Haha, 1st true love to happen in my lifetime. Enjoy reading.

Listen to Sakura Biyori while you read this, I think it'll help to get my feelings across.


Most of us have had people we have loved, whether it was reciprocoal(?) or not. Well this time, Zephy-chan has fallen for someone. Love hurts. It does.

Everytime I think that this certain person will hate me or dislike me in some way, my heart hurts. I feel depressed for a longer time than I normally do. And normally, I'm only depressed for 1-5 minutes. But when that person seems to give me hints that I'm embarrassing to them or dislikes something that I've done, I'm depressed for hours. It's painful. It really is. But that's the price to pay with love. I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to be in love with this person. I do not doubt my love, I somewhat doubt my confidence to try to fully gain or find out his.

This person may not hate me or think bad of me in any way, but you know, when it involves someone you love, you get too involved and start thinking too much, and get really emotional. And a bitter coating on top of that, for me, is when people who notice I'm acting strangely ask, "Are you okay?" It's like when I get hurt, I don't cry at the pain, but when someone asks if I'm okay, I begin to cry rivers.

I think I might have fallen too hard for this special person. I don't even know if he loves me back. He may say something that sounds like something along the lines of liking me, but I don't feel any affection from them. Like he's saying it just because he doesn't want to see me sad and he doesn't want to make our current relationship awkward. And to be honest, I think I will cry if I lost the person.(As an example of "losing him", it would be something like, me never getting a chance to confess to him face-to-face or him rejecting me.) Maybe for an hour, maybe for a minute. But I'm that serious about love, just as much as you all might be.

Maybe it'd be nice if he really did love me tons more than I do to him, but for now I don't know. Love is confusing. It's confusing, hard, and painful. But it takes lots of work to get it. I'm actually extremely happy that I've felt something I've never felt before, even if the opposite party may not love me back. I'm thankful for this feeling. Being in love with someone, has led me to experience a few worthwhile things.

So to wrap this up, all I can say is: love takes its toll. You're happy then sad, then a bunch of other emotions come and hop onto the roller coaster. Just when you think that you are in a mutual love, fate comes and sticks an obtacle inbetween. I know I'm putting a big emphasis on the fact that I'm not even sure if he likes me, but it's true. That's just something really important that is always at the back of my mind. But even so, I still love him. I know almost nothing about him and vice versa, but I still love him. I long for him, but I don't think we could ever get together. But this is where my somewhat negative thoughts stop. I then start thinking about all of the other possibilities. Like, he may secretly love me, he loves me but it's hard to show it, or even something as crazy as he's loved me ever since we met; love at first sight. I've got to keep thinking that he loves me, or else it won't ever happen. I've got to pick my head up and look forward to seeing him each day. I've got to... Or else I may never get another chance. Maybe we will be lovers someday, have kids, or something like that. But work ultimately comes before happiness, no? So I've got to aim for it with all of my might.

P.S.
After typing this, I feel much better. It has let a load off of my heart and shoulders. Venting is good. That is all. Oh wait. I lied. also, just as to confirm this; by "1st true love" in the title, I meant that it was the first time I have loved someone so much. Not that I was in love and being all lovey-dovey with someone

Thanks. I'll try, but I'm not so much of a straight-forward person. ^_^;

Lol Zeph-sama it seems Cupid has found you, although who knows if it found the said guy. Only one way to find out...

Lol I'll just quote the title of a certain story...

First love is always very intense... ^_^

cherish it zeph, don't let it turn out like my first...

Well, if neither one of you is straight-forward at some point, then chances are someone's going to find a different relationship. I'm not going to lecture you on the fact that you need to tell him, as I know how very difficult it is when it's your first love, but the truth is that if you don't ask him out then eventually someone else will.

I do very much wish you luck zephy-chan, and I hope that the next topic you post here in the Love, Romance and Relationships forum is one about how you're together with the one you love.

