The Tales of Lord Greycock
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artcellrox wrote...
OK, actual constructive criticism incoming, unless you faggots don't intend on making this a seriously written story, in which case you can skip this.Spoiler:
Other than that, only personal gripe I have with the content is that it took a little too many jabs at my own insecurities and, while chuckle-worthy, did make me feel like I'm shit at everything. Of course, that was probably because I was actually expecting more of my exhibitionism traits to pop up, judging from the title.
Let's see what the future holds for this story.
I'll try to make this as serious as I can, and yes English is my second language so I don't really see how you can expect too much of it. I like being simple and to the point, leaves a lot of bullshit out but can also leave a lot of detail out which is less than preferable, this will improve as we go, hopefully.
I don't really know why you expected the first chapter to be longer, I saw it as a prologue-esq chapter, it's just supposed to be about the first day with not a lot to give or take apart from that you're bad at some stuff, you'll be properly fleshed out later on, I'll try atleast.
This is a story written by amateurs (atleast I) and merely written for fun, expecting it to be written in the same style as a real book is expecting far too much and to me is simply stupid and thus will be treated as such.
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Drifter995
Neko//Night
If you want buddy, send me a copy of your second chapter, and I can spice it up for you, make it a bit more story worthy ;D
But otherwise, I like the concept, and where this is going.
10/10 would inject marijuana into the script.
I'm going to be in this, yes?
But otherwise, I like the concept, and where this is going.
10/10 would inject marijuana into the script.
I'm going to be in this, yes?
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Drifter995 wrote...
If you want buddy, send me a copy of your second chapter, and I can spice it up for you, make it a bit more story worthy ;DBut otherwise, I like the concept, and where this is going.
10/10 would inject marijuana into the script.
I'm going to be in this, yes?
PM me if you have anything special in mind, and yes anyone that wants to will be.
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These kinds of stories aren't really my thing, but it was short so I gave it a read. Two things:
Is this fair maiden Art dreams about someone in particular?
I guess my main criticism is the way Art is presented so far. I think it's important to establish some kind of likeable trait about the characters we follow as soon as possible. If there's nothing likable about them then why should we follow them to begin with? The only thing we really see of Art so far is dreaming about getting laid, failing at archery and crying himself to sleep. That's not exactly compelling.
Is this fair maiden Art dreams about someone in particular?
I guess my main criticism is the way Art is presented so far. I think it's important to establish some kind of likeable trait about the characters we follow as soon as possible. If there's nothing likable about them then why should we follow them to begin with? The only thing we really see of Art so far is dreaming about getting laid, failing at archery and crying himself to sleep. That's not exactly compelling.
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d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
These kinds of stories aren't really my thing, but it was short so I gave it a read. Two things:Is this fair maiden Art dreams about someone in particular?
I guess my main criticism is the way Art is presented so far. I think it's important to establish some kind of likeable trait about the characters we follow as soon as possible. If there's nothing likable about them then why should we follow them to begin with? The only thing we really see of Art so far is dreaming about getting laid, failing at archery and crying himself to sleep. That's not exactly compelling.
This is great feedback, thank you, really! I'll have to work on that, I'm not the most avid writer and we merely did this for fun but as I plan on making this into more of a serious thing, any and all feedback or criticism is welcome.
I will talk about this with Pyre and Ant to see how we can convey that in the easiest way possible, I hope you'll be here for chapter 2 and give more feedback on whether we have improved or not.
And no, for now the girl is nobody special, maybe later on.
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Herodotus wrote...
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
These kinds of stories aren't really my thing, but it was short so I gave it a read. Two things:Is this fair maiden Art dreams about someone in particular?
I guess my main criticism is the way Art is presented so far. I think it's important to establish some kind of likeable trait about the characters we follow as soon as possible. If there's nothing likable about them then why should we follow them to begin with? The only thing we really see of Art so far is dreaming about getting laid, failing at archery and crying himself to sleep. That's not exactly compelling.
This is great feedback, thank you, really! I'll have to work on that, I'm not the most avid writer and we merely did this for fun but as I plan on making this into more of a serious thing, any and all feedback or criticism is welcome.
I will talk about this with Pyre and Ant to see how we can convey that in the easiest way possible, I hope you'll be here for chapter 2 and give more feedback on whether we have improved or not.
And no, for now the girl is nobody special, maybe later on.
Hehehhehehheheeeeeee
You sneaky bastard.
