[Winter Contest Entry 2012] Infinite Justice
0
Takkity-tak-takkity-tak-takkity-tak
I pretend I’m a train clapping it’s wheels against a set of metal tracks, imagining the view underneath a place of electricity, monotony and death. Do I notice that the bottom of the train is completely bare white? Or do I notice that it’s full of wiring and coils? Or do I notice the way the tracks below me move so fast they blur into a swirl of meaningless brown, red, and black colors? In the end, it doesn’t matter, because the sounds from before are actually just me typing on my keyboard. Outside the window little frozen tears are falling, as if the world is crying that I wasn’t born a train. Or it could just be snow in the winter.
These are the thoughts that pass through my head as I remember to continue working. I’m a sick, sick man who does nothing but find absolutely depraved, depressing, and disgusting doujins and turn them into vanilla. Delicious, delicious vanilla. Oh god I’m a monster. A monster who does nothing but take other people’s hard work and turn them into ice-cream. On the internet, they call me “Infinite Justice”. On certain social stratas, they call me, “Vanilla”.
I decide to take a break from drawing and open my freezer. Inside contains about fifty cartons of vanilla ice-cream, all of which belongs to me and solely me. I drown my woes in the white, soft delicacy, my tongue jumping with joy as sweetness melts over it. It takes all of my willpower to stop myself from reverting into an animal. As I’m concentrating on maintaining my sanity and the taste of vanilla, there’s a knock on the door. I check who it is, sigh, and put away my ice-cream before opening the door.
“Hey, I’ve got a new job for you”, my girlfriend, Sky, says. She hands me a USB and I look at her quizzically, "The heck? Can't you just show me on Fakku?"
She shakes the snow off her while removing her jacket and says, "Can't be helped, it's not on the internet".
"Not on the internet? I gotta see this".
I open up the file on the USB and start perusing it. When I'm done, all six of my senses overload with insanity.
"Sky, how many senses does a train have?"
"None"
"Exactly. I should've been born a train".
"So what about the material?"
"Have you read this?!"
"Of course".
"And didn't you think the betrayal in this one was-"
"Hold on".
"Gah!"
"Now, keep going..."
"S-so, ah, the boy gets taken from his childhood, hnn, friend by this new girl that you can instantly like, hnn, so there's number one. So then his childhood friend, ahh, seduces the new girl, so that's number two from the childhood friend, hnng, and number three from the new girl, who falls for the childhood friend. And just when it seems like the boy, the one you were supposed to empathize with was, t-that's, ah, going to get the short end of the stick and the childhood friend and the new girl would have a beautiful romance with each other that you could root for, the childhood friend betrays the new girl in the most horrible way and, and, oh, god! Haah... And she goes back to the boy. Amazingly depressing, it's brilliant, I can't believe this hasn't been done before! Turning this into vanilla is gonna be great! Oh god, what's wrong with me?!"
"Mmmnn, can't wait".
"Me too, except...my drawing pad's broken!"
I look at the mess Sky made, which apparently broke the electronic tool.
"Ah...sorry".
"...Don't worry about it, I'll go get a new one".
"Here's some money".
"Thanks. By the way, did the story remind you of us? You know, me, you, and Mina".
"Really? That’d be a coincidence".
"Yea, where'd you get this from?"
"It was from someone who called themselves 'M'".
"Anonymous, huh?"
"Yea".
"Weird, but well, I'd better get going".
I part with Sky and start making my way to my local electronics store.
--------------------
The sky has stars, the earth has flowers, and mankind has love. I am the light within the darkness, the break of dawn at the end of night, and the narrator to my own actions! I am...Infinite Justice!
There once was a young boy who grew up in a troubled home that was taken care of by his childhood friend, a young girl who needed friends. A young man who grew up beyond his years became friends with a young woman who sparked with bright ideas. The young boy and the young man are one and the same but the young girl and the young woman are not. In the end, no one was happy.
A common thug stealing from a poor old man crosses my vision and I wrap my white cape around me before jumping off the roof towards the scene of the crime. In seconds, I land before the two and speak in a booming voice, “Halt, evildoer! This is a warning, leave the innocent be and you will walk away unharmed!”
