[Winter Writing Contest 2023] Fun in Stepfamily Streaming

Story Background

Craig is the only child of a wealthy family and a high school senior. He is very scholastically intelligent but is socially inept, especially with females his age, and lacks fashion sense. Craig is also athletic and is good-looking. He has two good friends, Ron and Lex, who are his age and in the same grade. Ron is highly academically accomplished and lacks social skills, just like Craig. Lex does not have good grades like Craig and Lex but is way more personable and has a girlfriend. Even though Craig’s father is wealthy, he raised Craig to work for everything he gets so Dan, his father, doesn’t even give Craig an allowance.

Craig’s mother passed away from a terminal illness a year and a half ago. His father, Dan, married a woman named Angela about three months after Craig’s mom’s death. Because of the short duration between his mother’s death and his father marrying Angela, Craig resented his father for marrying someone so soon. He also resented Angela, whom he suspected married his father for his money, and/or his father had an affair with her, and her daughter Amy, who he thought also brownnosed Dan because he was wealthy.

Angela is a woman in her mid-thirties and knew Dan by being a salesperson liaison for supplying equipment used by Dan's company. Despite Craig’s suspicions, they were just friends but nothing more than that – Angela was interested in Dan but didn’t make a move on him because she knew he was married. However, once Dan’s first wife passed, she became bolder in showing her attraction to him, and then they started dating. Angela is beautiful but not able to use her attractiveness luck to land a decent man. She was in an abusive marriage with Amy’s father and left him when Amy was very young. She hadn’t found true love until meeting Dan. She eventually was laid off from the company she worked for, but she and Dan decided that she didn’t need to find work immediately. Dan wanted her to take it easy in the meantime because she has a significant problem with sleep apnea, for which she needs medication to get a good night’s rest. He figured that time away from work would help improve her condition.

Amy is a year younger than Craig and a high school junior. She is beautiful like her mother, resembling a younger version of Angela. She doesn’t currently have a boyfriend and wants to hold off having one until she has been attending the new school for a while. She hangs around with the popular crowd and has an elitist, snobby attitude. She doesn’t want to associate with Craig in public and is abrasive towards him at home, not because of any peer condescension but mostly because she feels he didn’t give her mother a chance, which is true.

Events leading up to the scene

As a result of bad advice given to him by his friend Ron, Craig fell into a large online gambling debt. He owed the bookie $2000 for losing a bet on a professional basketball game. Since Craig can’t pay it, Ron told him the gambling group had an idea to pay off the debt since he’s in high school and might know attractive girls his age. The bookies proposed to Craig that if he could create a social influencer or sex-stream channel for them and have the viewers pay to watch the performances, he could use that money to pay off his bet. The problem with that is Craig isn’t friends with any girls, and he probably couldn’t get somebody to star for the stream even if he did. So, he stumbles on the idea of taking pictures of Angela, his beautiful stepmother, while she sleeps in the sexy lingerie she likes to wear. He created a few videos of her while concealing her identity and, of course, without Angela knowing. Because of the sleep medication she took, she is virtually comatose when in slumber.

It took Angela a while for her to realize something weird was going on after she slept on certain nights, and her suspicions became stronger as Craig became bolder by doing different sexual things to Angela. She then tricks him into thinking that she is asleep and catches him performing cunnilingus on her while he records one of the steams. Even though she is embarrassed and perturbed by him taking advantage of her as she sleeps, she does let him go a lot farther than she thought she should have because she is also deeply aroused. She asks him after a certain point that night to explain why he did the act, all while hiding the fact that she really liked it. He explained his predicament with the bookie and that he became desperate, so the only choice he had was to stream her unknowingly. She showed empathy for him. Because of her loneliness caused by Dan always being on business trips, and she’s been trying to get Craig and Amy to act like a family, she agrees to pose for Craig incognito to raise enough money for the debt, but one thing leads to another to where they end up making porn together.

