But not before they summoned the retroactive zombie Nazis. All hope seemed lost until they saw, from the distance, a figure that was quickly approaching. The Nazi generals stared in awe at the sight they saw...
"Abraham Lincoln?!"
They exclaimed as seven foot giant stood against them. "Looks like I'll be chopping down more than just cherry trees today" he remarked as he rushed forward, gazing at the axe fodder before him.
"Do not let him through" shouted the Nazi zombie generals in heavy accents, of which spoke English for some reason. Lincoln cut down Nazi after Nazi, narrowly avoiding bites to and fro. As he was held back by the undead Reich, Lincoln declared "I don't have time to deal with you. Moses!"
Then, as an eagle cried from the heavens above, Moses feel from the sky before the dead army. His eyes downcast, his hands holding a cane and a chain whip made of dreidels, he looked up at the horde before him: "Shalom aleichem, mother fuckers." He tossed down his cane, and from it formed a mighty serpent.
"You fool," said the undead Joseph Goebbels, his rotting flesh falling off of his sinew, "you think but one snake can defeat my mighty army?"
"Who said I had just one" said Moses, his eyes closing as he put his hand together in prayer. "I am the bone of my cane....Unlimited Snake Works!" Behind Moses formed a magical gate of which shot forth waves of snakes, firing in every direction like a blaster rifle fired by a million Imperial Stormtroopers who can actually aim. The army had fallen before him, but at a great cost to his strength and he kneeled in pain. "I...require more minerals!"
Lincoln placed his hand on his Jewish brother, "Take your giant eagle mount and travel back to Midgard and rest; I can handle things from here."
"Are you sure you can defeat him" asked Moses with concern in his eyes.
"Of course" said Lincoln with a smile, "I cannot tell a lie."
"Heh; you cheeky cunt" said Moses with a grin, right before calling down Sosvengratia, the Eagle Lord, to take him back to the Rainbow Bridge. Lincoln walked towards the Skull Palace where the Necro-fuhrur awaited.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Lincoln walked through the main atrium, shortly after facing little resistant from zombie guards, ninja-skeletons, and Super-Medusa, he exclaimed to the zombie leader before him, " I'm here for your head, Heinie."
"Did you just call me Heinie" asked the rotting Hitler, "that's a little offensive to Germans; I'd request if you didn't say that."
"Did I just get called racially insensitive by Hitler?"
"Not important. I've been expecting you, Abe. I've figured out your fighting style. Soon I will kick your wooden teeth so far into you face your children will have splinters."
"I don't have wooden teeth. That was George Washington. And they were actually made of ivory."
"Quit being a history Nazi."
"Quit being a regular one!"
With this exchange drawing to a close, Hitler swiftly drew his luger pistol and fired at the President. Lincoln tried to block the onslaught with his axe, unknowingly falling prey to Hitlers final solution for this battle. He blocked more bullets than he could count, the barrage almost never ending. When the finally stopped, Lincolns axe was but bits of metal on a cracked stick. "I said I've observed your fighting style, Abeie" declared Hitler with a cackle, "and I know you are powerless without your axe!"
Lincoln fell to his knees in defeat, the mere remnant of his weapon falling from his hands, his large hat falling in front of him. "You must accept your death now", Hitler moving closer to his target. " Do you see now that you never stood a chance? Admit it!"
"I cannot tell a lie" Abe said as he reached for his hat "your ass is gonna die!" He reached into his hat and removed the stinger missiles array from its clever disguise. He took sight and squeezed the trigger where then a flurry of rockets flew towards a surprised fuhrur, his body deteriorating as the explosion torn him asunder.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With the undead horde defeated, Cenguttuvan and his people rejoiced at new found freedom. "We thank you for offering us your strength, Ham of the Abra. How can we ever repay you?
"You needn't repay me" said Abraham, gazing at the sunset, "Just remember; winners never use drugs." He then ventured off into the horizon, ever forward onto Midgard, living to fight another day.
~The End~
