I felt that it was kind of hard to read. If anything, I would say that the flow, as suggested by how you separate your lines, do not work very well. It was as if this could have been written as a paragraph, and it would have done the same job, but smoother. And the hearts at the end were very distracting, well, at least to me. However, considering the context (that you are writing it to your girlfriend, perhaps it has more meaning than I am thinking.
Pretty nice that you are writing for your girlfriend though; it's a nice gesture.