[Winter Contest Entry 2013] Lost Warmth

Thank you for the explanation! Now, I am obliged to say the following:

When the entrants of this competition explained what their work was all about be it Dawn of Dark, FGRaptor, d(^_^)(^_^)d, (even mine!) and perhaps a few others, I kept thinking to myself that they could have included their explanations in their entries.

If one wants to talk about how the objects in the city reminded Peter of his deceased lover, one ought to state it clearly. I think Peter should have picked up one object and then the story would explain that the particular object reminded him of his relationship with his lover. This means however, that most of the entry would be about his lover. It was ironic that the entry barely mentioned her. (Only twice throughout the entry to be precise)

Long story short, if one wants to attempt symbolism, irony of ironies, one should plainly state so. This is my tastes when it comes to reading.

I will get the parody of your entry done as soon as I am done with the Valentine Day Writing Event. I will guarantee you that you will find it lazy.

Precisely. I find something elegant in being able to use techniques like symbols, contrast, and atmosphere to tell a story that isn't so obvious at first glance. I wanted to explore being able to show Vy's importance and Peter's dedication to her while minimally exploring their relationship.

Was I successful? Well, it seems not. But, it was interesting trying.



Difference of opinion I suppose, but I find that figuring out what symbols might be there and figuring out what they might stand for to be interesting.

Fun fact, I actually thought about not having flashbacks. The 'symbols' that I used are a bit on a pedestal thanks to the followup flashbacks. Had I left them alone and simply had Peter gazing his ring, or at the water lily, with maybe a tear or other gestures of emotion, then that would've been some good symbolism. Another fun fact, Vy's stone is never clarified to be her stone, it's not like I said there was an inscription. The only thing the reader is basing their assumptions off of is Peter wailing "Vy".

I think taking out the flashbacks would've been amusing, but I figured my work was sort of cryptic enough. Maybe next time~



Excellent. I look forward to it.

This was absolutely astonishing. I am so proud of the progression of your writing, xnine. This piece was almost flawless. The subtle and content progression through this piece, in addition to the spectacularly descriptive scenes make this submission a real gem, a true treasure. Although I caught a couple left out words that you might have caught if you read it aloud slowly, I still feel that the sheer absence of errors speaks volumes to your worth as a writer. I have grown to love this pair, and every entry you submit that continues to extrapolate on the relationship between Peter and Vy. It seems that, across multiple dimensions, multiple stories, these two are destined to be together. And although they have crackling and sad shatters to a perfect life they deserve, they still struggle to find solace from each other, whatever setting you may pen them down to. I hope you continue to have this couple grow together, that they may have as many instances of existence as you will allow them to, until perhaps one eventually comes when they may finally find peace in the perfection that these two are worthy of. Well done.

Disclaimer: I am an editor by nature. I read word-for-word and I pick up almost every little thing. So, the only way I can express my corrections is by directly reposting your story. Additions are in red, comments are in dark red, removals are strike-through. If you have any questions about my corrections, feel free to ask.

9. Parody of xninebreaker's Entry: Out Xnining Xninebreaker.

Congratulations for submitting a winning entry! It is difficult to come up with a satire of your work so I am settling for a proper parody with a snide title. Strangely enough, I came up with a proper narrative and story while thinking with your entry serving as an inspiration.

You will find that parody of mine a bit odd with zero dialogue, written like a report or a third person recounting some event. I am not sure if one can sympathise with the characters and some parts might leave you scratching your head like why mention that David was the object of envy when it has little bearing on the story. (ED: The style of writing I chose most likely is inspired by the Lord of the Rings Appendices, my most favourite part of the book.)

It was difficult to come up with because I am not used to writing a narrative. Do take it as a very rare treat. It is my way of complimenting you.

I have preached very annoyingly about the need to set out characters and setting during the competition. I hope that at the very least I have practiced what I preached.

It ends on a cliffhanger though because I have two endings in mind. If you wish me to complete it, do reply to the thread:

Here is some accompanying music as well. Reminds me of the music people use to celebrate the outbreak of the First World War and the millions who died in it.



