[Winter Contest Entry 2014] The End of Time
1
So, I've written for a few years now, but it was more of a hobby than anything, and it never really amounted to writing anything for a contest of any kind. All of my writing normally was for my friends.
Anyways, I won't bore you too much with all the details. Please, enjoy.
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She sat down at the desk, sighing softly as the cold metal clenched tightly in her hand. She had time now…
Time… what a fickle thing it was. Minutes ago it slipped through her fingers like sand, but now she found she had an excess of it.
She stared at the metal, and her cocoa-brown eyes softened as, with the limited light of the room, was able to see the metal she carried.
It was a black lighter… a black Zippo, to be precise. That currently belonged to her son, but once belonged to her when she was his age. But he had a shiny, silver linked chain put on it- ran through a small circle that he had put on the lighter. The skull that she had engraved on it had been touched up by him, and seeing that old-yet-new symbol made her smile.
“Now I wonder… does it still work?” She spoke to herself, adjusting the glasses that were falling off her face. She flipped it up and fumbled once with igniting it. She frowned. Had she really gotten that old…?
No. No, she was still young.
She was able to draw a flame on the second light, which caused her to stare at it. The way it shone… the way it danced as she watched the orange-yellow flame glow. She sighed softly and flicked it back down. Had it really been so long…?
No. No, she was still young.
She put the lighter into the pocket of her dress and placed her chin in her hand. She was waiting here… waiting for someone. She hated waiting- it was a waste of time to her.
Her eyes, from behind her glasses, began to start at the door across from her. Like there was a chance of her coming now… that’d be a first. That would make her early… She gave off a yawn. How waiting for that woman tired her.
An eyebrow raised as she looked at the door and saw the knob turn. The door opened before her eyes and two women stepped out from the other side.
One of them was in a lab coat, with a set of nurse’s scrubs underneath. The other was a shorter girl, who was roughly the age of her son. She had bright, long blond hair tied in a French braid that sat at her waist and a pair of bright, haunting red eyes. She remained silent whereas the older one sighed.
“I have to hand it to you, Rachel.” She began as she sat down. “I never would've thought I’d see you like this.”
Rachel frowned. “Get off of your high horse, Teresa.” She remarked, her hand still holding her chin with her fingers covering her mouth. “If you only came in here to scold me, I suggest you go somewhere else.”
She laughed, placing her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. “No… I didn't come here just to do that.” She pulled out a cigarette and, using her own lighter, lit it. “Your son’s in good condition now. He’s stabilized and his heart rate’s back up.”
Rachel’s eyes lit up, but refused to meet Teresa. They partially stared at the blond-haired girl that had come in with her, but they mostly just stared at the floor. The cold, wooden floor of the room they were in.
“Rachel?” Teresa asked as she exhaled smoke. “Not that this is any of my business, but your son needs you.”
The brunette sighed. “I know that, Teresa.”
“She means as a mother. Are you even capable of such a thing?” Both of the older women turned to look at the girl, whose hands were balled up into fists at her sides and her eyes seemed on the verge of tears. “Do you even care for him? Your own son tried to commit suicide… and all you can say is you know?” She moved to the door that she came from, opening the door. “You’re a horrible woman and a horrible mother.” She slammed the door, soft sobbing audible from the other side.
Teresa looked at the girl and exhaled more smoke. “Who is that girl? His girlfriend?” Rachel shrugged.
“I don’t know. Is that bad?” She asked, to which Teresa laughed twice.
“Ah, who knows? But I’m gonna guess and sat that she is. She came with him, and all she did was sit at your son’s bed and watch, only leaving when we told her she had to.” She put a fresh, sealed pack of cigarettes on the table and slid it across so it was in Rachel’s reach. “Here. You used to smoke right? Something tells me you need it.”
Rachel sighed. She used to smoke when she was younger… but once she was married and gave birth to Leon, a lot of things changed…
Wait, what was she saying? She was still young.
She tore into the pack and opened it. She pulled out the first cigarette and reached into her dress pocket for the lighter that she put there.
“Hey, you wanna know something?” Teresa remarked, pulling out another cigarette. “She never spoke when she was with your son, just sitting quietly and holding one of his hands.”
Rachel frowned as smoke exhaled through her nose. “Is that right…?”