Things get spicier when Amy finds out what the two have been up to. Amy is actually turned on by her once loathsome stepbrother getting it on with her mother. The next day, she lets Craig know that she saw the two in the act, wants Craig to stop exploiting her mom and wants to take her place. Amy then shows the gradual attraction she had for Craig in full-blown debauchery, on and off camera. Also, Amy has had a major crush on her stepfather Dan ever since Angela introduced them, so when he starts spending more time with the family after he got a promotion, well…


Scene Chapter

Dan turned over and looked at Angela as she slept soundly. “Somehow, I hope me being here more often helps her get over her insomnia, so she won’t have to take those pills.” He sat up on the side of the bed and slid his feet into his slippers.

Dan crept out of the bedroom, even though it was most unlikely that normal stepping would wake his near-comatose-induced wife. He walked through the upstairs hallway, down the curved stairway to the living room, and then to the kitchen. Instead of turning the main lights on, he decided that the stove light, which emitted a soft blue glow, was bright enough to enable him to take a bottle of grape juice and Angela’s delicious cheesecake out of the refrigerator. Midway on the 8-foot bar-style counter next to the refrigerator, Dan cut a slice of the cake, poured some juice into a cup he got from the covert, and placed the rest of the cake and juice back in the frig. Dan ate the slice of cake while intermittently drinking the juice, and when he was finished eating, he placed the empty plate in the sink. As he turned around, he heard somebody grip the stair side rail as they made soft step creaks down the stairs. He drank the remaining juice in his cup as whoever came down the stairs walked into the kitchen.

The person who entered the kitchen was Dan’s hot stepdaughter, Amy, wearing a pink babydoll negligee that was mostly see-through and scantily covered a small portion of her young, slender, but voluptuous body. Her salacious appearance was sexually amplified by the stove’s soft fluorescent blue light, magnifying the surface lines of her womanly curves. Her nipples poked out to show their projection out of her top. The bottom of the negligee was a fancy-laced bikini bottom that subtly flashed her labia.

Dan blushed as soon as he saw Amy. He then quickly blinked several times, shook his head to get rid of the awe at the sight of her, and said, “Oh, hello honey. Don’t you have a robe to wear over that?”

“Why, Daddy? It’s not cold down here. It’s pretty comfy, actually.”

“Well, it’s not just that, darling. It’s that you sh…”

Amy instantly got the hint that Dan was going to say she was indecent, so she walked up to Dan and lightly tap-punched him right at his sternum as she interrupted him. “Oww, don’t be so uptight. We’re all family here.”

Amy, standing at 5 foot 4 inches, easily flashed a good top view of cleavage to the 6-foot, 2-inch Dan as she arched her upper body towards him while cupping her hands on the respective sides of her waist.

“For a old guy, boy, you sure are cute. No wonder mom always fidgets every time we talk about your good looks.”

“She…fidgets?”

“Uh-huh. She does that when she’s turned on. I get that way, too.”

Amy then playfully walked around Dan as she scanned him up and down. “Ya know, we missed you a lot - me and Mom. I’m sure my goofy stepbrother missed you too but not as much as me. I couldn’t wait until you got back.”

“I missed you too, sweetheart. Now that I’m a general manager, I can get somebody else to take my place on business trips and spend a lot more time here.”

Amy then wrapped her arms around Dan's midsection to give him a big hug, her head turned to the side while snuggling deep against his broad chest. “Promise you’ll be around more often?”

“Um, sure, honey…I promise.”

It was a foregone conclusion that Dan was fighting arousal caused by his precocious and beautiful stepdaughter when she first entered the kitchen while barely clothed, but her giving him such a physical embrace sent overwhelming sexual urges through his body, no matter how hard he fought them. He immediately got a rock-hard erection that ran against Amy’s body from her upper belly to in between her bra-less, free-hanging breasts. Amy felt it a second or two after she hugged him, continued to initiate the physical contact for about 5 seconds more, and then separated her body half a foot from Dan’s.

Amy gave an exaggerated surprise expression as she looked down at his manhood trying to burst through his pajama pants.

“Oh my god, what is that?! Daddy, are you…excited? Aww, but I’m your stepdaughter! You’re not supposed to feel that way about me…” Amy said as she looked at Dan’s face with a fake pouting frown. She then quickly looked and reached down and poked at and then rubbed his concealed erection. Dan softly grabbed the wrist of her fondling hand in futile protest.

“Oww, honey, please…You got this all wrong. It’s not what you think.”