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The Ruined City, so called by many a person, stretched ever the more across the horizon as David, a scion of a powerful line of politicians, establishment figures and warlords, was brought nearer to that city by an extremely noisy military transport accompanied with his soldier comrades.

David's destination was long ago a gleaming metropolis and a great centre of trade and commerce that was regrettably brought to its knees by being one of the first victims of a long, bloody and devastating civil war. That city fell into the clutches of many a warlord who lost hold as soon as they gained control with another round of plunder, pillage and rape for each change of hands. After many self-styled conquerors foisted their names onto that city in a display of disgusting egocentricity, the city was given that awful moniker, The Ruined City, by the man on the street to avoid confusion among her many names and perhaps to dissociate it from what it once was.

By the time the city fell under the control of David's family, the Ruined City was no more than a collection of ugly monoliths made of bones of steel, bodies of concrete and skins of glass. It must have struck those who took as much as a glance at the city to realise the destruction that terrible war wrought on life, property and much more. Indeed, it made those whose hearts were not hardened by the war feel as if their victory was a Pyrrhic and a hollow one.

Even David, who was no stranger to war felt his spirits slowly sink as he got nearer to the city with each passing second. He would rather be placed on missions that would bring him his family closer to wresting control over the whole country never mind that the civil war is drawing to a close in his family's favour. Under normal circumstances, he would have resisted taking part in what he unfairly thought as an empty charade of boosting morale and placating a handful of civilians in the Ruined City. As it was, David's reasons for heading to the Ruined City were much closer to the heart.

He was looking for an Elizabeth, a woman whom he held at very high esteem. Be it may that she was an unsightly woman with her freckled, dark beige complexion, her thick and closely knitted eyebrows crowning her eyes, her stubby and flat nose and her short, sturdy almost masculine figure, David found her a charismatic, resilient and above all a competent soldier, a person as worthy as the best officers his family sent to the pride, pomp and circumstance of that war.

Their first encounter with each other was barely romantic. Indeed, neither of them would ever admit to having anything resembling a romantic relationship with each other. There were no pleasant sights, no pleasant smells and the atmosphere was far from pleasant when they first met in the gruesome military training grounds ran by David's family. David, that modern aristocratic officer was teamed with the far from modern and not-so-aristocratic Elizabeth. There were very noticeable differences between them, be it of class, personality, outlook in life and so on.

David believed that Elizabeth, like so many of his comrades at arms, was from a family of peasants who lived from hand to mouth, doomed to be farmers, labourers or soldiers. David could only guess that her personality and her astounding ability at rabble rousing and leadership must be honed at the fields. Many a time, he imagined Elizabeth leading a few others, perhaps younger relatives, to till the fields. She looked every inch a person who toiled under the sun and she had a deep knowledge of plants and insects, all characteristic of a farmer. David observed that she knew little beyond agricultural techniques, weapon use and assembly and the art of persuasion but demonstrated remarkable physical and mental resilience. These too must be a result of the hard work she had to go through as a farmer and the social stigma she bore due to her lowly status.

Whether Elizabeth could tell what kind of upbringing he had had as a member of what would be the most powerful family that ruled the country, David did not know for sure. However, Elizabeth displayed surprising sensitivity that was quite uncharacteristic of her at the very occasional mention of his years as a child. The annals of history portray princelings like David either as being pampered and spoilt or thrown in at the deep end of the pool. It was painfully apparent that David was the latter. He was brought up in a spartan lifestyle with his stern mother, one of many of his father's concubines, as his companion and was deprived of the luxuries his family could well afford. Under the guidance of his mother, he was taught to love and fear his father, an unquestioning loyalty towards his family and country was inculcated in him, he was given the best education possible, he had to manage his own affairs with little to no help and he learnt how to conceal his emotions through the coaxing, chiding and the occasional beating. He barely had any contact with his father but it was under his orders that he was inducted into his private army when he became a teenager first as a lowly recruit and who rose to the rank of a junior officer within a few short but trying years.

