[Winter Contest Entry 2021] Klaus and the Reindeer
3
Yanker
I read hentai for plot
It's been a struggle lately to write anything longer than a thousand words.
So here's my 1200 word story.
So here's my 1200 word story.
Spoiler:
2
xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
For a story so short, that was incredibly gripping. I was on the edge trying to see where you were going with this on the first half, but the introduction of Rudolf worked out very well. I'm impressed all-around. Good work! Rip all the other reindeer tho
By the way, I had to reflect on this line so many times:
Thinking about how timer travelers would fit into the story before I realized I was just being a fool lol.
By the way, I had to reflect on this line so many times:
Many a time travelers would catch glimpse of a boy in the woods
Thinking about how timer travelers would fit into the story before I realized I was just being a fool lol.
1
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
This is a great reinterpretation of the mythology behind the Christmas holiday. I very much appreciated your style and reading along, although touching on a violent subject, was reminiscent of old fables. I felt like I was reading something like Pinocchio or Cinderella, but rated M for mature. I think my favorite aspect was the inclusion of Pagan-style fae and imagining Klaus as a sprite, or djinn. Or perhaps a satyr like Krampus would also exist in this setting. Additionally, it was very natural to imagine Klaus' blood-stained red robes and a sword decorated and realized as a primal form of the candy cane. It makes for a fun connection trying to spot where things might supposedly influence the future.
I was happy to see a strong absence of errors of any kind, which my attention is almost always halted by, so kudos to you there.
My only critique lies on this line, which I see happened to confuse xnine as well:
I actually thought it was time travelers and didn't think much of it as I continued on with the story. My mind tends to be open beginning a story, so I felt that if you wanted to include a sci-fi element and bring time travelers here, it was odd, but I wanted to see where you were going with it. Of course, this wasn't the case and probably can be solved with some punctuation, perhaps a comma or em dash to separate "time" and "travelers." However, my confusion continues with the sentence: "flasks refilled with packets of biscuits." Following the logic of the previous perceieved flaw, I imagine this is an err of separation. Clearly you mean refilled flasks, and packets of biscuits too. However, my mind interpretted it as if the flasks were somehow filled with store-bought biscuit mix packets inside them. Of course, this is ridiculous imagery, and all sourced in this single sentence. Strange misinterpretations of your intent, and both can fortunately be quickly solved with some well-placed punctuation.
All-in-all, a great entry this year, Yanker. I'm very pleased that you could join us and although writing seems to have proven difficult for you lately, I appreciate that you could summon the effort to bring us a nice present regardless.
Happy New Year!
I was happy to see a strong absence of errors of any kind, which my attention is almost always halted by, so kudos to you there.
My only critique lies on this line, which I see happened to confuse xnine as well:
Yanker wrote...
Many a time travelers would catch glimpse of a boy in the woods, flitting through the trees and making birdsong noises, and they might wake to find themselves refreshed and their flasks refilled with packets of biscuits in places there previously hadn’t been.I actually thought it was time travelers and didn't think much of it as I continued on with the story. My mind tends to be open beginning a story, so I felt that if you wanted to include a sci-fi element and bring time travelers here, it was odd, but I wanted to see where you were going with it. Of course, this wasn't the case and probably can be solved with some punctuation, perhaps a comma or em dash to separate "time" and "travelers." However, my confusion continues with the sentence: "flasks refilled with packets of biscuits." Following the logic of the previous perceieved flaw, I imagine this is an err of separation. Clearly you mean refilled flasks, and packets of biscuits too. However, my mind interpretted it as if the flasks were somehow filled with store-bought biscuit mix packets inside them. Of course, this is ridiculous imagery, and all sourced in this single sentence. Strange misinterpretations of your intent, and both can fortunately be quickly solved with some well-placed punctuation.
All-in-all, a great entry this year, Yanker. I'm very pleased that you could join us and although writing seems to have proven difficult for you lately, I appreciate that you could summon the effort to bring us a nice present regardless.
Happy New Year!
2
Pretty short and enjoyable. Lots of good description.
The only critique I have is Santa turns from an innocent spirit that loves helping to people to being willing to slaughter a bunch of people real fast.
Other than that, nice story.
The only critique I have is Santa turns from an innocent spirit that loves helping to people to being willing to slaughter a bunch of people real fast.
Other than that, nice story.
2
Yanker
I read hentai for plot
Thanks for the comments everyone, glad you enjoyed it and I'm kinda sad I couldn't manage to beef it up into something a bit longer.
Xenon, your observations are spot on, I basically tried to load as much Christmas-origin stuff as I could from the small djinn raining candy (Santa's elves) to Rudolfs shining red nose, the red robes, the sword being a candy cane, etc etc, Rudolf's bells being the origin of Jingle Bells, the biscuits/milk being the snack you leave out for Santa and also the wreaths/Christmas lights hung on doors.
I also understand what you and xninebreaker mean regarding the time travel line. Most readers quickly build a sense of tone and setting from opening paragraphs, but luckily it's an easy fix.
Until next year, then!
Xenon, your observations are spot on, I basically tried to load as much Christmas-origin stuff as I could from the small djinn raining candy (Santa's elves) to Rudolfs shining red nose, the red robes, the sword being a candy cane, etc etc, Rudolf's bells being the origin of Jingle Bells, the biscuits/milk being the snack you leave out for Santa and also the wreaths/Christmas lights hung on doors.
I also understand what you and xninebreaker mean regarding the time travel line. Most readers quickly build a sense of tone and setting from opening paragraphs, but luckily it's an easy fix.
Until next year, then!