“Not what I think? But you’re pitching a tent here, Daddy,” Amy groaned out as she continued to grab and rub Dan’s bulge, virtually unimpeded from Dan’s weak protest of a grab on her wrist. Dan breathed deeply as he slowly gave in to Amy’s foreplay.

“*Hmph!*…I can’t let you go upstairs like this…You’re going to wanna wake up Mom with your gun loaded like this. Here, I’m going to help you get rid of it.”

“But baby, this can’t go on any further.”

“Sure, it can.” Amy then grabbed the elastic band of Dan’s boxers at each side and pulled down Dan's pajama pants and boxer briefs down to his knees to unleash Dan’s engorged cock as she lowered herself to her knees.

Even though she quickly noticed that Dan’s erection was clearly smaller than his son Craig’s — about almost two inches shorter and a fourth of an inch thinner – it would have to be at an unthinkably disappointingly small length for Amy to think about not doing what she’s fantasized about for months now. She did think, “Oh wow. Craig’s is bigger - didn’t expect that. Oh well. I can still see how the two guys are father and son, though. Both cocks are the same shape and get rock hard and veiny – yum.

She playfully stroked it and even though she’s been with Craig’s bigger member, she said, “Ooh, are these usually this big? And it’s so hard, so manly!”

“Please, honey. this is a bad idea…”

“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bad girl doing this bad idea.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Dan breathed deeply to try to stay calm. He started to openly embrace Amy’s naughtiness and put his hand on top of her head. Amy then smiled while sticking out her tongue and said, “This will be your first chance to punish me for being bad.”

Amy slowly licked the tip of the head of Dan’s cock three times and then put three inches of the six-and-a-half-inch erection into her mouth. The odor not being offensive, Dan’s manly musk filled Amy’s nostrils and turned her on more. She oscillated her mouth halfway down his cock a half minute later and began to make slurping sounds, exciting Dan more and completely placing him into sensual ecstasy that caused his mind to be virtually blank of any guilt or contemplation of any consequences. Her mouth felt too good, applying vacuum pressure that drew blood and sensation in every area of the phallus skin in her mouth. The feeling was so incredible; his penis almost went numb while at the same time sending electric waves thru his body. It was very apparent she knew exactly what she was doing, he thought – that she had experience in sexually pleasing a man.

Amy then really showed her step-parental crush how naughty she could be by taking her mouth off his cock and running her tongue underneath down the shaft. Once she got to the bottom of the veiny, hard, and pulsating column, her warm mouth softy engulfed the left gonad of his slightly hairy scrotum

while rhymical stoking the penis head and adjacent two inches of the shaft. Dan at this point turned into her onlooking lover, rubbing the top of her head as she lewdly stimulated him. She then sensed that he was about to reach his orgasmic boiling point because she could feel how hard he was breathing, as well as his cock twitching and being even harder than before. She backed her head off his gonads and reinserted his cock into her mouth. She resumed sucking the first three inches of his cock while stroking him off from where her lips ended the oscillation. It didn’t take long—maybe half a minute—before she was proven correct. He looked down and breathed out, “Hey Amy, honey…I’m about to, um, I'm gonna…”. He couldn’t bring himself to say the word “cum” to his stepdaughter because it was too embarrassing. She separated her mouth from her sucking wand, creating strands of body fluid stretching from his penis to her oral opening, and looked at him with a smirk. She helped him finish what he wanted to say to her. “You’re going to cum? That’s ok. Here, do it in my mouth.”

Amy then jerked off Dan while leaving her mouth half open. She stroked him only a few seconds before Dan grunted out, ”Oh god…Ahhh!!” He exploded a large wad of semen that she aimed straight into her mouth. The rest of the liquid dripped out onto the floor. The naughty girl then emphasized to her stepfather that she swallowed everything in her mouth by gulping it down loudly while momentarily clenching her eyes shut.

Amy then wiped off the sides of her mouth then licked that residue off. She then gave Dan a sly grin and said, ”You taste good, Daddy. I can’t get enough of you.”

Dan slowly glanced down and saw little splash puddles of their bodily fluids on the kitchen floor tile. “Um, I’ll clean this up. You can do what you came down here to do. I’m sorry about this, Amy. It was a mistake. I should’ve known better.”

