The Sting - an erotic short story
2
Hello,
I'm a long, long, long time lurker who has just decided to poke my head out and try to be more involved in the communities I frequent (New Years Resolution, haha). I'm also a writer--or at least that's what I'm working towards. I wanted to share this little story because it was basically inspired by hentai manga. I have it on Amazon as an ebook but it is free to download (for today and tomorrow). I hope maybe one of you will choose to read it and hopefully like it!
It does have a few warnings though: gangbang, rape, graphic violence and death.
Link: http://www.amazon.com/Sting-erotic-short-story-ebook/dp/B00RQU04PI/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1420488996&sr=1-1
Summary: A government agent is captured by a group of ruthless criminals.
Sample under the break. Enjoy!
-az
The warehouse smelled like fish. I fucking hated fish. “Christ, Marko. Couldn't you find a place that didn't stink?” My voice echoed loudly, bouncing off of the bare walls and floor.
Marko didn't even look at me, just kept on sucking on his cig. He looked out of place in the middle of the run down space, with his fancy three piece suit bulging to contain his fat rolls. He liked to think of himself as a modern Don Carleone, but I always thought he looked more like the Polish cousin of Al Capone.
“I don't even know why you had to have me here. I'm your accountant, for fuck's sake. I handle your money, but I'm absolutely not interested in seeing how you make it. And you know I have to take that call in an hour. I should be in the office. God fucking dammit, I think I just stepped on rat shit.”
“Stop whining,” Marko said easily, “In a few minutes you'll be glad I asked you to come here, trust me.”
I grimaced and tried to scrape the droppings from the sole of my shoe. “I told you I don't like fucking the girls you bring in.” The only piece of furniture that wasn't scrap in this shithole was the California king sized bed in the middle of the room, its solid metal legs bolted into the gray concrete. Didn't take a genius to figure out what it was for. “I don't like brats. They aren't my type. I like women.”
Marko smirked at me, the smug bastard. “Be sure to thank me extra then.”
As if on cue the huge metal doors screeched open and two of Marko's guys walked in, roughly holding a female between them. Her head was covered with a black bag and her clothes were dirty.
I licked my lips.
Marko chuckled. “Don't ever say I never did anything for you.”
I didn't say anything back, just continued to watch as the guys brought her closer. She was definitely not some brat. She was only wearing skinny jeans and a “Cali” t-shirt but no one could miss the curves under there. 36D, if I had to guess. Maybe even 34DD. That thigh gap. Jesus.
“Who is she?” I asked as they dumped her on the bed. They pulled off the bag from her head. She had a ball gag stretching her lips wide and her big blue eyes were round with fear. She was pretty damn hot. Long hair. Blonde. Early twenties. My favorite. The ugly bruise on her cheek made her that much prettier to me.
She started to try and take the gag off until one of the guys—the black one—pulled out his gun and dug the barrel against her forehead. Her eyes darted to me and Marko before going back to the gun. For a few seconds the only sound in the warehouse was the quick whistling breaths she took through her mouth as she panted in fear.
“Her ID says Chloe Barnes,” Marko said, lazily blowing out a plume of smoke in her direction. “But I doubt that's her actual name. It doesn't matter anyway, because what she is, is a rat.”
“She with the feds?”
Marko flicked the butt of his cig away. “FBI, NSA, CIA, DEA, Homeland fucking Security. Who knows. She won't say, and I didn't want to damage her too much trying to get it out of her. At least, not before I could give you your birthday present.” He turned to me with a huge shit eating grin.
“Holy shit!” I said, laughing. “I can't believe you fucking remembered, asshole.” I gave him a big hug, slapping his back hard.
“Watch the suit!” Marko grumbled, but hugged me back. “Happy birthday, you son of a bitch.”
“Happy birthday.” “Happy birthday, sir.” The two guys chimed in.
“Thank you, thank you,” I said, grinning.
Marko fished out another cig. “We'll have dinner with the girls tonight at that new Italian place—”
“The one on Sunset?”
“Yeah, that one.” Marko nodded. “But I thought I'd give you your gift now.”
“Well, I definitely won't say no to that.”
“I thought not,” Marko smirked. “Go ahead and have fun. Dan and Fred will help you if she gets feisty.”
