W&F Section Story Collaboration: The Boring Boy

((OOC: Shark, I am confused. Even more confused than winter55 and SecondPrototype.))

And now, an Allo Allo video! Enjoy classical racist British comedy that is not really racist because the races lampooned here are all white people!



And in the fashion of Allo Allo, Mr. L ran out of the orifice in the mountains, out of earshot from Shiro. Battered, bruised and tired, he decided to speak to thin air and recollect the events that happened so far,

"You are probably saying to yourselves, "Hello, what is that man up to in this frozen mountain wasteland?" I will tell you!

"Despite being given almost God-like powers, I was assaulted by a young man whom I will call Shiro, thrown down a hill by another person whom I will call Fake Shiro, having to bear the agony of seeing him crushed alive by randomly appearing objects, touching glowing text mid-air before being teleported to a cave in altitude-sickness land and running to God-knows-where. Now, I will have quite a lot of teaching to do to that Shiro brat as well as having to teach him a lesson. Now, if you will excuse me, allow me to run back to where I came from,"

Shiro was standing outside of the cave, admiring the scenery of what could be a blizzard-ridden, hypotherma-inducing frozen-over hell in a few hours. He then slapped himself very brutally and begun doing star jumps.

"Oh dear, Shiro! It must be the mountain sickness!" Mr. L exclaimed.

Or more like a very petulant Mr. L exercising his God-like powers.

A very mortified Shiro croaked, "You bastard, why did you run away?"

To that Mr. L replied rather cheerily, "Getting acclimatised to the environment, my dear boy. And now, I would like you to shut up and sit down!"

Shut up and sat down, Shiro did.

Mr. L then brought himself closer to cross-legged Shiro. He appeared to be gagged by some invisible force and was almost rendered immobile as his bottom appeared to be stuck to a mixture of gravel, slush and snow.

"If only if you were more patient! You can have your life back but I have to adhere to some rules! We are now suffering spatial shifts with little to no control over where we land! To make things worse, I now have to travel with you and I am quite at the mercy of the writers up there!"

Mr. L jabbed a finger to the ground as he said that, appearing to be pointing to the direction where the God-like writers are, hell.

Shiro gave a muffled snigger, albeit being unable to engage in lip movement. But he would be shell-shocked at what Mr. L had to say next,

"Your father wanted you to know, Shiro, that this universe is actually the creation of people who have too much time on their hands and decided to write you into existence. He could not tell you that of course with your friend Yui on your side and the other creations of ours, we wouldn't allow it because we thought it wouldn't make a tension-ridden story.

"I know that it must be devasting for you to learn that you have no free will. But, that is not to say there is no meaning in your existence. Indeed, we the writers have to deal with existentalist problems ourselves, and I am of the belief that we don't have free will in the first place, God-writer or not!

"I would also need to clarify that as powerful as I am, I am not all powerful. The decisions of those 'down there',"

Mr. L jabbed his finger to the ground once more.

"Cannot be in anyway overridden by me. Now that you have dragged me along with you, it appears that I am also at their mercy! I have to tell you and you may have already realised that, the decisions they will be making are completely random in nature. I try persuading them though.

((OOC: Shark, keep your hands off Mr. L!))

"I don't think I would succeed though,

"No reason to worry! God-writers themselvs have to deal with completely random decisions from whoever (or whatever) that runs their universe. There are some of us God-writers who believe in a God, I personally don't. However, if God were a bunch of disagreeing writers failing to come to a consensus on what to do with our lives, you'd find me more of a theist,

"You wanted to say something, young boy? Your name is Shiro, am I right?"

Shiro did not reply, obviously crestfallen upon learning the true nature of his world. Even if he understood the philosophical gibberish from Mr. L, he could not come to terms with it with such calmness.

However, Mr. L was a thick bastard and paid no attention to him.

"Oh, I am sorry. I thought you wanted to say something. More importantly, we have to establish where we are,

"I thought of putting you in some happier universe. Perhaps anarchy-ridden kingdoms, weeaboo-infested esper land, weeaboo-infested 'waifu' land, some place with tranquil scenery, an endless cesspit, a sinking warship, high schools that enroll vampires or even modern day Tokyo, except that you are now contemplating suicide in order get some insurance money!