“Oh, quiet you. This was my idea, but you should be sorry about one thing. I had to swallow so much that there wouldn’t be more of a mess. But I’ll clean up. Go upstairs and keep Mom company. I just hope I can sleep tonight because I’m all revved up after all this.”

“Are you sure you’ll be ok cleaning this?”

“Of course. Have a good night, Daddy”

“You too, sweetheart.”

Dan went up the stairs slowly as if he was sneaking up them, which was not needed because his wife was most likely fast asleep and there was no way she could know about the naughty activity he and his stepdaughter did. As he entered the bedroom, he felt a combination of conflicting feelings as he looked at the back of the slumbering Angela’s head poking out through the lovely, thick bedspread and resting on her fluffy pillow. Most of what he felt was guilt, as expected. Not only did he allow Amy to do to him what is probably considered the most sexually intimate act other than intercourse, he did it with Angela’s child – although Amy was a full-grown woman. The other minor feeling was the kindled, unsatisfied sexual urge to be with Amy. His reaction to her was as if she was an addictive street drug that caused instant dependence on a person unlucky enough to sample one small portion of it. He hoped that if he read a sports article on his phone, that would lessen his unsatisfied urges and put him to sleep.

As Dan looked at his smartphone, he intermittently thought about Amy, who he thought by now was in her bedroom across the hall, maybe sleeping or maybe doing something else, like waiting for him.

As he began to finally feel sleepy, Dan heard someone opening what sounded like the hallway bathroom door. Then he heard a loud, feminine sexy sigh right outside the master bedroom, followed by that person opening another door to another room and closing it. Of course, it could be nobody other than Amy and it sounded like she was giving someone a signal of her boredom, or maybe an invitation. Even though he succeeded in calming himself down to where he was about to sleep, Amy’s vocalized gesture, which he was now convinced was a clear invitation, brought back what he got rid of.

Giving in to temptation, Dan slowly sat back up on the side of his bed, took a deep breath, and again slowly creeped out of the bedroom. After quickly scanning the hallway to see if Craig was around, he tiptoed up to Amy’s door and paused for a second to decide whether to softly knock to ask permission to enter or just quietly sneak in. Because of the fear that his son seeing his naughty stepsister letting his father into her room in the middle of the night might create the appearance of inappropriateness, he decided to forego asking permission from her to invite him in.

So, Dan slowly and quietly turned the doorknob and sneaked through the doorway then quietly closed the door behind him – as he did so, he looked toward Amy’s bed to locate her. There she was on the bed, which was on the other side of the room with the headboard against the far wall. She was awake looking at her phone, still dressed in her skimpy negligee, laying on the bed flat on her stomach, facing away from the bedroom entrance. While looking at her smartphone under the faint light from her night lamp, her plump, round ass poked up into air and glistened under the lamp light with the strip of the bikini bottom riding deep in the crack between each buttock and again scarcely covering her sex lips. This sent uncontrollable lust through Dan’s body and almost put him into remote control, causing him to walk over to her bed, and perch himself in a crouched position over her. Dan got further excited when he smelled her delicious aroma due to her using her peach-apricot body soap. As soon as she could feel the mattress depress downward caused by his body weight, she showed that she was expecting him, although she knew he was in her room the moment he sneaked through her bedroom door.

Amy grinned as she turned her head upwards to look at him in a playful, wide-eyed, grinning gesture. “Wow, mister. Who said you could come in here? I mean, I know it’s your house and all but geez…”

“Well, I didn’t think you’d mind...”, Dan responded as he smirked.

“Oh, really? Well, you’re right so I guess you can stay. So, why are you here, Daddy?”

Dan slowly lowered his body on top of hers and began softly biting the base of one side of her neck. Amy giggled and moaned at the same time. “Oh my god. Why are you biting my neck? Ahhh...mmm… *snickers*...That feels so good.”

