leonard267 Posts

Here is an entry that is slapped together and submitted late that you might not judge!

An Attempt at Comedy about An Old Man

On a more serious note, I hoped everyone enjoyed submitting entries for this event.

This epigraph, seemingly pointless like most other epigraphs, is really a portrayal of the inner anguish of a certain Otto, well advanced in his years, well reminded of how old and decrepit he is and then brushes it all aside since everyone of his age has to go through it as well. The problem with that though is not all is well.

After all, he had lived a life filled with challenges seemingly insurmountable, like attending school and struggling to attain good grades so that he could struggle to work a job for several decades so that he can struggle to purchase insurance against an accident that would never happen. Other challenges he had struggled to overcome included struggling to hoodwink a woman into a matrimonial union with him then struggle to take care of her and their offspring in what was surely the worst of struggles, or so he thought.

It would appear that the greatest challenge of all for Otto was to attend (to) funerals of first his immediate relatives and friends who are older than him followed by the funerals of his immediate relatives and friends who are not so much older than him.

When his parents kicked the bucket in his forties and fifties, he had had to worry about where the funeral ought to be held, how much it would cost, whether the people attending (in contrast to attending to) the funeral would be willing to give enough money to offset the costs of holding it and squabbling over his siblings over inheritance issues (though in both cases, it was about deciding who should inherit the debts left behind)

When his friends and older siblings were kicked out of the realm of the living, he needn't worry about funeral arrangements. All he needed to do was to attend their funerals, ascertain whether they are truly dead and then ponder on his mortality. The first two were easy to do, but the third placed upon him tremendous emotional strain, not because he is necessarily heartbroken to see the people he knew for so long go away, but heartbroken that these are signs that he himself is about to go away.

So, the fear of death, in addition to his bodily problems that frankly afflicts almost everyone who have lived over half a century are really the reasons why all wasn't well. It could be because of his obsessive nature or his tendency to worry about the most trivial matters but try as he might to brush them off he would still fret about them. It didn't help that he felt like going to the toilet every one hour or so or that any attempt to run would come with searing pain in every single joint in his body.

If one were in his or her teenage years and is experiencing the bitter taste of what it is like to go through the daily problems that most adults have to face, he or she might pen a whiny poem about Otto's predicament in something perhaps around these lines:



Indeed, it is perfectly normal for most of Otto's close relations to be six feet under or cooped up in an urn at such an advanced age. It is tragic but not entirely expected for his best friend to go gaga considering that his brain cells are old and worn out. Much has already been said about Otto's ever declining physical ability and it is natural for his surviving (and younger) family members like his children, nephews and nieces to treat him like a child in need of around the clock care!

So in the face of all of this what should he do? Otto being Otto decided that the only panacea to all of these problems was to worry and work to solve those problems. A less flattering word to describe his efforts can be found repeated in a bizarre fashion in the first few paragraphs of this writeup -- struggle.

It is not entirely unfounded. Most of his peers who have pushed up daisies beforehand have decided not to worry. After all, the most sensible thing to do after having worked and laboured for several decades was to rest. And rest in peace they did! Since this wasn't what Otto wanted, he did the exact opposite and behaved and worked just like he did in his younger years albeit with the aching bones, barely controllable bladder and bowel movements and the ever dwindling number of people he could call his peers.

Otto's situation is like a caricature of some killjoy Buddhist doctrine which describes life being a cesspool of bitterness. However, he certainly didn't prescribe to Buddhist methods to extricate himself from that situation and attain nirvana for he is so wedded to this primordial instinct of self-preservation. If life have to come with arthritis and finding out that you have a longer lifespan than your friends, so be it. At least Otto is still drawing breath!

For those setting your eyes on this and are feeling that this writeup is a bit anticlimactic due to a lack of resolution, rest assured this is what will happen to Otto one fine night:

He would go to bed with a list of worries and concerns in his head, some real while others made up and expect himself to wake up in the morning tomorrow attending to those problems. What he would not expect that much however is that his body could no longer cope with the physical stresses that come along with age and then it would be

Yes. But judging an entry is something different altogether. A lower number of entries isn't that much of a bad thing. You can expect the judges to go through each entry more thoroughly.

I assure you that I am one of these people that you speak of who read and leave comments on the entries that are submitted every competition.

With references to me and what I scrawl on this forum preferably.

I am happy you know. That would make my job so much easier.

I didn't manage to read all of the entries especially because most of them come flooding in at the eleventh hour. I will have to get around reading them though. Will also try to come up with something of my own and let everyone have the opportunity to play the judge.

