Got a cousin as a crush?

12 years ago I visit my aunts house in Korea, just me and my sister. It was my first time going to Korea so everthing was new to me. When me and my sis got to my aunts home I was greeted by her as always, her warm hugs etc. Our plan was to stay there for 2 weeks and enjoy our time there. The days go by and every moment was grand. On the the last week, 6 days before we had to leave we were walking back home and notice 3 kids digging through rubbish. So I approach to ask way they were digging in garbage only to find them wearing riped clothes dirt maks here and there. At first my aunt didn't approve me going near them,but seeing them like that hurted me. So we decide to leave them but they followed us. So over 2 days after meeting with them we would find them sleeping in a group next to the entrance of the house. So my aunt felt sorry for them and brought them into the household basicly adopted them. From what the oldest sibling stated she and her 2 other sisters were abandoned. So over the lasts days of the trip I got to know them on a personal level. They were from what I could remember "open". They mostly spend most of the time with me, so I develop this bond with them.
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Well, before I begin lemme tell that my cousin get along very well with my girlfriend, and she even calls my girlfriend Sis. Oh, btw my girlfriend’s name’s Nur Ilya, so being able to call her Ilya is a source of pride to me…^_^

It happened about three years after the previous story. That time I felt so crushed because of the accident that killed my late girlfriend. I tried to talk about it with some friends, and their words comforted me a little, but somehow later I would feel depressed again. I felt like a very important part of me was missing and I couldn’t move on. So in the end, I went through my life just for the hell of it. I didn’t have any reason to keep living, nor do I want to commit suicide.

I kept on living such a life for almost three months. To keep others from bugging me, I decided to pretend that I’m living normally and that I was fine. But the inside kept hurting more and more, and I was suffering. And because of the pain, I tried my best to avoid seeing people, just because I didn’t want to see them smiling. So after school I would just go to the park and read some books until it was very late before I would go home just to sleep. That was my new routine every day.

One day, as usual, I went directly to the park. I sat myself on an empty bench and took a book from my bag. Before I could open it, suddenly a girl came and sat beside me. I looked at her, and it was my cousin. So I asked, “Why are you here?” She just said that she wanted to check on me. “Why?” I asked her again. “You…stopped getting in touch with me. For three months. That’s why,” she answered. “I see,” I just replied lazily. Then she suddenly asked, “What happened with Sis? She’s not with you today?” Somehow hearing that question pained me, and I wanted to finish the conversation as soon as possible, so I just say to her “She stopped replying anything you send her too right? From the same day I stopped. Piece it together yourself.” Then I tried to get away from her, but she grabbed my hand and said, “No. I want you to tell me yourself.” I shook her off and said, “You’re annoying, bitch.” Then I went away, and she didn’t go after me.

I strolled around town until about 2 a.m. before I went home. I went directly to my room, and I saw my cousin sitting on my bed with teary eyes. Angrily I asked “What the hell you’re doing in my room?” She timidly replied “I’m staying here for tonight….and I’ve got something very important to talk with you…” “Ok, I’ll talk, and you’ll buzz outta this room right after. What do you want?” She looked like she was scared, but in a low voice she said “Tell me about Sis. Please.” “That again? I refuse. You can stay on my bed, I’ll go sleep outside.” Then she said “I’ve been worried all this time…I’ve even skipped school just because I can’t stop worrying. Please, I promise I’ll go back home in the morning. I won’t disturb you anymore, so please…let me know about Sis.” That time I dunno what to do. I just couldn’t bear to recall such memories, but to keep being very mean to her kinda hurts too….I decided to make it simple. I gathered all the strength I had and in a heavy voice, I told her the truth. “Ilya’s dead. Crushed by a lorry, right before my eyes.” Right after I finished telling her that, I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest. I dunno, maybe it was the moment I’ve finally accepted what happened. I couldn’t keep standing, and somehow my tears wouldn’t stop…

My cousin…well, she cried too. She cried and after a while, she said “It’s unfair. Very unfair. You’re so unfair, Fiq. You helped me so much…in a lot of things. You even introduced Sis to me…just because I’ve said to you that it’s kinda lonely to be an only child…But when you’re suffering, you didn’t tell me anything about it. You just suffered alone. You can rely on me too, you know…” “Sorry. I was just…” She didn’t let me finish. She suddenly hugged me and whispered “Yeah. I may be younger than you, and I’m clumsy too. I know I can’t do much…but at least…I can try to share your pain right? I’m here, so you don’t have to suffer alone, right?” Then we kissed and…well, we did it for the second time, and slept together just like that….and that night really made us almost as close as real lovers until now…although both of us have never actually thought of ourselves as lovers yet. Gotta fulfill the promise…lol.