Dan slid one of his hands underneath Amy’s chest and fondled her boob. Amy then raised her butt against his groin, acting like a cat in heat. Dan raised his upper body upright while still on his knees and slowly pulled down Amy’s negligee panties to right above her knees, exposing her perfectly plump and round buttocks separated by her reddish puckered butthole and her pink, swollen flesh-surrounded slit. That area of her body was almost completely hairless and had a glistening appearance from bodily secretions, clearly showing that she was excited. It should be no surprise that Dan’s member was once again gorged with blood; erect and rock hard.

The idea of engaging in intercourse did pop into Dan’s head as he gripped and rubbed Amy’s poked-out backside, but he restrained himself from the action because he didn’t have a condom with him; he badgered himself for not thinking to bring one from his and Angela’s stash in the master bedroom. So, he decided to just return the favor she gave him in the kitchen moments ago and put his mouth on a certain taboo part of her body. He lowered his head down and slowly, almost in a timid manner in the beginning, licked around the whole area of her labia and clit. He incidentally lightly poked his nose into her anus, which had a pleasant, naughty musky smell, mostly influenced again by Amy’s body wash. Amy smiled as she breathed out deeply; she was highly aroused and elated because she succeeded in luring her long-awaited crush as well as being sensually intoxicated by Dan’s tongue. While gripping her hips, Dan swirled his tongue around her love lips as he completely gave in to taboo lust, acting like his stepdaughter was the most delicious treat in existence. Amy gripped her bedspread as she was overcome by the oral sensation Dan was giving her. She bit her bottom lip and moaned like an innocent virgin, although she clearly wasn’t sexually innocent. Amy then lost control of every function in her vaginal opening as she had an orgasm, spurting bodily fluids on and around Dan’s mouth. Dan separated his mouth from Amy’s pussy, smirking as he wiped his mouth with one hand and rubbed one cheek of her bottom with the other. Amy lay on her hip as she turned to face Dan. She huffed out as she whispered and smiled, “Oh, wow. You made me make a mess all over you…and my bed. You’re nothing but trouble, buster.”

“Well, baby…I’m sorry but I wanna be inside you so bad…”

“But do you have a condom? Because I don’t have any. If we go bareback, you might get your little girl pregnant.”

“Yeah, you’re right. That was a crazy idea.”

“Ha ha, just kidding. I’m on the pill. Actually, I was prepared for this. I’ve been planning for this night ever since Mom told me you were coming home.”

Dan grabbed Amy by the waist and pulled her close to him. “You’re such a little vixen. I love you so much.”

“You love me, do ya? I believe you, but why doncha show me that you do?” Dan then kissed Amy, giving her, uncharacteristic for him, a passionate deep kiss. She kissed him back and upped the naughtiness of the kiss by swirling her tongue in his mouth. About three seconds into the kiss, Dan swiftly and authoritatively forced her onto her back and grabbed one of her knees to move it away from her body so his groin could easily be close to hers. He then pulled down his pajamas, then his boxer briefs, and whipped out his erect cock like a fencer ready to attack with his saber. Amy smirked as he pulled out his erect manhood for a second and then looked up at Dan’s face, giving him a sudden, insincere alarmed expression. “You’re pretty big, Daddy so go in slowly. Hmph, but I still think this is going to hurt...”

It would have been obvious to anyone who knew Amy well that she was putting on a disingenuous show of worry for her stepfather. One reason she didn’t mean what she requested him to do was she could take in the thick, eight-inch cock of his son with very little problem. Another reason was she was so wet right then, her natural lubricant juices were running out of her pussy and dripping in streams along her inner thigh to her butt.

Dan still wanted to reassure Amy he was going to be gentle. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll be nice and slow and gentle…”

Dan did legitimately love her and fought lustful temptation as best he could, starting from earlier in the kitchen, but he lost that carnal battle and now wanted to rock his stepdaughter’s world, even more so than any time he’s ever been with Angela. Both women now had a special place in his heart but obviously, the special moment he was about to experience with Amy was taboo and expectedly reserved for his wife. Amy, however, was too much of an enchantress, bewitching Dan into losing any moral obligation of fidelity to her mom and giving in to unbridled lust. Wanting to please her, he instantly tried to recall everything that the women he’s slept with loved being done to them.

