[Winter Contest Entry 2012] A Lil Thing Called Companionship

Ahhh... I see. This is really the only thread I go to when I surfing this website.

Cool, Cool. I was thinking of posting my final revised version of "The Greatest Gift" but i missed the Christmas time! Haha...

Whatever, i wish there was one with the theme of Valentines Day, it'd be awesome.

I fel ashamed to have put one hour in mine, I did no rechecking or editing, I just put what came to mind. It was a purely spontaneous story, I never thought about it, it just seemed that the characters had lives of their own and ended it the way they wanted.

To be able to produce a decent story in an hour is a TALENT, man.

I've seen HORRIBLE, just Friggen Horrible stories being posted before (there was one of a girl masturbating with her sword up her vagina and then got killed by a magical STD tapeworm after having sex with an underage teen)-->[BUT THATS STORYWISE, I've seen some really badly indented{ie. NONE} stories with little to no format, unintelligable words etc], and even though they are my "Fans", i try to help them with reviewing their story to suggest improvements...Because, i like to try and help by poking my nose everywhere.

Then you know what? The next 3 chapters were posted within the same hour i posted that review. each of them incorporating...eh, 0% of what i said. Still a clusterfucked mess. I then try to reason with him, and he gets mad. GENIUS.

Sorry, i'm just ranting now. It's sad, you know? How he says "I" Inspired him to write, and my penname is blatantly at the top...

Whatever though, the fact that i inspired someone anyway is just plain awesome.

Don't feel bad about the time put in, as long as the end product is good!

"Results are what matter, don't give me excuses and i don't care how you go about it!" - Some generic character from a game i played.

Valentine's Day contest?! Hoho... Romance is one of things I love to mock!

As for strange plotlines, I would say that High_Time would love to write those kind of macabre stories where it is possible to pleasure oneself with a sharp device!

I am not in a position to provide any literary critique as I am not qualified. But I do hope that others are alright with how I feel with their writing.

Don't worry Saihafire, when I was writing my entry, I written down everything that came to my mind over a period of one week or so.

COME ON, a magical STD TAPEWORM, Killing the hell outta you?

...Come on, jamming a knife up your buttcrack or sphincter sounds GOOD, to you?

Literary critique. I took Literature studies, at least...And i mean come on, i have grammar Nazi tendencies sometime. Not to mention, if a story DEDICATED to YOU, their INSPIRATION, is a total EYESORE...You feel good man? I sure did, for awhile until i noticed i got a bad rep. BAD REP...seriously?

One week? That's quite the amount of time. And i forgot to thank you, man! You let me know about this contest and i am grateful, mate.

^ I see then that is a different story. If I were to write any story that involves offensive material, I would use a tongue in cheek approach and I would not dedicate it to anyone. Rather, I would present it as a joke or a prank.

Sorry if this feels like some stupid, angry rant, but...

Like, the worst part is he thinks he did a "good", bang up job!

It was UNINTENTIONAL...

And i appreciate the sentiment, honestly...But i can definitely do without the bad rep.

Well, you like offensive material-esque stories? Wow. Stuff i write normally play straight-up, mushy cliche romancey stuff that you would just LOVE to mock.

But hey, i like romance. It's AWESOME. most of the time i daydream for story ideas (ie. Romance scenarios) and i feel so happy until someone bursts my bubble, it's sad!

I must apologise for forwarding you that entry! It was all tongue in cheek but I really need to work on making it sound light-hearted. I noticed that some people take what I write seriously!

I take to observational humour and I find some middle aged people complaining about their love life and life in general rather funny, mainly because there is an element of truth in it. That is a source of inspiration for what I write.

Pretty much agree with Sora and High on their reviews.

Some parts had me hooked as I read intently while others I somehow felt the pace and interest slow down. I learned a few new words reading your story as well which I am very thankful for and added to my little document I keep to beat in new words into my head hehe.

Did you aim to hit exactly 1999 words or was this an accident? I counted it to be precisely 2.000 words though or more like my word document did.

So overal I enjoyed the story, but also as mentioned above agree with the points raised by High and Sora. Maybe because I usually only read fiction and sci-fi/fantasy thus somehow expected something similar to those genres, but that is a flaw of mine, not yours. It also made me learn more about writing which I always appreciate when I read any story.

May not mean a lot coming from me but good work and good luck in the contest!

Hell no, i appreciate any and all reviews! Thanks a lot for your input!

Like i said - No inspiration, just some stuff i made up a fine afternoon-

New words? No problem, if i coulda helped in any way i'm grateful!

1999 words was more me trimming some stuff until it reached that point. No idea, microsoft word said 1999 words.

Yes, it's nice that we learn new stuff everytime!

I like helping others personally, and i also like learning new things about writing which i so love very much! Thanks lots for your input, my apologies for not being able to read yours as i've been busy, only have time to reply certain comments and check updates on here before somebody nags me to help him/her out at my house.

