Badguy wrote...
Normally once a day. Sometimes two. Usually takes 10-15 minutes. I don't try to take my time. I just want to get it out and call it a day.
THAT'S OKAY.
Hanasaku wrote...
I do it once every two months, because the process of preparing takes exactly that period.
Well firstly I grab two people from the local slavery store. This is tedious because they have to be exactly the weight that the superintelligence communicated to me in my meditation the day before. I then sever their hands and head off. Gently remove the skin from the severed parts and melt it into a glass bottle. empty the carcasses.
The two mages, using ancient languages, will have conjured a Kraken in 8 days. The two mages can be used for the process
only if 1) they failed to conjure the kraken, and 2) they have been starved for 30 weeks. If these conditions are met they must eat bananas non-stop for 3 days, forcing them to vomit. The vomit is then collected and put into another bottle.
This is the hard part. The kraken must insert it's largest tentacle inside my anus and let it season for 43 days. It's hard because sometimes the Kraken does not stay, and solid feces will push the tentacle out. For this I must ensure a full diet of water and whey to achieve constant diarrhea. Once it has been done, the tentacle must be extracted and removed from the Kraken. the Kraken will then be set free. Again, melt the tentacle and put it into another jar.
This is the last step. The molten tentacle, human skin and vomit are put into a cauldron and boiled with liquid human excretion until saturated. take the most concentrated 600ml and pour it inside the human carcass' penis until it acts like a water balloon. the 'penis' will then be inserted into my urethra and I must wait until it explodes. On average it takes about 8.2 hours for me to achieve orgasm.
AWESOME. though you should probably get a gf. nothing personal.