“Who the fuck are you, freak?”
I sigh, bamboozled by the man’s lack of fashion taste. Oh, and also because CRIMINALS. THEY NEVER LISTEN.
POW-POW-KA-POW!
I knock the thug flat on his back and the old man thanks me.
“No thanks are needed, kind sir, just your safety and well-being is good enough”.
After the old man leaves, the robber starts sobbing. He tells me how now his family will starve to death. After passing him words of wisdom and buying him some food, he leaves in tears, saying how he’s turned over a new leaf.
Ah, justice at it’s best. Infinite justice, in fact. I notice a man carrying an expensive-looking piece of electronics and another would-be thief. I quickly steer the would-be thief towards a different path in life and start stalking the careless man.
“So do you still daydream about being a train?”
“Yea, sometimes an airplane too. Or a spaceship”.
“Wow, you’re getting pretty bold with your daydreams”.
“Yea, but you know, I need to challenge myself”.
“Teehee, only you would take daydreams so seriously. So you’re still drawing?”
“It’d be harder to stop, you know?”
“Yea, you always were like that, huh?”
“That’s right...Mina?”
The man turns around and comes face-to-face with the hero, Infinite Justice. Shrouded in white and mystery, Infinite Justice is a symbol for...justice. Of the infinite variety. I take off my mask and answer, “I’m back”.
--------------------
I’ve got to find where the hell this USB came from and who “M” is. No, I know who M is. It’s Mina. It has to be. She’s back. And she’s looking for blood. She wants one thing and one thing only: him. But only I can take care of him, I know him best. I have to protect him, I have to keep him away from her. He came close to realizing what this was, but I managed to keep him from realizing. As I try to find what type of computer this USB was first used on, I come across another file. Just then, the door opens.
“Sky”.
I turn to see him...and Mina behind him. Mina, with that goddamn smile on her face, thinking she’s won. I quickly say to him, “Stay back”.
“Sky, pleas-”.
“if you don’t want pictures of Mina all over the internet, stay the hell back”.
“Sky, please, listen to me”.
“Shut the hell up!”
“...”
“I know how it is...now that she’s got her claws in you again...you always hear only her side...I had to do it! You’ve always loved her! I know why it's always vanilla, it’s because it was her favorite! You never loved me! Only...her...”
“Sky...look at the file you found”.
I turn back to the screen and open the file. It was...a picture of the three of us, of the last time we celebrated Christmas together.
“...I don’t...get it...”
He comes close, and I can’t stop him. He says to me, “I got you your favorite, green tea”.
I hear Mina say, “Merry Christmas, Sky”.
“And a Happy New Year”, he finishes. I can’t believe it, and I cry harder.
--------------------
We put the vanilla and green tea ice-cream together in a big bowl.
He says, “It looks like snow on a Christmas tree, huh?”
Mina replies, “Yea, but it’s missing something...some red!”
She pulls out a carton of red bean ice-cream and adds it to the bowl.
"There, perfect", I say.
We look at each other and say, "Merry Christmas".
Alternate ending:
--------------------
We put the vanilla and green tea ice-cream together in a big bowl.
He says, “It looks like snow on a Christmas tree, huh?”
Mina replies, “Yea, but it’s missing something...some red!”
She takes out a knife and before we know it, she stabs us both in the throat. She drips the blood onto the ice-cream and says, "There, perfect".
As him and I both bleed out and my vision starts to get darker, the last words I hear are, "Ah, sweet justice. Tastes just like infinity".
I pretend I’m a train clapping it’s wheels against a set of metal tracks, imagining the view underneath a place of electricity, monotony and death. Do I notice that the bottom of the train is completely bare white? Or do I notice that it’s full of wiring and coils? Or do I notice the way the tracks below me move so fast they blur into a swirl of meaningless brown, red, and black colors? In the end, it doesn’t matter, because the sounds from before are actually just me typing on my keyboard. Outside the window little frozen tears are falling, as if the world is crying that I wasn’t born a train. Or it could just be snow in the winter.