Do not worry about reading mine, of course as a "writer" I want people to read my work, but do not take on too much at once. I just entered with a story to be part of it all as this is my first contest and second story ever successfully made (my first one 5 years ago is also posted here).

Please have a good day and all that. =)

A good story. I wasn't a fan of the beginning, it seems out of place and slow. That rhyme in the beginning ends strangely too, though the start of it is good. The story itself I enjoyed though. It rings close to home having a dog myself and I could just sit here and nod. Not to start some rambling about dogs, but sometimes they really seem to know what you mean and the way they support us are just great.

One thing I noticed: "“I wonder if the town has anything interesting for me today. Maybe I should just drop by the broth-“I spoke but was cut off by a soft whining sound outside his house." Not sure if you slipped into third-person narrator by accident or something, but it stuck out to me.

Really emotional piece though, I liked it.

Oh no...I did write this in third person but changed it later on, i missed a part?! Oh dear, but thanks for letting me know of my slip up.

Thanks for the review! I really appreciate any feedback i may receive.

Hey, Assassin, been a while!

Good job with story, just like from last time!

I can see there isn't much difference in both stories' styles. I mean, you're still going for some realistic stories with sentimental events and slow-paced development. No twists of any sort, no slap-in-the-face development of the story, I guess it's your own style of writing and it is just fine to me. But you know, a story with no twists, it's kinda not... fun to read, you know, ahaha. Well, but it's good in its own sense. Good storyline. A dog and a guy, both who got no home, make a home. Yeah, it was good.

I was really surprised at the changing in the narrator's voice. You initially began as a third person, right? But then you change it into a first-person story. I have always thought it was forbidden to change the narrator, and I still think so. I mean, I may be wrong, but I don't think you can do that in a same story. Third-person, or first-person, you have to decide from the start, no changing after that.

You still write in the same style, yet I think you have made the same mistake again. The thing is, you chose to make it realistic, but then not realistic enough, and I did comment the same thing before, in the story last time you enter, but you may not remember. One guy, no matter how distant he is from his family, cannot take that shocking of a news that easily, let alone that he is, from your story, really sad when hearing his parents were gone. Besides, if there was a plane crash, there's a lot of things the relatives of the victims must do, not sitting around doing nothing like he did. And his sadness, which must be very grieving, not very well-depicted, even though that is one of the main points in the story.

The dog, didn't come alive in my opinion either. It could have done more than just waving his tail, sleeping and looking in the guy's eyes. They just have met, but if it does have that much connection with the guy, it could have done more. And at some point in the story, you make me feel like he have known the guy for a long time, rather than just met him. Not because of him understanding the guy, but rather than the guy's choice of word. The same goes with the parent's death, too.

And most of the time you just tell the story. I mean that the point of writing a story, but it's not enough depiction in your story. I mean, you didn't say anything too remarkable about the town, or the old guy, the dog or even the protagonist himself.

In conclusion, it's good, but not too good. I think you could have done more on your story if you really think about it - doing research; building up concept from scratch, rather just than randomly write something out of your mind in such a short time; practice English more (I think I have seen something clean of grammar and use of English errors). I think you should have spent more time on it, more than just 4 hours - they don't make good stories in 4 hours! You said you didn't expect to win anyway, but you DO want it if you win, right? So, yeah, thinking thoroughly make you better at writing, don't you think?

So that pretty much ends my very, very lengthy review =.= I'm no judges, and of course I'm no pro, I just speak my mind honestly. I hope you will appreciate it. I may be wrong and I apologize in advance, but I hope you will take it to your mind, to help making both me and you better writers. Reply if you see this XD

-Boom, I had no inspiration. That pretty much answers almost everything.

Well well, thanks a lot for the lengthy review! Appreciate it very much and yeah, it's been awhile. This kind of stories are actually out of my usual style, if you knew me on fanfiction then you would know.

I actually looked it up, and it's possible to chance the narration voice halfway, it's just how you pull it off, that's the kicker.

Yeah, i see what you mean, i wasn't thinking all too straight when i wrote it. Besides, it's the first day right after the news arrived. To be devastated on the first day is a given, isn't it? Like, funeral processions come after? Then again i wouldn't know...

Hmm, okay, yeah. I do get most of what you're saying and i really appreciate it.

I can honestly tell myself that i can do better than this. But well, i was pressed for time with like, no inspiration.

I appreciate reviews like yours, they give me a basis to improve on. It's a joy to read what people think of my stories, really...And i've learned to take constructive criticism for what is really is - to help you improve.

Yeah, i have become more of a slacker in terms of english since i took a break from writing...Better get back to reading more books.

4 hours to me is quite long, especially with what goes on in my life...Being able to spend that time to write is amazing.

I like how you totally contradict your opening statement with pretty much the rest of everything, that's fresh. No offense, of course.

You said it yourself. "know your limits, and know how to break them." Eh? I suppose this might be my limit, i just got to break through it?

