The Hunter
what do you think?
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This is a quick story I wrote, read over it, tell me what you think. I'm interested in your feedback
The bar was the basic affair. there were hundreds more exactly like it throughout the city. Built out of a disused warehouse, the owner seemed to have designed it on the sole premise that the eighties had never truly ended. Loud dance music blared out of speakers painted to resemble pseudo-pop art. Black lights fixed into strategic points across the ceiling gave everything a somewhat ethereal and mysterious appearance; except for the one guy who had spilled something on his shirt over a week ago and was under the misguided delusion that that particular stain had come out. Women dressed like whores gyrated on the dance floor, fake IDs sitting discreetly in their purses. The man behind the bar, who had enough piercings that it was a mystery of physics that his head wasn’t constantly pointing magnetic north, was serving brightly colored drinks that looked and tasted like he had simply broken a neon light and emptied its contents into a glass, but had a kick to them that made Jack Daniels look like Margaret Thatcher.
In the corner stood the hunter. He looked exactly like all the people dancing. Except he didn’t dance, he stood in the corner and surveyed the dancers like a wolf looking over a herd of deer for the one that was weaker than all the rest. Finally he landed on his choice, a young girl, tired from the effort of dancing she had gone over to the bar to sit down and get a drink. Slowly the hunter walked over the bar, selecting a stool near her, he sat down and asked if he could buy her a drink. Already a little buzzed she accepted and introduced herself as Emily. “I’m Liam,” replied the hunter “Any preferences on a drink?” She invited him to choose, so he got them both beers. She sipped her drink casually as they exchanged small talk, he only pretended to drink, he knew that he would need a clear head for what would come next. After a few drinks he told her that he was tired of dancing and he would need to head home, he wondered if she would care to join him? Of course he accepted. As they walked out hand in hand his mouth curved into a little smile.
Together the walked into the parking lot, compared to the bar they had just come out of it seemed dingy and out of the way. The lot was full of expensive cars, most of which were double parked in the manner of those who have enough money that they no longer care about the consequences of a ticket. Liam turned to Emily and told her that since parking in the city was so difficult, he had been forced into parking in a nearby alley, only a short walk away, and if she would like to accompany him there. She readily accepted and took his hand, she noticed that his hands were cold, but it was a chilly night so she paid it very little mind as they walked to the edge of the lot.
When they were a few yards into the alley Liam stopped, Emily turned to him and asked him what was wrong, assuming that he had simply had one too many and would need her to drive him back to his place. At this question Liam let out a little chuckle, “Nothing,” he replied. As he said this he spun and grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her against the alley wall. Terrified at this latest development and fearing rape, she brought her knee up to connect with Liam’s groin, he groaned and doubled over in pain. Emily took this latest opportunity to run, breaking into a sprint she raced for the end of the alley looking for help, but Liam had gotten back up. In almost a heartbeat he had caught up with her grapping her once more he forced her again into the wall, Emily tried to scream but before she could catch her breath his hand flew over her mouth, muffling any hope of rescue. Liam looked at her in her panic, and said, “nothing at all”.
Emily looked into his face, through eyes full of fear then let out a muffled scream as Liam’s face began to change. It transformed from something human into something, else, something fierce and bestial. The Hunter grinned revealing pearly white fangs shining between his lips. Emily in her terror had completely abandoned rational thinking, she began to thrash her body in a desperate attempt to escape. But The Hunters hands were like vices, restraining her every move. He leaned his head into Emily’s neck, and her thrashing slowed as the blood began to leave her body through two small puncture wounds until she stopped moving altogether.
Liam stepped back, he felt slightly buzzed from the alcohol in Emily’s blood. Emily herself fell like a rag doll to the floor, possessing barely enough blood to keep a hamster alive. When the sun came up her body would dissolve, and another girl would be added to the missing persons list. Sated Liam walked away to the end of the alley, waiting for him there was a classic black mustang, with a hard body roof and specially tinted windows that blocked UV radiation. Liam reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys, they jingled as he opened the door and sat down. He put the keys into the ignition and started the engine. He then put the car into reverse and pulled out of the alley, he had had his fill, and tomorrow would bring another night.
