[Valentine 2014] Bird's Eye View
3
Happy Valentine's day.
Word count: 2837
Bird’s Eye View
“Jason? Jason!?”
He turned his head to the sound of a panicked and excited, yet familiar voice. It was a tone he rarely heard from her.
“Megan? Where am I? Why is it so dark?”
Silence greeted his question, and an uncomfortable chill glided down his back.
After a long pause, she replied, “Jason … you’ve been in an accident.”
He blinked. “What?”
A hand stroked the side of his face, caressing his cheek.
“The doctors say … you won’t be able to see anymore … even surgery won’t make a difference.”
She continued, “You got hit by a car. It was a drunk driver. They say that he’ll be in jail for years.”
He laughed bitterly. “Well, that’s fantastic. They get to spend a few years seeing behind bars, I spend the rest of my life seeing nothing. They should get hit by a car, then see how they feel.”
The hand fell from his cheek.
And then a pair of arms embraced him, and he could feel her warm, soft body pressed up against his.
She leaned close and whispered in his ear, “I’m with you, Jason. This doesn’t change anything for us.”
He leaned back until his head rested on the pillow reclining against the wall behind him. And then he tilted his head back to stare emptily at the ceiling.
“Megan … I need some time alone. Please.”
She let go of him, stepping back.
“Okay.”
And then she walked out silently, trailed by the gentle pit-pit of her footsteps.
When he woke up, he was sitting on a tree stump with a jagged split down the middle, as if it had been struck by lightning.
And he could see the world in its full glory.
Around him, there were endless, rolling hills of lush green grass and trees.
Above, an all-encompassing, azure sky with the occasional, small, fluffy cloud.
And in front, a towering castle of stone.
He hadn’t realized how much he had missed seeing things.
As his gaze swept down the castle, it settled on a ring resting on a small pedestal in front of the castle. For some inexplicable reason, his eyes were drawn to it and he began to walk towards it. It dazzled in the bright sunlight, shining with the brilliance of a star.
When he finally reached the pedestal, he reached out with one hand and grasped the ring, placing it on a finger on his other hand.
Immediately, his world exploded.
His frame trembled under the thundering enormity of the shockwave, and he was once again blind, due to the sheer intensity of the flash of light.
The galloping of horses approached and he looked up.
There were half a dozen men in shining armor, and leading them a young woman. She had flowing red hair adorned by a small, golden crown, stormy, grey eyes, and wore exquisite clothing.
Her voice rang clear.
“Today is a glorious day, for today is the day where our prayers have been answered.”
Behind him, a large crowd had begun to gather.
She looked at him directly and continued speaking, “Hero, we need your aid. A savage dragon has ravaged this land for months, pillaging and burning villages. Only with your power can we slay this beast and restore peace to the kingdom.”
He stared at her. “What? Why are you asking me?”
She shrugged. “One does not question the Gods. Not even I. I know only that you were chosen, and have been granted a power that no mortal human or beast may rival.”
He frowned. “I can’t do that.”
She waved his objections away. “The ring proves it. You have succeeded where all have failed for over two centuries.”
As if it were sentient, a spark of lightning leapt from the ring, dancing in the air for a brief moment.
And suddenly, he could feel the power pulsating at his fingertips.
At his absolute command.
On the spur of the moment, he nodded and replied, “I accept.”
She curtsied. “You have my gratitude, Hero. I will place the Rose Knights at your disposal.”
She gestured to her left. “This is Daniel, captain of the Rose Knights.”
One of the men in silver armor stepped forward and saluted. “Hero, we plan to leave at the crack of dawn. I will escort you to your room. Please get some rest, someone will come to wake you when it is time.”
As he woke up, the world was dark once again.
A voice called out, “Hey bro.”
He replied hesitantly, “Ingrid…?”
“Yep, it’s me.”
"Where did Megan go?"
"I'm taking over for her."
He frowned. “You’re being kinda weird.”
She grabbed the pillow and bopped him on the head, complaining “Hey, I’m trying to be nice to you and that’s your answer?”
He said nothing, and a minute later, she poked his shoulder. “Uh, are you okay? That didn’t hurt that much, right?”
He smiled weakly. “I’m still trying to get over this.”
She nodded. “I understand, Claire said that you’d need time and stuff.”
He shook his head. “No, I mean your behavior. We used to be really close, but a few years ago you started ignoring me. Whenever I tried to talk to you, you just told me to go away. And now … you’re being kind of nice. You even called me bro. It’s weird. Who's Claire anyway?”
She shrugged. “You’ve been away at college for a year. I’ve grown up a little. Besides … even if we don’t get along, that doesn’t mean I want to lose you.”
Ingrid crossed her arms. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to call you †˜onii-chan’ or anything like that though! Don’t get your hopes up! You’re lucky I even bothered coming to visit you, anyway!”
Her voice softened. “Anyway, get well soon! I have to go, I’ve got a midterm soon. Though I’ll probably fail it anyway…”
He leaned back, relaxing against the pillows.
“Study hard. You don’t want to limit your options when you apply to college.”
She rolled her eyes as she got up, walking away.
“Wait.”
She stopped in the doorway, turning back to look at him.
“Ingrid … thanks for coming to visit.”
She responded flippantly, “Whatever, bro.”
And then he closed his eyes, fading into unconsciousness.
As he rode on the wind, Daniel called to him.
“Hero, the village should be right around the corner. Be prepared, it is likely the dragon is nearby. We should dismount here.”
They stopped at the grove and Jason climbed off his horse.
As they walked around the bend, he could smell the nauseating stench of burnt flesh.
There were 15 knights accompanying him – the full complement of the Rose Knights, Queen Arlett’s personal guard. All were highly trained, decked out in full gear.