Wonder how it would feel to have a sister nearly 3 decades younger than me. I am in amazement that a man one foot in the grave could still perform in bed! I have read your entry, will go into detail what I thought about it later.

You might find yourself writing a sequel to that story. I have read your entry. Will go into more detail about what I thought after the contest is over.

I am dropping this message to inform you that I have read your entry. Will go into detail what I thought of it after the results are out. In the meantime I will spare you the criticism and the awkward questions that come with telling readers what I felt about their entries until I decide to anoint myself as a counsellor, perhaps sometime after the contest is over.

I am leaving this message here to tell you that I have read the entry. Will tell you what I thought of it in detail after the results are out. If you are feeling a bit down, I hope you can take comfort that at least you know what high_time thinks of the story and that I don't agree with him.

I am afraid I will have to!

On a slightly more serious note, thank you for the submission. I will let you know what I thought of it once the contest results are out.

Thank you for the submission. Leaving this post here to assure you that I have read it. I will tell you what I thought about it as soon as the results are out.

I'd still encourage you to join though. You will never know what would make this judge laugh.

On topic, is it alright if I could see the link for your story? Feel free to PM me. Personally, I believe it is best to either write the ideas down as soon as possible (I already have an idea of what I want to contribute for this event) or ask around for ideas.

The proverb, "as soon as man is born, he begins to die", must originate from a very miserable person who seeks to see the worst in every breathing moment in his life. Or, it could be because he is about to die and thus be more likely to ruminate and churn out needlessly depressing claptrap like that! That was certainly the case with a man named Otto was rather advanced in his years.

If there was a word that best described Otto, it would be the word "miserable". One might be forgiven for thinking that it was his circumstances that lead to his rather bleak outlook in life. However, most of his life was a story of how he progressed from relative poverty to relative prosperity in part because of his own efforts in part because of his good fortune of living through an economic boom. As the years accumulated and as the amount of wealth he held accumulated, he became more worrisome and thus more miserable.

One could already hear the rather condescending tutting from those who see wealth as an evil in itself who would conclude that it is because of his miserly attitude that lead to his misery before making silly puns about how similar the words "misery" and "miserly" are.



This epigraph, seemingly pointless like most other epigraphs, is really a portrayal of the inner anguish of a certain Otto, well advanced in his years, well reminded of how old and decrepit he is and then brushes it all aside since everyone of his age has to go through it as well. The problem with that though is not all is well.

After all, he had lived a life filled with challenges seemingly insurmountable, like attending school and struggling to attain good grades so that he could struggle to work a job for several decades so that he can struggle to purchase insurance against an accident that would never happen. Other challenges he had struggled to overcome included struggling to hoodwink a woman into a matrimonial union with him then struggle to take of her and their offspring in what was surely the worst of struggles, or so he thought.

It would appear that the greatest challenge of all for Otto was to attend (to) funerals of first his immediate relatives and friends who are older than him followed by the funerals of his immediate relatives and friends who are not so much older than him.

When his parents kicked the bucket in his forties and fifties, he had had to worry about where the funeral ought to be held, how much it would cost, whether the people attending (in contrast to attending to) the funeral would be willing to give enough money to offset the costs of holding it and squabbling over his siblings over inheritance issues (though in both cases, it was about deciding who should inherit the debts left behind)

When his friends and older siblings were kicked out of the realm of the living, he needn't worry about funeral arrangements. All he needed to do was to attend their funerals, ascertain whether they are truly dead and then ponder on his mortality. The first two acts were easy to do, but the third placed tremendous emotional strain, not because he is necessarily heartbroken to see the people he knew for so long go away, but heartbroken that these are signs that he himself is about to go away.

So, the fear of death, in addition to his bodily problems that frankly afflicts almost everyone who have lived over half a century are really the reasons why all wasn't well. It could be because of his obsessive nature or his tendency to worry about the most trivial matters but try as he might to brush them off he would still fret about them. It didn't help that he felt like going to the toilet every one hour or so or that any attempt to run would come with searing pain in every single joint in his body.

If one were in his or her teenage years and is experiencing the bitter taste of what it is like to go through the daily problems that most adults have to face, he or she might pen a whiny poem about Otto's predicament in something perhaps around these lines:



Indeed, it is perfectly normal for most of Otto's close relations to be six feet under or cooped up in an urn at such an advanced age. It is tragic but not entirely expected for his best friend to go gaga considering that his brain cells are old and worn out. Much has already been said about Otto's ever declining physical ability and it is natural for his surviving (and younger) family members like his children, nephews and nieces to treat him like a child in need of around the clock care!