Their formative experiences in their youth must have shaped their personalities that were as different night and day. Elizabeth was an ebullient extrovert while David was silent and inscrutable. Elizabeth was more concerned and more comfortable with tasks at hand while David cared more and preferred setting out long term objectives. Yet, they were brought together to handle the most challenging of tasks, be it the execution of tactical manoeuvres, the transport of military supplies, the operation of heavy weapons all the while operating in the most demanding of environments. Instead of allowing their differences to become obstacles to working together, they complemented each other's strengths and made up for each other's weaknesses. It was no surprise that the company that they led together did well in many of the military operations they undertook.

As the years passed and the country slipped inexorably into chaos, David gained prominence in his family's armed forces and enjoyed a meteoric rise through the ranks. With that came a few inconveniences. There was a lot of gossip by many a green-eyed soldier that his rise could only be possible due to his family ties, a point that David himself admitted to be true. He had to handle yet more responsibilities under the backdrop of an impending war that could range from mobilising troops to the bizarre attempts at getting a man of war like himself to engage in diplomatic overtures to possible allies and potential enemies. What bothered him the most is that Elizabeth, together with a few others that worked with him, were not recognised for their contributions to his family's army despite their supposed commitment to reward its soldiers based on merit. David knew the reason to be class prejudice. Yet, being indoctrinated since young to think for his family and enterprise, he saw it as a problem that needed to be addressed.

He recommended a few reforms to his father like the way rewards were issued, punishments were awarded and for more weight to be given to recommendations and testimonies for soldiers on the ground. He recommended a few persons for promotion and a handful of sergeants to be promoted into officers, Elizabeth being one of their number. When the letters and memoranda he sent containing those recommendations went unanswered, he sent them once more with the words changed but the proposals not. By the third and failed attempt in doing so, David decided to take matters into his own hands.

What David decided to undertake was on the verge of mutinous behaviour, quite alike knighting a few officers without approval from the monarch. While he did not openly commission Elizabeth and company as officers, they were given responsibilities that only officers can assume and with a salary commensurate with those responsibilities. Most interestingly and quite unexpected of David, he chose a very peculiar but strange way to pile pressure on those who ran his family's army to give in to his demands for reform.

He hinted to his father in a letter that intended to marry Elizabeth.

When Elizabeth first heard of this proposal, she gave a hearty guffaw. Was it not ludicrous that an aristocrat would want to have a peasant not as a mistress, not as a concubine but as partner and wife? David remembered that he gave a rare and faint smile upon seeing Elizabeth's reaction. That marriage proposal was a thinly veiled threat that took advantage of his family's prejudices shaped by society and culture. Would his family's good name be put to question if that proposed marriage were to take place? His father as expected objected and offered a qui pro quo that David wanted which was a concession on military reforms and the promotion of Elizabeth and a few others as officers.

David's ruse was largely successful but he did feel a tinge of regret that his father objected to his proposal of marriage to Elizabeth. She had all the values his family valued in their wives namely tenacity, discipline, sense of responsibility, competence and above all, loyalty. David almost enjoyed work with Elizabeth covering him and pointing out things that he could have otherwise overlooked. Perhaps most of all, she was a natural host notwithstanding her less than attractive appearance and made good company.

Against the backdrop of military promotions and a failed marriage proposal, the central government finally collapsed in a violent military coup sparking a mad scramble by opportunistic warlords over large swathes of land. The implementation of the military reforms David suggested was timely in preparing troops for battle as the skirmishes became large scale sieges with many cities, the Ruined City included, falling victim.

It took an armed strike against David's family to serve as a pretext for them to take action. Finally, troops were mobilised, supply lines were established, men were armed and battle plans were drawn. Operating from their base in hilly and rather inaccessible terrain located in the far west of the country, David's family managed to sweep through neighbouring regions with relative ease. Although their triumphs in the battlefield doubtlessly serve as a powerful boost to morale, both David and Elizabeth both knew that a long and protracted war lay ahead in the plains east of the country where troop movement is less inhibited by terrain constraints and cities and other targets while easy to seize were even more easier to lose.