But none were prepared for the sight that befell them.
The village did not exist anymore.
All that remained were the charred remnants of houses, with scorched corpses scattered throughout.
He recoiled with horror.
Humans, horses, and houses. All had become ashes.
Daniel shook his head regretfully.
“We’re too late to do anything for these people.”
The group stood in silence for a minute, burdened by a heavy atmosphere.
Suddenly, the calm was disturbed by a frightening, beastly roar that vibrated through his chest.
And then there was quiet again, but only for a brief moment.
Gradually, a powerful gust of wind began to rush past him regularly, every few seconds.
And the day began to grow darker and darker, as if they were experiencing a solar eclipse.
As he looked up, he saw an immense, titanic figure slowly grow larger as it approached them from above until it began to blot out the sun, casting a shadow that encompassed their group.
It began to accelerate faster and faster towards them, folding its wings in.
Another man dropped to the ground, covering his head with his hands and cowering.
Daniel commanded, “Stand firm! Hold your ground!”
But his voice was barely heard.
And then it hit the ground, causing a massive shockwave that knocked everybody off their feet.
As some staggered back upright, the dragon roared once more, a terrifying, bestial roar that struck fear into the group at such proximity.
Daniel nudged him, yelling, “What are you doing?”
He raised his hand, preparing to do battle. The few knights left standing steeled their resolve and raised their swords, preparing to charge.
A surging torrent of power rushed through his body, sparks flickering at his fingertips. It was thrilling, unbelievably addictive. For a brief moment he closed his eyes and reveled in the moment, enjoying the power rush. This was an indescribable feeling, something he had never even imagined possible.
And then he let go.
Arcs of lightning rushed out, branching out into different forks which slithered and licked hungrily. It was a lethal storm that promised death to those who were caught in its embrace.
The dragon flinched back, then opened its’ massive maw. Rather than a loud roar, a scorching river of fire bled out of its mouth, pushing back the lightning storm.
Even from where he stood, the heat was near unbearable. He could see sweat pouring down from the various knights who were attempting to weather the blaze.
And then the dragon swung its giant, spiked tail, smashing into a nearby knight with the force of a tree trunk.
The knight was knocked off his feet and flung back a dozen meters, laying limp on the ground like a doll.
Another knight had already passed out from the heat, slumping to the ground in unconsciousness.
Daniel glanced at his fallen comrades, then at those still standing, hesitating for a moment.
And then he roared loudly, charging forward and slamming into the dragon’s leg.
Once more, the dragon’s tail swung around, sweeping Daniel into the air and knocking him a dozen meters away.
Jason glanced around quickly, assessing the situation. There were no more knights ready for combat – all were unconscious or dead.
This was a pure duel, a test of strength – he was matching power for power against the dragon, and the first to falter would lose.
Already his hands were numb, and he could barely feel his legs.
He took a step forward, pushing the wild, thrashing storm of electricity closer to the dragon.
And it took a step back.
He could tell it was faltering, running out of breath.
And then the flame stopped.
Sensing weakness, the arcs of lightning snapped forward, ravaging the dragon.
It fell to the ground, its massive body laying prone in front of him. The colossal head of the dragon lay directly in front of him, and he could see its cloudy eye clearly, larger than his head.
Only the smell of burnt ozone remained in the air.
It was an anticlimactic ending, one that left him feeling empty, rather than triumphant and victorious.
He walked over to Daniel, shaking his shoulder.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Daniel stirred awake, getting up slowly. He then walked around to check on his fellow knights.
“Five dead, eight injured. Let’s go home.”
As they rode home, every village they passed by had heard of the news in advance, and cheered as they passed by.
When they finally reached the castle, Arlett was waiting at the gates.
“Hero … tonight we will feast in celebration!”
As he walked into the Grand Hall, a loud, rousing cheer accompanied his entry. He was escorted to the head of the table by a servant.
An impressively extravagant banquet was laid out across the massive table. The servant returned, carrying a whole, roast boar and set it in front of him.
It was spread-eagled, with its head directly facing him. Its cloudy eyes were still open, as if they were watching him.
He felt sick to the stomach, and excused himself with an apology, retiring to his room and heading to bed early.
As he woke up, he gagged, an uncomfortable taste in his mouth. Suddenly he retched, dry-heaving several times.
“Jason? Are you feeling okay? Should I grab a bag for you to throw up in?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Can I have some water?”
Megan nodded. “Okie-dokie. I’ll be back in a minute.”
As she left the room, he stretched out, accidentally knocking a book down from the bedside table.
He picked it up and held it, wondering what it was about.
Megan re-entered the room again and he took the glass of water.
As he began drinking, he commented, “I had an interesting dream ..."
Megan replied, "Don't you always?"
He shrugged and asked, "So, what are you reading?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never been interested in what I read before.”
He shrugged. “Well, you usually read non-fiction. And that’s boring for me. But I don’t have much else to do right now.”
She settled down in her chair. “Well, it’s by a German philosopher called Nietzsche. Let’s see … you might know him by his famous quote †˜when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you’.”
He scratched his chin. “Nope. Never heard of it.”
She placed the book back on the bedside table.
“Well, I’m reading a different book by him anyway, so it’s not really related. In fact I’ve never even read the book that that quote’s supposedly come from. This talk is probably boring you, right? Get some rest and go back to sleep, I’ll still be here.”
He nodded.
“Good night.”
As he woke up, Daniel stood over him.
“Good morning, Hero. Her Majesty has announced a new expedition to combat the dragon threat – next week, we will set off for Dragon’s Maw.”
He blinked, rubbing his eyes.
“Wait, what? What’s Dragon’s Maw?”
Daniel explained, “It’s a fiery volcano to the east, home to several dragons. Some call it the gates of hell – the dragons have made the entire region uninhabitable. Her Majesty wishes to see you immediately.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “Five died to fight one dragon. How many more will follow, if we even succeed?”
Daniel glared at him. “It is not my place to question Her Majesty’s decision. She rules by divine grace and favors me with her presence.”
He stumbled out of bed, heading down the hall.
Arlett greeted him.
“Good morning, Hero! I presume Daniel has informed you already.”
Jason replied, “Yes.”
Arlett smiled. “Daniel is very hard-working. He’s the best captain I’ve ever had. He always does everything I say, no matter what. But the expedition isn’t for another week. In the meantime, you’ll be rooting out the heretics.”
“Heretics? What?”
She nodded. “Yes, heretics. There are some that think the dragons were sent by angry gods to punish us. Ridiculous, isn’t it? They even think that killing a dragon risks incurring the wrath of the gods. In any case, I will wipe out the dragons. All of them. And any who challenge me forfeit their right to live.”
He swallowed. “Don’t you think you’re going a bit too far? You can’t kill people just because they believe the dragons are holy…”
Arlett slammed her fist on the table. “Holy? Holy!? I am the Queen, chosen by the gods themselves to rule by divine right. Any who disagree must pay the price, lest the seeds of discord sprout too quickly.”
Jason held up his hand. “Five of your Rose Knights died when we fought one dragon yesterday. I heard that the region around Dragon’s Maw is uninhabited, can’t we just leave that alone? How many will die in this expedition? Why are you so insistent on killing all the dragons?”
She grabbed his collar and stared into his eyes. “A dragon slaughtered my parents. An eye for an eye, I say. They’re born killers, monsters that rampage and kill indiscriminately. We must wipe them out.”
He gazed past her, staring into the distance. “An eye for an eye makes the world blind. Someone said that once.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re refusing?”
He shrugged. “Yes, I suppose so.”
Arlett trembled angrily.
“Guards, seize him!”
Two men in armor stepped up to him from behind, attaching manacles to his arms.
He looked down at his restraints, sighing wistfully.
When he looked back up at Arlett, he commented, “Isn’t it ironic? As I stand here in shackles, I’m freer than you, weighed down by chains of vengeance. But I forgive you – you’ve always been alone, without anyone truly beside you. You’re also a victim, and I hope that one day you can forgive yourself.”
And then the world went black as a guard smashed him over the head.
“Jason? Are you awake again?”
He blinked, turning once again to the sound of her voice, then nodded.
“By the way, the doctor has some good news! They’re going to discharge you in two weeks if nothing comes up.”
He asked her, “Megan, could you come here?”
She leaned forward. “Hm?”
He embraced her, pulling her on the bed. Taken by surprise, she squeaked.
As he hugged her, he whispered in her ear, “Thank you for being with me always.”
She smiled happily. “Always, Jason. I love you.”
Word count: 2837
Bird’s Eye View
“Jason? Jason!?”
He turned his head to the sound of a panicked and excited, yet familiar voice. It was a tone he rarely heard from her.
“Megan? Where am I? Why is it so dark?”
Silence greeted his question, and an uncomfortable chill glided down his back.
After a long pause, she replied, “Jason … you’ve been in an accident.”
He blinked. “What?”
A hand stroked the side of his face, caressing his cheek.
“The doctors say … you won’t be able to see anymore … even surgery won’t make a difference.”
She continued, “You got hit by a car. It was a drunk driver. They say that he’ll be in jail for years.”
He laughed bitterly. “Well, that’s fantastic. They get to spend a few years seeing behind bars, I spend the rest of my life seeing nothing. They should get hit by a car, then see how they feel.”
The hand fell from his cheek.
And then a pair of arms embraced him, and he could feel her warm, soft body pressed up against his.
She leaned close and whispered in his ear, “I’m with you, Jason. This doesn’t change anything for us.”
He leaned back until his head rested on the pillow reclining against the wall behind him. And then he tilted his head back to stare emptily at the ceiling.
“Megan … I need some time alone. Please.”
She let go of him, stepping back.
“Okay.”
And then she walked out silently, trailed by the gentle pit-pit of her footsteps.
When he woke up, he was sitting on a tree stump with a jagged split down the middle, as if it had been struck by lightning.
And he could see the world in its full glory.
Around him, there were endless, rolling hills of lush green grass and trees.
Above, an all-encompassing, azure sky with the occasional, small, fluffy cloud.
And in front, a towering castle of stone.
He hadn’t realized how much he had missed seeing things.
As his gaze swept down the castle, it settled on a ring resting on a small pedestal in front of the castle. For some inexplicable reason, his eyes were drawn to it and he began to walk towards it. It dazzled in the bright sunlight, shining with the brilliance of a star.
When he finally reached the pedestal, he reached out with one hand and grasped the ring, placing it on a finger on his other hand.
Immediately, his world exploded.
His frame trembled under the thundering enormity of the shockwave, and he was once again blind, due to the sheer intensity of the flash of light.
The galloping of horses approached and he looked up.
There were half a dozen men in shining armor, and leading them a young woman. She had flowing red hair adorned by a small, golden crown, stormy, grey eyes, and wore exquisite clothing.
Her voice rang clear.
“Today is a glorious day, for today is the day where our prayers have been answered.”
Behind him, a large crowd had begun to gather.
She looked at him directly and continued speaking, “Hero, we need your aid. A savage dragon has ravaged this land for months, pillaging and burning villages. Only with your power can we slay this beast and restore peace to the kingdom.”
He stared at her. “What? Why are you asking me?”
She shrugged. “One does not question the Gods. Not even I. I know only that you were chosen, and have been granted a power that no mortal human or beast may rival.”