“Oh I hope so.” I walked over to the bed, my dick already half hard. The guys stepped away, but with their guns still trained on “Chloe.” She scooted back until her back hit the metal headboard. Her eyes were huge in her face, the pupils very dilated. “Did you give her something?” I asked them.
They looked at each other. “No,” the black guy said, “but when we went to her apartment she had some of our new stuff on the table. We think she took some of that.”
“Hmm.” I looked at Marko. He shrugged. We both knew that was story was bullshit, probably. Oh well. He'll deal with them later. I would have preferred her scared and in pain when I fucked her, but now I'll have to settle for just scared. The drug will make her body physically receptive and turned on even if she didn't want to be, which I guess had its own charm.
Might as well work with it.
I climbed on the bed and leaned over her, putting my hand on her flat stomach. The muscles jumped under the thin fabric of her t-shirt. “You're pretty lucky you got that drug inside you right now, Chloe. It will make this a lot more fun for you.”
She slapped me.
Pain flared, bright and sharp, across my face. I laughed as Fred and Dan or Dan and Fred grabbed her arms before she could lash out again and pinned them to the bed. At least they were smart enough to have put their guns away. She started kicking and bucking; I punched her hard in the gut. She coughed against the ball gag, tears tracking down her face. She stopped struggling.
I took out the knife I carried with me all the time and flipped it open, pressing the flat side of the matte black blade against her tummy. Now the only movement of her body was her heaving chest. “Don't make this harder on yourself, sweetheart. You don't want me to accidentally cut off bits of you while we're playing, right?”
Behind me Marko snorted.
I savored the throbbing pain on my face as I ran my free hand up her torso, following the dramatic indent of her waist—god damn she had the most perfect hourglass figure—to her tits. I cupped her right breast, feeling the nipple poke up against my palm through her bra and t-shirt. Her eyes were screwed shut now, and she'd turned her head away from me. Her face was red, flushed from fear, humiliation—and arousal, if the drug was working as it should. She panted into the gag, small whimpers coming out of her mouth.
Oh yeah, it was working all right.
I straddled her legs and pressed down, grinding my dick against the crotch of her jeans. She squirmed a little, like she didn't want to but couldn't help it, her hips twitching up. “Better hold still for a bit, gorgeous.” I hooked the knife under the hem of her t-shirt and ran it up through the cotton, cutting it easy as anything until it was split nicely down the middle and fell open to her sides. Her tits filled the cups of her lacy white bra real well.
“Now isn't that a nice view boys,” I said to the two guys still holding her arms down. “Marko come over here and take a look. Chloe is showing off her tits.”
Marko came around the bed and looked. “Very nice,” he agreed. “You could have had a very successful career as a Victoria's Secret model,” he told her. She glared at him, her eyes spitting fire, but I could tell she was turned on by having four grown men look down on her, all of us already thinking how nice it would be to fuck those tits.
I'm a long, long, long time lurker who has just decided to poke my head out and try to be more involved in the communities I frequent (New Years Resolution, haha). I'm also a writer--or at least that's what I'm working towards. I wanted to share this little story because it was basically inspired by hentai manga. I have it on Amazon as an ebook but it is free to download (for today and tomorrow). I hope maybe one of you will choose to read it and hopefully like it!
It does have a few warnings though: gangbang, rape, graphic violence and death.
Link: http://www.amazon.com/Sting-erotic-short-story-ebook/dp/B00RQU04PI/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1420488996&sr=1-1
Summary: A government agent is captured by a group of ruthless criminals.
Sample under the break. Enjoy!
-az
The warehouse smelled like fish. I fucking hated fish. “Christ, Marko. Couldn't you find a place that didn't stink?” My voice echoed loudly, bouncing off of the bare walls and floor.
Marko didn't even look at me, just kept on sucking on his cig. He looked out of place in the middle of the run down space, with his fancy three piece suit bulging to contain his fat rolls. He liked to think of himself as a modern Don Carleone, but I always thought he looked more like the Polish cousin of Al Capone.
“I don't even know why you had to have me here. I'm your accountant, for fuck's sake. I handle your money, but I'm absolutely not interested in seeing how you make it. And you know I have to take that call in an hour. I should be in the office. God fucking dammit, I think I just stepped on rat shit.”
