Yuri's Poetry and Writing Thread~

I thought I'd make a thread dedicated to my poetry and short stories so I don't potentially plague the section with my other stuff. Anyway, I'll start off by sharing two poems. The first is one I've made more recently and the other is what I submitted for the 2014 Summer Writing competition. Most of my stuff is metaphorical and is based off my own feelings at times of intense emotions. So if some kind of opinion is formed, it's probably pretty biased. Not that I'm a biased person but strong emotions can make someone like that.









I'll add more stuff as I write it. Don't want to oversaturate it right off the bat as well as the fact I don't have much on me at the moment. I plan on writing more poetry in the near future since ideas come to me quickly.

This is a great idea. I've usually been in support of poetry, short story, and portfolio threads, provided they act as just that. It's nice for small stuff to be in conjunction in one thread, but feel free to keep big stories and series in their own respective threads to keep comments relevant. Looking forward to what you add here, Yuri.

Thank you Xenon. Yeah I plan to keep long running/any thing beyond 5 chapters to it's own thread since it just makes more sense to me that way. This will be for shorter stuff (like one-shot stories) and my poetry. Anyway, more poems and such to come soon (ish) I'm sure.

Here's something I wrote recently, it's kind of the aftermath of a battle for love. Perhaps it took place in a war? I never reveal much of my metaphoric poetry, I leave the details up to the individual. I don't like the idea that there is a linear way to perceive anything. Hence why I hate the word "fact" as if there is not possibility for deviation. Anyway, enough ranting: Enjoy!




I guess that was darker than what you would expect from me. But strangely enough I like to write that way.

Been about a month since my last submission. Plagued by illness and school work. Anyway, I wrote this as a prologue to a new story I've been rattling around inside my head.

Very interesting and flows well at the beginning. I have a few questions in regards to some passages: Why not refer to her as a mistress constantly? The use of master, although I suppose a presumption, initiates a masculine image, although that is quickly fixed. Why is she a fallen princess? Additionally, I was about to ask if her name was Shall, but you seemed to have spotted and fixed that error.

I have the idea ingrained in my head from recent university applications that using the same title or word constantly detracts from the quality. That must have been somewhere in my unconscious mind when writing it.

As for your question of fallen, if I were to continue the story the back story of the green haired girl would be she hails from a clan that opposed the calls from surrounding nations to unite in order to increase their strength. Her country resisted (this happened hundreds of years prior to this story) and the other nations united and conquered them, stripping their royal-status and subjugating them to servitude. Her bloodline is then referred to as, in a derogatory sense, the 'Fallen (Insert appropriate royal term here)' as a result. Obviously I didn't expand upon this but I'm still at the stage of drafting idea in my head.

Ah, cool to learn a bit of the back-story.

I would agree, of course, and say that using the same term constantly is too repetitive. However, I don't think this is an issue of repetition as much as it is using terms that give implications of the opposite, resulting in an error in reader comprehension that you want to avoid. Obviously you shouldn't use mistress constantly, but that using nouns other than "master" to call the primary princess would be more acceptable, for example: ruler, leader, liege. I only say so because there is controversy attached to the master-mistress combo of whether or not they are true opposites. Honestly, it is up to you and it even is acceptable as it is, but I would make motions to avoid it altogether, personally.

I'll definitely consider maybe doing a re-write of the terms used in it (or at least if I ever come to writing the story). I know they can be considered gender specific in places, maybe as a short cut I'll say that such a concept (only referring to these specific titles) doesn't exist and they're neutral titles. But maybe an edit wouldn't kill me haha.

Thanks for your thoughts though Xenon.

My pleasure to provide you with that much at least, but don't worry if it's too bothersome and deviates more than you'd like from what you intended. It is your final say in the matter for what you include in your work. As long as you make those decisions with purpose and earnest intention, that is what matters.

Best of luck on the next poem entry.

Long time no see Yuri, I was wondering if I can contribute to your thread if I have some silly poem in mind.

Hello Leonard! It has been a while, very nice to see you again~

Yes, I have no problem with others contributing their work if they want to. Please go ahead.

I love the bluebird. :)

It's something I can relate to.