Amy rested on her back, put her hands behind her head causing her ample breasts to separate and poke out, and gave Dan a puckered-lip, sassy smirk as she lay there waiting for Dan’s taking. She widened out her other thigh that Dan wasn’t holding to help him have easier ability for deep penetration. Dan hovered on top of his nympho stepdaughter so he was face to face with her, supporting himself partly on one elbow and partly on his groin against hers. He kissed her briefly, quickly sucking her bottom lip while grabbing his erect manhood, ready to insert it into her. He tried to control his breathing because he was so excited; he felt like he was a kid again getting a gift on Christmas. He slid half of his cock past Amy’s love flower and into her slippery wet canal. She moaned as he started to oscillate his member in and out of her; in addition to her moaning, she clamped her hands onto his shoulders. Seeing how turned-on she was, he pumped into her deeper and deeper until he was balls-deep into her pussy. Dan didn’t exactly have the smallest erection in the world and although it was noticeably smaller than his son’s, he had a unique ability to easily move his erection in a circular motion while thrusted back and forth in a woman. His member was basically a sex toy with all the real body parts benefits – it was hot, pulsating, veiny, and could move in a combination of the previous-mentioned circular motion with the pelvic back-and-forth thrusts.

Dan continued in the sex motion until Amy had an orgasm. “Ugh! Oh my god, daddy! I’m gonna cum!” Amy said in a loud whisper as she squinted and frowned with her teeth clenched, clamping her legs around the top part of his rear end, right below his waist. She also grabbed his arms right at his elbows. He lowered his head down to nibble at her neck once again.

Amy breathed deeply to catch her breath for a couple of seconds and then smirked at Dan once again. “Oh my god. I always knew my stepfather was a stud but wow, you’re the best, daddy. I can’t believe I came before you did.”

“You’re awesome too, sweetheart.”

Amy gave Dan a pouting frown as she pushed Dan up so she could sit up. “Oww, I know you don’t believe that. You know I’m not awesome until I make you cum too!”

Amy turned her body around so she was back on all fours, rested on her elbows and arched her lower back down, causing her round, smooth, and soft butt to puff out to Dan. She looked backed while smirking and then wagged her behind playfully at Dan.

“Will it help if you do it to me doggy?”

“Uh, yeah…that will help - one of many ways, actually”

Dan followed Amy’s lead and guided the tip of his phallus to Amy’s fleshy entrance as she was in doggy-style position and slid the head into and past the restrictive opening. Amy moaned, once again overcome by the contact between his skin and hers. He made a few oscillations, going a little deeper in Amy with each thrust, feeling the rubbing against her tight and slick canal. and because she clamped down on his manhood so hard, Dan felt the contact with every surface area of her grip.

Dan once again made sure he was in contact with every inch of Amy’s insides, probing for her sensitive hotspots. Showing that great control of his member, he expertly swirled his member around inside her slick, tight canal while applying smooth but quick and deep oscillations. Amy looked back at her stepfather with a surprised frown and her mouth gaping wide open, almost as if she was in pain. She wondered how he was able to create such incredible sensations inside her. He was providing a feeling better than anyone she’s been with, even Craig. Where his son a little clumsily, maybe even sometimes brutishly, rammed his cock into her, Dan reached the same depth inside her but thoroughly rubbed every sensitive area of her canal. She groaned out to him, “Oh…my god. You’re inside of me so deep…It feels so good…”

Now, the feeling Dan had with Amy was so intense that he was scared he’d lose control of continuing the nice swirling, smooth, and deep cock thrusts that he knew the women he made love to liked. He made an air-filled grunt while breathing deeply to pace himself with each subtle groin-to-ass slapping oscillation. Amy continued to intermittently look back at Dan, biting her bottom lip and continued frowning.

Dan felt an orgasm getting closer as continued to thrust his member into Amy. He finally huffed out, “Oh my god, baby…I’m gonna cum…”

“Uh…ooh, daddy…Gonna cum? Ah…Go ahead and fill me up…” replied Amy as she had her eyes half shut as she smirked, her voice tone also in a raspy-sounding moan.