“Stop whining,” Marko said easily, “In a few minutes you'll be glad I asked you to come here, trust me.”
I grimaced and tried to scrape the droppings from the sole of my shoe. “I told you I don't like fucking the girls you bring in.” The only piece of furniture that wasn't scrap in this shithole was the California king sized bed in the middle of the room, its solid metal legs bolted into the gray concrete. Didn't take a genius to figure out what it was for. “I don't like brats. They aren't my type. I like women.”
Marko smirked at me, the smug bastard. “Be sure to thank me extra then.”
As if on cue the huge metal doors screeched open and two of Marko's guys walked in, roughly holding a female between them. Her head was covered with a black bag and her clothes were dirty.
I licked my lips.
Marko chuckled. “Don't ever say I never did anything for you.”
I didn't say anything back, just continued to watch as the guys brought her closer. She was definitely not some brat. She was only wearing skinny jeans and a “Cali” t-shirt but no one could miss the curves under there. 36D, if I had to guess. Maybe even 34DD. That thigh gap. Jesus.
“Who is she?” I asked as they dumped her on the bed. They pulled off the bag from her head. She had a ball gag stretching her lips wide and her big blue eyes were round with fear. She was pretty damn hot. Long hair. Blonde. Early twenties. My favorite. The ugly bruise on her cheek made her that much prettier to me.
She started to try and take the gag off until one of the guys—the black one—pulled out his gun and dug the barrel against her forehead. Her eyes darted to me and Marko before going back to the gun. For a few seconds the only sound in the warehouse was the quick whistling breaths she took through her mouth as she panted in fear.
“Her ID says Chloe Barnes,” Marko said, lazily blowing out a plume of smoke in her direction. “But I doubt that's her actual name. It doesn't matter anyway, because what she is, is a rat.”
“She with the feds?”
Marko flicked the butt of his cig away. “FBI, NSA, CIA, DEA, Homeland fucking Security. Who knows. She won't say, and I didn't want to damage her too much trying to get it out of her. At least, not before I could give you your birthday present.” He turned to me with a huge shit eating grin.
“Holy shit!” I said, laughing. “I can't believe you fucking remembered, asshole.” I gave him a big hug, slapping his back hard.
“Watch the suit!” Marko grumbled, but hugged me back. “Happy birthday, you son of a bitch.”
“Happy birthday.” “Happy birthday, sir.” The two guys chimed in.
“Thank you, thank you,” I said, grinning.
Marko fished out another cig. “We'll have dinner with the girls tonight at that new Italian place—”
“The one on Sunset?”
“Yeah, that one.” Marko nodded. “But I thought I'd give you your gift now.”
“Well, I definitely won't say no to that.”
“I thought not,” Marko smirked. “Go ahead and have fun. Dan and Fred will help you if she gets feisty.”
“Oh I hope so.” I walked over to the bed, my dick already half hard. The guys stepped away, but with their guns still trained on “Chloe.” She scooted back until her back hit the metal headboard. Her eyes were huge in her face, the pupils very dilated. “Did you give her something?” I asked them.
They looked at each other. “No,” the black guy said, “but when we went to her apartment she had some of our new stuff on the table. We think she took some of that.”
“Hmm.” I looked at Marko. He shrugged. We both knew that was story was bullshit, probably. Oh well. He'll deal with them later. I would have preferred her scared and in pain when I fucked her, but now I'll have to settle for just scared. The drug will make her body physically receptive and turned on even if she didn't want to be, which I guess had its own charm.
Might as well work with it.
I climbed on the bed and leaned over her, putting my hand on her flat stomach. The muscles jumped under the thin fabric of her t-shirt. “You're pretty lucky you got that drug inside you right now, Chloe. It will make this a lot more fun for you.”
She slapped me.
Pain flared, bright and sharp, across my face. I laughed as Fred and Dan or Dan and Fred grabbed her arms before she could lash out again and pinned them to the bed. At least they were smart enough to have put their guns away. She started kicking and bucking; I punched her hard in the gut. She coughed against the ball gag, tears tracking down her face. She stopped struggling.
I took out the knife I carried with me all the time and flipped it open, pressing the flat side of the matte black blade against her tummy. Now the only movement of her body was her heaving chest. “Don't make this harder on yourself, sweetheart. You don't want me to accidentally cut off bits of you while we're playing, right?”