The bar was the basic affair. there were hundreds more exactly like it throughout the city. Built out of a disused warehouse, the owner seemed to have designed it on the sole premise that the eighties had never truly ended. Loud dance music blared out of speakers painted to resemble pseudo-pop art. Black lights fixed into strategic points across the ceiling gave everything a somewhat ethereal and mysterious appearance; except for the one guy who had spilled something on his shirt over a week ago and was under the misguided delusion that that particular stain had come out. Women dressed like whores gyrated on the dance floor, fake IDs sitting discreetly in their purses. The man behind the bar, who had enough piercings that it was a mystery of physics that his head wasn’t constantly pointing magnetic north, was serving brightly colored drinks that looked and tasted like he had simply broken a neon light and emptied its contents into a glass, but had a kick to them that made Jack Daniels look like Margaret Thatcher.
In the corner stood the hunter. He looked exactly like all the people dancing. Except he didn’t dance, he stood in the corner and surveyed the dancers like a wolf looking over a herd of deer for the one that was weaker than all the rest. Finally he landed on his choice, a young girl, tired from the effort of dancing she had gone over to the bar to sit down and get a drink. Slowly the hunter walked over the bar, selecting a stool near her, he sat down and asked if he could buy her a drink. Already a little buzzed she accepted and introduced herself as Emily. “I’m Liam,” replied the hunter “Any preferences on a drink?” She invited him to choose, so he got them both beers. She sipped her drink casually as they exchanged small talk, he only pretended to drink, he knew that he would need a clear head for what would come next. After a few drinks he told her that he was tired of dancing and he would need to head home, he wondered if she would care to join him? Of course he accepted. As they walked out hand in hand his mouth curved into a little smile.
Together the walked into the parking lot, compared to the bar they had just come out of it seemed dingy and out of the way. The lot was full of expensive cars, most of which were double parked in the manner of those who have enough money that they no longer care about the consequences of a ticket. Liam turned to Emily and told her that since parking in the city was so difficult, he had been forced into parking in a nearby alley, only a short walk away, and if she would like to accompany him there. She readily accepted and took his hand, she noticed that his hands were cold, but it was a chilly night so she paid it very little mind as they walked to the edge of the lot.
When they were a few yards into the alley Liam stopped, Emily turned to him and asked him what was wrong, assuming that he had simply had one too many and would need her to drive him back to his place. At this question Liam let out a little chuckle, “Nothing,” he replied. As he said this he spun and grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her against the alley wall. Terrified at this latest development and fearing rape, she brought her knee up to connect with Liam’s groin, he groaned and doubled over in pain. Emily took this latest opportunity to run, breaking into a sprint she raced for the end of the alley looking for help, but Liam had gotten back up. In almost a heartbeat he had caught up with her grapping her once more he forced her again into the wall, Emily tried to scream but before she could catch her breath his hand flew over her mouth, muffling any hope of rescue. Liam looked at her in her panic, and said, “nothing at all”.
Emily looked into his face, through eyes full of fear then let out a muffled scream as Liam’s face began to change. It transformed from something human into something, else, something fierce and bestial. The Hunter grinned revealing pearly white fangs shining between his lips. Emily in her terror had completely abandoned rational thinking, she began to thrash her body in a desperate attempt to escape. But The Hunters hands were like vices, restraining her every move. He leaned his head into Emily’s neck, and her thrashing slowed as the blood began to leave her body through two small puncture wounds until she stopped moving altogether.
Liam stepped back, he felt slightly buzzed from the alcohol in Emily’s blood. Emily herself fell like a rag doll to the floor, possessing barely enough blood to keep a hamster alive. When the sun came up her body would dissolve, and another girl would be added to the missing persons list. Sated Liam walked away to the end of the alley, waiting for him there was a classic black mustang, with a hard body roof and specially tinted windows that blocked UV radiation. Liam reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys, they jingled as he opened the door and sat down. He put the keys into the ignition and started the engine. He then put the car into reverse and pulled out of the alley, he had had his fill, and tomorrow would bring another night.