Their gains on the battlefield appeared to be thrown into doubt as they vied for control of the once affluent cities of the East. War comrades, some of them close to both David and Elizabeth perished while many others were maimed in ferocious battle. Yet, the fighting spirit of David's family never seemed to waver be it due to the lust of reward or fear of punishment courtesy of David's military reforms or Elizabeth's near miraculous ability to raise the spirits of many a soldier. The mutual admiration between David and Elizabeth grew ever the more stronger in the face of the ever increasing challenges of war. Every now and then, David contemplated marriage with Elizabeth should all go well. Alas, it could have come into fruition if not for the fateful siege of the Ruined City.

The Ruined City was not dissimilar to the cities east of the country being easy to seize and yet easier to lose. Unlike the other cities, it had both strategic and symbolic value that made many an army face their demise by spending too much blood and treasure maintaining their grip on the city as they became targets for bloodthirsty and envious rivals. David's family however was determined that they would keep the city firmly in its grasp. Like the many warlords before them who occupied the city then perished, David's family believed that taking over this city would pave their way for total domination of the country. Unlike their failed and vanquished rivals, David's family knew that in order to secure the Ruined City, they must bar their rivals access to the Ruined City by controlling the many roads and paths that lead to it. That meant the need to spread their forces to surround the city. In order for that strategy to be effective however, a unit had to serve to divert attention from the attempt to surround the city. That would be done by sending a unit to mount a risky and near suicidal attack the city.

The execution of this strategy became the excuse for David and Elizabeth to part ways. They would not be leading units to take down targets together, instead they would be operating separately. Both David and Elizabeth accepted and agreed with the strategy without complaint. However, there was an unexpected commotion about who would lead the troops to stage that attack on the Ruined City. It served as one of moments in David's life he would wish to forget but never would.

It started when two officers volunteered to lead the unit to stage that daring attack. Few of those who were present when the two expressed their wish to brave death attempting to take the Ruined City were unmoved for they were awed for their accomplishments in the battlefield and their unmatched courage. Yet, the two officers who volunteered themselves were both shock and dismayed that the other should want to undertake such a dangerous task. Indeed, the two officers in question were David and Elizabeth.

In a very rare outburst, David raised his voice with his cool and gravitas almost giving way. He asked why it was deemed fit for a woman and a person of such lowly status to undertake so important a task. The retort came unexpectedly from Elizabeth who then insinuated that it was brash and irresponsible to send an officer of such importance and lineage to die in a diversionary attack. With uncharacteristic sarcasm and dryness in her voice almost reminiscent of David's demeanour, she questioned David's ability to rouse his men to lay down their lives for him and his family.

Elizabeth's words removed whatever inhibition David had that kept his emotions in check. As soon as she uttered those words, David lunged at her with an animalistic yell, with no other thought in his mind except for a powerful urge to manhandle her. Before he could lay his hands on Elizabeth however, he was brutally restrained and removed from her presence. That was to be the last time David saw Elizabeth for he was punished by incarceration for behaving in such an unruly manner while the generals of David's family acceded to Elizabeth's request to stage an attack on the Ruined City.

The strategy to take down the city was successful and it gave David's family the momentum and boost in morale so needed to establish themselves as the dominant power in the land. Nonetheless, it was not without cost. David knew enough of warfare to know that Elizabeth would have little chance of coming out of this attack in one piece. As soon as he was released from his imprisonment, he was offered the mission to return to the Ruined City which he accepted. So ends the account of the events leading to David's visit to the Ruined City to find Elizabeth and begins the account of what happened thereafter.

David spent his time en route in the military transport thinking about himself, Elizabeth and the war despite the blaring noise of the engines before replaying the final unhappy moments with Elizabeth in his head again, again and again. He recalled his shock, grief and anger at Elizabeth's resolve to seek death at the Ruined City. Shocked he was as he did not expect Elizabeth to do so. Grieved he was as he did not want Elizabeth whom he so loved to do so. Angered he was as he believed Elizabeth ought not to do so.