Behind me Marko snorted.
I savored the throbbing pain on my face as I ran my free hand up her torso, following the dramatic indent of her waist—god damn she had the most perfect hourglass figure—to her tits. I cupped her right breast, feeling the nipple poke up against my palm through her bra and t-shirt. Her eyes were screwed shut now, and she'd turned her head away from me. Her face was red, flushed from fear, humiliation—and arousal, if the drug was working as it should. She panted into the gag, small whimpers coming out of her mouth.
Oh yeah, it was working all right.
I straddled her legs and pressed down, grinding my dick against the crotch of her jeans. She squirmed a little, like she didn't want to but couldn't help it, her hips twitching up. “Better hold still for a bit, gorgeous.” I hooked the knife under the hem of her t-shirt and ran it up through the cotton, cutting it easy as anything until it was split nicely down the middle and fell open to her sides. Her tits filled the cups of her lacy white bra real well.
“Now isn't that a nice view boys,” I said to the two guys still holding her arms down. “Marko come over here and take a look. Chloe is showing off her tits.”
Marko came around the bed and looked. “Very nice,” he agreed. “You could have had a very successful career as a Victoria's Secret model,” he told her. She glared at him, her eyes spitting fire, but I could tell she was turned on by having four grown men look down on her, all of us already thinking how nice it would be to fuck those tits.
0
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Not too bad, not too bad at all. I took a gander at the full work and thought it was written from a competent hand. The narrative flowed well and really gave a feel for the focal character's dark personality, and the story progressed in an interesting way. Your writing really reminded me of a similar writer we have here by the username of El Chacal. In particular, to his story Blood and Absinthe which involves erotic fiction with a dark supernatural background. I think he would like to read this, it seems to be the genre he likes the most and he could probably give some meaningful advice if he takes a look. He might notice, but you can always send him a PM.
1
Xenon wrote...
Not too bad, not too bad at all. I took a gander at the full work and thought it was written from a competent hand. The narrative flowed well and really gave a feel for the focal character's dark personality, and the story progressed in an interesting way. Your writing really reminded me of a similar writer we have here by the username of El Chacal. In particular, to his story Blood and Absinthe which involves erotic fiction with a dark supernatural background. I think he would like to read this, it seems to be the genre he likes the most and he could probably give some meaningful advice if he takes a look. He might notice, but you can always send him a PM.Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it. The big challenge of this story was keeping the narrator's character evil but human. I didn't want him to tip over and become a mwahahah/twirling mustache villain.
I'll also check out Blood and Absinthe and El Chacal's other stuff, thank you for the recommendation.
-az
0
I also just finished reading the full story. I have to say it was quite a read. That is to say, it was quite good. The story flows well and the I can also see the development in the main character as it progresses. What I wanted more in the story was more infomation about this shady organization and how they are pursued by such an agent.
All in all, it was not a bad job. Made me had a boner in the sex scene. Keep up the good work.
All in all, it was not a bad job. Made me had a boner in the sex scene. Keep up the good work.
0
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
I also just finished reading the full story. I have to say it was quite a read. That is to say, it was quite good. The story flows well and the I can also see the development in the main character as it progresses. What I wanted more in the story was more infomation about this shady organization and how they are pursued by such an agent.All in all, it was not a bad job. Made me had a boner in the sex scene. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for reading! I meant for this to be a stand alone story, but I may revisit the agent character in the future. I liked how she turned out.
-az
1
Only read the preview, since I'm not good with gore or violence. Hard limits for me I guess, but I like the preview. Story seems interesting enough and I would be very interested in reading some background about the organization and about the characters! Character development and creation is the thing I enjoy the most when writing so it is usually also the things I notice the most when reading.
I'm not native English so can't say much about all the grammatical and flowing thing but only things as a 'normal' reader~ Other than that as a female reader, I did feel like the woman was so very perfect, but that might just be me. I like how descriptive you were!
Hope to read more things you post around here and Good luck with the writing~
I'm not native English so can't say much about all the grammatical and flowing thing but only things as a 'normal' reader~ Other than that as a female reader, I did feel like the woman was so very perfect, but that might just be me. I like how descriptive you were!
Hope to read more things you post around here and Good luck with the writing~
2
El Chacal
FAKKU Writer
Can't believe I hadn't stumbled upon this before. It's exactly my style of writting.
