First attempt
14
Aura-Desu
Beautiful and Twisted~
After helping a friend with one of their writings I decided to try my hand at it. I showed it to them and they said they liked it. So I want to get other users opinions. Should I try writing more or do i need too much work to worry about writing a story?
Input is welcomed. thanks again ^_^
First Attempt:
anyways thanks again ^_^
Edit: I Believe I fixed most Typos hope it's better now ^_^
Input is welcomed. thanks again ^_^
First Attempt:
Spoiler:
anyways thanks again ^_^
Edit: I Believe I fixed most Typos hope it's better now ^_^
0
Pretty nicely done I have to say, a few typos but they don't really make that big of a difference imo, it was a cute little lemon too. Not bad especially for a first time, nicely done Aura ^^
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Perhaps , you can add a chapter for prequel/prologue .. which purpose is for explaining about "how they feel" and "how is their relation before"
In short, just for explanation , because i feel the opening kinda missing something something ..
As per overall, it is good .. sweet and romantic .. just a little problem about typo which i hope to get fixed for the later ..
Keep up the good work, Aura ..
In short, just for explanation , because i feel the opening kinda missing something something ..
As per overall, it is good .. sweet and romantic .. just a little problem about typo which i hope to get fixed for the later ..
Keep up the good work, Aura ..
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It came across as a little flat to me. One of the things that I find most important in a lemon story is that carnal desires be portrayed with a great deal of either 'intensity' or 'affection' (or something a lot of both). While this certainly isn't bad for a first shot, your descriptions could have used a bit more life and vibrancy.
I would say keep writing stories. The more you keep at it, the better you'll get.
I would say keep writing stories. The more you keep at it, the better you'll get.
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I liked it! I think it was a really good job for a first attempt, now you've just gotta make another one. =)
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Captain Badass! wrote...
I liked it! I think it was a really good job for a first attempt, now you've just gotta make another one. =)ya! make more plz xDD has potential
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Room101
Waifu Collector
For your first time writing such a thing, it came out splendidly. It' very beautiful and romantic, as others had said. The kind that makes you go "D-awwwwwwwwww" and feel mushy inside.
Bloody well done. Will be keeping an eye out for any continuations.
Bloody well done. Will be keeping an eye out for any continuations.
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Aura-Desu
Beautiful and Twisted~
Ok well because i have a few problems IRL i'm trying to fix I cant work on anything for now but if i can get stuff straightenend out i will definatly try my hand at it i want to thank everyone who commented. It was definatly fun writing this and i hope others will read more of my works if i post them later ^_^
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Unf!...>////< A magical surprised happened in my pants...OAO Nicely done! I give it a thumbs up~*copy and pastes somewhere*xD
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Wow this story is sexy. Your choice of words is really senseful, which makes the story even hotter.
Very nice aura +rep
Very nice aura +rep