He frowned. “I can’t do that.”
She waved his objections away. “The ring proves it. You have succeeded where all have failed for over two centuries.”
As if it were sentient, a spark of lightning leapt from the ring, dancing in the air for a brief moment.
And suddenly, he could feel the power pulsating at his fingertips.
At his absolute command.
On the spur of the moment, he nodded and replied, “I accept.”
She curtsied. “You have my gratitude, Hero. I will place the Rose Knights at your disposal.”
She gestured to her left. “This is Daniel, captain of the Rose Knights.”
One of the men in silver armor stepped forward and saluted. “Hero, we plan to leave at the crack of dawn. I will escort you to your room. Please get some rest, someone will come to wake you when it is time.”
As he woke up, the world was dark once again.
A voice called out, “Hey bro.”
He replied hesitantly, “Ingrid…?”
“Yep, it’s me.”
"Where did Megan go?"
"I'm taking over for her."
He frowned. “You’re being kinda weird.”
She grabbed the pillow and bopped him on the head, complaining “Hey, I’m trying to be nice to you and that’s your answer?”
He said nothing, and a minute later, she poked his shoulder. “Uh, are you okay? That didn’t hurt that much, right?”
He smiled weakly. “I’m still trying to get over this.”
She nodded. “I understand, Claire said that you’d need time and stuff.”
He shook his head. “No, I mean your behavior. We used to be really close, but a few years ago you started ignoring me. Whenever I tried to talk to you, you just told me to go away. And now … you’re being kind of nice. You even called me bro. It’s weird. Who's Claire anyway?”
She shrugged. “You’ve been away at college for a year. I’ve grown up a little. Besides … even if we don’t get along, that doesn’t mean I want to lose you.”
Ingrid crossed her arms. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to call you †˜onii-chan’ or anything like that though! Don’t get your hopes up! You’re lucky I even bothered coming to visit you, anyway!”
Her voice softened. “Anyway, get well soon! I have to go, I’ve got a midterm soon. Though I’ll probably fail it anyway…”
He leaned back, relaxing against the pillows.
“Study hard. You don’t want to limit your options when you apply to college.”
She rolled her eyes as she got up, walking away.
“Wait.”
She stopped in the doorway, turning back to look at him.
“Ingrid … thanks for coming to visit.”
She responded flippantly, “Whatever, bro.”
And then he closed his eyes, fading into unconsciousness.
As he rode on the wind, Daniel called to him.
“Hero, the village should be right around the corner. Be prepared, it is likely the dragon is nearby. We should dismount here.”
They stopped at the grove and Jason climbed off his horse.
As they walked around the bend, he could smell the nauseating stench of burnt flesh.
There were 15 knights accompanying him – the full complement of the Rose Knights, Queen Arlett’s personal guard. All were highly trained, decked out in full gear.
But none were prepared for the sight that befell them.
The village did not exist anymore.
All that remained were the charred remnants of houses, with scorched corpses scattered throughout.
He recoiled with horror.
Humans, horses, and houses. All had become ashes.
Daniel shook his head regretfully.
“We’re too late to do anything for these people.”
The group stood in silence for a minute, burdened by a heavy atmosphere.
Suddenly, the calm was disturbed by a frightening, beastly roar that vibrated through his chest.
And then there was quiet again, but only for a brief moment.
Gradually, a powerful gust of wind began to rush past him regularly, every few seconds.
And the day began to grow darker and darker, as if they were experiencing a solar eclipse.
As he looked up, he saw an immense, titanic figure slowly grow larger as it approached them from above until it began to blot out the sun, casting a shadow that encompassed their group.
It began to accelerate faster and faster towards them, folding its wings in.
Another man dropped to the ground, covering his head with his hands and cowering.
Daniel commanded, “Stand firm! Hold your ground!”
But his voice was barely heard.
And then it hit the ground, causing a massive shockwave that knocked everybody off their feet.
As some staggered back upright, the dragon roared once more, a terrifying, bestial roar that struck fear into the group at such proximity.
Daniel nudged him, yelling, “What are you doing?”
He raised his hand, preparing to do battle. The few knights left standing steeled their resolve and raised their swords, preparing to charge.
A surging torrent of power rushed through his body, sparks flickering at his fingertips. It was thrilling, unbelievably addictive. For a brief moment he closed his eyes and reveled in the moment, enjoying the power rush. This was an indescribable feeling, something he had never even imagined possible.
And then he let go.
Arcs of lightning rushed out, branching out into different forks which slithered and licked hungrily. It was a lethal storm that promised death to those who were caught in its embrace.
The dragon flinched back, then opened its’ massive maw. Rather than a loud roar, a scorching river of fire bled out of its mouth, pushing back the lightning storm.
Even from where he stood, the heat was near unbearable. He could see sweat pouring down from the various knights who were attempting to weather the blaze.
And then the dragon swung its giant, spiked tail, smashing into a nearby knight with the force of a tree trunk.
The knight was knocked off his feet and flung back a dozen meters, laying limp on the ground like a doll.
Another knight had already passed out from the heat, slumping to the ground in unconsciousness.
Daniel glanced at his fallen comrades, then at those still standing, hesitating for a moment.
And then he roared loudly, charging forward and slamming into the dragon’s leg.
Once more, the dragon’s tail swung around, sweeping Daniel into the air and knocking him a dozen meters away.
Jason glanced around quickly, assessing the situation. There were no more knights ready for combat – all were unconscious or dead.
This was a pure duel, a test of strength – he was matching power for power against the dragon, and the first to falter would lose.
Already his hands were numb, and he could barely feel his legs.
He took a step forward, pushing the wild, thrashing storm of electricity closer to the dragon.
And it took a step back.
He could tell it was faltering, running out of breath.
And then the flame stopped.
Sensing weakness, the arcs of lightning snapped forward, ravaging the dragon.
It fell to the ground, its massive body laying prone in front of him. The colossal head of the dragon lay directly in front of him, and he could see its cloudy eye clearly, larger than his head.
Only the smell of burnt ozone remained in the air.
It was an anticlimactic ending, one that left him feeling empty, rather than triumphant and victorious.
He walked over to Daniel, shaking his shoulder.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Daniel stirred awake, getting up slowly. He then walked around to check on his fellow knights.
“Five dead, eight injured. Let’s go home.”
As they rode home, every village they passed by had heard of the news in advance, and cheered as they passed by.
When they finally reached the castle, Arlett was waiting at the gates.
“Hero … tonight we will feast in celebration!”
As he walked into the Grand Hall, a loud, rousing cheer accompanied his entry. He was escorted to the head of the table by a servant.
An impressively extravagant banquet was laid out across the massive table. The servant returned, carrying a whole, roast boar and set it in front of him.
It was spread-eagled, with its head directly facing him. Its cloudy eyes were still open, as if they were watching him.
He felt sick to the stomach, and excused himself with an apology, retiring to his room and heading to bed early.
As he woke up, he gagged, an uncomfortable taste in his mouth. Suddenly he retched, dry-heaving several times.
“Jason? Are you feeling okay? Should I grab a bag for you to throw up in?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Can I have some water?”
Megan nodded. “Okie-dokie. I’ll be back in a minute.”
As she left the room, he stretched out, accidentally knocking a book down from the bedside table.
He picked it up and held it, wondering what it was about.
Megan re-entered the room again and he took the glass of water.
As he began drinking, he commented, “I had an interesting dream ..."
Megan replied, "Don't you always?"
He shrugged and asked, "So, what are you reading?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never been interested in what I read before.”
He shrugged. “Well, you usually read non-fiction. And that’s boring for me. But I don’t have much else to do right now.”
She settled down in her chair. “Well, it’s by a German philosopher called Nietzsche. Let’s see … you might know him by his famous quote †˜when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you’.”
He scratched his chin. “Nope. Never heard of it.”
She placed the book back on the bedside table.
“Well, I’m reading a different book by him anyway, so it’s not really related. In fact I’ve never even read the book that that quote’s supposedly come from. This talk is probably boring you, right? Get some rest and go back to sleep, I’ll still be here.”
He nodded.
“Good night.”
As he woke up, Daniel stood over him.
“Good morning, Hero. Her Majesty has announced a new expedition to combat the dragon threat – next week, we will set off for Dragon’s Maw.”
He blinked, rubbing his eyes.
“Wait, what? What’s Dragon’s Maw?”
Daniel explained, “It’s a fiery volcano to the east, home to several dragons. Some call it the gates of hell – the dragons have made the entire region uninhabitable. Her Majesty wishes to see you immediately.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “Five died to fight one dragon. How many more will follow, if we even succeed?”
Daniel glared at him. “It is not my place to question Her Majesty’s decision. She rules by divine grace and favors me with her presence.”
He stumbled out of bed, heading down the hall.
Arlett greeted him.
“Good morning, Hero! I presume Daniel has informed you already.”
Jason replied, “Yes.”
Arlett smiled. “Daniel is very hard-working. He’s the best captain I’ve ever had. He always does everything I say, no matter what. But the expedition isn’t for another week. In the meantime, you’ll be rooting out the heretics.”
“Heretics? What?”
She nodded. “Yes, heretics. There are some that think the dragons were sent by angry gods to punish us. Ridiculous, isn’t it? They even think that killing a dragon risks incurring the wrath of the gods. In any case, I will wipe out the dragons. All of them. And any who challenge me forfeit their right to live.”
He swallowed. “Don’t you think you’re going a bit too far? You can’t kill people just because they believe the dragons are holy…”
Arlett slammed her fist on the table. “Holy? Holy!? I am the Queen, chosen by the gods themselves to rule by divine right. Any who disagree must pay the price, lest the seeds of discord sprout too quickly.”
Jason held up his hand. “Five of your Rose Knights died when we fought one dragon yesterday. I heard that the region around Dragon’s Maw is uninhabited, can’t we just leave that alone? How many will die in this expedition? Why are you so insistent on killing all the dragons?”
She grabbed his collar and stared into his eyes. “A dragon slaughtered my parents. An eye for an eye, I say. They’re born killers, monsters that rampage and kill indiscriminately. We must wipe them out.”
He gazed past her, staring into the distance. “An eye for an eye makes the world blind. Someone said that once.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re refusing?”
He shrugged. “Yes, I suppose so.”
Arlett trembled angrily.
“Guards, seize him!”
Two men in armor stepped up to him from behind, attaching manacles to his arms.
He looked down at his restraints, sighing wistfully.
When he looked back up at Arlett, he commented, “Isn’t it ironic? As I stand here in shackles, I’m freer than you, weighed down by chains of vengeance. But I forgive you – you’ve always been alone, without anyone truly beside you. You’re also a victim, and I hope that one day you can forgive yourself.”
And then the world went black as a guard smashed him over the head.
“Jason? Are you awake again?”
He blinked, turning once again to the sound of her voice, then nodded.
“By the way, the doctor has some good news! They’re going to discharge you in two weeks if nothing comes up.”
He asked her, “Megan, could you come here?”
She leaned forward. “Hm?”
He embraced her, pulling her on the bed. Taken by surprise, she squeaked.
As he hugged her, he whispered in her ear, “Thank you for being with me always.”
She smiled happily. “Always, Jason. I love you.”
0
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Correct me if I am wrong. You are writing three separate stories and combining these stories into one entry aren't you?
0
okay. I give this a good read. there's some things I liked and some things I really don't like about this story.
let me clarify this. I kind of liked the story because of it having a kind of nice imagery and some sort. a dream-like atmosphere and the scenes are well fleshed-out too. apart from that, reading things through the end, I find myself questioning many things than what I should have.
firstly, who is Claire? it should be answered right away, but instead the sister is changing the topic. it kind of frustrated me on how it doesn't been given a hint about who she really is. was she supposed to be important or not? or does it really matter in the story? I don't know, though the story implies to me that she's kind of important in some way but it doesn't really been given a hint. that's how it becomes frustrating.
the other thing which I really didn't like, the ending feels truly empty. after all that it all comes as an ending of a dream, and the protagonist getting released in a totally blind condition for the rest of his life just like that? it also only consoled by 'I love you' all of sudden? sorry, but I just can't really accept a story ending like that. it just doesn't seem to give any conclusion to me.
there's also an issue about the dream thingy ending in a way that also doesn't solve anything, but that's a different story. I'm not that bothered by it that much as I saw how the story ends.
I also think he took his condition in a kind of unrealistic way, I normally would have figured that he would be truly in a shock and a depressed state. instead he's just being meh about it. seriously, you're blind for the rest of your life and you just act like that? man, I think there's time skips and such but I don't know, I just don't understand it.
the other things which kind of thrown me out of way is your use of words. I think you're not really supposed to start a sentence with 'and', 'but', or other conjunctions. in creative writings, it's also kind of a downer to use 'suddenly' to describe an event. at other sentences it seems that you are kind of running out of words to describe the event so you kept starting the sentences in the same way, though at all these sentence issues not really troubling me as much as I saw the story ends.
I think it starts out in a way that I really like, but in the end it doesn't seem to answer anything. still, I applaud your effort on coming up with all this.
good work. sorry if my words were kinda harsh. I find that your story had a good potential, and it's such a shame it turned out to this way. doesn't mean that it's in any way bad though. other people probably will have different opinions about it.
let me clarify this. I kind of liked the story because of it having a kind of nice imagery and some sort. a dream-like atmosphere and the scenes are well fleshed-out too. apart from that, reading things through the end, I find myself questioning many things than what I should have.
firstly, who is Claire? it should be answered right away, but instead the sister is changing the topic. it kind of frustrated me on how it doesn't been given a hint about who she really is. was she supposed to be important or not? or does it really matter in the story? I don't know, though the story implies to me that she's kind of important in some way but it doesn't really been given a hint. that's how it becomes frustrating.
the other thing which I really didn't like, the ending feels truly empty. after all that it all comes as an ending of a dream, and the protagonist getting released in a totally blind condition for the rest of his life just like that? it also only consoled by 'I love you' all of sudden? sorry, but I just can't really accept a story ending like that. it just doesn't seem to give any conclusion to me.
there's also an issue about the dream thingy ending in a way that also doesn't solve anything, but that's a different story. I'm not that bothered by it that much as I saw how the story ends.
I also think he took his condition in a kind of unrealistic way, I normally would have figured that he would be truly in a shock and a depressed state. instead he's just being meh about it. seriously, you're blind for the rest of your life and you just act like that? man, I think there's time skips and such but I don't know, I just don't understand it.
the other things which kind of thrown me out of way is your use of words. I think you're not really supposed to start a sentence with 'and', 'but', or other conjunctions. in creative writings, it's also kind of a downer to use 'suddenly' to describe an event. at other sentences it seems that you are kind of running out of words to describe the event so you kept starting the sentences in the same way, though at all these sentence issues not really troubling me as much as I saw the story ends.
I think it starts out in a way that I really like, but in the end it doesn't seem to answer anything. still, I applaud your effort on coming up with all this.
good work. sorry if my words were kinda harsh. I find that your story had a good potential, and it's such a shame it turned out to this way. doesn't mean that it's in any way bad though. other people probably will have different opinions about it.
0
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
Correct me if I am wrong. You are writing three separate stories and combining these stories into one entry aren't you?No, I don't think that's the case. You seem to be rather confused with a lot of the entries reading your comments on them. It seems to me that this is the story of a man who lost his sight and is having dreams in fantasy settings where he can escape his handicap and be a hero with incredible power. The end of the dream sequence seems to end a bit abruptly, as he defies the queen and is taken away, but that may have symbolism as well.
I rather enjoyed this. It's always nice to read a good tragedy that has a sweet undertone. Plus, this is written well and mostly error-free. Well done.
0
leonard267 wrote...
Correct me if I am wrong. You are writing three separate stories and combining these stories into one entry aren't you?That's an interesting take on things, I didn't see it that way but it's nice to see the perspective of others.
high_time wrote...
I think it starts out in a way that I really like, but in the end it doesn't seem to answer anything. still, I applaud your effort on coming up with all this.I'll agree that the ending is lackluster. I'm afraid that I procrastinated and started writing this 4 hours before the deadline. As a result, the whole thing is a little rushed. Thanks for the feedback.
Xenon wrote...
I rather enjoyed this. It's always nice to read a good tragedy that has a sweet undertone. Plus, this is written well and mostly error-free. Well done.I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
0
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Xenon wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
Correct me if I am wrong. You are writing three separate stories and combining these stories into one entry aren't you?No, I don't think that's the case. You seem to be rather confused with a lot of the entries reading your comments on them. It seems to me that this is the story of a man who lost his sight and is having dreams in fantasy settings where he can escape his handicap and be a hero with incredible power. The end of the dream sequence seems to end a bit abruptly, as he defies the queen and is taken away, but that may have symbolism as well.