So in the face of all of this what should he do? Otto being Otto decided that the only panacea to all of these problems was to worry and work to solve those problems. A less flattering word to describe his efforts can be found repeated in a bizarre fashion in the first few paragraphs of this writeup -- struggle.

It is not entirely unfounded. Most of his peers who have pushed up daisies beforehand have decided not to worry. After all, the most sensible thing to do after having worked and laboured for several decades was to rest. And rest in peace they did! Since this wasn't what Otto wanted, he did the exact opposite and behaved and worked just like he did in his younger years albeit with the aching bones, barely controllable bladder and bowel movements and the ever dwindling number of people he could call his peers.

Otto's situation is like a caricature of some killjoy Buddhist doctrine which describes life being a cesspool of bitterness. Otto certainly didn't prescribe to Buddhist methods to extricate himself from that situation and attain nirvana for he is so wedded to this primordial instinct of self-preservation. If life have to come with arthritis and finding out that you have a longer lifespan than your friends, so be it. At least Otto is still drawing breath!

For those setting your eyes on this and are feeling that this writeup is a bit anticlimactic due to a lack of resolution, rest assured this is what will happen to Otto on a one fine night:

He would go to bed with a list of worries and concerns in his head, some real while others are made up. He would expect himself to wake up in the morning tomorrow attending to these problems. What he would not expect that much however is that his body could no longer cope with the physical stresses that come along with age and then it would be

I noticed that the both of you are choosing characters that aren't yet introduced formally and require a Google search. It is in my book a good response. However, I'd like to be different. I say that we create some conflict and introduce some humour by choosing the woman that annoys Shingo the most.

"I actually like Usagi-san" please.

Don't think too much. You can win this judge over by trying to make him laugh.



Love to see you attempt to try and write the way I do. You will get bonus marks from me I assure you.

Glad to hear it! May I know why?



Now that terrifies me!

I think it will be fair if I explain how I would be judging the entries.

You needn't strictly adhere to the contest themes though I would certainly prefer a piece of work that suits my tastes (which coincidentally are the contest themes).

I have long harboured this dark desire to make everyone write the way I write. If Xenon's memory doesn't fail him, he would be able to remember me sharing this with him. If that isn't possible, at least I would like the entry to suit my tastes in reading.

Now this begs the question of what I (who intend to sadistically manipulate your desire to lay your hands on free pornographic material by making you write things you wouldn't normally write) prefer.

Here is a link:

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/valentine-2014-leonard267-hosts-the-valentines-day-event

Here is a spoiler:



Here is another link encouraging you to cyberstalk me by going through my previous posts where I complain about other people's work and how they ought to write.

https://www.fakku.net/users/leonard267/posts

If you find it hard to go through all of that, I would simply say that:

1. I would like something straightforward and simple to understand. I love background information and hate the A Game of Thrones prologue.

2. I don't really like descriptions of sex in my reading material unless it is meant to make me laugh. I don't really like expletives especially those that try to make me laugh.

3. Tonal shifts, silly plot twists and anti-climaxes are my idea of humour.

4. I like to hear people complain.

5. Please go through one or two of the threads I started. Chances are that it will even be harder to go through what I have posted so far!

6. (I think high_time would like it if you didn't show off your vocabulary. While I can deal with one or two words that are rarely put into writing we both like things to be simple and silly.)

7. Could you give high_time credit for coming up with the "Elderly" theme? "Comedy" is my idea though.

Now that you do, could you write a romance story with pickup lines that make references to yoga, meditation and cricket? Something steamy like, "Your performance in bed is much enhanced by daily yoga. It gives you reach AND the flexibility!" Make sure the main characters are old people!

Glad you enjoyed it. As I told xhimitsu, a lot of it was inspired by my holiday at 'somewhere in China'. Other people said that it did not feel as the piece was written in my usual style. I personally disagree since it contained rambling and angry monologues at the start, shied away from dialogue and attempts at bizarre humour.

There are other grammatical errors other than the ones you pointed out that had to do with the wrong tense. Thank you for pointing out the wrong use of the word "costed". There is such a word but not in the context of my entry.

I decided to go with that twist after reading excerpts of "Return to Almora". The story is not a quality story that reads like a cheap sex novel but when you imagine a 70 year old Indian man writing it you can't resist the urge to lift some of the passages into an entry of a writing contest hosted on a pornographic website.

I thought readers feel what I felt when I read excerpts of that book. Let me share with you a link:

Link

The spoiler contains some of the excerpts:



One might find the lines remotely erotic. Then you know that both the author and the main character are "in their 60s, grew up in Nainital and obtained doctorates in the US".




Really?! I am surprised. Were the other people on the panel of your opinion?