xninebreaker wrote...
Holy moly, this is excellent. A real change of pace from what I am used to reading~ Once again, writers and their ability to produce such great material in what you call 'last minute' continues to amaze me.
Sometimes, the only way to communicate is through exchanging blows eh? I thought the fighting throughout the entire piece was really well done. You kept my attention the entire time, but at the same time I felt like I wanted more. With 2000 words to spend, I find myself in awe of your ability to articulate the action, but with little back-story, or like High was saying, the absence of being able to emotionally connect with the characters until the very last bit where I learned that they were fighting for the water,, I find myself wondering if you could have fleshed out your characters a bit more.
With such little space, by about halfway through, I remember thinking to myself, "This is really good, but is the entire piece going to be fighting?" Aside from fleshing out the characters, you might want to look into building the world a bit. It's clear the two characters are in the desert, but that isn't revealed until the very end, or the middle if we count the relentless sun as a hint. The crackling of dry land, the kicking up of dust, etc. I see that the girl has split the land at one point, but there are sand dunes by the time monstrosity shows up. There is quite the difference between a sand desert, and a desert simply drained of water, leaving nothing but hard, dry land. If you plan to build atmosphere without fleshing out the characters, you can engulf the reader in both the fight and the world they are in.
I gotta say, I was taken away by surprise. I did not 1.)Expect an entry full of fighting and 2.)Expect Xenon to be brawling. Really good stuff. I join those that encourage you to continue on with the story, or at least, continue to produce more writing~
Most if not all of your criticism is right on the money and I had the exact same concerns as you do when I first posted this. I just lacked the time to properly edit and enhance the story like I wanted to. But I decided to still post it as I wanted to join in on the fun and not be a lazy ass as I usually am with this lol.
My normal writing where I have time to finish I usually get an opposite complain of me taking to much time fleshing out and explaining everything, so it is quite interesting to hear the opposite hehe. =)
I apologies for not posting a half finished work. As you noticed indeed I went the full battle route because of the time constraint. Originally I had planned to add about 500 more words into the mix or so for some other stuff.
BUT even if I had 20 more days I could still have done the exact same mistakes, so I will not deny that. Either way to hear your feedback only confirms the things I were aware of. It reinforces that I should try and spend more time working on it even if I am short for time the next time I attempt to write.
Like mentioned in a earlier post this takes place in a fictional world I have spent almost a decade constructing and I may introduce this world a little if I decide to post anything more taking place there.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this and thank you for your honesty and feedback.