FAKKU Writers' Lounge

Man I like writing this stuff in a diary-like style, gotta explore more of this soon =D

"BLARHHHHHHHHH," wailed the whale.

Feeling absolutely unproductive. I should probably swing by and congratulate the winners and finish up some late reviews.

So... I'm fixing and adding stuff on that story I wrote a few weeks ago. How does these two paragraphs look?



EDIT: Restored my story just now.

Interesting excerpt so to say, I think I'll take a look upon it when I'm available~

Mibu: Don't be so negative. This is set in a medieval-ish world, Aize can always stumble on a man-brothel or build a harem to spread his genes so that more people in the world can project Library Psychverses, thereby accelerating civilisation to heights never attained before.

Sex can make the Untitled Story dark and moody in the most unwarranted fashion. Imagine, Aize or Fayrs could be battling medieval pimps that are determined to turn the Kierre clan into sex slaves.

Mibu won't add real sex, at least I think he wouldn't. Because that's writing with semen in hand, and I think both of us can agree that it's a stupid idea to do so.

@High: I look forward to your comment~

Though in my case I won't hesitate to add H Scenes when the story permits myself to do so~

I also like to add borderline ecchi stuffs to some of the Non-H ones I wrote

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Reading your story atm btw =)

@_@

Okay then, from what I've read so far the writing was indeed excellent and you can pass it up as a chapter from a published light novel~

It might need emphasis on some parts but it's mostly just me and my weird standards so I'll just keep it to myself right now

Oooh. Will I'd love your input in my thread regardless. Everyone are different in their own ways. All views are to me, valued.

I have skimmed through Eternal Lover and I am glad to say that I got the gist of the short story. A sad case of the good die young. I consider well-written stories to be those that are easily read and allows the reader to sympathise with the characters. If I had to reread the story once or twice just to have an idea of what's going on, I would say the story is not my cup of tea.

The story tugged at my heartstrings somewhat when the love interest declared herself to be the protagonist's Eternal Lover before kicking the bucket. Overall, this is my thought process whilst reading this story:

1. I found a girl (online) which I didn't like at first sight.
2. I fell in love with her gradually as I got to know her.
3. Our first date during the Obon Festival ended up with her in the hospital.
4. Turns out she had an life-threatening illness that can' be cured.
5. We spent whatever time that is left for us together.
6. Then she died.

I found out that some stories fail to get the point by devoting too many sentences to the protagonist's thoughts or describing the surroundings without tying them back to the story.



This paragraph I found, to be mixing too many things together, but at least I understood the gist of it. (She is enjoying the festival while everybody is gawping at her) I would like it if the story was only focusing on what happened at the festival without going through what the protagonist thinks about her in cyberspace or the protagonist feelings towards her. That can be left for another paragraph.

Why not make such posts in that thread? D:

I am sorry. I was just following High's example. I can copy and paste, no sweat. If you would like me to write a paragraph (don't worry, it is not a parody) of what I'd like the quoted paragraph to be like, I would be more than glad.

That said, I want to parody the Obon Festival. From where I come from, I celebrate (kind of) Obon as well. Here, Obon goes by the name of The Hungry Ghost Festival. Think of the many ways you can groan and moan about that.

If I were to thought of a Parody, it will probably be gruesomely offensive not to mention being filled with many random shits...in many chances it's guaranteed to make the original author completely gone gaga, causing another load of shitstorm as the aftermath~

This I would like to see. Do tell me what you will put in. For me, I would wait for a few more weeks, when celebrations for the Hungry Ghost Festival is in full swing (celebrations last for a month), I can find things to complain about.

Are you familiar with getai? You know, a makeshift stage for people to sing horribly on so as to please people who are six feet under? This I can complain about. As to whether to shove in a love interest, well, I would say that I am reluctant to do so.

I'm thinking about some nonsensical thing I made up myself, change the Obon thingy to a Pagan Satanist Black Metal festivals where they hung the heads of drunken pigs. Not to mention of so many disgusting things laid in place at the corners that I felt is too disturbing for the public eye~

Add some random names like Mount Grimfakk and you're done =)

Close enough. The Chinese offer pig heads to people who aren't even here anymore. Heads aren't hung though, they are placed on the platters. Oh yes, I have heard some ancient Japanese customs include orgies in their rituals. I don't know whether that is true.

Oh yeah orgies, does that include

It's not like I hate when you post such important inputs here. But the problem is, I'd want to look your input, comment, review, or whatever up in the near future to remind myself of the mistakes that I may have made. And I don't want to go back a few tonnes of pages to find a post valuable to me.

Pacifica:

Don't worry about it. I intended that to be just a passing remark, like "I understood the story" But I didn't notice that it turned into a remark a few hundred words long. I am glad you found my opinion valuable. I wouldn't say that it is an informed opinion, but merely my taste in reading.

High:

It is the Japanese you are talking about. That may well be true. I was thinking more towards the New Year or the end of the harvest where it is mandatory for people to have group sex.

Either way, still very disturbing. I will charge in my AK47 if I get wind of an orgy. Or perhaps I should call the police.