One thing I learned from Doki Doki Kousai Checker is... If you don't wanna' get screwed over, you better confess your undying love quickly.

First off, congratz Zeph nee-san! ^-^

I can just feel the emotion you put into this. ^^

I can't really help much, but I'll wish you the best of luck. ^^;

Indeed congrats Zeph-sensei, I agree with you though. Being in love is as much a painful struggle as it is a blessing, but I'm sure you'll find the courage to confess eventually. I wish you the best of luck though.

Everyone says to confess to him... I have... a couple times. But it's when I feel like saying it and when I pile up the courage to say it. I'm not sure, but he seems to take is as a "I like you as a friend" rather than "I like you as a lover." Then when I say "I love you" he seems to thinks it's "I love you as family." I'm not sure if he takes it seriously... it feels a bit awkward whenever I try to confirm that he knows I like him in that certain way. Sometimes he'll say something like "I like you too" or "I love you too" but the way he says it doesn't really sound like he actually likes/loves me. It's really hard to tell. O_O NO MORE BUDDY-BUDDY-NESS OR AVOIDING THE TOPIC FOR HIM! I'm pumped up now! [size=8]But I will confess to him again some other day... XD[/h]

Have you tried saying "I love you, but more as just a friend (or family in that manner)."

Haha... that'swhat I'm working on. ^_^;

I'm sure you'll be able to get your message across soon enough though, best of luck.

A touching story. It reminds me of when I first got these feelings of love. The feeling is unimaginable. It was kind of scary at first that one person could bring so much happiness and sorrow to me in the blink of an eye. I hope in your case that the feelings are returned. Stories like this deserve happy endings though they don't always happen.

Best of luck to you, may your relationship be successful.

Ah. That's what I was thinking a bit about. The emotional rollercoaster is crazy. Ha, maybe I should start writing about my difficulties and happy times with this young flower in the writing section. (Laughs) This love will bloom beautifully. I know it. We may have some problems where rain comes pouring down on the flower, but the sun will come out again. It always does! Well, I also do know that he's going to take my love seriously. I've just got to keep trying!

@Orpheus
Thank you. Really. I think I've got enough luck. ^_^

Zeph I hope things turn out great! I'm rooting for ya!

Sister Power!!!


But even if things don't turn out the way you want, it is okay. It is hard to imagine and it doesn't really ease the pain of rejection to be told this, but sometimes people are just like northern stars that lead us on to true love. So either way, this person sounds special too you - and that is what you should make sure they understand, that they are more special to you than so many other things. That is more important than a romantic love.





But I'm still hoping you get your man! lol

Siiighz0rs. Kk lookie here, this ain't no cliche of nothin', but lemme play the bad cop and unleash some truths upon you dawg.

*clears throat* most importantly, if you continue to delay or beat around the bush, youuuu WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL regret it, and it will haunt you for months after the opportunity has gone. People get 'bored' of others when they can tell that they're coming on to them. Sure yo, he may not be fully sure, but truely honestly surely earnestly, he must be a DUMB*SS if he doesnt realise you like him, I'm pretty sure he detects it but aint too sure yo.

Kkkkk right yo, heres your dilemna, you both are "feeding" on the 'should I or shouldnt I?' scenario, you feel that as long as you can say t'ings like "I love you" that it will be enough to feed yo love for him, but soon he will lose interest and may become annoyed at not being sure, and then you will be like
"Wtf?! why di'int I do nuthin'?! I b3tter go Write 3mo stuff oN fakku!"

Okay, now seriously: Do you really want to 'write about flowers' just because you're too scareed to con front? Thats an OBSESSSION. Along with what I said above, if you continue to delay, you will start to become obsessed. Whats worse is that if you fail because you missed the opportunity, it will DESTROY YOU dawg.
You know what they say, a man born with power and losing it (in your case, finding someone you love where you have a good opportunity) is more broken than a man who had nothing to begin with.