(Winter Contest Entry 2016) New Brave World

New Brave World

Long ago, enrolling in a good school, obtaining good grades, using those good grades to land in a good job, using the money earned from that good job to marry a good spouse and using that good spouse to raise and nurture a good progeny figured into the ambitions of many a man and woman.

That was for reasons good or bad, no longer the case for the protagonist of this story. The curious nature of the world our protagonist is in is best exemplified by his name. Long gone were the days when names were meaningful. Instead our protagonist had to make do with an alphanumeric code that starts with the three numerals, 267. 267 deluded himself with the lie made by the powers that be that name of his, though utterly devoid of meaning, was unique and it facilitated identification. It was a world that absolved itself of personal choice choosing instead to conform and defer to the whims and fancies of the distant and shadowy figures that ran that world.

Being brought up in such a world, 267 thought it all natural and that anything that ran contrary to it is not only unorthodox but perverse. That was until he met a certain person who lived at a time long ago when enrolling in a good school, obtaining good grades, landing in a good job, marrying good spouses and nurturing a good progeny weren’t considered matters that are unorthodox and perverse.

It all started on one fine and utterly mundane day, at least from 267’s point of view, where he, at the behest of his faceless masters, worked with cryogenically frozen humanoids in a facility not so dissimilar to an assembly line of a factory. In an age where matrimonial union means marrying and (very rarely) bonking someone of the same sex, intersex or anyone other than someone of the opposite sex, it was not possible for offspring to be conceived naturally. This was where those frozen bodies come in.

267 had to harvest the seed from the frozen gonads of the frozen bodies. The seed would then be implanted into wombs belonging to women whose brains are cryogenically frozen whereby gestation would take place. Occasionally 267 had to play the role of a midwife by yanking the baby’s head out from the orifice of women who were as good as dead before freezing the rest of the body. The child will be allocated sometimes by ballot, sometimes by decree from God-knows-who to an undoubtedly well deserving model family helmed by a transsexual and its loving hermaphrodite of a spouse. 267 fancied himself doing God’s work and so felt immense pride never mind that people in the past might consider that as Satan’s work and one of unspeakable shame.

As 267 was minding the stasis chambers that housed those frozen bodies with tubes carrying glucose, synthetic hormones, nutrients and what not going in, and tubes carrying waste products, urine, faecal matter and what not going out, and making sure that these bodies are alive enough to be undergo that near endless cycle of exploitation, a power outage occurred. The chambers are running on backup power all 267 had to do is to make sure that the bodies are in good and exploitable condition. This was done by looking at handheld monitors that displayed information pertaining to those frozen bodies that 267 thought were infallibly correct.

They weren’t.

Unbeknownst to 267, one of the stasis chambers begun to malfunction. Instead of keeping the body within in it in stasis, the chamber for some reason begun to reanimate the body within it. By the time 267 bothered to conduct a visual inspection of the chambers, it was already too late. The once frozen body was now a thawed-out man who had managed to crawl out of his chamber that was long his prison.

Upon laying his eyes on that man, he felt a mix of wonder and trepidation. Wonder because it is not an everyday occurrence for 267 to see frozen men thawed out and leaving their chambers. Trepidation because he is approaching a man who is stark naked. That man wasn’t remarkably dashing or remarkably remarkable. He was of average height, slightly rotund with a fat and square face, crowned with a head of dark hair that appeared thin due to his large face, had a layer of blubber not too thick nor too thin around his waist and thighs with a rather small manhood to go with that unimpressive frame.

267 thought he might be descended from the natives of the Iberian Peninsula who migrated to the Americas very long ago. In the past, the word “Hispanic” would suffice as a description but in 267’s day and age, labelling him with anything that describes his race and ethnicity is considered criminal discrimination that could destroy social cohesion and create irreparable division.

“You have never seen a white Hispanic before?!”

To utter such uncouth words that described both his skin colour and his heritage was heresy of the highest order. Notwithstanding the size of his manhood, 267 thought that he must be a very daring man. He felt like screaming for help and wished to see him carted off and bludgeoned to death. The more rational portions of his faculties knew that if he sounded the alarm he might be held accountable for the cock-up for releasing a body from its stasis chamber. Ration prevailed and 267 decided to communicate with him.

“No, sir. I have many friends who were descended from the natives of the Iberian Peninsula who migrated to the Americas many years ago. I was wondering if you could return to the capsule which you just emerged…”

“You talk weird. Who are you? Where am I? The last thing I remembered was getting a heart attack after trying to bang some Bangladeshi hoe. Not exactly the best hoe I banged with her being fat and all but she had the meat at all the right places and she ain’t got STDs! It is value for my money! Why am I here? Is that some kind of hospital?”, came the response.

That left 267 at a loss of words. Listening to him was quite alike a modern man meeting a man from antiquity or in this context, the Stone Age. It is nigh impossible for him to fully understand what a man from the past is trying to say for their manners of speech and the words used were moribund if not completely alien.

What is a †˜hoe’ and why is he †˜banging’ it? In what world does a person violently pound a piece of farming equipment? Why the obsession of meat and what does he mean by the †˜right places’? How can hoes have meat on it to begin with? Does STD mean sexually transmitted diseases? If so, how quaint! Sex is abolished years ago ever since the invention of the facilities which 267 worked in!

“I am asking too many questions. Let’s go one by one. My name is Charlie. Who are you?”. Charlie, the thawed-out man, must have sensed 267’s discomfort and chose to use a different approach of interrogation.

So the exchange continued with saw 267’s apprehension towards Charlie change into curiosity and wonder. Here were the minutes of that exchange:



1. Charlie asked for 267’s name. 2674r1no5l came the answer. Charlie who was the product of a more sensible time laughed at that name. “Did they name you after a robot?!”, exclaimed Charlie. A slightly irritated 267 retorted that this name is special since it is unique to none but him.

“But you are named after a robot! You are named after nonsense! I was named after an English king, you know. I think I would be proud of that! Proper names better make sense to people. I know Chinks and celebrities in my day call themselves weird names like Alien Wang and Sage Moonblood. That is why most of them are serial killers or locked up in the madhouse.”, countered Charlie.

To that, 267 had no retort other than silently thinking to himself that there are no English kings called “Charlie” but there were 3 English kings called Charles. One had his head lopped off. The other was kicked around in a game of 17th century political football while the last was responsible for bringing an end to the English monarchy. It is not flattering to be named after King Charles to put it mildly.



2. Charlie then asked where he was. 267 explained the child producing nature of this facility, his voice brimming with pride as he launched into a needlessly detailed explanation of how he gleans bodily fluids and used half dead bodies as incubators.

“That is some f***ed up sh** you have there!”, swore a very expectedly disgusted Charlie. “What happened to these people in these contraptions?!” Charlie stormed to the other stasis chambers and tried to peer into them despite 267 trying to stop him. Just as 267 was dreading the possibility that Charlie would forcibly pry open the stasis chambers, Charlie calmed down all of a sudden.

“Meh… I know these people. They are criminals, losers and the scum of the earth. Keep them in there! Anyways, it offends me that everyone in this messed up world is made up of their semen. Why can’t we go back to good old fashioned f***ing?” Charlie’s question, which 267 found incredibly old fashioned ironically, lead to another exchange with 267 doing most of the speaking and Charlie making short and brief interjections which each one sounding angrier and more incredulous than the previous.



3. 267 expressed opposition against †˜good old fashioned f***ing”, much of it based on what he learnt by rote at school. Sex is revolting. The rubbing of genitalia, the insertion of appendages into various orifices, the vile and repelling smells and sounds that come with it and most of all the ugly and misshapen phalluses and vulvas are all sensory stimuli that strike the heart with utmost revulsion. Why the ancients were so enthralled by varicose and pulsating meat rods and dank and putrid smelling holes was beyond 267.

There were other problems too like the health risks involved since the genitalia are responsible for discharging waste products produced by the body also known as sh*t and piss. The risk of diseases being transmitted through sex was very real also.

Even worse were the courtship rituals that last for months if not years where both sexes try to coax and cajole each other into bonking each other. What a waste of time, effort and money, especially if one party, usually the fairer sex, decides to end the courtship ritual without getting to the bonking!

Before the creation of the human creating facilities, there have been calls to legalise coercive copulation and mandatory unions, known colloquially as rape and forced marriage respectively. Fortunately, with the advent of breeding technologies that removed the need for humans to copulate, that didn’t come to pass and so sex was abolished. Charlie wasn’t that impressed though.

“Chicks don’t like dicks and dudes don’t like pussy?! What on earth is this world coming to? Is everyone a faggot and a dyke?!” This lead to 267 lecturing Charlie on why marriage cannot be between a man and a woman.



4. “Everyone is a faggot and a dyke! They marry each other! Marriage can only be between a man and anyone other than a woman!” That was how 267 started his lecture, paying little attention to Charlie’s raised eyebrows and widening eyes which seemed to be very near to leaving its sockets.

There are undeniable biological differences between the sexes. It is a fact that people in general tend to get along easier with persons of their own sex. In the dark and backward days of the past, marriage between man and woman have resulted in immense suffering for both parties. The man is expected to invest and devote many hours of the day labouring and playing the breadwinner. The woman is expected to be a prisoner in her own home, minding the affairs of the house.

The world of physical and mental torture that marriage places a man and a woman in, reaches its dreaded climax at childbirth. Having a baby’s head the size of a large fist splitting open the cervix and emerging from the vulva subjects the woman to a pain worse than fisting. Having the man watch the head emerge from that hole between the woman’s legs is much more traumatic than whatever the woman is going through. Not to mention that he has to put up with the mood swings and tantrums.

Is it not manifestly clear that a union between a man and a woman presents a gross violation of human rights? Is it not then ethical to decree that marriage should only be with a partner who isn’t of the opposite sex? Marriage shouldn’t be about childbirth, let the stasis chambers take care of that. Marriage ought to be a social security net exclusively for homosexual, transsexual and intersex couples. They can take care of each other and enjoy tax relief without the burden of putting up with someone biologically different!



5.

267, as straight-faced as ever, matter-of-factly tried to say, “Ye-“, before he was cut off by a reasonably irate Charlie who grabbed him by the cuffs of the shirt.

“Not sure if you are nuts, but if don’t want to get your arse kicked, start by giving me something to eat.”

He tried to fight back but despite being of roughly the same build as 267, Charlie’s strength perplexingly overwhelmed his. This brought the exchange to a rather brutal end.



Under duress, he found himself leading Charlie to where he had meals. Instead of a cafeteria or a canteen, Charlie saw was what seemed to be vending machines which dispensed tablets and edible capsules. Were these the drugs 267 spoke about?

Charlie who was more used to traditional food like mashed potatoes on a plate with a side of admittedly bitter vegetables and flakes of shredded meat responded with a scrunched-up face and gave a very succinct response that conveyed much more than a long and winding speech,

“Yuck!”

267, quite hurt from Charlie being dismissive of his way of life tried to explain to him that consuming pharmaceuticals is completely normal in a long and winding speech:

“These tablets and pills are what I take for food for as long as I can remember. I understand that we once used to eat food by stripping off vegetation and carving up carcasses. A bit barbaric don’t you think? Tablets and pills are much more convenient and civilised. They are fortified with very important anti-depressants, suppressants and expectorants too.


“People used to be angry when provoked or happy when someone compliments them. I am not against being angry or happy but these emotions are problematic when it comes to work. The food I eat plays a very important role in keeping me calm and in a daze so that I can perform well at work without the hindrance of mood swings.

“I have heard that sexual violence was a huge problem in the past like men making unwanted advances like complimenting women on their looks. You might be glad to know that with the advent of these tablets, sexual violence and rape was more or less eradicated-“

267 was then cut off again by Charlie who responded with,

“ARE YOU SAYING THAT MY DICK WILL GO LIMP AND I LIKE WOMEN NO MORE AFTER TAKING THESE DAMNED PILLS?!”

It wasn’t only one’s sex drive and drive in general that those pills took away. A constant diet of these pills must have made him physically weak also which explained why Charlie despite being the same build as 267 overpowered him easily. To a person in a world with minds less addled with drugs, he might wonder if this is an elaborate arrangement by the powers that be to dull the minds and weaken the bodies of the populace, making them pliant and submissive to the whims and fancies of their rulers. That initially didn’t cross Charlie’s mind until 267 responded to Charlie's rather accurate description of the pills being the antithesis of a sex enhancement pill,

“Countless people have been consuming these James Push pills without incident. I dare suggest that James Push is the most important inventor and entrepreneur in our time.” 267 proceeded to show him a dollar bill that featured Push’s face. Yet once more, Charlie reacted in a way that cannot possibly be described as calm and composed,

“JAMES PUSH?! THAT RUSKIE DRUG PUSHER WHO PRETENDS TO WORK IN A WAREHOUSE?!”

On the face of that bill was a portrait of an older, more wizened and more corpulent James Push than the one Charlie recognised. Yet that dopey grin and those dazed baby blue eyes were the same as ever to Charlie. Before Charlie ended up in that stasis chamber, Push was indeed in a tough spot, being a man of humble origins who peddled drugs as a means to supplement his income. Faced with ever higher rents to pay and ever more expensive bills to foot, made worse with his intransigence against finding a roommate and cutting down on needless expenses, he looked to selling illicit drugs, recreational and otherwise to supplement his income.

It might have been the trauma he experienced after Charlie’s apparent death by heart attack that lead him to realise that he should make the best of his life earning as much money as possible. It might have been Charlie’s suggestions that he is better off selling drugs illegally since such transactions aren’t taxed. It also might have been Charlie’s bad influence that have lead him to think that morality is a lie and he can do what he wants. Whatever it may be, Push decided to devote his life to selling drugs.

Push surprisingly had the business acumen to profit as much as possible from selling drugs and soon rose to first become a high ranking member of the underworld that marketed drugs, be it recreational narcotics or pharmaceuticals. With his wealth and business contacts, he started a legal business that among many other things dealt with drugs. The very powerful and terrible mix of nihilism and drive pushed Push to expand his business into a powerful conglomerate with political lobbying power.

As avaricious as ever, he ironically lobbied for drugs to be made legal to indirectly eliminate competition through taxation. He prevailed under a government that was only too eager for another source of revenue. As if having a monopoly over drugs isn’t enough, he started to come up with plans make everyone consume them like health supplements. This was when the soon to be ubiquitous James Push pill was invented and foisted onto the population. 267 might not be familiar with the identities of those holding political power but he is certain that Push was one of them.

“With mad ranting James is running the country, no wonder we are screwed! Hey, 2674r, or whatever your robot name is, I am feeling quite depressed. Do you think you can put me back in that contraption of yours? I think I would rather have you extract my c*m for eternity than to live in a world where James is in charge.”

267 hesitated. Hours ago, he would have happily complied, yet now he found himself in admiration of Charlie for some unfathomable reason. Other than the seemingly superhuman strength, Charlie appeared to have something that 267 lacked. As taken aback by how dismissive Charlie was about the seemingly perfect life 267 believed himself to be leading, it seemed as if Charlie knew something he didn’t. Was the world in the past actually better than it is in the present?

Nonetheless, he agreed once more to Charlie’s demands and started to lead him back to the stasis chamber. As they slowly made their way, they passed by stasis chambers. Charlie looked around in what could be his final glance at the world and what it has become. He suddenly stopped. Charlie locked his eyes at a stasis chamber that housed the body of a lady that bore South Asian features.

“Isn’t that the Bangladeshi hoe I banged before I passed out and woke up in James Push land? Oh boy, just look at that beauty! What on earth is she doing here?!”

267, likewise, locked eyes with that capsule and an emotion that he has never felt before gripped him. He originally felt disgust towards the more interesting features of the human body but for the first time, the swollen chest, hips and thighs and whatever that was between her legs, appeared to be strangely alluring to him. He felt something stir between his legs too. He took a glance at Charlie (who was still without a shred of clothing) and lo and behold, that thing between Charlie’s legs stuck out of the mass of pubic hair, small but noticeable.

Why was the prostitute here in the stasis chamber with Charlie? Why was Charlie and countless placed inside the stasis chamber in the first place? Most importantly, why this strange attraction that lead to the stirring between Charlie's and 267’s legs? Could he have the answers to these questions if he opened that stasis chamber?

“Man, I don’t want to go to any James Push contraption no more. I want to finish the business I started!” Charlie exclaimed, apparently feeling lust in his heart.

“You look excited, eh, 26-whatever? I don’t get why people in James Push land want men to marry men and women to marry women and freaks to marry freaks. Screw those differences between man and woman! You have your hands, you have your whatever, you are a man, do the right thing! You go open that contraption and I will teach you good old fashioned f***ing and all the things that come after that. Worked well for everyone and no one has to be locked up to have their c*m extracted.”

Charlie’s powers of suggestion must have caused 267 to feel lust which the James Push pills artificially suppressed. Now those powers will overwhelm 267’s commitment to the facility he worked in. However, this did not mean that 267 was willing to become Charlie’s puppet. Instead of freeing that Bangladeshi prostitute, he proceeded to open the stasis chamber next to hers.

“Mister Charlie, I know how to open these contraptions. I am sure the both of us would like to know how these people ended up in these stasis chambers. Could we settle for that chamber instead? The person inside looks more trustworthy.”

Now the tables are turned. Before it was Charlie calling the shots. Now it was 267. If he wished to be continue unfinished business with the Bangladeshi prostitute, he would have to comply with 267 demands. As much as Charlie wanted to yell out,

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

having been c*ckblocked and blueb*lled by 267, he too wished to know more about the circumstances of how he ended up in the stasis chamber and reluctantly acquiesced.

The persons within the stasis chambers (save the Bangladeshi lady) were released one by one but not before being interrogated about what they knew before ending in those chambers and treated to one of 267’s lectures on what the world has become as they were kept in stasis. With a few inducements like the promise of food and clothes, turning the world back to the way it is and having the opportunity to bonk some Bangladeshi prostitutes, they agreed to cooperate with 267 and Charlie. Those that didn’t after interrogation were knocked out and returned to the stasis chambers.

The first few people released from the stasis chambers were indeed acquaintances of Charlie who were petty criminals, vagrants and people who weren’t exactly on top of the social ladder. When asked what were the last moments they remembered before being locked up in those chambers, they replied that they were either having near death experiences like having a stroke or on the verge of freezing to death, or that they were knocked out by God knows who.

It was noteworthy that quite a number of those who were released from their stasis chambers mentioned that their last moments were that of suicide therapy or gatherings to prepare for mass suicide. However, what alarmed 267 was the growing number of those people he and Charlie interviewed who claimed that they voiced dissent and concerns about things like the abolition of sex, the mandatory unions between anyone who was not of the opposite gender and the James Push pill. They were as many others, mysteriously knocked out while minding their own business on some fine day.

It was very clear to 267 that everything was orchestrated by the powers that be. They first took out criminal elements, then they took advantage of those who wanted to commit suicide, followed by rounding up political dissidents and finally cracking down on people with common sense. All of these undesirables were sent to the stasis chambers where they served as tools to realise the utopia of a world free from having names that had meaning, the horrors of childbirth and unions between opposite sexes. The powers that be will be the puppet masters of that utopia using the allocation of offspring and the James Push pills to control the masses .

It wasn’t clear who were the powers that be that were responsible for the stasis chambers. It could not have been James Push himself according to Charlie since he was most certainly at the bottom-most rung of the social ladder when Charlie was sent to the stasis chambers. An androgynous female politician called Gleandon was likely the culprit behind the chambers and the reordering of society according to those released from the stasis chambers. This was what Charlie had to say of her,

“Isn’t he that Bengali Muslim Hindu Jewish transsexual transracial academic turned politician? Word is that he is into black magic too. You mean to tell me that sexually confused c*nt who thinks he has a c*nt became the God Emperor of this great country?!”

Gleandon aside, it did not matter if 267 was not certain of who exactly was responsible for the world he now inhabits. He was now not only curious of how a world where men bang women would look like, he was convinced that it made sense. He now had a group of people who lived in and were eager to bring back that world he was curious about (never mind that quite a number of them were lowlifes, Charlie included). It was thus the seeds of the revolution were sown and ready to take root.

On Charlie’s advice, he stopped consuming the James Push pills choosing to feed himself using the tubes that nourish the bodies within stasis chambers. It could be attributed to how complacent and convinced that their stasis chamber facilities cannot be compromised much less be the ground zero of a countrywide revolt but 267’s superiors didn’t notice anything at all. If they demanded semen, he would on top of using the stasis chambers that 267 did not open, get Charlie to pleasure himself in front of that Bangladeshi prostitute stuck in that chamber.

Once they had enough food supplies and makeshift projectile weapons, 267 and his rebel army begun to infiltrate other stasis chamber facilities around the country. The process of weaning people off their diet of James Push pills, opening up stasis chambers, using Bangladeshi prostitutes or whatever that struck their fancies to win over loyalties and throwing whoever that refused to cooperate into those stasis chambers was repeated again with unbelievable success.

Very soon, they confronted the powers that be, revealed to be an ageing and frail James Push and that Gleandon monstrosity, whilst they were in a middle of some silly ritual involving offerings of blood and seed sacrifices, in the hopes that 267’s rebellion would find it so off-putting that they would retreat. James Push, who recognised Charlie, burst into tears, realising that his utopia is coming to an end and that he would be young and handsome had he been in a stasis chamber. His last words before croaking were,

“Oh, Charlie… Morality isn’t a lie.”

Was his reference to morality about his life or about the world he helped create? Gleandon, who was even older than Push shrieked and using the black magic she honed throughout the decades, summoned skeletons and projectiles in a final attempt to fend off the usurpers to her throne. A few projectiles from real weapons aimed at its head settled matters. She went down yelling these words,

“MY NEW BRAVE WORLD! MY BRAVE NEW WORLD!”

Yet, that new brave world came to an end with so little resistance, perhaps because of how fragile it was but more likely because the opposition didn't believe in guns. 267 eventually gave himself a proper name that we will leave readers to guess, Charlie was reunited with his Bangladeshi non-lover and California was nuked due to poor foreign decisions made by Gleandon. Long story short, there was a happy ending.

What is the moral of the story though?

1. SPERM COLLECTION FACILITIES CANNOT BE MANNED BY ONE PERSON ONLY!

2. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BATTLE. IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT WAS SEEN AND DONE. IT'S ABOUT THE BLOODY BACKGROUND AND OUTCOME OF THE BLOODY BATTLE!

When Leonard267 finally wrote something with a happy ending, I felt tears flowing down my face.

Enjoyed the story so far. It was quite easy to understand.

So I take it the gay couples in there mostly live sexless relationship and those who were actually homosexual had their urges repressed by the drugs for so long.

Kinda funny how all of them actually fapped to the poor farming equipment lol

California was nuked though. You win some, you lose some.

Ah yes, no more California Fried Chicken, that's pretty sad

This was interesting, a nice read!

>Implying California is worth something.

I thought this was quite funny actually.



This description does a good job of getting me to see things from 267's perspective. The way he describes sex doesn't make it sound very appealing at all.



Using shit and piss seems out of place compared to all the more scientific terms.



This doesn't necessarily change just because two people of the sex marry.



If it was Charlie's suggestion, why does he seem against it when he learns what's become of him in the future?



It's cool that 267 is changed because of his time with Charlie, but this doesn't make sense to me if his sexual drive is chemically suppressed by drugs.



Doesn't make sense either. James is no longer at the bottom rung.

Ending feels rushed.

Why can't I comment when you compliment my entry?!



Which is why it is funny.




But marriage between a man and a woman is oppressive! Anything that isn't traditional marriage mustn't be oppressive no?

Sarcasm aside, I am under the impression that same sex marriages are not as taxing as traditional marriages, mainly because most same sex marriages do not have children involved and there isn't the need for both spouses to revolve their lives around them. The main point of stating the roles each spouse have to play in traditional marriages is to illustrate that this arrangement is horrible for the two parties involved.

I know you will point out that the state actually allocates children to families in this story. I should have included state run nurseries and childcare where children unfortunate enough to land in them will spend their formative years without a family headed by parents.



Because he wasn't against it. There are many other reasons for anyone to be against what James Push is doing other than levying taxes on drugs. The main reason why Charlie is appalled at James Push's dystopian world I think is mainly because he doesn't have a high opinion of him to begin with.

It is certainly ironic that James, who earned his fortune by selling untaxed drugs, was responsible for introducing taxes against drugs though. Charlie being the buffoon he is, I think, couldn't care less if taxes are levied or not. He just merely pointed out a way for James to earn money.




I suggest you read this paragraph again where I made it clear how his libido returned. (It wasn't immediate. I thought it was more gradual) Granted I didn't explain why that was the case initially though I did tried to suggest that by paying attention to the female figure, 267's libido returns.



Very strange for you to complain that this and that doesn't make sense. This is exactly what I felt when I tried going through your entry at first.



You will have to read my entry again. Charlie's banishment to the stasis chamber was done when James was still poor and pretended to have a job at a warehouse. His transformation into a druglord and politician happened because he lost Charlie.

So how can he be responsible for the stasis chambers?




See Moral 2 of my story. This entire entry is a monologue disguised as a story drawing inspiration from conversations I had elsewhere.

Though if you gave me a 10000 word limit, I can come up with a more proper story.

I dunno. I usually just say thanks.




I don't know, I haven't looked into this kind of thing. My gut reaction though says there wouldn't be much of a difference.



That's a good point that I missed. Lol.



Just the vibe I got from it.



Clearly it's returned if he's feeling something, but shouldn't it have been suppressed by the drugs?



I guess a disagree that that's possible.

Ah Leonard, once again, you manage to create something that completely blindsides me.

I have some problems with parts here and there. The ending felted rushed. I was looking forward to the final confrontation between James and Charlie, but it was over in a few short lines. I also wondered about the pills and how the rebellion managed to feed themselves. I realize you said baby feeding tubes, but I feel like they wouldn't do that. And besides, just how much nutrition could those things provide? I was surprised that 267 didn't open the prostitute's stasis to begin with. He initially said he was interested in finding out what would happen, but he chose to go against Charlie instead of sate his curiosity. I suppose that's just my opinion though.

Anyways, I found your story, as I usually do, to be compelling. It's interesting, but your distinctive narrative and style such as breaking the sequence of events between Charlie and 267 into literally bullet points is jarring... also as usual. I'm very surprised that you decided to take on the science theme. I always felt writing about the future and its technology to be difficult. You created a future distopia, and I thought you did it well. I sure wouldn't like to live in that place.

Some parts I found exceptionally funny, most of which were the interactions between the mismatched Charlie and 267, such as when 267 thinks about the farming tool hoe, or when it seems like Charlie had superhuman strength to 267.

Overall, I thought it was good. Great distopian setting. Though I will say, I expected Charlie to be gay and for him to start making moves on 267. You got me leonard.

I don't think I am worthy of judging your works. In fact, I am of the opinion that there should be a separate scale just for you, since the things you write are so damn different from everyone else.

From what I've gathered reading a few of your previous entries as well as this one, there is a vast amount of 'pop cultural' knowledge required to fully appreciate your works, and I for one am not well versed in these. I know many of your works reference and parody famous movies, etc, and I unfortunately haven't watched many of them so most references fly past my head. You also narrate your stories in a very monologue-like and satirical matter. I am not good at picking up sarcasm in written form, so two of your greatest talents have just been wasted on me.

Mechanically wise, the writing was great. Not many mistakes or poorly flowing parts that I could pick out, though the prose was quite dense (due to your particular monologue-like narration). I found the few parts I could understand amusing, but not enough for me to consider it a winner.

Once again, I'm sorry but I just can't go as deep into this as I'd like. I simply do not understand many of these references, and it's a shame because I know satire and parodies are your forte.

As fantastic an epic could ever be penned by the one and only leonard267. I rather enjoyed following this story in a very familiar and relevant reference to the Brave New World dystopia that it pays homage to. Additionally, the satirical elements very typical of your monologues were tastefully placed between the lines of the story. As critical of fiction and fantasy that you tend to be, leonard, you are quite capable of writing a pleasurable epic when you set your mind to it and so thoroughly develop the humor and background so humorously. Well done.

Literary wise, you still have a lot of issues separating tenses. The story is written in past tense, even in the present timeline, so you must commit to adhering to that tense. I’ve marked where you slipped up, and there were a few slip ups, I’m afraid. Nonetheless, it didn’t detract too much from the story. Thankfully, you didn’t have too many typos or errors, however there were a few issues with punctuation. Magnificent entry overall.



Well-deserving is hyphenated.



Were. Were. Comma. Was. Were.



Was. Was. Was.







Disease. Comma.



Comma.



No reason for "chinks" to be capitalized. Called. Were. Comma, not period, not both.



Was. Comma.









Reached.











Comma.





Comma.





Comma. Comma.



Period.









Than.



















Extra space before the period.









Comma.

This is a response to d(^_^)(^_^)d and xninebreaker:





Let us just say it wasn't immediate and that he started to find the woman in the stasis chamber strangely attractive but not to the extent of bonking it like what Charlie felt.






It is the word limit. I insisted on devoting almost 4000 words to set up the story because I intended it to be satire. One reader of this entry suggested that I should cut short the story where 267 and gang are just about to overthrow the order of things in that dystopian world but having introduced Push and Gleandon, I feel that they should be given an ending.

I wonder if you noticed that the rebellion was so successful because the government "didn't believe in guns"? There are also references to Gleandon using witchcraft to fend off the rebels unsuccessfully. Satire aside, ending the story abruptly feels a bit comedic to me because the pace of the story is sped up for no reason. I added ludicrous scenarios like California being nuked, witchcraft and the government being unarmed just to make it funny. One reader didn't like the ending because I was 'trolling' but that is essentially the idea.





I did mention that the rebellion gathered food and ammunition very briefly. I didn't elaborate on how they did that because of the word limit. They did use the gook that flows from the feeding tubes to the stasis chambers as sustenance initially (if it can sustain thousands of stasis chambers, they can sustain a small army too), then they decided it is not tasty enough so they went back to what 267 once called feeding on carcasses and torn-up vegetation. That implies good old fashioned agriculture and husbandry of course.





He didn't go against Charlie because he was curious. He didn't want Charlie to call the shots. Charlie on the other hand wanted the prostitute's stasis chamber to be opened. Since 267 was the only one who knew how to open it, he is using it as leverage against Charlie. I enclose the relevant excerpt from the story in the spoiler below.







Are you referring to the first 3000 words or so where I essentially spoke about why traditional marriage is wrong? The last 1000 words where witchcraft and nukes are referenced weren't supposed to be in anyway realistic of course.




I am following the format of the minutes of a meeting. It is also like an essay where I respond to the question, "Explain why traditional marriage doesn't work."




It is really a satirical take on politics and fads these days. Science fiction is easy to write if you try to think of a world with the technology to make fads like gay marriage work.

How can you have a progeny if no one wants to marry? Not a problem, we will come up with stasis chambers or have the underclass produce babies for us.

How will these children be raised if most gay couples and indeed heterosexual couples find raising children a headache? We will pass children to couples who want to have children. The rest of the children will be raised in childcare centres or "young folks homes".




What made you think that?! Charlie goes for prostitutes and 267 never really had much of a libido until the end of the story.

Yeah I figured as much. Too bad though.



I say compelling in that your story was interesting to read overall. It's not about specifics, but if I had to choose, then its probably the first 3000 as you are setting up the world.



I dunno, it just seems like something you might do - blindside the reader with Charlie actually being a repressed homosexual.

The so called appendix I wrote is much more truncated and makes for a better read. That means there won't be interjections from dear Charlie though.

You rewind me of Grant Morrison. I have stories by him I love (WE3, Seaguy), stories by him that fall flat but I can at least appreciate his audacity and huzpah (The Filth, The Invisibles) and ones where I feel his high concept gets away with him (New X-Men).

This story hits the second category with me. I praise your strong voice, but find the story behind it doesn't sing for me-- and not in the matter of agreeing or disagreeing. I'm left... not really caring enough to have an opinion about any underlying message or world view, even as I applaud how you say it.

It's an odd place to be, admittedly, but that's where it left me. (Shrugs)

You might be more interested if I told you that that entry is very much influenced by what I hear on the news and Encyclopedia Dramatica-ish message boards.

Mm, no, I guessed that, being an avid follower of both.

Look at this way, what on earth do you have to do if you want the other side to achieve their gender indiscriminate, sexless, fruitless and politically correct utopia? You might have to put them on drugs, you might have to think of ways to coerce or brainwash them into accepting pure nonsense or come up with reproduction machines and make other ludicrous arrangements.

So, this is really how I came up with this story.

PS: After writing this, I discovered that another nutcase wrote eeriely about the exact same thing on imprisoning people into reproduction machines before going on a murder spree. (The name "Elliot Rodger" might ring a bell.) A very ugly coincidence but this entry must be a nutcase's utopia. Here is the link if you want a laugh.

https://genius.com/Elliot-rodger-my-twisted-world-the-story-of-elliot-rodger-epilogue-annotated

(Shrug) Maybe I spend more time dealing with actual people than the strawmen people on both sides indulging in asymmetric insight build up to find any of this particularly griping.

As I've said in various ways responding to you Leonard, in various places: I'm not going to try and change the world you see. I can only relate the one I see in turn. And what I've lived, from the lows of an abusive mother to the highs of the best relationships with wonderful people who happen to be women I have had tell me: you aim at a minority. Go chase your dragon, as long as you don't make yourself one fighting it.

(Snip purely because our mutual quote was getting kinda silly.)