The warehouse smelled like fish. I fucking hated fish.
Great opening lines. I think a lot of people still overlook the importance of your story's opening. Like in any other artform, you only have a few seconds to grab your audience's attention, something you accomplished here masterfully. Simple, yet intriguing. Well done.
Marko didn't even look at me, just kept on sucking on his cig. He looked out of place in the middle of the run down space, with his fancy three piece suit bulging to contain his fat rolls. He liked to think of himself as a modern Don Carleone, but I always thought he looked more like the Polish cousin of Al Capone.
I absolutely love the tone of this story. Firstly because it flows really well and secondly because it adds a whole new flair to the story. However, I could have done without the Corleone and Capone references, but that's just my personal taste.
“I don't even know why you had to have me here. I'm your accountant, for fuck's sake. I handle your money, but I'm absolutely not interested in seeing how you make it. And you know I have to take that call in an hour. I should be in the office. God fucking dammit, I think I just stepped on rat shit.”
“Stop whining,” Marko said easily, “In a few minutes you'll be glad I asked you to come here, trust me.”
The dialogue is pretty clever. You manage to convey a decent amount of information through it, which is, by far, my favorite way of handling exposition. However, I think it would have flowed better if you had written "I handle your money. I'm not interested in finding out how you make it." instead of "but I'm absolutely not interested in seeing how you make it."
Just a thought.
Overall, this was a fine read and I'm very glad to see that there are others on this forum that share my love for profanity.
Well done.
demonQT wrote...
The warehouse smelled like fish. I fucking hated fish.
Great opening lines. I think a lot of people still overlook the importance of your story's opening. Like in any other artform, you only have a few seconds to grab your audience's attention, something you accomplished here masterfully. Simple, yet intriguing. Well done.
demonQT wrote...
Marko didn't even look at me, just kept on sucking on his cig. He looked out of place in the middle of the run down space, with his fancy three piece suit bulging to contain his fat rolls. He liked to think of himself as a modern Don Carleone, but I always thought he looked more like the Polish cousin of Al Capone.
I absolutely love the tone of this story. Firstly because it flows really well and secondly because it adds a whole new flair to the story. However, I could have done without the Corleone and Capone references, but that's just my personal taste.
demonQT wrote...
“I don't even know why you had to have me here. I'm your accountant, for fuck's sake. I handle your money, but I'm absolutely not interested in seeing how you make it. And you know I have to take that call in an hour. I should be in the office. God fucking dammit, I think I just stepped on rat shit.”
“Stop whining,” Marko said easily, “In a few minutes you'll be glad I asked you to come here, trust me.”
The dialogue is pretty clever. You manage to convey a decent amount of information through it, which is, by far, my favorite way of handling exposition. However, I think it would have flowed better if you had written "I handle your money. I'm not interested in finding out how you make it." instead of "but I'm absolutely not interested in seeing how you make it."
Just a thought.
Overall, this was a fine read and I'm very glad to see that there are others on this forum that share my love for profanity.
Well done.
0
El Chacal wrote...
Can't believe I hadn't stumbled upon this before. It's exactly my style of writting.Thank you! I'm very new but I hope to submit more in the future. I'm trying out different styles, but this fit this particular story I felt.
El Chacal wrote...
Great opening lines. I think a lot of people still overlook the importance of your story's opening. Like in any other artform, you only have a few seconds to grab your audience's attention, something you accomplished here masterfully. Simple, yet intriguing. Well done.
Thanks! I usually spend a lot of time with the opening lines--I absolutely agree that it's so important to get those first few words right.
El Chacal wrote...
The dialogue is pretty clever. You manage to convey a decent amount of information through it, which is, by far, my favorite way of handling exposition. However, I think it would have flowed better if you had written "I handle your money. I'm not interested in finding out how you make it." instead of "but I'm absolutely not interested in seeing how you make it."
Just a thought.
Overall, this was a fine read and I'm very glad to see that there are others on this forum that share my love for profanity.
Well done.
I think profanity is a must if your characters and/or story demand it. It's definitely a balancing act though, to not cross the line into annoying or "too much". I hope to get a better handle on that as I go along.
Thank you for your comments; I really appreciate them!
-az