Well, anyway, thanks for the review, i appreciate it. I'll try harder next time i suppose, but inspiration is something that doesn't come easy.

I'm glad you joined the competition, albeit, with very little time left on the clock.

Anyways, unlike a large portion of those who have commented, I think your work is very well paced and the plot itself is interesting. It's a very simple, but I don't think anything is wrong with simple. A man filling a missing gap in his life with a companion in a mutual relationship where both of them need each other. Sometimes, a story doesn't need a twist, sometimes, a story is just a story.

What I think you could improve on is just some basic things. I feel like everyone is saying that their interest fell out, not because of a bland story, but rather how it was executed. I find that the repetition of words like 'muttered' makes the dialogue a bit tiring to read. Using a variety of words helps grab a lot of attention unless you are using a staple like 'said', and even then, I would use too much of that back-to-back.

And to kind of extend on High's comment, attention of specific details can help flesh out a scene really nicely. For instance rather than have the dog lay next to the man as if the dog understood, you could have the dos whimper a bit, let its ears drool, and it's waging tail slow down to a stop as it walks to the man. Fleshing out the two main 'character's' of your story is important, especially since I feel like your stories are always so touching.

Most of the other problems are things that you could probably have fixed if you had more time to run through and edit and etc, so I don't think it's really necessary to point em out.

Seriously though, this was written in 4 hours? I'm amazed people can come up with material so quickly. Well done man, especially if it was done in such a small time frame on short notice. A good read as always!

I guess you could say that, hmm.



Oh, is it? It just seems to me that your entries for the contests were very similar to each other, so I took it for granted that it was your writing style.



Hmmm, maybe I am wrong after all! Well, guess you can say "You learn something new everyday", right? :))



You should know, or get to know about it, coz when you write about something, it needs to be correct.



Sorry if I sounded really critic-ish, even though I don't have that power to judge someone else. I just point out things that, I think, would make it better.



I guess you really do have a busy life, eh? I think I have seen somewhere that you said you wanted to be a writer, but I guess you are doing a different job right now? And you didn't really need to finish a thing with one go, you know. The duration for the contest was quite long, so you could just have thought about the outline first, thoroughly, and then started writing it later. That's what I did with my entry. I thought very carefully about everything first, only after I had been sure of everything did I start to write. The hours I spend on writing only is not very long, but the concept before that took a long time. You could think of the plot basically anywhere, any time, while you are doing something else. If you are not sure of anything, just check back on the Internet later.



Ahaha, I haven't noticed that until you pointed it out. What I meant was, overall, I think your entry is quite okay, but then I still think there's room for improvement, which it's what I have said later on.



Well yeah, you just have to do better next, don't you? Ahaha.



Glad you appreciate it. I really did fear that I sounded really critic-ish. What you said it's fair enough, inspiration don't just come, they are made. You couldn't write anything you want, but being able to blend a topic of the contest into your own magic is what really divides good writers and great writers, like that of a cook or a musician, you don't always get what you want. So I guess one way to improve that skills, is heightening your knowledge, a train your soul as an artist more.

But anyway, I guess you have passed the first round of the contest, huh? Congrats!

I guess I'm next, then. I will really love your support in this next poll. If you have some spare time, I'll really appreciate it if you pay my story a visit and give it you thought on it. The link is in my signature. Thanks in advance.

Made it by the skin of my teeth in 3rd place, huh? For a totally uninspired story, that's pretty damn awesome.

My writing style is usually more upfront, and more blatant in spilling facts. It's just that this has the name of a "competition" so i try to make it look better.

Well, about my life...

I have to make a living, you know? not to mention i'm still furthering my studies, to have time to visit this site and join is a luxury to me. And i found out about this contest like a few days before it finished, seriously.

I thank you once again for everything you review to me! I mean, if i want to be writer, i can't be satisfied with something of this level!

Everybody, even you and me, and everyone else has room to improve, nothing is perfect.

Thanks!

I'll be sure to check it out when i have the free time! Well...Supposing i do have free time. I have some assessments coming up, i thought i was done with them back in high school but, meh...

But here is my promise to you, i will find some time to read your story. It's the very least i can do for the helpful review you have left me. We're buddies, right? Or am i deluding myself X.x.

Well, good luck in your poll as well! I'll give you a fair chance, and after i find some time to read the other entries, i'll vote, sound fair?

Righty, i have to get going now. Have to reference my report in advance before i hand it over for the first assessment...Assignment?

No, we are NOT buddies...

Haha, I'm just messing with ya. Of course we ARE all buddies. Fapping-to-2D-girls-buddies, that is, hahaha.

And we're also fellow writer-wannbes buddies, too!

You should give others' entries in your poll a peak, too. I have left them all a wordy review, just like what I did for you, ahaha... You could say you won it, just very barely, ahaha. All of them were very good, too. I think you could learn a thing or two from them.

About my part... I think I'm in a tough spot now that I have been grouped with very strong competitors... Well, chances are slim, but I still think I got a chance XD