Dan did what Amy told him to do as soon as he got that electric jolt running throughout his body a few seconds later and flooded her insides with thick, warm semen. He accompanied his otherworldly climax with three finally deep thrusts into Amy while having one hand lightly gripping that respective side of her hip and the other hand palm down on her tailbone. His pulsating cock along with the hot sensation of his fluids also sent another orgasmic shock through Amy’s body. She made sheet-muffled moans as she planted her face into her bed sheet while gripping the back of her head.

Dan crouched over Amy while she still had her butt in the air, having his groin pressed firmly against it but having his member no longer inside her. She turned her head to the side while having her eyes half open. He brushed her hair off her ear and kissed her on the area right below.

“You’re very special to me, honey. I want you to know that.”

Amy returned his statement by raising and turning her head to Dan to look at him with a sarcastic nod, grinned, and said, “I know, Daddy. You’re special to me, too.”

“So, we can’t let your mom find out about this. She’s very special to me as well. She’d be very upset if she found out what we just did.”

Amy continued to look up at Dan and scrunched up her face as she chuckled. “No kidding, Sherlock. You think I'm with you now to piss her off or something like that? I’m with you right now because of you - no other reason. So yes, this will be a secret between us.”

“Great, honey. I just wanted to make sure,” responded Dan. He slowly got off Amy’s bed and put his underwear and pajamas back on. He bent over to kiss her on the top of the head.

Dan stood up and said, “Good night, for real this time.”

“Sweet dreams…,” replied Amy.

Good as a smut, questionable as a story.

The most egregious problem of the entry, by far, is the exposition. Not only is it incredibly dry and lengthy (clocking in at about 20-30% of the post), but as you read the story, it's definitely actively making things worse. First of all, it postures Craig as our protagonist, and in the story, we don't get him at all. Second, it introduces an large cast of characters that sit in your mind, but don't affect the story at all. And lastly, it is providing the context for the story, and it cues us that the story is very obviously not concluded.

It feels like what we got just didn't go anywhere story-wise. The step-daughter had sex with the father, and that's it, which would be fine if we didn't also know about Craig and what is going on with his debt. As a result, it gives you a feeling of incompleteness and feels unsatisfying to read. It's possible we could infer that Craig is recording this somewhere, but it's not stated, and even if we do, the story is still left unfinished.

Imagine if you had chopped the entire exposition? We are not missing anything at all. We can immediately understand that Dan has remarried, that Amy has slept with Craig and wants to sleep with Dan, that Angela is on medication, that Dan has been traveling, etc. You get what I'm saying. This entire story would have worked just fine by itself. You are already skilled enough as a writer to already infuse your prose with relevant information. You don't need this exposition.

Anyways, I sounded a bit harsh, but if I look past the premise of this super degen family and the rotating dick, I think your prose is great - very hot, very lewd. I tried writing smut, and it's so difficult. You've got my respect there at least.

Yeah, thought I might've jumped the gun a bit. TBH, I was about to leave this as a stand-alone story but I thought a backdrop to this part of the entire story would elevate it. I guess you're sort of lucky because the final product will probably end up being much larger like my "Naughty Business" story I wrote here years ago lol. Anyways, I'll keep what you wrote in mind for another story I'll have for the next contest. Thx!

That was an interesting read. It was a bit more natural after reading passed the background and events leading up to the scene and progressing into the chapter itself. I just felt like I was unloading a dumptruck of information before getting into the meat of the story. There were a few plot elements that took me out of the story, such as how a high school student could amass a debt online, why an outside organization would put forth to him to pay them back through dubious, illegal, and risky means, and even though it toes the lines of immorality, it is almost predictibly so for the sake of the plot setting. I felt like I was reading an almost stereotypical porno plot in literary form. That is not necessarily a particularly negative thing, mind you. I do know that there is an audience that loves this style, in particular.

Your practice over the years has definitely served to help you through experience to be well-written and verbose, even if I should say the voice was almost overly clinical throughout. I will say that there is a big market for this style, and even if it does tend towards constructing the sexual fantasy of some, I feel like it shows signs that you clearly thought out a large element of the story to serve towards that gratification. I must say that for one of our few lemon-focused authors that have contributed a lot here over the years, it is pretty evident how far all that dedication has taken you. For that, I do think it is worth celebrating that alone.

I only noticed one particular typo I thought worth pointing out for you:



Splendid entry and well done.