What were the reasons behind that decision? Despite putting in much thought, he could not find the answer to that question though it did occur to him that Elizabeth must have felt the same grief and shock when he too volunteered to be cannon fodder at the Ruined City. Would Elizabeth ever know that David made that decision out of loyalty and commitment to family and enterprise? Would she know that she angered David for usurping his role as a willing martyr for his family? Would she know that by doing so she would be taking away the life of the person David loved so much? David would love to know the answers to these questions.

Silent David was as the military transport rolled into the Ruined City. If not for his companions in the transport reminding him that they have reached their destination, he could have sat there for much longer in deep thought. Their destination within the city was a clearing within the concrete forest of ruined towers with a boulevard of shrivelled and leafless trees that lead to a sanctuary that was of traditional architecture.

In that sanctuary took place sacred rituals filled with religious and cultural significance. There the inhabitants of the Ruined City once offered prayers at important festivals marking the solstices, celebrated the birthdays of very young children and coming of age ceremonies, held grand but solemn weddings and equally grand and solemn funerals. The place was filled with a great sense of foreboding as it stank of death and visible were the scars of many years of war. David's face betrayed little to no emotion though many memories, thoughts and feelings must be swirling in his mind like powerful and invisible undercurrents. For it was within that sanctuary where David would find the person he was looking for, the beloved Elizabeth.

Note by leonard267: I will stop here as I see two endings present themselves before me. If you somehow managed to read through these ghastly paragraphs (poor high_time couldn't), rest assured that I will pen these two endings. Till then swear and curse at this author for that pointless cliffhanger.

The 1000 word long, preachy and does-not-appear-to-resemble-an-ending ending:

Now this is the ending that I, as I'm sure others, anticipated. Though, I'll say that despite knowing full well how this was probably going to end, it's still rather impressive to read.

One thing that struck me was Elizabeth's reason to go be the sacrificial lamb. While you touched on it, I thought the entirety of her reasoning would be to simply prevent David from dying knowing full well that he would volunteer. But, what a twist! While she realizes the plan is one of sacrifice, it seems she was hell-bent on attaining victory. She wanted victory for herself, for her marriage, and for the impossible happiness she was chasing. It sounds a bit selfish, but at the same time, I'd be hard-pressed that anyone would deny her that chance. Her reason to fight was both wonderful and powerful.

You downplay your ending by saying that it is a "preachy and does-not-appear-to-resemble-an-ending ending", but in fact, it is an ending as good as any! Really enjoyed it leonard. While I'm assuming this is a rare treat, I hope to see this side of your writing more often! Such a contrast to your other parodies!

In this story, it is impossible for Elizabeth to marry David due to the many prejudices inherent in the society and culture of which they belonged to, a point I think you grasped. In fact I was entertaining the idea that David's family wanted to kill off Elizabeth by demanding that she fight an impossible battle before they could consider having her as a member of their clan as I wrote this.

I intended to make this story anticlimactic by deviating from how most people would react in such a situation. I think most writers would have David become angry and bitter with his family for laying those dreadful conditions in front of Elizabeth. Elizabeth might have made some protest or suggested eloping with David.

What happened instead was quite the opposite; they accepted those conditions rather stoically. I envisioned them as people from a bygone age who are more concerned about duty and responsibility rather than their wants and desires. They accepted the demands imposed on them by their traditions and culture. You could say that these are what I expect from proper heroes and heroines.

I thought Elizabeth went down fighting more because of love of others and a sense of duty. I didn't make it obvious but Elizabeth's family must be filthy rich and powerful after the end of that war thanks to her dying at the battlefield! I believe she thought that whether she survived the battle or otherwise, the people she loved would stand to benefit.

I made Elizabeth ugly and vulgar, I made her fight for the love of her life when what other writers of romance would do is make Elizabeth dazzlingly beautiful and refined, and have David be the lowly peasant that braved death in order to marry the princess Elizabeth. My attempt at playing the contrarian once more. I wrote Elizabeth thinking that she is a model woman that I would marry.

It is also a love letter how I admire the virtues of those at the bottom rungs of a hierarchical society as well as how I admire the virtues of those at the top. As for those in between, I would reserve pillorying them somewhere else, probably in a satirical fashion.

As for this quote,



Can I apologise in advance?