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Rachel’s first three cigarettes went down easily, but she was starting to feel bad after the fourth touched her lips. All the smoke was getting to her, giving her a splitting headache as the smoke filled her lungs.
“Teresa?” She asked as her head rested on her arm which rested on the table. “How many have you had since we’ve been here?”
She shrugged, looking up to the ceiling and muttering numbers under her breath. “This is my… 9th? 10th? Ah, fuck it. Who really cares?”
Her eyes widened behind her glasses and sighed. “How can you have so many…?” She frowned, blowing smoke away.
“You used to be able to smoke a lot of these back in the day.” Teresa smirked. “Don’t tell me… are you getting older?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you.” She growled in response.
“Again, this is none of my business…” She began, dropping her cigarette in her full ash tray. “But you and I both graduated high school at the same age. And I’ve only been working as a doctor here for a year.” Rachel glared again at Teresa.
“What are you getting at?”
“The fact that whether you like it or not, you are growing older.” But as she got up from her chair, cracking her back, she sighed. “But maybe that’s a better thing. Because, let’s face it. We were such idiots when we were younger.”
Rachel sighed and got up, frowning.
“I suppose you’re right…”
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After clearing out of the room, Rachel went outside. Mostly to let the most of the smoky smell off of her clothes, but also to think.
It was nice out. The summer air was clean and it helped get rid of the smoke in her lungs. The sun was just about to set and she watched, intrigued. She took off her glasses for a brief minute, just to see the sun clearly.
She then looked and see, sitting on the ground, was the girl from earlier. She sat and leaned up against a wall, staring at the sun as well. She had a teal-green hoodie on, with the hood over her head. She wore a pair of black, athletic mesh shorts and a pair of black flip-flops, which were now off. Her fingers and toes were painted a soft, honey yellow colour as she wore a sad expression on her face.
Rachel wanted to go over and talk to her, but no part of her knew what to say. She also remembered the first interaction she and this girl had, and how there was little she could actually say that could redeem her in those sharp, blood-red eyes.
Going against her better judgment, she walked over to the girl and sat beside her. She gave her a quick, but hateful glare before returning to stare at the sky.
“You’re… my son’s girlfriend, yes?” She asked, unsure of where to begin.
She stared at the woman, sighed and nodded.
“You’re Leon’s mother, yes?” She nodded. “Yeah… I’m his girlfriend.” Rachel nodded.
“What are you doing out here?” She asked.
“I’ve been here all day- since early this morning, with him. The nurses told me to leave and go home… to get some rest.” She twiddled her thumbs and looked out to the sky, her blond hair now undone from the braid and spilling out of the hood. “I just don’t want to leave him. I want to make sure he’ll be alright.”
Rachel laughed softly. “You should go home, though. Get your sleep now when you’re old. You’ll miss it when you get to be my age.” She dug her elbow into one of her knees and exhaled. “You’re… his age, right?”
The girl shook her head. “No. I’m two years older than him. We met at school… just recently.”
Rachel nodded and stared out to the sun. “I’m… quite sorry about everything today. I’ll watch over Leon for you, so go home and sleep for a bit. You’ll never know how much you’ll miss sleep until you get to my age…” Rachel sighed.
Was she getting older? As much as it killed her to say it, Teresa was right. She was.
“Are… you going in to watch him?” She nodded, watching the blond girl kick her flip-flops back on and yawn.
“I’ll do my best.” The blond nodded and sighed.
“…Please, take care of him. He does need a mother after all.” She wanted to roll her eyes, but this girl was right. Rachel did need to step up and be a mother at least once in her life.
“Thank you… what’s your name?”
“Laura.”
“My name’s Rachel. Take care of yourself, okay? I’ll do my best to care for my son.” Laura nodded and began walking from the hospital.
Rachel sighed. “Now… is my chance.”
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Time was a harsh mistress. She continued to go on and on, regardless of what anyone said or what anyone did. Rachel felt this was true now more than ever.
She walked into her son’s room and sat down at the chair by his bedside. She took one of his hands and gave a deep breath.
“Leon… its Rachel. Your mother. I know things must’ve been tough, and it’s something you may not have felt you were capable of talking with anyone…”
“I understand that. Laura seems like such a nice girl, and if she can help you in any way possible, I want you to take her help. She seems like she’ll be perfect for you, and I’m happy to have met her.”