These are the thoughts that pass through my head as I remember to continue working. I’m a sick, sick man who does nothing but find absolutely depraved, depressing, and disgusting doujins and turn them into vanilla. Delicious, delicious vanilla. Oh god I’m a monster. A monster who does nothing but take other people’s hard work and turn them into ice-cream. On the internet, they call me “Infinite Justice”. On certain social stratas, they call me, “Vanilla”.
I decide to take a break from drawing and open my freezer. Inside contains about fifty cartons of vanilla ice-cream, all of which belongs to me and solely me. I drown my woes in the white, soft delicacy, my tongue jumping with joy as sweetness melts over it. It takes all of my willpower to stop myself from reverting into an animal. As I’m concentrating on maintaining my sanity and the taste of vanilla, there’s a knock on the door. I check who it is, sigh, and put away my ice-cream before opening the door.
“Hey, I’ve got a new job for you”, my girlfriend, Sky, says. She hands me a USB and I look at her quizzically, "The heck? Can't you just show me on Fakku?"
She shakes the snow off her while removing her jacket and says, "Can't be helped, it's not on the internet".
"Not on the internet? I gotta see this".
I open up the file on the USB and start perusing it. When I'm done, all six of my senses overload with insanity.
"Sky, how many senses does a train have?"
"None"
"Exactly. I should've been born a train".
"So what about the material?"
"Have you read this?!"
"Of course".
"And didn't you think the betrayal in this one was-"
"Hold on".
"Gah!"
"Now, keep going..."
"S-so, ah, the boy gets taken from his childhood, hnn, friend by this new girl that you can instantly like, hnn, so there's number one. So then his childhood friend, ahh, seduces the new girl, so that's number two from the childhood friend, hnng, and number three from the new girl, who falls for the childhood friend. And just when it seems like the boy, the one you were supposed to empathize with was, t-that's, ah, going to get the short end of the stick and the childhood friend and the new girl would have a beautiful romance with each other that you could root for, the childhood friend betrays the new girl in the most horrible way and, and, oh, god! Haah... And she goes back to the boy. Amazingly depressing, it's brilliant, I can't believe this hasn't been done before! Turning this into vanilla is gonna be great! Oh god, what's wrong with me?!"
"Mmmnn, can't wait".
"Me too, except...my drawing pad's broken!"
I look at the mess Sky made, which apparently broke the electronic tool.
"Ah...sorry".
"...Don't worry about it, I'll go get a new one".
"Here's some money".
"Thanks. By the way, did the story remind you of us? You know, me, you, and Mina".
"Really? That’d be a coincidence".
"Yea, where'd you get this from?"
"It was from someone who called themselves 'M'".
"Anonymous, huh?"
"Yea".
"Weird, but well, I'd better get going".
I part with Sky and start making my way to my local electronics store.
--------------------
The sky has stars, the earth has flowers, and mankind has love. I am the light within the darkness, the break of dawn at the end of night, and the narrator to my own actions! I am...Infinite Justice!
There once was a young boy who grew up in a troubled home that was taken care of by his childhood friend, a young girl who needed friends. A young man who grew up beyond his years became friends with a young woman who sparked with bright ideas. The young boy and the young man are one and the same but the young girl and the young woman are not. In the end, no one was happy.
A common thug stealing from a poor old man crosses my vision and I wrap my white cape around me before jumping off the roof towards the scene of the crime. In seconds, I land before the two and speak in a booming voice, “Halt, evildoer! This is a warning, leave the innocent be and you will walk away unharmed!”
“Who the fuck are you, freak?”
I sigh, bamboozled by the man’s lack of fashion taste. Oh, and also because CRIMINALS. THEY NEVER LISTEN.
POW-POW-KA-POW!
I knock the thug flat on his back and the old man thanks me.
“No thanks are needed, kind sir, just your safety and well-being is good enough”.
After the old man leaves, the robber starts sobbing. He tells me how now his family will starve to death. After passing him words of wisdom and buying him some food, he leaves in tears, saying how he’s turned over a new leaf.