Mr. L glanced about and said,

"From the looks of it, I guess that we are either at a mountain border of a fictional medieval kingdom or we are stuck in a modern war that I think it is chronicled as the Erect War Chronicles: Yom Kippur or something like that?

"I'd think that you have just recovered from mountain sickness and now stuck in a cave. Your companions who scaled these mountains with you are about to return. I suppose one bears a resemblance to some young Bangladeshi and the other a very large woman who once screamt at you, demanding to know where we are,

"You are refugees I think, trying to leave the country by taking a mountainous route. You are separated from your friend Yui and your father. I still can't figure out whether guns or sticks are used in battle. Never mind about that though.

"I hope you are happy with this arrangement!"

Mr. L finally had some inkling that what he said was too much for Shiro. He then considered if he should use his God-like powers to remove all of his memories.

Suddenly there's a moaning sound of a young girl in a monotone voice, she simply appears to be masturbating with a cucumber dildo.

The voice comes out from a small hatch just below the place they were standing. Shiro opened up the hatch, and saw Yui taking the bath at a seemingly normal bathroom, soaping her mounds of bosom. Yui didn't seem to notice their presence as she's busy fondling her breasts, rubbing her pussy with her dildo, whilst still moaning in a monotone voice - she also quietly mutters the name of a certain girl who's also an anime character too.

Both of them looked to the sky again, it's still the snow mountain, and the sky is cold. There's no immediate logical explanation, only a tempting scenery to watch for a prolonged amount of time.

To which Mr. L broke the atmosphere while Shiro was really enjoying the scenery of a young, healthy, naked girl masturbating in the bath.

He said,

"I would prefer looking at an old woman with dilapidated vagina for my own sexual gratification."

These words angered Shiro. He slapped Mr. L so hard to the point he fell down the hatch, and fell on top of Yui.

There's nothing happening, only silence, and the outburst of anger combined with regret and intense irritation.

Shiro thought, "What a lucky bastard, I should be the one to fall down the hatch so at least I could fondle her bosoms. No, wait, I might get killed shortly after if I do so."

In the end, Shiro simply observes from the distance as both Yui and Mr. L came to realization that they were simply on top of another, with Yui still naked, and filled to the brim with obscenity.

Yui let herself go. She smiled gleefully and grabbed Mr. L's face and kissed him passionately. Her tongue forcing her way in while melting into his.

Suddenly, so suddenly, he noticed that something wasn't right. She had a terrible breath, her mouth felt dry, her face suddenly felt rough. Mr. L opened his eyes in shock. The room bright room looked gloomy, the candles around turned off. And as he focused, on reality again. It was an eighty year old asian man, with a green-colored penis.

"Me waited for visitors. Long time.". replied with an asian accent and a devilish smile.

So appalled Mr. L was when he was sexually assaulted by the old man who moments before took the form of Yui that he froze the very fabric of space and time. This explains why there were no updates in this thread for the past 9 months. Mr. L must have spent that time thinking on how to get himself out of this mess.

Nine months later, on this day however, they was still no solution and so the story continued with the old man sexually assaulting Mr. L. The following describes what happened next:

"You see! Shiro," Mr. L said, struggling to speak and explain why the old man was furiously groping him, "Since I am travelling with you, I am quite at the mercy of the other writers who are controlling events. I hope you remember where we are."

Shiro thought of killing of Mr. L because he was an eyesore. Yet, what could he do if he were gone? They were in the middle of the mountains most likely in some kind of bunker with a bath tub in it.

Shiro chose his words carefully and minded not to look at the old man trying to force his way into Mr. L's orifices. "Well, I would like you to get me out of here for starters, Mr. L." He suppressed a powerful urge to slap Mr. L once more whilst he said that.

"I see!" exclaimed Mr. L as he tried very hard to push the old man's face away from his own. "Let's get going then shall we?" All of sudden he mustered the strength to move himself out of the mountain bunker by climbing up the cat ladder and opening the hatch that lay at the end of that ladder, the old man still clinging on to him.

Shiro followed suit, glaring at the Mr. L's bottom and the naked old man that was holding onto him. Beyond that hatch is a frozen wasteland where no community in their right mind would settle. If they wanted to have an adventure there, they would have to put up with the freezing cold, poor visibility and nothing for miles upon miles.

At least that old man with green genitals would freeze to death.

"We'll follow the sun today", declared Shiro to the pair.

He didn't know a thing about geography or direction, but it was what his instinct told him. They made a line through the snow. Shiro didn't feel like caring anymore and felt no fear. He didn't even mind a naked man and an eccentric god following him to a probable death anymore.

As the sun reached the middle of the sky, but it gave no heat. The day felt almost eternal, but at least the fog cleared. The view was somewhat beautiful, the frosty tips of the mountains shined brightly while the uncovered pitch-black rocks gave a nice contrast. Suddenly, as Shiro looked closer to the base, he noticed some figures leaving in and out of some caves or buildings within the mountains rocks.

It couldn't be, stick figures? Shiro began to run as fast as he could until he reached the very entrance. Amazingly enough for him, the eccentric god had already teleported himself to the entrance, with the old man still clinging to his dear leg as if it was a mothers child.

A small community of stick-like people were running around the rocks, seemingly alive no matter how impossible it seemed. Civilization reminded him that he hadn't eaten in probably nine months. Maybe that's why his vision was blurred. He suddenly realized that these were actually people.

It appears that Mr. L and the old man is also hungry, so they murdered all the stick people, do some barbecue of it, and move on with a fulfilling stomach. The stickman taste like bacon.

(P.S : wrote this while I was really hungry, sorry 'bout that)

Meanwhile, Shiro pondered, whether all of this was a really bad joke of a nightmare or were the Authors just messing around with his sanity that's already went down to insane levels anyway. He want to get his normal life back, meeting his father, spending his summer vacation with Yui.

An idea suddenly downed upon him as he grabbed the old man's balls, pulled out his penis until it bleeds so much the old man turned back to Yui, all naked. So there they goes, Mr. L. Shiro, and naked Yui, who's a bit insane to not feel anything despite the cold, and carry on absentmindedly, regardless of her naked body being seen by two unpleasant males.

As they went on for a journey which lasts indefinitely, Shiro asked Mr. L:

"Where's my father?"

To which Mr. L replied, "I'm your father." with a reminiscent tone of darth vader voice.

Both Yui and Shiro looks dumfounded, and Shiro, who just realized that he's seen Yui's naked body all this time started to get a hard on. Whilst Yui was still dumbfounded by the turn of events.

"This couldn't be happening! This can't be true! This is impossible!"

These were the thoughts that were running through Shiro's mind at that moment. However it is hard to say what made Shiro re-enact what was once the most poignant scene in Star Wars but now the most laughed at scene in cinematic history. Perhaps it was the bizarre revelation that Mr. L, someone who looked completely different from Shiro's father, was actually his father or it could be the shocker of a man with green genitals transforming into a naked lady (who we call Yui).

Perhaps it was the sheer cold that did things to Shiro's mind that led to him quoting tiresome quotes from the Star Wars movies. Perhaps someone should tell him that these aren't the jokes that he is looking for. Perhaps it should have occurred to Shiro that none of this could possibly happen unless he were in a dream! (Then again, I wouldn't blame him after all he been through, details of which can be found in the earlier pages)

That said, how is it possible not to freeze to death walking in the cold with a naked body for miles upon miles? Could it be that Shiro, Yui and Mr. L are in actuality, dead and they are in some bizarre afterlife scenario?

Moreover, if the three of them are dead, does this mean that this is the end for the Boring Boy?

Well, not really, considering that I am Mr. L and Shiro will wake up from his dream soon. A stupid idea to get him and Yui to run about in the mountains without anything on. I will leave it to the other writers to tell you where we are exactly.

Good night!