[Valentine 2014] The Truest Love in the Kingdom

Hm, I see why one would think that way when reading newspaper articles, since breaks create a new article (though with a new headline), however when it comes to creative writing, I go by the rule of thumb that unless otherwise noted or simply no logical connection can be seen, it is to be assumed that everything within one title has to do with the story at hand. Clearly everything in the story fits together within the boundaries of the universe, but one must ascertain which material is important, and which is just descriptive scenic filler. I'd think that same rule applies to reading newspapers or non-fiction articles online as well.

My opinion of this story pretty much echos that of high_time's.

I think it's well written but for some reason I didn't feel like all of the components clicked together.

I think my main problem with this story is that there is a dissonance in its tone. At it's heart this is a story about two people who have drifted apart and need to rediscover their love. The story begins by outright telling us that this is not gonna be one of those sappy "happily ever after" deals, but it kinda does end like that.

The witch just strikes me as a cartoon villain. Everything about her seems contrived. It's like her sole purpose is just to jam a wedge between the King and Queen and eventually be the catalyst for their reconciliation. As a result the ending feels a bit forced and overly dramatic where the protagonist's relationship problems are quickly and... "magically" fixed.

I think the story would have been better if you had simply substituted the King's vendetta against the witch with something more impersonal like a desire to one-up the neighboring kingdom or a quest to achieve some level of status. Then in the end use a different turn of events to help push the protagonists back together. Think doing something like that would make the story feel more "natural".

Also a minor quibble: The characters are never referred to by name, only by their title. This can cause confusion since a third of the way through the Prince and Princess become the King and Queen and their children also go up in rank. I managed to keep track of who was who but it's still something to consider.

I'm wondering why you thought that, because I never wrote the introduction that way. All it mentions is that love must last through a test of time, after the initial "happily ever after." A knight rescued a princess and this is the story of such and such years down the road. Most fairy tales end at that point and you're left to assume everyone lives in happiness and prosperity, but love needs maintenance, so I wanted to write that as a concept with this piece.



She is certainly a stereotypical villain, but she is not contrived. She's the reason there is a story to begin with, and she loved someone as well. By her death, a love was killed. I wouldn't say her role is like the stranger in your tale, who you admitted to crafting just to have something to talk to. The witch, although a classic villain, has her side of the story as well. I only wish I had the room to extrapolate more on it.

And about the problems "magically" fixing...well...it is a fairy tale, haha.



That would have been too boring. I wanted to write about magical and mystical elements. This is not a "natural" story, it's a fairy tale about love. There are some parts within the story that do focus on more normal aspects, such as the king learning of economics and trade, some very natural concepts a king should know. It worked well for Spice and Wolf, but focusing on those aspects would not be my specialty.



That is done entirely purposely. I would have felt incredibly lame Scotch taping a name tag on everyone just for the purpose of doing so. You really have to try to stop paying attention to not realize the giant coronation scene explaining their change in title, thus their new identifiers. Names are useful in longer tales, novels, and series'. For a short story with limited characters? Less so, in my opinion.

Thank you for taking the time to read it, your criticisms, and your honesty. I hope you don't mind me going out on a limb to defend my work and my literary and tactical choices for this piece. You are free to have your opinions and I am pleased to hear them.

Perhaps I was too liberal in my paraphrasing. I guess in my mind I thought that your story would be a subversion of the traditional fairy tale narrative when it was merely a continuation.



Hey the character of the Stranger is different because I'm special so I get pull that shit and make it work...Yeah okay I'm guilty of the same thing. I won't dispute the witch's presence in the story anymore but I'm still getting this cartoony vibe from her. It would have been much better if you had fleshed out her character more, but deadlines and word limits... I get it.



If that's the way you want it to be then I won't say anything more. I've only ever watched maybe two episodes of Spice and Wolf and that was a long time ago.



Fair enough.




It's your story Xenon and if you think some of my criticisms are baseless then that's your call to make. Ultimately half of them are down to personal taste and expectation anyway.

Hm, now that would definitely and not surprisingly paint sour expectations with the story. I apologize if that's how the introduction came off. Perhaps I can be more clear in the future.



Haha, well, honestly? I see her as the cartoony kind of witch also, so perhaps that came out in my writing to my detriment if it's lame.



Well said. I suppose I would like to craft something that would penetrate most tastes and just be a nice tale people can ease back and enjoy, but I suppose that will forever be an obstacle.