Ah, justice at it’s best. Infinite justice, in fact. I notice a man carrying an expensive-looking piece of electronics and another would-be thief. I quickly steer the would-be thief towards a different path in life and start stalking the careless man.
“So do you still daydream about being a train?”
“Yea, sometimes an airplane too. Or a spaceship”.
“Wow, you’re getting pretty bold with your daydreams”.
“Yea, but you know, I need to challenge myself”.
“Teehee, only you would take daydreams so seriously. So you’re still drawing?”
“It’d be harder to stop, you know?”
“Yea, you always were like that, huh?”
“That’s right...Mina?”
The man turns around and comes face-to-face with the hero, Infinite Justice. Shrouded in white and mystery, Infinite Justice is a symbol for...justice. Of the infinite variety. I take off my mask and answer, “I’m back”.
--------------------
I’ve got to find where the hell this USB came from and who “M” is. No, I know who M is. It’s Mina. It has to be. She’s back. And she’s looking for blood. She wants one thing and one thing only: him. But only I can take care of him, I know him best. I have to protect him, I have to keep him away from her. He came close to realizing what this was, but I managed to keep him from realizing. As I try to find what type of computer this USB was first used on, I come across another file. Just then, the door opens.
“Sky”.
I turn to see him...and Mina behind him. Mina, with that goddamn smile on her face, thinking she’s won. I quickly say to him, “Stay back”.
“Sky, pleas-”.
“if you don’t want pictures of Mina all over the internet, stay the hell back”.
“Sky, please, listen to me”.
“Shut the hell up!”
“...”
“I know how it is...now that she’s got her claws in you again...you always hear only her side...I had to do it! You’ve always loved her! I know why it's always vanilla, it’s because it was her favorite! You never loved me! Only...her...”
“Sky...look at the file you found”.
I turn back to the screen and open the file. It was...a picture of the three of us, of the last time we celebrated Christmas together.
“...I don’t...get it...”
He comes close, and I can’t stop him. He says to me, “I got you your favorite, green tea”.
I hear Mina say, “Merry Christmas, Sky”.
“And a Happy New Year”, he finishes. I can’t believe it, and I cry harder.
--------------------
We put the vanilla and green tea ice-cream together in a big bowl.
He says, “It looks like snow on a Christmas tree, huh?”
Mina replies, “Yea, but it’s missing something...some red!”
She pulls out a carton of red bean ice-cream and adds it to the bowl.
"There, perfect", I say.
We look at each other and say, "Merry Christmas".
Alternate ending:
--------------------
We put the vanilla and green tea ice-cream together in a big bowl.
He says, “It looks like snow on a Christmas tree, huh?”
Mina replies, “Yea, but it’s missing something...some red!”
She takes out a knife and before we know it, she stabs us both in the throat. She drips the blood onto the ice-cream and says, "There, perfect".
As him and I both bleed out and my vision starts to get darker, the last words I hear are, "Ah, sweet justice. Tastes just like infinity".
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Livided
FAKKU Writer
I will be blunt. I did not like the story to much, just not my cup of tea I think.
That being said and if I throw away my narrow measure of like and dislike in what sort of stories I read.
You create a great atmosphere for me to read in, something which can be very hard to do and I think you did it very well. You got a lifelike dialogue and the story is interesting.
This is also one of the stories in this contest that makes me understand more about what I myself lack as a writer, well done.
That being said and if I throw away my narrow measure of like and dislike in what sort of stories I read.
You create a great atmosphere for me to read in, something which can be very hard to do and I think you did it very well. You got a lifelike dialogue and the story is interesting.
This is also one of the stories in this contest that makes me understand more about what I myself lack as a writer, well done.
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xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
There's a strange clash of realism and surrealism within your story, but I'm not sure if you planned that. I felt like the piece started off as a funny, over-the-top story, but towards the middle you shift the tone to be dramatic and intense. I think that had you stuck to one style, the overall writing piece would've been stronger, but then again, that's my opinion. I also was a bit lost with the chain of dialogue with little reference of who was speaking.