She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, she felt that tears would form.
“I…I’m so sorry!” She whispered, her face crunching up as tears flowed down her cheeks. “I…I failed you as a mother. I wanted to work… to keep working so we could have time together… but look at what that got you!” Rachel lowered her head to his shoulder and she began to cry again.
“…Mother?” She heard her son’s voice as he weakly responded. “Mother… everything will be okay. I understand everything… so don’t feel down.”
“Leon!” She gasped, holding her son close. “I promise to never let you feel this way again!”
“It’s alright, mom…” Leon gave a weak smile and held his mother close. “I love you… and we’re family.”
Yes… they were family. Regardless of everything else.
“I love you too, Leon.”
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Anyways, I won't bore you too much with all the details. Please, enjoy.
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She sat down at the desk, sighing softly as the cold metal clenched tightly in her hand. She had time now…
Time… what a fickle thing it was. Minutes ago it slipped through her fingers like sand, but now she found she had an excess of it.
She stared at the metal, and her cocoa-brown eyes softened as, with the limited light of the room, was able to see the metal she carried.
It was a black lighter… a black Zippo, to be precise. That currently belonged to her son, but once belonged to her when she was his age. But he had a shiny, silver linked chain put on it- ran through a small circle that he had put on the lighter. The skull that she had engraved on it had been touched up by him, and seeing that old-yet-new symbol made her smile.
“Now I wonder… does it still work?” She spoke to herself, adjusting the glasses that were falling off her face. She flipped it up and fumbled once with igniting it. She frowned. Had she really gotten that old…?
No. No, she was still young.
She was able to draw a flame on the second light, which caused her to stare at it. The way it shone… the way it danced as she watched the orange-yellow flame glow. She sighed softly and flicked it back down. Had it really been so long…?
No. No, she was still young.
She put the lighter into the pocket of her dress and placed her chin in her hand. She was waiting here… waiting for someone. She hated waiting- it was a waste of time to her.
Her eyes, from behind her glasses, began to start at the door across from her. Like there was a chance of her coming now… that’d be a first. That would make her early… She gave off a yawn. How waiting for that woman tired her.
An eyebrow raised as she looked at the door and saw the knob turn. The door opened before her eyes and two women stepped out from the other side.
One of them was in a lab coat, with a set of nurse’s scrubs underneath. The other was a shorter girl, who was roughly the age of her son. She had bright, long blond hair tied in a French braid that sat at her waist and a pair of bright, haunting red eyes. She remained silent whereas the older one sighed.
“I have to hand it to you, Rachel.” She began as she sat down. “I never would've thought I’d see you like this.”
Rachel frowned. “Get off of your high horse, Teresa.” She remarked, her hand still holding her chin with her fingers covering her mouth. “If you only came in here to scold me, I suggest you go somewhere else.”
She laughed, placing her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. “No… I didn't come here just to do that.” She pulled out a cigarette and, using her own lighter, lit it. “Your son’s in good condition now. He’s stabilized and his heart rate’s back up.”
Rachel’s eyes lit up, but refused to meet Teresa. They partially stared at the blond-haired girl that had come in with her, but they mostly just stared at the floor. The cold, wooden floor of the room they were in.
“Rachel?” Teresa asked as she exhaled smoke. “Not that this is any of my business, but your son needs you.”
The brunette sighed. “I know that, Teresa.”
“She means as a mother. Are you even capable of such a thing?” Both of the older women turned to look at the girl, whose hands were balled up into fists at her sides and her eyes seemed on the verge of tears. “Do you even care for him? Your own son tried to commit suicide… and all you can say is you know?” She moved to the door that she came from, opening the door. “You’re a horrible woman and a horrible mother.” She slammed the door, soft sobbing audible from the other side.
Teresa looked at the girl and exhaled more smoke. “Who is that girl? His girlfriend?” Rachel shrugged.
“I don’t know. Is that bad?” She asked, to which Teresa laughed twice.
“Ah, who knows? But I’m gonna guess and sat that she is. She came with him, and all she did was sit at your son’s bed and watch, only leaving when we told her she had to.” She put a fresh, sealed pack of cigarettes on the table and slid it across so it was in Rachel’s reach. “Here. You used to smoke right? Something tells me you need it.”
Rachel sighed. She used to smoke when she was younger… but once she was married and gave birth to Leon, a lot of things changed…
Wait, what was she saying? She was still young.
She tore into the pack and opened it. She pulled out the first cigarette and reached into her dress pocket for the lighter that she put there.
“Hey, you wanna know something?” Teresa remarked, pulling out another cigarette. “She never spoke when she was with your son, just sitting quietly and holding one of his hands.”
Rachel frowned as smoke exhaled through her nose. “Is that right…?”
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Rachel’s first three cigarettes went down easily, but she was starting to feel bad after the fourth touched her lips. All the smoke was getting to her, giving her a splitting headache as the smoke filled her lungs.
“Teresa?” She asked as her head rested on her arm which rested on the table. “How many have you had since we’ve been here?”
She shrugged, looking up to the ceiling and muttering numbers under her breath. “This is my… 9th? 10th? Ah, fuck it. Who really cares?”
Her eyes widened behind her glasses and sighed. “How can you have so many…?” She frowned, blowing smoke away.
“You used to be able to smoke a lot of these back in the day.” Teresa smirked. “Don’t tell me… are you getting older?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you.” She growled in response.
“Again, this is none of my business…” She began, dropping her cigarette in her full ash tray. “But you and I both graduated high school at the same age. And I’ve only been working as a doctor here for a year.” Rachel glared again at Teresa.
“What are you getting at?”
“The fact that whether you like it or not, you are growing older.” But as she got up from her chair, cracking her back, she sighed. “But maybe that’s a better thing. Because, let’s face it. We were such idiots when we were younger.”
Rachel sighed and got up, frowning.
“I suppose you’re right…”
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After clearing out of the room, Rachel went outside. Mostly to let the most of the smoky smell off of her clothes, but also to think.
It was nice out. The summer air was clean and it helped get rid of the smoke in her lungs. The sun was just about to set and she watched, intrigued. She took off her glasses for a brief minute, just to see the sun clearly.
She then looked and see, sitting on the ground, was the girl from earlier. She sat and leaned up against a wall, staring at the sun as well. She had a teal-green hoodie on, with the hood over her head. She wore a pair of black, athletic mesh shorts and a pair of black flip-flops, which were now off. Her fingers and toes were painted a soft, honey yellow colour as she wore a sad expression on her face.
Rachel wanted to go over and talk to her, but no part of her knew what to say. She also remembered the first interaction she and this girl had, and how there was little she could actually say that could redeem her in those sharp, blood-red eyes.
Going against her better judgment, she walked over to the girl and sat beside her. She gave her a quick, but hateful glare before returning to stare at the sky.
“You’re… my son’s girlfriend, yes?” She asked, unsure of where to begin.
She stared at the woman, sighed and nodded.
“You’re Leon’s mother, yes?” She nodded. “Yeah… I’m his girlfriend.” Rachel nodded.
“What are you doing out here?” She asked.
“I’ve been here all day- since early this morning, with him. The nurses told me to leave and go home… to get some rest.” She twiddled her thumbs and looked out to the sky, her blond hair now undone from the braid and spilling out of the hood. “I just don’t want to leave him. I want to make sure he’ll be alright.”
Rachel laughed softly. “You should go home, though. Get your sleep now when you’re old. You’ll miss it when you get to be my age.” She dug her elbow into one of her knees and exhaled. “You’re… his age, right?”
The girl shook her head. “No. I’m two years older than him. We met at school… just recently.”
Rachel nodded and stared out to the sun. “I’m… quite sorry about everything today. I’ll watch over Leon for you, so go home and sleep for a bit. You’ll never know how much you’ll miss sleep until you get to my age…” Rachel sighed.
Was she getting older? As much as it killed her to say it, Teresa was right. She was.
“Are… you going in to watch him?” She nodded, watching the blond girl kick her flip-flops back on and yawn.
“I’ll do my best.” The blond nodded and sighed.
“…Please, take care of him. He does need a mother after all.” She wanted to roll her eyes, but this girl was right. Rachel did need to step up and be a mother at least once in her life.
“Thank you… what’s your name?”
“Laura.”
“My name’s Rachel. Take care of yourself, okay? I’ll do my best to care for my son.” Laura nodded and began walking from the hospital.
Rachel sighed. “Now… is my chance.”
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Time was a harsh mistress. She continued to go on and on, regardless of what anyone said or what anyone did. Rachel felt this was true now more than ever.
She walked into her son’s room and sat down at the chair by his bedside. She took one of his hands and gave a deep breath.
“Leon… its Rachel. Your mother. I know things must’ve been tough, and it’s something you may not have felt you were capable of talking with anyone…”
“I understand that. Laura seems like such a nice girl, and if she can help you in any way possible, I want you to take her help. She seems like she’ll be perfect for you, and I’m happy to have met her.”
She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, she felt that tears would form.
“I…I’m so sorry!” She whispered, her face crunching up as tears flowed down her cheeks. “I…I failed you as a mother. I wanted to work… to keep working so we could have time together… but look at what that got you!” Rachel lowered her head to his shoulder and she began to cry again.
“…Mother?” She heard her son’s voice as he weakly responded. “Mother… everything will be okay. I understand everything… so don’t feel down.”
“Leon!” She gasped, holding her son close. “I promise to never let you feel this way again!”
“It’s alright, mom…” Leon gave a weak smile and held his mother close. “I love you… and we’re family.”
Yes… they were family. Regardless of everything else.
“I love you too, Leon.”
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0
One thing I've noticed in your writing is that you don't mention a character's name until there's a specific reason to do so, such as another character calling out to them. It's not wrong to do so. There's no rule that says you can't as far as I'm aware, but keep in mind you definitely do not have to wait for a reason to give a character's name. This story is told from the point of view of Rachel. Rachel of course knows her own name. So rather than wait for Teresa to say Rachel's name, you can start using it right off the bat at the very beginning. Similarly, Rachel already knows who Teresa is, so you don't have to wait for Rachel to use Teresa's name in dialogue before using it outside of it. Laura on the other hand is a character Rachel isn't familiar with, so it would be weird for Rachel to use her name before she learns what it is in the story.
This leads into my next point. This story's cast consists primarily of females. Because of this and the fact that you use "she" too much, there are times when it's difficult for me to understand who you're talking about.
There are some instances where you unnecessarily repeat words and information, but on the whole, I think this story is solidly written.
Some elements in this story confuse me such as the smoking. They're in a hospital, correct? I'm pretty damn sure smoking isn't allowed in hospitals.
Rachel's concern about getting old is something I can easily relate to, and I like the answer that Teresa gives toward that concern.
This leads into my next point. This story's cast consists primarily of females. Because of this and the fact that you use "she" too much, there are times when it's difficult for me to understand who you're talking about.
There are some instances where you unnecessarily repeat words and information, but on the whole, I think this story is solidly written.
Some elements in this story confuse me such as the smoking. They're in a hospital, correct? I'm pretty damn sure smoking isn't allowed in hospitals.
Rachel's concern about getting old is something I can easily relate to, and I like the answer that Teresa gives toward that concern.
0
I suggest you work on reducing the amount of clutter by making your sentences stronger--
After reading, " Time… what a fickle thing it was. Minutes ago it slipped through her fingers like sand, but now she found she had an excess of it.
She stared at the metal, and her cocoa-brown eyes softened as, with the limited light of the room, was able to see the metal she carried.
It was a black lighter… a black Zippo, to be precise. That currently belonged to her son, but once belonged to her when she was his age. But he had a shiny, silver linked chain put on it- ran through a small circle that he had put on the lighter. The skull that she had engraved on it had been touched up by him, and seeing that old-yet-new symbol made her smile.
“Now I wonder… does it still work?” She spoke to herself, adjusting the glasses that were falling off her face. She flipped it up and fumbled once with igniting it. She frowned. Had she really gotten that old…? "
you can literally cut all this down to something like this:
Time is the trickster: minutes slip like sand but moments feel like forever--
She had given her son a black zippo that she had once used when she was young-- the newly added silver linked chain and the touched up skull that she had originally engraved onto the lighter by hand, brought about pleasant nostalgia
She adjusted her glasses, and flipped and fumbled the zippo before igniting it. She frowned as it failed to light.
After reading, " Time… what a fickle thing it was. Minutes ago it slipped through her fingers like sand, but now she found she had an excess of it.
She stared at the metal, and her cocoa-brown eyes softened as, with the limited light of the room, was able to see the metal she carried.