I rather enjoyed this. It's always nice to read a good tragedy that has a sweet undertone. Plus, this is written well and mostly error-free. Well done.
I will admit that I did not go through this story as thoroughly as I did with your entry because of a lack of time. I read it again and it seems to be the case.
I asked turiondel this question so as to confirm whether the story was written with that in mind. I failed to pick up the transition between the real world and fantasy and the introduction of new characters did make me think that I was reading another story. If I picked up the word "Jason" instead of "he" at the first transition, I think I would not have made that mistake. Too many 'he's.
Reading it properly, I feel that the story was good in properly introducing the characters in the fantasy world. The language is understandable and it made for a good read.
0
A good read. I really get to feel the imagery in your scenes.
But a lot of dialogues between the characters feel rushed.
But a lot of dialogues between the characters feel rushed.
1
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
I failed to pick up the transition between the real world and fantasy and the introduction of new characters did make me think that I was reading another story. If I picked up the word "Jason" instead of "he" at the first transition, I think I would not have made that mistake. Too many 'he's.Yes, both the hero and the main character's names are 'Jason' and that's what tipped me off, but I honestly didn't even need the name because I could almost predict it was him since the transitions only occur when Jason goes to sleep. I mean, explanations of a different mystical world after someone goes to sleep? It's pretty obviously a transition to a dream.
The repetition of 'he' in these perspective tales is always a difficulty, especially when you try to create them in third-person but tell them from a particular character's point-of-view, in this case, Jason. It becomes easier when you try to act as narrator and less as a person. My suggestion is to use their name first when referencing them as the subject for the first time in a paragraph, but my paragraphs are much larger. For stories much more spaced out like this, it helps to use the name every now and then, more often when confronting different people in a situation.
Those are my little thoughts on fictional writing. Hopefully they help you.
0
I agree with High in that the ending feels empty. All that happens in it is that Megan vows never to leave Jason's side, and that's something that already occurred in the first scene. Up until the ending, I thought it was decent.
0
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
I agree with High in that the ending feels empty. All that happens in it is that Megan vows never to leave Jason's side, and that's something that already occurred in the first scene. Up until the ending, I thought it was decent.I wouldn't say all; there is actually a big difference in how Jason himself appreciates that notion instead of pushing it off, taking it for granted.
The fantasy ending was indeed abrupt, but he said that was because he rushed it towards ending because of procrastination.
0
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Xenon wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
I failed to pick up the transition between the real world and fantasy and the introduction of new characters did make me think that I was reading another story. If I picked up the word "Jason" instead of "he" at the first transition, I think I would not have made that mistake. Too many 'he's.Yes, both the hero and the main character's names are 'Jason' and that's what tipped me off, but I honestly didn't even need the name because I could almost predict it was him since the transitions only occur when Jason goes to sleep. I mean, explanations of a different mystical world after someone goes to sleep? It's pretty obviously a transition to a dream.
The repetition of 'he' in these perspective tales is always a difficulty, especially when you try to create them in third-person but tell them from a particular character's point-of-view, in this case, Jason. It becomes easier when you try to act as narrator and less as a person. My suggestion is to use their name first when referencing them as the subject for the first time in a paragraph, but my paragraphs are much larger. For stories much more spaced out like this, it helps to use the name every now and then, more often when confronting different people in a situation.
Those are my little thoughts on fictional writing. Hopefully they help you.
I thought that this entry was two separate stories because I did not spot the transition and the setting was completely different. It is quite possible for the first part to be omitted completely and the story would still flow smoothly.
0
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
I thought that this entry was two separate stories because I did not spot the transition and the setting was completely different. It is quite possible for the first part to be omitted completely and the story would still flow smoothly.Well, the transitions are incredibly obvious because of the horizontal bar he adds in, signifying a scene change.
I disagree that the first part wasn't needed, however, as it set in the premises that Jason was in an accident and became blind. This was probably the reason for the escapist dreams taking place. Without that part, it just seems like a dreamer who has a tsundere little sister and a girlfriend he loves. Which is true, but him being blind creates the setting that their interaction with him is taking place, even on less than pleasant terms.
0
I really didn't get this story.
You have this set up where the protagonist is stuck in hospital and seems to visit a fantasy world in his dreams. Jason seems to have three women in his life: Megan, Ingrid and Claire. It's explained that Megan and Ingrid are his girlfriend and somewhat estranged sister respectively, but it's unclear to me who Claire is.
Meanwhile in the fantasy world there's this war against the Dragons and a vengeful Queen who seems to be a bit of a tyrant.
All of these circumstances pique my interest but then the story just ends. There's no plot progression or character development. It feels like the story sets me up for multiple plot arcs namely: How does Jason come to terms with his blindness? How will his relationships with Megan, Ingrid and Claire play out? How will the Queen's war against the Dragons play out and finally how does the fantasy world relate to the "real" one if at all?
But nope the story ends before any of these questions can be answered let alone explored. I'm all for just telling a story and letting the reader fill in the details but the story itself has to advance and come to some kind of resolution.
The fantasy plot line did kinda move forward with the slaying of the Dragon and Jason's defiance of the Queen but still left me unsatisfied. The real world plot line just stopped right after it had set itself up.
Sorry if it feels like I'm having a go at you. Other people have made similar critiques and yes I know you rushed for the deadline. I know how that feels. I've shat out under developed stories cus of deadlines too, but I'm still gonna say all this for posterity so don't take it personally.
You have this set up where the protagonist is stuck in hospital and seems to visit a fantasy world in his dreams. Jason seems to have three women in his life: Megan, Ingrid and Claire. It's explained that Megan and Ingrid are his girlfriend and somewhat estranged sister respectively, but it's unclear to me who Claire is.
Meanwhile in the fantasy world there's this war against the Dragons and a vengeful Queen who seems to be a bit of a tyrant.
All of these circumstances pique my interest but then the story just ends. There's no plot progression or character development. It feels like the story sets me up for multiple plot arcs namely: How does Jason come to terms with his blindness? How will his relationships with Megan, Ingrid and Claire play out? How will the Queen's war against the Dragons play out and finally how does the fantasy world relate to the "real" one if at all?
But nope the story ends before any of these questions can be answered let alone explored. I'm all for just telling a story and letting the reader fill in the details but the story itself has to advance and come to some kind of resolution.
The fantasy plot line did kinda move forward with the slaying of the Dragon and Jason's defiance of the Queen but still left me unsatisfied. The real world plot line just stopped right after it had set itself up.
Sorry if it feels like I'm having a go at you. Other people have made similar critiques and yes I know you rushed for the deadline. I know how that feels. I've shat out under developed stories cus of deadlines too, but I'm still gonna say all this for posterity so don't take it personally.
1
Second_Prototype wrote...
I really didn't get this story.No problem, I'll explain what I had in mind when I wrote this.
The alternative fantasy setting is a form of escapism for Jason, a dream allegory for his real-life situation. The dragon parallels the drunk driver - just as the latter takes his sight unjustly, the former ravages villages and kills Arlett's parents. In this world, however, he has the opportunity to take revenge. He "heroically' slays the dragon, but when he returns to a feast he feels sick - he realizes that revenge not only comes at a price (the dead soldiers), but also brings him no comfort. I tried to evoke this point with the dead eyes of the pig and dragon staring at him, as well as him throwing up once he woke up.
The vengeful Arlett represents a different Jason, one unable to accept his situation and move on, but instead consumed by revenge. While Jason has loved ones to support him, Arlett only has loyal servants and yes-mans like Daniel who aren't willing to deter her from her self-destructive path.
high_time wrote...
firstly, who is Claire?Second_Prototype wrote...
but it's unclear to me who Claire is.Sorry to disappoint, but Claire has no significance to this story or Jason. Even Jason's never heard of her. She's simply a friend of Ingrid's mentioned in passing. I didn't expect so many people to wonder about her.
Second_Prototype wrote...
How will the Queen's war against the Dragons play out and finally how does the fantasy world relate to the "real" one if at all?How will the Queen's war against the dragons go? That's implied, left up to the reader to decide. I haven't decided myself, but I'm guessing it probably won't be a happy ending. As the Queen and her crusade is really just an allegory in dream form, the specifics aren't too important. If you were expecting some epic battles, sorry to disappoint!
There is a sort of moral to this story, something to do with revenge or loved ones or something of the sort. Normally, I'm not a fan of that stuff, but I think moral lessons are an important part of fairy tales, just as much as the fantasy setting.
Xenon wrote...
It seems to me that this is the story of a man who lost his sight and is having dreams in fantasy settings where he can escape his handicap and be a hero with incredible power. The end of the dream sequence seems to end a bit abruptly, as he defies the queen and is taken away, but that may have symbolism as well.Of everyone so far, Xenon probably understood the story the best, I think he's probably got a fairly decent grasp of what I had intended. The dream sequences are indeed largely symbolic.
Second_Prototype wrote...
Sorry if it feels like I'm having a go at you. Not at all, I appreciate that you took the time to read it.
0
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Xenon wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
I thought that this entry was two separate stories because I did not spot the transition and the setting was completely different. It is quite possible for the first part to be omitted completely and the story would still flow smoothly.Well, the transitions are incredibly obvious because of the horizontal bar he adds in, signifying a scene change.
I disagree that the first part wasn't needed, however, as it set in the premises that Jason was in an accident and became blind. This was probably the reason for the escapist dreams taking place. Without that part, it just seems like a dreamer who has a tsundere little sister and a girlfriend he loves. Which is true, but him being blind creates the setting that their interaction with him is taking place, even on less than pleasant terms.
The break can signal a transition or a beginning of an entirely different story!
I did not know which was which. When I said the first part was not needed, what I meant was we can begin the story with him in the fantasy world and it would seem alright to me because there is little to no reference to the real world after the first break.
He hadn’t realized how much he had missed seeing things
I misunderstood this sentence that is most likely the only connection between the real world and the fantasy world. I thought that by 'seeing things' the author meant the pleasure of sightseeing or hallucinating. I would have said that it was jarring and disorientating for him to be able to see again having had lost his sight for so long.
What I feel is, while there is a transition, it ought to be made more prominent perhaps with more words contrasting both the real and fantasy worlds.
0
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
The break can signal a transition or a beginning of an entirely different story! I would imagine that to be the purpose of a title, actually.
leonard267 wrote...
He hadn’t realized how much he had missed seeing thingsI misunderstood this sentence that is most likely the only connection between the real world and the fantasy world.
They also have the same name.
leonard267 wrote...
What I feel is, while there is a transition, it ought to be made more prominent perhaps with more words contrasting both the real and fantasy worlds.Perhaps, but it wasn't too difficult for me to pick up on it. I didn't see all the symbolism of the later half connecting the worlds, but it was very obvious to me at least that it was a dream, considering he goes to sleep and then they occur.
If you're having trouble with this concept of literature, not even just creative writing, then I hope you're learning from this, because sometimes a reader needs to use their head instead of having everything spelled out and spoon fed to them. I don't mean to be insulting by that, but that's just how writing can be sometimes. It's the reason poetry is so popular, because there can be an unlimited amount hidden and the words themselves aren't even close to half of them. It certainly takes training your mind to think beyond what is in front of you in order to garner the most out of the message behind the story.