Well, I think your story is the only one with a love triangle I believe, and I have a soft spot for those kinds of stories. A bit more fleshing out and back story, a bit more focus, and I think this would've been breathtaking. Glad I read yours~
Well, I think your story is the only one with a love triangle I believe, and I have a soft spot for those kinds of stories. A bit more fleshing out and back story, a bit more focus, and I think this would've been breathtaking. Glad I read yours~
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I liked it. Like the previous people said, it isn't everyone's cup of tea. Then again, INFINITE JUSTICE!! I would love to see more stories with him and a side-kick.
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Dude, I has to say this first... I don't understand one bit!
You completely lost me with all that conversations - no indication of who was speaking. Also, I got really confused of who was narrating. The first part, I believe it was by a guy, and then a another dude, who don't seem relevant to the story at all, whose name was Infinite Justice? And then the last part, it was narrated by the girl named Sky?
I think I can guess it's a story of three people and a love triangle? I didn't get the piece at all, and I think it didn't have that climax at the end. And it end with three persons just accept the fact that they will live happy ever after? I think it's usually fine cause it's the base concept of harem, but in a story like this, it seems kinda willy-nilly to me.
And I think I need a recap of the story. It may just be me, and I'm sorry, but this is the most confusing piece for me in the contest...
You completely lost me with all that conversations - no indication of who was speaking. Also, I got really confused of who was narrating. The first part, I believe it was by a guy, and then a another dude, who don't seem relevant to the story at all, whose name was Infinite Justice? And then the last part, it was narrated by the girl named Sky?
I think I can guess it's a story of three people and a love triangle? I didn't get the piece at all, and I think it didn't have that climax at the end. And it end with three persons just accept the fact that they will live happy ever after? I think it's usually fine cause it's the base concept of harem, but in a story like this, it seems kinda willy-nilly to me.
And I think I need a recap of the story. It may just be me, and I'm sorry, but this is the most confusing piece for me in the contest...
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The way I like to write is to try to give the reader puzzle pieces, and when they can put them together, it becomes something greater than the sum of the whole. Anyways, I enjoy messing with people's persepectives. Hmmm, I could totally make this easier to read though, but not by putting up a big sign that says, "Change of perspective". I'M GONNA FUCKING DO IT, FUCK YEA, WRITING!
Oh yea, did anyone highlight the bottom part?
Oh yea, did anyone highlight the bottom part?
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Livided
FAKKU Writer
NeoStriker wrote...
The way I like to write is to try to give the reader puzzle pieces, and when they can put them together, it becomes something greater than the sum of the whole. Anyways, I enjoy messing with people's persepectives. Hmmm, I could totally make this easier to read though, but not by putting up a big sign that says, "Change of perspective". I'M GONNA FUCKING DO IT, FUCK YEA, WRITING!Oh yea, did anyone highlight the bottom part?
I did it by mistake I guess. I copy all work into documents before I read em and thus found some extras. =P
And I deeply respect your goal to give the reader puzzle pieces, it is what I enjoy doing too when I write less... superficial stories. =P
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Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
But I can't put them together... Damnnnnn...So basically, the main protag, the guy, used to run away from home a lot, and that's how he met Sky, his childhood friend, who had to have someone for constant emotional support. The main protag thought they were just good friends, meanwhile Sky thought they were http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUtR5PHIQnI So one day while they were in college the main protag met Mina and he fell in love with her. Sky freaked out and got jealous, and tried to get rid of her only for that to backfire when Mina eventually became infatuated with her. So then Sky took advantage of that and seduced Mina to get the main protag to find Mina in a compromising position. Mina subsequently got discarded by both and becomes unheard from for quite some time...only to return, as a glorious defender of all that is righteous, that is, Infinite Justice!
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Lughost
the Lugoat
NeoStriker wrote...
Oh yea, did anyone highlight the bottom part?Since it was you I just figured there was something there.
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KuronekoChan
FAKKU Writer
Overall, the story feels disjointed. Since it's mostly dialogue, statements of actions and written sound effects, it would translate better if it were done as a visual piece.