ground. She clutched her shoulder as the unrelenting rain signified the mood.
“What did you say?” Algus looked at Delita as if he were an alien from another planet. “Are you mad Delita?”
Delita turned to look at the raving Algus. “She’s not an animal….. She’s human, just like us…”
“Are you betraying us!?” Algus looked at the red haired squire in disbelief. “You too….!?”
Miluda shakily stood up grimacing at the pain in her shoulder. “Oh, sympathy is it? Despicable creatures.” She raised her head and glared at Ramza. “You’re my enemy as long as you belong to the Beoulves. Don’t forget it….” She turned and staggered away through the rain.
“Delita…., we are…..?” Ramza stared at the knight with a sad expression as she walked off. He wanted to help her anyway he could, but what she said hit home. Delita could only look at his friend in pain and shook his head..
“Geez, what’s wrong with you?” Algus turned his back to the two and crossed his arms.
Sword Song
Chapter 2: Run Past Through the Plains
The beautiful young female knight deflected an overhead short sword blow from a cadet with her shield with a clang. The rain drenched them both as they continued to fight. Her long hair clung to her body as she twirled and danced with her blade looking for an opening against the blond boy. He was fleet on his foot as he ducked and weaved around her blade looking for a hole through her defense steel curtain. Neither gave an inch fighting for their beliefs.
Miluda Folles’s battle skirt fluttered as she thrust her sword towards the young cadet who nimbly dodged the blow. Using the chance, he aimed for her open head, but the shield came up just as quick as the sword clanged harmlessly. Her golden eyes full of hatred glared through her blond bangs at the blond cadet who stood before her. He wore light armor and relied heavily on his speed in contrast to her who relied on overpowering the enemy.
The squire danced around as he looked down on the knight. It was clear he showed her no respect as he twirled his sword playfully. She was going to kill this bastard and dance all over his corpse when this was done.
“Who do you think you are!?” Miluda screamed at the young squire. “We’re not animals!” She lunged at the squire, but he easily side stepped. She quickly spun around going for a slash to rip out his belly, but found the enemy blade blocked its path. “There’s no difference among us other than our families! Have you ever been hungry with only soup to eat for months?” Her rage flowed through her as she spoke her mind to this cadet. “Why do we have to suffer!? Because you nobles deprive us of the right to live!”
She brought her sword down in a mighty overhead stroke. The cadet coolly brought his sword up, but the force was so great, his knees buckled as she continued to try and cut through his blade. Even in this unfavorable position, Algus Sadalfas could only laugh at her words.
“Human? Hmph, ridiculous.” He slid to the side as her blade hit the ground where his body once was. “The minute you were born, you had to obey us!” While she had her blade in the ground, he quickly moved to her unprotected backside. “From the second you were born you were our animals!!” He quickly lunged for the kill.
“Says who!?” Miluda yelled angrily. She quickly spun around with her shield arm out deflecting the sword as it ripped through her green cape. “That’s nonsense! Who decided all this!?”
“It’s the will of heaven!” He gripped the sword tightly in both hands and swung it with all his might at the woman’s arm.
“Heaven!?” God would never say such things!” Using this large swing, Miluda held the shield in front of her body and through her body straight into Algus causing him to drop his sword and stagger backwards several paces from the blow.
“Animals have no God!!” Even though Miluda was already on top of him, he still spouted these words. This boy would never understand. He was off balance, he had no way to block, victory was hers.
“Ahhhh!!!!!” She screamed in anger as she brought her sword down at the neck of the squire. Nobles should all die! They were ignorant of the masses. They don’t deserve to be the elites!
Her sword was blocked by a saber from another cadet. He stood in front of the squire who was on his rear end protecting him. From his attire, he was probably the leader. He wore light blue clothes, but wore the cape of the Hokuten. His shoulder length blond hair was tied back and his blue eyes stared at her. She tried to get past him, but he wouldn’t allow it.
“Ramza, is she really our enemy?” Miluda turns to a third man. He had reddish brown hair slicked back and wore light armor unlike the other two. His hazel eyes were sympathetic as he looked at her. He turned his gaze back to the one who blocked her blow.
Grinding her teeth in agitation, Miluda knew her people had been killed. If these three were able to talk to her this freely, she was clearly the last knight standing. However, she was not going to give them anything. She would rather die than be taken prisoner.
Pulling her sword back, she realized she wasn’t going to get around Ramza, she would have to kill him first. Using both hands, she brought her sword at him with all her might. He parried the blow redirecting over his head as he ducked and rammed his shoulder into her body. This is more than enough for the top cadet as he thrust his sword at her heart. Miluda’s reflexes saved her as the blade missed and slid right into her shoulder. The pain was agonizing as she fell to her knee looking up at the cadet who had bested her.
“Lay down your swords. Surrender and we’ll spare you.” The noble stood in front of her, no he stood over her. She could only glare at the one called Ramza, that damn Beoulve.
“Go ahead, kill us then! We’re just animals! Kill us!” She screamed at the young cadet.
“You hate us that much…?” Ramza asks with a pained voice.
“Ramza kill her now! She’s your enemy! An enemy of the Beoulves!” Algus started to shout trying to sway Ramza. “Understand? Your enemy! She’s a loser who’s lost sight of life! Losers cannot remain alive! If we don’t kill her, she’ll kill us! We can’t coexist! Kill her Ramza! With your own hands!!!”
“Ramza, I don’t see why she’s our enemy.” Delita looked at Miluda who was now staring at the ground. She clutched her shoulder as the unrelenting rain signified the mood.
“What did you say?” Algus looked at Delita as if he were an alien from another planet. “Are you mad Delita?”
Delita turned to look at the raving Algus. “She’s not an animal….. She’s human, just like us…”
“Are you betraying us!?” Algus looked at the red haired squire in disbelief. “You too….!?”
Miluda shakily stood up grimacing at the pain in her shoulder. “Oh, sympathy is it? Despicable creatures.” She raised her head and glared at Ramza. “You’re my enemy as long as you belong to the Beoulves. Don’t forget it….” She turned and staggered away through the rain.
“Delita…., we are…..?” Ramza stared at the knight with a sad expression as she walked off. He wanted to help her anyway he could, but what she said hit home. Delita could only look at his friend in pain and shook his head..
“Geez, what’s wrong with you?” Algus turned his back to the two and crossed his arms.
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Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
I still like it, but my former point stands. However, it is a great step up and its easier to see the combat styles of each while reading this.
Great improvement.
Great improvement.