It was a black lighter… a black Zippo, to be precise. That currently belonged to her son, but once belonged to her when she was his age. But he had a shiny, silver linked chain put on it- ran through a small circle that he had put on the lighter. The skull that she had engraved on it had been touched up by him, and seeing that old-yet-new symbol made her smile.
“Now I wonder… does it still work?” She spoke to herself, adjusting the glasses that were falling off her face. She flipped it up and fumbled once with igniting it. She frowned. Had she really gotten that old…? "
you can literally cut all this down to something like this:
Time is the trickster: minutes slip like sand but moments feel like forever--
She had given her son a black zippo that she had once used when she was young-- the newly added silver linked chain and the touched up skull that she had originally engraved onto the lighter by hand, brought about pleasant nostalgia
She adjusted her glasses, and flipped and fumbled the zippo before igniting it. She frowned as it failed to light.
0
This entry, in my opinion, no offense, isn't the strongest competition comparing to others. There are so many problems that I had while reading this, I'm sorry to say so.
First is your use of English. A lot of the sentences seem very fragmented and affected the flow of the story badly. I suggest making them more concise and you should try harder to improve your sentence construction.
Secondly, you have a confusing way to use dialogues. Like d(^_^)(^_^)d said, the characters were all female, so it were sometimes confusing who's who with the way you use your 'she' and 'her'. Also, I don't know why you have a habit of ending a dialogue followed by a action of the other partner in the conversation.
An example:
As you can see from the bold words, it can be extremely difficult for readers to actually know who's talking with your way of making dialogues. It should look something like this:
About the actual content of the story, after finished reading the story, I asked myself, what is the moral of this story? From what I've read, I can see that Rachel's son was trying to suicide because of her absence due to work or something. And that's it. I also can't seem to figure out why Rachel's age was something important in the story. Maybe it's because she's self-conscious that she was getting gold, so she was trying to earn a lot of money, so busy that she didn't even know her son had a girlfriend. I think, if the story would explore more about the relationship between the mother and her son or more about the mother's life would be much better than just showing readers a heartless, chain-smoking, self-conscious and grumpy not-so-much-of-a-mother mother.
Anyway, I think this work has a lot of room to be improved on, so don't let my comment let you down. Good luck in the poll.
First is your use of English. A lot of the sentences seem very fragmented and affected the flow of the story badly. I suggest making them more concise and you should try harder to improve your sentence construction.
Secondly, you have a confusing way to use dialogues. Like d(^_^)(^_^)d said, the characters were all female, so it were sometimes confusing who's who with the way you use your 'she' and 'her'. Also, I don't know why you have a habit of ending a dialogue followed by a action of the other partner in the conversation.
An example:
Spoiler:
As you can see from the bold words, it can be extremely difficult for readers to actually know who's talking with your way of making dialogues. It should look something like this:
Spoiler:
About the actual content of the story, after finished reading the story, I asked myself, what is the moral of this story? From what I've read, I can see that Rachel's son was trying to suicide because of her absence due to work or something. And that's it. I also can't seem to figure out why Rachel's age was something important in the story. Maybe it's because she's self-conscious that she was getting gold, so she was trying to earn a lot of money, so busy that she didn't even know her son had a girlfriend. I think, if the story would explore more about the relationship between the mother and her son or more about the mother's life would be much better than just showing readers a heartless, chain-smoking, self-conscious and grumpy not-so-much-of-a-mother mother.
Anyway, I think this work has a lot of room to be improved on, so don't let my comment let you down. Good luck in the poll.
0
Even though it has been mentioned by almost everyone, please do something about all your "she" in the text, it drove me mad (sorry). The only thing the story did was leaving me baffled, I could not find head nor tails after first time I read it. You need to organize it better and differentiate between the words you use a bit more. I write this for your own good, and I hope you will heed the advice the nice people here write.
0
It's a bit confusing to keep up with the dialogue by the excess of "she" in the narrative without reading back from how Rachel or Teresa begun asking each other.
Even so, it's a fairly nice story despite not being strong enough to convey the drama behind it. :D
Even so, it's a fairly nice story despite not being strong enough to convey the drama behind it. :D
0
I really like the story and the theme of it. It made me think about a lot of things. The smoking, the time and the family bonds. You have the same habit as me, waiting with revealing characters name unless it is been used by another character or if they need to introduce themselves and I like that! Good job with the story