Chuck Fucking Norris
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jonsmth wrote...
lemiel wrote...
no asexual reproduction is when an organism splits on half, into two exact duplicates. Ameobas do ths. And so does Chuck Norris.i think butt-fucking self is much more fun
If Chuck Norris were to butt-fuck himself (he is the only one who is large enough to do this, his penis spans the globe) the pressure created would be enough to turn coal into diamonds, then turn those diamonds into something new and amazing that there never was enough pressure for before. These new "Super Diamonds" will be refered to as "Norrises" and will be available at $1.000,000,000 per atom. This new ultra product will rocket Chuck Norris' total value over even BIll Gates, on the way he will roundhouse kick Bill Gates so hard that he actually DID finish college. Eventually his wealth reached such hights that he was able to purchase texas he has recently turned the entire state into one giant ranch and is now known as "Chuckland". Chuckland now leads the world economy. Untill in a fit of rage Chuck Norris sends his elite roundhouse-kick warriors on a quest for world domination. Chuck Norris is now the supreme ruler of the world.
I feel good, I think I've created the longest "Chuck Norris Joke" ever
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lemiel wrote...
I feel good, I think I've created the longest "Chuck Norris Joke" everi was trying to avoid making a long one though
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Family Guy
Peter: They say that chuck norris is so tough that under his beard is not a chin, but another fist
Brian: What? Peter that's ridiculous
*Brian turns around*
Brian: Chuck Norris?
*Fist comes out of Chuck Norris's beard and punches Brian in the face*
Peter: They say that chuck norris is so tough that under his beard is not a chin, but another fist
Brian: What? Peter that's ridiculous
*Brian turns around*
Brian: Chuck Norris?
*Fist comes out of Chuck Norris's beard and punches Brian in the face*
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chuck norris counted to infinity... twice.
chuck norris can divide by zero.
chuck norris once shot down a german fighter plane with his finger by yelling "bang!".
when chuck norris sends his taxes, he sends only a blank form and a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. chuck norris has never had to pay his taxes.
in fine print on the last page of the the guinness book of world records, it notes that all records are held by chuck norris and those listed are simply the closest that anyone has ever gotten.
chuck norris can slam a revolving door.
chuck norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
chuck norris once round-housed a horse in the face, now we call it a giraffe.
chuck norris sleeps with a night-light, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
chuck norris can divide by zero.
chuck norris once shot down a german fighter plane with his finger by yelling "bang!".
when chuck norris sends his taxes, he sends only a blank form and a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. chuck norris has never had to pay his taxes.
in fine print on the last page of the the guinness book of world records, it notes that all records are held by chuck norris and those listed are simply the closest that anyone has ever gotten.
chuck norris can slam a revolving door.
chuck norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
chuck norris once round-housed a horse in the face, now we call it a giraffe.
chuck norris sleeps with a night-light, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
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its coming back with a vengeance!. in a few hours chuck norris will come and knock your door down. then he will make you his number one lady:P.
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Some person was giving Chuck Norris head and his jizz was so strong that it went all the way through their digestive system, and got them pregnant.
This can apply to a male or a female.
This can apply to a male or a female.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is he says "two seconds till" when you ask two seconds till what he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it wont be because he is gay but it will be because he has run out of women.
He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris dies.
God wanted to make the world in ten days. Chuck Norris gave him six.
God said "let there be light". Chuck Norris said "say please".
Once there was nothing, then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "get a job". That was the begining of the universe.
There are no disabled people, only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Ghosts exsist because chuck norris kills people faster than the grim reaper can harvest their souls
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it wont be because he is gay but it will be because he has run out of women.
He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris dies.
God wanted to make the world in ten days. Chuck Norris gave him six.
God said "let there be light". Chuck Norris said "say please".
Once there was nothing, then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "get a job". That was the begining of the universe.
There are no disabled people, only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Ghosts exsist because chuck norris kills people faster than the grim reaper can harvest their souls
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Adam and Eve ate the apple because Chuck Norris told them to.
Chuck Norris and God fought... The resulting explosion was known to us as The Big Bang Theory.
Chuck Norris can't die because he isn't allowed in heaven nor hell for obvious reasons.
Chuck Norris and God fought... The resulting explosion was known to us as The Big Bang Theory.
Chuck Norris can't die because he isn't allowed in heaven nor hell for obvious reasons.
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York wrote...
Adam and Eve ate the apple because Chuck Noris told them to.Chuck Noris and God fought... The resulting explosion was known to us as The Big Bang Theory.
Chuck Noris can't die because he isn't allowed in heaven nor hell for obvious reasons.
if i were you, and i'm glad i'm not, i'd run. just flat out run to any obscure, unknown corner of the globe and don't look back. even though no amount of distance will protect you from his imminent wrath, you'll stay alive longer than if you stayed still. he might even make it quick 'cause he appreciated the effort you made to run, or, on the other hand, he might kill you slow 'cause you annoyed him with the running. it's really anyone's call.
why? you spelled one mister chuck norris' name wrong. also because spelling something, anything wrong goes against your self-appointed title of grammar nazi: murderer of the grammar jews. if i used capitol letters, i'd grammar nazi you myself.
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Oh my god I'm so off my game today I have made almost three mistakes. Ok I fixed it. It's cool everything is good...*turns around to see Chuck Norris. In a split second my head explode.*
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York wrote...
Oh my god I'm so off my game today I have made almost three mistakes. Ok I fixed it. Its cool everything is good.Make that 4 mistakes. Now I don't claim to be a grammar nazi or anything, in fact I think the whole thing is kinda stupid. I appreciate good grammar and spelling, but I don't see any reason to get all uppity over harmless mistakes. However, seeing as how you would like to use such a title, I thought you may want to improve your own grammar. "It's" means "it is"(what you should of used here).
"Its" is a possessive pronoun, meaning something belongs to "it".
On a side note, this is my 777th post, maybe that means you'll have good luck with the grammar nazi title you appear to seek after.
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The best part of waking isn't having Folgers in your cup, but rather knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
When Chuck Norris was born, he promptly roundhouse kicked the doctor delivering him, instantly killing him. No one delivers Chuck Norris other than Chuck Norris.
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Chuck Norris was born, he promptly roundhouse kicked the doctor delivering him, instantly killing him. No one delivers Chuck Norris other than Chuck Norris.
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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Someone thought of the idea of canning Chuck Norris's piss and selling it as an energy drink. It is called "Red Bull".
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Gremlin wrote:
Impossible because the only thing that comes out of Chuck Norris is uranium.
If thats what Red Bull is made of Noutakun would be dead from over exposer.
Someone thought of the idea of canning Chuck Norris's piss and selling it as an energy drink. It is called "Red Bull".
Impossible because the only thing that comes out of Chuck Norris is uranium.
If thats what Red Bull is made of Noutakun would be dead from over exposer.
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York wrote...
Gremlin wrote:Someone thought of the idea of canning Chuck Norris's piss and selling it as an energy drink. It is called "Red Bull".
Impossible because the only thing that comes out of Chuck Norris is uranium.
If thats what Red Bull is made of Noutakun would be dead from over exposer.
'Ey, one can isn't overexposure. I drink uranium every day! Why do you think I pwn with such explosive results?
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Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile!
In Spain people may be running from bulls but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris!
In Spain people may be running from bulls but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris!